My wife wants me to leave. She says she wants a divorce. And it's my fault.

RBW8 · Jul 4, 2017

This is the best woman I've ever met and I did not treat her like so. My jealousy and anger ruined our relationship. She is faithful and is God fearing. Today I left. She left exactly a week ago today. Will not speak to me on the phone. Will barely respond to messages on social media (the only way I've been able to contact her).

she put God back in my life. She truly walks the walk. I was. It good to get. I thought that just because I provided for her, gave her lots of physical attention and didn't cheat that I was a great husband. I wasn't.

i was jealous and threatened her over the phone the day she left. Her mom doesn't want this for us because we are close too. Her mom said that my wife told her that she always feels like everything she does is wrong and nothing is ever good enough.

shes right. That's how I treated her. I never realized it until now. I've been reading some books. I'd like some recommendations for good books that might help.

Any advice? Right now I'm leacing because I feel she needs her space. I keep begging but I stopped that too. I pray she has forgiveness once she leaves her friends and goes home. I pray that she can see that I see where I was wrong and can be good to and for her. I never want to feel this way again. I don't want to lose my wife. She's perfect. Can I get some ways to "win her back". Without showing up at the house begging. I want to respect her space and I know ultimately she will have to make her decision on her own. But is there ANYTHING I can do at this point?

NoNameMcgee · Jul 4, 2017

RBW8 said:

i think prayer is your best bet...

fast

pray

and when she contacts you be 100% honest

she shouldnt divorce you for jealousy if she obeys Gods word

but i can see why shed want to

thankfully you actually see what you were doing was wrong
now you can repent of it

if she needs time and space at the moment

TRUST her dont let the enemy plant thoughts into your head like that

when he does hold them captive and trust in your wife

i think it can be fixed God willing

i suggest 1st corinthians

(sorry if my advice is poor)

vl · Jul 4, 2017

NoNameMcgee said:

Your advice is great and better than the one I was going to give.

And another thing OP, don't lose hope. Give her space and let God do the rest.

Ugly · Jul 4, 2017

Not much. You hurt, discouraged, broke her heart and threatened her. It's possible she may come back, but really if she told me how you treat her I'd say "leave him".
You also might be different. Or you may just feel bad because you finally received a consequence for your behavior, and is she returns, and time passes, you may do it again. Such behavior is often difficult to change. How sincere you are makes a big difference.
But there is no magic formula to get her back. But I would encourage counseling for yourself to get to the root of the problem.

RBW8 · Jul 4, 2017

NoNameMcgee said:

corithians 1. I'm on it. I do see that I'm wrong. I've read a book about overreacting and a Christian marriage book called "capture her heart". I'm trying to have self control to not bug her. The thought of this sticking scares me. I just want the chance to fix my mistakes.

tourist · Jul 4, 2017

Nobody is perfect, even your wife. My advice is to allow her time and space to decompress and find out what she truly wants and needs at this point of her life. It's going to take more that reading a book on your part for her to want to come back to you. I believe that your marriage is salvageable, mainly because you have remained faithful to her. This will take a lot of prayer, contemplation and application on both of your parts. You both must be willing to place God in the center of your relationship and to follow His guidance. I would skip the contact on social media as that seems tacky and a bit cloying. Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.

Solemateleft · Jul 4, 2017

RBW8,
Concur with Prayer...
albeit I'm also new to this forum, it would appear that we are going thru similar marital experiences (wives want out of it) .
I've found the Marriage Fitness program with Mort Fertel to provide the proactive approach that it would appear that you too are interested in. His program provides useful day to day actions as well as providing decent guidelines for long-term approaches - with the acknowledgement that 'slow is good.'
His methods hold genuine christian morals and values (although he does not necessarily promote his program as christian based - open to all)
https://marriagemax.com/
I'm currently in his 'Lone-Ranger' program - and although it has served very useful and I've become a better person (best version of me I can be) - it is not guaranteed to save all marriages. Regardless of the outcome - understanding how painful this is - you will come out the other end as a stronger-better version of yourself...
hope you find this helpful
God Bless

Ruth · Jul 4, 2017

Right now both you and your wife's thoughts and emotions are chaotic and in turmoil. Give yourself a month or so and then call a Christian Counselor as I think you both need counseling. It takes two ppl to make a marriage and 2 to break it up and taking all the blame is not healthy either as there are 2 sides to every story your, hers and the truth. If you both love each other and are willing to both change....there is lots of hope for your marriage.

