Damaged?say it enough and it manifests

[cheli]

Growing upy siblings bonded I remember they excluded me.When we got into a fight my parents took their side .. I remember when I was 16 years old my father consoling my sister referring to me as damaged crazy. I cried myself to sleep that night. I n family gatherings my siblings would be praised but they pointed out my defects/flaws described as weird. I cried my self to sleep every night would look in the mirror consoling myself mothering sweet kind things to ease the pain of their hurtful words. I allowed myself to be vulnerable in private in public I developed an over the top personality ..smiled acted confident .that made them not like me more they would say I was stuck up snob.. but I wasn't confident at all not one bit ..they succeeded they hurt me they broke me.The public image I portrayed was a lie I was acting overly confident to overcompensate for the lack of self worth and self esteem I had...to this day I have trust issues.. I have this drive desire to be a good Christian woman but how when my own family deems me as damaged and unworthy?

 

[Zi]

i can identify with some of your points. I too for various reasons overcompensate and people hate me more.. When you feel alone words of truth don't seem to be enough.. I matter to God and Jesus died for me but when i face these things I have trouble sometimes with falling back into the "woe is me" mindset..

I have no advice to give. I only wrote so you know you're not alone in the struggle and that I understand

Growing upy siblings bonded I remember they excluded me.When we got into a fight my parents took their side .. I remember when I was 16 years old my father consoling my sister referring to me as damaged crazy. I cried myself to sleep that night. I n family gatherings my siblings would be praised but they pointed out my defects/flaws described as weird. I cried my self to sleep every night would look in the mirror consoling myself mothering sweet kind things to ease the pain of their hurtful words. I allowed myself to be vulnerable in private in public I developed an over the top personality ..smiled acted confident .that made them not like me more they would say I was stuck up snob.. but I wasn't confident at all not one bit ..they succeeded they hurt me they broke me.The public image I portrayed was a lie I was acting overly confident to overcompensate for the lack of self worth and self esteem I had...to this day I have trust issues.. I have this drive desire to be a good Christian woman but how when my own family deems me as damaged and unworthy?

 

[Ugly]

People that treat others that way, especially their own child, are damaged themselves. Don't let damaged people determine your self worth. The very fact that you are fighting this is Evidence that nothing they have said is true. Be the better person and don't look back. People like that don't often change, so don't waste your time trying to change them or change their opinion. Be yourself and be proud of it, they have the problem, not you.

 

[Missfoxieloxie]

It is very hard to get beyond hurt and humiliation. Especially from family however, you cannot get through it alone and must give it to God. I grew up in similar circumstances and I have had many trials and tribulations to get through in my life. However, God can turn it all around. You have to focus on you and where you are in life. You can't worry about how they feel about you as that is something you have no control over.

 

[TemporaryCircumstances]

By not listening to your family.
I'm convinced my family hates me.
But not everyone else hates me. I have people I know who would adopt me in a heartbeat, so I try to just think about how my family for some reason has a blinder over their eyes when they look at me. They don't see the real me.

Focus more on how God sees you instead of your family

 

[cheli]

Thank you. I greatly appreciate all your kind words I knew I was safe here. I was compelled to this site just recently my life got turned upside down. I cried for the love grace and mercy of God. I prayed then I came here .. thank you God bless you for showing I'm not alone .. I belong despite never feelings of belonging anywhere..To this day my mom and dad are the only ones that speak to me,but when I visit my parents and my siblings come I'm back to being the outsider.. I find it strange that Everytime I feel very passionate about strengthening my relationship with God I experience this rejection from my family... we are adults for the love of God ease up stop taking pleasure in my divorce my pain don't be cruel and point out how much money you have how luxurious your vacation will be..my mom listens in the kitchen as my siblings brag about their life.. knowing very well that my world is shattering and barely making ends meet.. wish they would have a heart grow up already don't be mean but to this very day they continue.

 

[MorningFlower]

It hurts growing up in a dysfunctional home, because the damages starts once you become a part of the family. Children have a huge need for feeling loved and cared for, so when parents have a lack of love children will grow up feeling unworthy and unloved as well. In your family there is a clear sign of favouritism happening between the way you and your siblings are treated, if you have ever heard of the term "Scapegoat/Black Sheep", this is the role you have been given. No matter what age you reach they will continue treating you the same, in these type of families they feed on your misfortunes and rejoice when you are broken. The more you manage succeeding in life or living a happy life, the more displeased they will be. These are truly very messed up families, having God in your life is what will help you getting strenght to overcome this. He is with you all of the time, and He knows everything you have been going through and still are going through with now as well.

I also grew up in a dysfunctional family myself, I know how hard it can be. My strenght and hope during this time was that I got introduced to God as a child, so when I had been having arguments/fights with my parents/family I would go into my room and tell God I was so sorry for this, and I would find comfort in spending time with Him.

