Relationship Expectations

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Conversationand

Conversationand

Senior Member
Jun 24, 2017
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I hope you all are having a good Sunday. Well, it's Sunday for most of us anyway. As you may have guessed, since this is the singles forum, I'm going to ask about your requirements of a potential mate. So, let's go ahead and check that they have to love the Lord off the list. I assume that is a universal requirement for everyone here. I'm asking for both those requirements that everyone might deem to be a good idea as well as the ones that seem personal to you. Now, I know the word "requirement" can seem heavy and judgmental to a lot of people, so if it helps, think of it as preferences that you can't let go of.

I'll start with a softball.

I expect that she dress with modesty. If she doesn't do it now, she won't do it just because I put a ring on it.
 
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Err I have quite a few but I'll start with two. Non smoker and non drinker.
 
Let me see if I can be serious for a few moments without letting the bitterness I harbor get the best of me.

1. Chaste. I'm far too old to expect a virgin, and I'm not one myself (shockingly), but I view sex thusly: A bunch of people stand in line for a drink of water. The first guy takes a sip of water, then spits the water back in the glass and hands it to the guy behind him. The next guy does the same and on and on it goes. Who wants a drink of that water near the end of the line? I've been very picky about who I have laid with, and I expect the same out of a woman. I've often been called frigid, but I think there are certain times between a man and woman that are special, and trying to have those times too frequently makes them much less special. Keep batteries on your shopping list.
2. Likes to learn things and have new experiences.
3. Has some sort of passion for something that isn't social trends or popular culture. Plays a musical instrument, has some kung-fu with a craft or art, something. Something that gets her mind going and her hands busy.
4. Doesn't have, nor want children. It's non-negotiable.
5. Sees relationships as teamwork, not competition. I'm an agreeable fellow to women most of the time, but I can or will only bend so far. You don't want to be on my bad side. Being my girlfriend is like being hired for a job with some pretty decent benefits. Don't make me fire you.
6. Respects the sound of silence and the privacy of others. I don't chat just to make noise, and I don't (and won't) share every intimate detail of my life. Some things, you just don't need to know.
7. Understands that I am not a "family guy" and doesn't try to change me. I was never close to my family; I never did holidays or get-togethers. Don't try to jam me into your family or make me fake a smile through a very crowded and noisy Thanksgiving feast. Just no.
 
Yahweh_is_gracious said:
Let me see if I can be serious for a few moments without letting the bitterness I harbor get the best of me.

1. Chaste. I'm far too old to expect a virgin, and I'm not one myself (shockingly), but I view sex thusly: A bunch of people stand in line for a drink of water. The first guy takes a sip of water, then spits the water back in the glass and hands it to the guy behind him. The next guy does the same and on and on it goes. Who wants a drink of that water near the end of the line? I've been very picky about who I have laid with, and I expect the same out of a woman. I've often been called frigid, but I think there are certain times between a man and woman that are special, and trying to have those times too frequently makes them much less special. Keep batteries on your shopping list.
Click to expand...

Coming from the other side of this still being a virgin myself I've had to work through this. I used to strongly only want another woman who was also a virgin. The Holy Spirit has over time shown me that it does not matter how many men she's been with. Does Christ not redeem? As for the water fountain analogy, purity is not something that you have and can lose or get tainted. It is a choice. It is a choice that you make to be in obedience to God. We preserve ourselves in the name of Christ not for our spouses. Nobody saves themselves for a broken sinner who will make mistakes. What happens if you slip, or when that person cheats on you. Purity is about continual obedience. And as crass as the comment was, I don't think that batteries are included.
 
Lol yea I agree. Christ is a redeemer and a restorer the woman at the well and the woman that was gonna be stoned are prime examples of the lord redeeming a risky life style. Even Rahab Was redeemed and is in the geneology of Jesus that goes to show u he don't think how we think. The virgin(Mary) and the redeemed harlot (rahab)of the Bible got The lords grace and mercy just the same and was marriable:)
 
My preference is that the guy is goal oriented and is a leader. Being able to pray is another biggy.
 
I expect her to have been born east of the Danube, be exactly 5'7, and have in innate talent in kissing and clocking people with cudgels.
 
^lol that leaves me out :D I'm 5'4"

Requirement - 100% faithful, including emotionally faithful. I need that emotional connection to feel safe and loved. INFJ personality type. :P
 
He's got to have a personal relationship with Christ and challenges me to be a better person along with treating not only me, but everyone that is important to him with love and respect. He also works hard and is goal oriented and has no problem standing up and correcting me. He also loves me more when I stand up to him :)
 
Kindness. Likes to clown around a bit and has a sense of humor. Doesn't want children. Doesn't have a bad temper, but still not afraid to let me know or get on to me if I do something that bothers her. Perfectly content with lounging around the house when she's not working.

I could go on, but maybe I've already asked too much. Or not. I don't know.
 
I wonder... what could all of us bring to the table? "Here's a list of what I want out of a relationship" but what do we bring to the relationship?

I wonder if it is possible to have a thread about that without sounding like we're bragging about ourselves. Probably not.
 
Very good point. Can't have high expectations for somebody else without high expectations for yourself.

Lynx said:
I wonder... what could all of us bring to the table? "Here's a list of what I want out of a relationship" but what do we bring to the relationship?

I wonder if it is possible to have a thread about that without sounding like we're bragging about ourselves. Probably not.
Click to expand...
 
Maka said:
^lol that leaves me out :D I'm 5'4"

Requirement - 100% faithful, including emotionally faithful. I need that emotional connection to feel safe and loved. INFJ personality type. :P
Click to expand...

That was also my main requirement, the only one really. Someone that can show love and receive love. Another one is someone close to my age so we have something to talk about as we would have a lot in common having lived in basically the same time period. Of course, someone that knows and loves the Lord. Other than that, really nothing else.
 
Conversationand said:
Coming from the other side of this still being a virgin myself I've had to work through this. I used to strongly only want another woman who was also a virgin. The Holy Spirit has over time shown me that it does not matter how many men she's been with. Does Christ not redeem? As for the water fountain analogy, purity is not something that you have and can lose or get tainted. It is a choice. It is a choice that you make to be in obedience to God. We preserve ourselves in the name of Christ not for our spouses. Nobody saves themselves for a broken sinner who will make mistakes. What happens if you slip, or when that person cheats on you. Purity is about continual obedience. And as crass as the comment was, I don't think that batteries are included.
Click to expand...

As much as I appreciate your attempt to educate me about forgiveness, I don't agree. You and I are talking about two totally different things and while you are 100% right, you are only right based on your perception of how I said things. Now this is normally the point where I would try to re-state my position in a way you could understand, but I'm not going to do that. You'd merely misconstrue that and try giving me another lesson. I'm just not in the mood for that tonight.
 
A few....Holds himself accountable for his actions, is kind hearted, must display loyalty/security.. if I'm out with a guy and I'm not getting at least most of his attention, I'm done after that time.. wandering people have been unfaithful people.. so I guess satisfied or content is a must
 
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