Miri · Jul 4, 2017

RBW8 said:

Hi RBW8 I'm saying this as honestly as I can to you, as I think you need to hear an
honest answer.

You sound as if you were every women's nightmare. You say your jealousy and anger
has ruined the relationship and that you have threatened her. If a woman came on here
and gave a description like that of her husband, there are plenty on here who would
encourage her to leave for her own safety and mental well being.

If you are truely sorry and want to change, then you have to demonstrate that.
You need to be looking into anger management and councilling and first of all
you need to change. You need to deal with the issues you have, you need to show
that you can be a responsible person and loving husband etc.

I would say that you also need to seek God with all your heart, not just playing at
being a Christian, but really put yourself out there and discover who God is and
want He has done for you.

You cant expect your wife or any woman to want to be on a relationship with you
until you have first straightened yourself out. You owe that to yourself and to
any future relationships you might have.

Whether or not it would be right for you to get back together with your wife or the
timing of that I don't know. But until you can sort yourself out. I wouldnt recommend
that you get involved with either your wife or anyone else.

I will pray for you that whatever has gone wrong and the reasons for it, can be
overcome and that you will have the strength and insight to deal with the issues you
have and truely discover Jesus for yourself. You can become a new creation in Christ
but you will still need to work through the above issues you mention before God will
trust you to have a relationship.

I say this because a loving Heavenly Father wants the best for us. He doesn't want anyone
either men or women to end up in an abusive, angry relationship. You owe it to
God and yourself to be the best human being you can be if you want a quality
God loving wife.

Hope you understand what I mean.

Amazing-Grace · Jul 4, 2017

Miri said:

Hi RBW8 I'm saying this as honestly as I can to you, as I think you need to hear an
honest answer.

You sound as if you were every women's nightmare. You say your jealousy and anger
has ruined the relationship and that you have threatened her. If a woman came on here
and gave a description like that of her husband, there are plenty on here who would
encourage her to leave for her own safety and mental well being.

If you are truely sorry and want to change, then you have to demonstrate that.
You need to be looking into anger management and councilling and first of all
you need to change. You need to deal with the issues you have, you need to show
that you can be a responsible person and loving husband etc.

I would say that you also need to seek God with all your heart, not just playing at
being a Christian, but really put yourself out there and discover who God is and
want He has done for you.

You cant expect your wife or any woman to want to be on a relationship with you
until you have first straightened yourself out. You owe that to yourself and to
any future relationships you might have.

Whether or not it would be right for you to get back together with your wife or the
timing of that I don't know. But until you can sort yourself out. I wouldnt recommend
that you get involved with either your wife or anyone else.

I will pray for you that whatever has gone wrong and the reasons for it, can be
overcome and that you will have the strength and insight to deal with the issues you
have and truely discover Jesus for yourself. You can become a new creation in Christ
but you will still need to work through the above issues you mention before God will
trust you to have a relationship.

I say this because a loving Heavenly Father wants the best for us. He doesn't want anyone
either men or women to end up in an abusive, angry relationship. You owe it to
God and yourself to be the best human being you can be if you want a quality
God loving wife.

Hope you understand what I mean.

Sound honest advice Miri, I agree he needs to seek help and to let his wife know he is doing so - via a friend if necessary, that way she will know he is serious about changing.