 

[Depleted]

Growing upy siblings bonded I remember they excluded me.When we got into a fight my parents took their side .. I remember when I was 16 years old my father consoling my sister referring to me as damaged crazy. I cried myself to sleep that night. I n family gatherings my siblings would be praised but they pointed out my defects/flaws described as weird. I cried my self to sleep every night would look in the mirror consoling myself mothering sweet kind things to ease the pain of their hurtful words. I allowed myself to be vulnerable in private in public I developed an over the top personality ..smiled acted confident .that made them not like me more they would say I was stuck up snob.. but I wasn't confident at all not one bit ..they succeeded they hurt me they broke me.The public image I portrayed was a lie I was acting overly confident to overcompensate for the lack of self worth and self esteem I had...to this day I have trust issues.. I have this drive desire to be a good Christian woman but how when my own family deems me as damaged and unworthy?

Why is that a problem? The Lord has told us we are damaged and unworthy, but he chose his kids anyway.

Our worth and esteem is in him, not us.

 

[cheli]

I grew up feeling like an outsider everywhere. I developed an eating disorder and even that was proof to them that I was a disgusting hopeless mess.I think I only got married so I could move far away from their abuse they unleashed and inflicted upon me.My ex husband was very nice he filled that void validation that my family refused to ever give me.. but with time he began doing very similar things ignoring me not coming home for days even very aggressive. I reached a breaking and left him... I never fully ever addressed my hurt eating disorder emotional psychological hurt to anyone EVER. I guess that is why I'm single coz I really am damaged.. I crave for love but I don't even love myself.

 

[TemporaryCircumstances]

I grew up feeling like an outsider everywhere. I developed an eating disorder and even that was proof to them that I was a disgusting hopeless mess.I think I only got married so I could move far away from their abuse they unleashed and inflicted upon me.My ex husband was very nice he filled that void validation that my family refused to ever give me.. but with time he began doing very similar things ignoring me not coming home for days even very aggressive. I reached a breaking and left him... I never fully ever addressed my hurt eating disorder emotional psychological hurt to anyone EVER. I guess that is why I'm single coz I really am damaged.. I crave for love but I don't even love myself.

Are you eating again sweetheart?

 

[kaylagrl]

I grew up feeling like an outsider everywhere. I developed an eating disorder and even that was proof to them that I was a disgusting hopeless mess.I think I only got married so I could move far away from their abuse they unleashed and inflicted upon me.My ex husband was very nice he filled that void validation that my family refused to ever give me.. but with time he began doing very similar things ignoring me not coming home for days even very aggressive. I reached a breaking and left him... I never fully ever addressed my hurt eating disorder emotional psychological hurt to anyone EVER. I guess that is why I'm single coz I really am damaged.. I crave for love but I don't even love myself.

Is it possible to find a Christian counselor where you are? It might help to move past all this hurt and pain of the past. My sister had an eating disorder and I find any time she is under stress I can tell because she begins losing weight quickly. A lot of times people with this disorder feel at least they have something in their lives they can control with food.It might help to have someone you can talk to face to face.

You know a lot of times things are not as they seem. I find people that brag a lot about what they have and their lives often are not as happy as they appear to be. For instance my sister,early in her marriage almost had to divorce,her husband was abusive emotionally and often put holes in the walls of their home. But she would get on FB and brag about how strong their love was,how she adored him,how their love story was her favorite of all love stories. Others thought they were an adoring couple,but I knew the truth. Thank God her husband was delivered of his anger issues. But people that brag the most are trying to hide something in their own lives a lot of times.

Im sorry that your family treated you as they did. I too understand family dysfunction. I often said my family put the fun in dysfunction. Ive had to try and separate my life from their issues and that is hard to do sometimes. I love my family,but I can only spend short amounts of time with them before they try to take over. Luckily I have a very understanding husband beside me. But at times even he cant understand the odd dynamic I have with my family. All I can say is try to give it to God and realize that it is your family that is dysfunctional and damaged. You dont have to be.God can make you whole again and move on. Your ex husband couldn't understand because he didn't go through what you did.He could empathize but not truly understand. Its hard to have a relationship when your personal truth is skewed. I hope you can find someone to talk to and get beyond this. Someone who can give you a Christian perspective and help you see that you are whole again through Jesus and your family can't hurt you any longer.

 

[cheli]

It was very shameful but it was way of numbing the sadness loneliness.fill the hole and emptiness.. I prayed told God I was ashamed felt like I was loosing myself spiraling out of control.. I can't quiet pin point how or when but I began to notice that I gravitated towards natural foods Ii became vegan and I suddenly really enjoyed exercising especially running.. I think God changed me he healed me from my eating disorder.

 

[Desertsrose]

Growing upy siblings bonded I remember they excluded me.When we got into a fight my parents took their side .. I remember when I was 16 years old my father consoling my sister referring to me as damaged crazy. I cried myself to sleep that night. I n family gatherings my siblings would be praised but they pointed out my defects/flaws described as weird. I cried my self to sleep every night would look in the mirror consoling myself mothering sweet kind things to ease the pain of their hurtful words. I allowed myself to be vulnerable in private in public I developed an over the top personality ..smiled acted confident .that made them not like me more they would say I was stuck up snob.. but I wasn't confident at all not one bit ..they succeeded they hurt me they broke me.The public image I portrayed was a lie I was acting overly confident to overcompensate for the lack of self worth and self esteem I had...to this day I have trust issues.. I have this drive desire to be a good Christian woman but how when my own family deems me as damaged and unworthy?