Depleted · Jul 4, 2017

RBW8 said:

You think fasting, reading a book, and "a chance to fix my mistakes" is going to work?

You were abusive for a long time. And to "fix it" you threatened her! Truthfully, you sound like every abusive spouse I've ever met. "I'm sorry, Baby. I didn't mean it. I'll try harder." And that lasts anywhere between two hours and two months before same ole, same ole hits again.

If you could change, you would have by now. I agree with Miri. You need anger management and counseling.

Got to tell you though. I grew up with "everything I did was wrong." I'd never go back to that. You have to go into this with eyes wide open. You probably have lost her. Are you willing to put in the effort to change you because you need change? Or are you going to do it in the off chance she might come back? Because if it's only the latter, you still haven't changed. Not even changed enough to do something about you.

RBW8 · Jul 4, 2017

I am in no way taking the blame off of myself. However, it has t been our whole relationship. It's been the past month or two. I let stress get the best of me. My Father died in feb. Went a few weeks without work. I mistakenly took it all out on her. I'm not making a Case for myself but I don't like being thrown in as a lifelong loser when I've recently become one. As stupid as that sounds.

I know a book cant fix this. It's just my way of improving myself and understanding my feelings RIGHT NOW. I'm going to do counseling. Try to figure out how I let this happen. How to avoid it in the future.

Ive been trying to find a closeness to God that she talks about. I was raised Catholic so she's been showing me the relationship side instead of the ritualistic side. I do not play christian. I want him. I ask for him to come into my heart. I'm trying to be close to him and I feel like I'm getting closer. I'm by no means perfect but I'm trying.

I know if a man treated her the way I recently, I wouldn't be happy. It's easy to cast judgment but I'm acknowledging my mistake. I have no reason to make up to y'all. I came to you for advice. Scriptures. Book. Something to give me strength. Prayers maybe. Idk. I don't pray to get her back. I pray to keep me walking in God's light.

NotmebutHim · Jul 4, 2017

RBW8 said:

This is the best woman I've ever met and I did not treat her like so. My jealousy and anger ruined our relationship. She is faithful and is God fearing. Today I left. She left exactly a week ago today. Will not speak to me on the phone. Will barely respond to messages on social media (the only way I've been able to contact her).

she put God back in my life. She truly walks the walk. I was. It good to get. I thought that just because I provided for her, gave her lots of physical attention and didn't cheat that I was a great husband. I wasn't.

i was jealous and threatened her over the phone the day she left. Her mom doesn't want this for us because we are close too. Her mom said that my wife told her that she always feels like everything she does is wrong and nothing is ever good enough.

shes right. That's how I treated her. I never realized it until now. I've been reading some books. I'd like some recommendations for good books that might help.

Any advice? Right now I'm leacing because I feel she needs her space. I keep begging but I stopped that too. I pray she has forgiveness once she leaves her friends and goes home. I pray that she can see that I see where I was wrong and can be good to and for her. I never want to feel this way again. I don't want to lose my wife. She's perfect. Can I get some ways to "win her back". Without showing up at the house begging. I want to respect her space and I know ultimately she will have to make her decision on her own. But is there ANYTHING I can do at this point?

You need to change because it will be good for YOU. Not just so you can possibly win your wife back. As good as that might be, it's only a "short-term" fix.

Also, don't let ANYONE convince you, either here or elsewhere, that you will always be an abuser, or that abusers will never change their ways. You can change that if you really want to. It's not something you're stuck with.

Prayers for you, brother.

RBW8 · Jul 4, 2017

NotmebutHim said:

Thanks man. And of course it all started to get her back. I think that's natural. But when I started learning more about it, I see that it's a "me" problem and not an "us" problem. I have come to terms that I likely won't get her back. It hurts. Still going to go through with trying to fix it. I don't ever want to be "that guy" for her or anyone else.

Desdichado · Jul 4, 2017

If I were you, I would find a new hobby. Something to keep yourself distracted.

Like you and others said. She needs space and time. You probably do too.

1True · Jul 4, 2017

Pray ,Pray and pray again ,have honest communication ,ask the Lord to transform you into a husband that blesses his wife ,wait apon the Lord and admit that you are in lack and seek guidance from the HS

Blessing pray your way

Ugly · Jul 4, 2017

RBW8 said:

Ah. You read a book or two. Problem solved. I'm sure the problem has resolved itself then.
If you were Truly serious you'd take it more seriously than reading a book or two. Chances are, with your current mindset, you'll fall back into your old habits again. You've taken the most shallow of steps and said that's enough. It's not.

Ugly · Jul 4, 2017

NoNameMcgee said:

More than jealousy if you read. When she left him he threatened her.
Jealously can be mild or violent. And since he has threatened her he obviously has capabilities of doing worse than he's done already.
He out her down so often and frequently he was crushing her spirit.
And in the midst of all this used her for sex and thought she would be grateful.

And many men with abusive traits Sound Very convincing when their wives leave them. But pick up where they left off when they return.

Tinuviel · Jul 5, 2017

RBW8 said:

This is the best woman I've ever met and I did not treat her like so. My jealousy and anger ruined our relationship. She is faithful and is God fearing. Today I left. She left exactly a week ago today. Will not speak to me on the phone. Will barely respond to messages on social media (the only way I've been able to contact her).

she put God back in my life. She truly walks the walk. I was. It good to get. I thought that just because I provided for her, gave her lots of physical attention and didn't cheat that I was a great husband. I wasn't.

i was jealous and threatened her over the phone the day she left. Her mom doesn't want this for us because we are close too. Her mom said that my wife told her that she always feels like everything she does is wrong and nothing is ever good enough.

shes right. That's how I treated her. I never realized it until now. I've been reading some books. I'd like some recommendations for good books that might help.

Any advice? Right now I'm leacing because I feel she needs her space. I keep begging but I stopped that too. I pray she has forgiveness once she leaves her friends and goes home. I pray that she can see that I see where I was wrong and can be good to and for her. I never want to feel this way again. I don't want to lose my wife. She's perfect. Can I get some ways to "win her back". Without showing up at the house begging. I want to respect her space and I know ultimately she will have to make her decision on her own. But is there ANYTHING I can do at this point?

You've seen your problem and are back on track with God, those are both great steps!! As a woman, I'm going to tell you that she's going to have a hard time trusting you. Be very patient with her and show her that you've changed.

Miri · Jul 5, 2017

RBW8 said:

I am in no way taking the blame off of myself. However, it has t been our whole relationship. It's been the past month or two. I let stress get the best of me. My Father died in feb. Went a few weeks without work. I mistakenly took it all out on her. I'm not making a Case for myself but I don't like being thrown in as a lifelong loser when I've recently become one. As stupid as that sounds.

I know a book cant fix this. It's just my way of improving myself and understanding my feelings RIGHT NOW. I'm going to do counseling. Try to figure out how I let this happen. How to avoid it in the future.

Ive been trying to find a closeness to God that she talks about. I was raised Catholic so she's been showing me the relationship side instead of the ritualistic side. I do not play christian. I want him. I ask for him to come into my heart. I'm trying to be close to him and I feel like I'm getting closer. I'm by no means perfect but I'm trying.

I know if a man treated her the way I recently, I wouldn't be happy. It's easy to cast judgment but I'm acknowledging my mistake. I have no reason to make up to y'all. I came to you for advice. Scriptures. Book. Something to give me strength. Prayers maybe. Idk. I don't pray to get her back. I pray to keep me walking in God's light.

Im sorry to hear about your dad, I really am, but are you sure you have only had a problem
with jealousy, anger and over reacting for only two months? I suspect it's deeper than
you are saying.

My wife wants me to leave. She says she wants a divorce. And it's my fault.

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