Hi Cheli,


Welcome to CC! Nice to have you here.


In this world all we find pain and agony. Even in families ......... well especially in families. Police officers have more fights (especially holidays) among family members than other relationship types. It's a broken world out there.


I would encourage you to not allow others to define who you are. The Lord knows you better than anyone else. He sees your pain, He knows your hurt, the agony of your heart. He sees your flaws and that's why He died. We are all flawed and come short of God's glory.


I was teased a lot growing up. One of my brothers and sisters would tell me I was adopted. Over and over. And I believed it. Well what I believed is that I wasn't part of the family and that I was unwanted, I was different.


But when you're born again, you can allow all that to die. Forget what you're family said or did to you. Forgive them and you'll be set free from the emotional pain. Hold it up to the Lord and allow it to take flight and soar far away from your mind and thoughts. The Lord heals our sorrow, hurt and pain as we allow Him to.


Jesus said,
Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”


You will find peace and rest in Jesus. The more you grow in the Lord by reading His word, the more your mind becomes transformed and all those evil thoughts towards you will be a distant memories without the sting.


God will change your heart and instead of bad feelings towards your family you'll find yourself loving them and hoping they find the Lord as you did. You'll find yourself praying for them too.


We're all in slavery to the enemy of our soul before we come to know the Lord. We've got irons around our wrists and ankles and are bound by sin. We've been born into it and no one has the key to remove those irons.


We all have dirty rags for clothing. And one dirty rag doesn't look much different from another's dirty rags. They're all filthy. We have a tendency to hold up our rags as if they're purer or more clean than the others, but in truth we're all showing off the ugliness of our souls that only Jesus can cleanse. Jesus is the only one with the key to unlock those chains that bind us to live in the miry pit of sin.


And once we're His, He washes us and cleanses us from all of our unrighteousness, every sin is forgiven. His blood cleanses us as white as snow. And then He wraps us in His robe of righteousness and we don't have to show it off because others will see it from afar. It's so glaringly pure and white as light that it blinds the eyes of those unsaved souls that look upon the new-born.


So you are a new creation in Christ. The old is past and the new has come. We can now live in the truth and resist the lies that try to attack us and cling to us.


So you can be a good Christian woman in Christ. You're not held captive any longer to the lies that once haunted you. You've been set free by the truth and those who are free........are free indeed. So resist the thoughts that might come to your mind. Resist them and speak out what God says about you. You are now accepted in the beloved and are a child of God. What could be more glorious.


Set and keep you mind on
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:8

 

[TemporaryCircumstances]

It was very shameful but it was way of numbing the sadness loneliness.fill the hole and emptiness.. I prayed told God I was ashamed felt like I was loosing myself spiraling out of control.. I can't quiet pin point how or when but I began to notice that I gravitated towards natural foods Ii became vegan and I suddenly really enjoyed exercising especially running.. I think God changed me he healed me from my eating disorder.

Good.
But, being vegan is a lot harder than not.
Make sure you are getting all of the proper things your body needs, especially since you exercise.
Good job moving past the eating disorder though

 

[oldethennew]

EPH.6:10-19.
Finally, my brethren, be strong in The Lord, and in the power of His might.

Put on the whole armour of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers,
against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day,
and having done all, to stand.

Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of Righteousness;

And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

Above all, taking The Shield of Faith, wherewith you shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

And take The Helmet of Salvation, and The Sword of The Spirit, which is The Word of God:

Praying always with all prayer and supplication in The Spirit, and watching thereunto with all
perseverance and supplication for all saints;

And for me, that utterance may be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly,
to make known the mystery of the Gospel,

For which I am an Ambassador in bonds: that therein I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.

 

[preacher4truth]

.. I have this drive desire to be a good Christian woman but how when my own family deems me as damaged and unworthy?

...because God says we are to leave our father and mother and to cleave to one another in marriage. Your story is one reason why He said this.

 

[cheli]

Whoa! What so I'm to blame years of being made to feel excluded ? I was married so I don't understand why I'm being prosecuted and condemned here? Was I supposed to cling to to a marriage tolerate physical abuse just because. I married as means of escape but I ended up in a abusive situation... I don't understand am I getting prosecuted here what?

 

[preacher4truth]

Whoa! What so I'm to blame years of being made to feel excluded ? I was married so I don't understand why I'm being prosecuted and condemned here? Was I supposed to cling to to a marriage tolerate physical abuse just because. I married as means of escape but I ended up in a abusive situation... I don't understand am I getting prosecuted here what?

Um...as far as I can tell this is the first time you mentioned marriage and marital abuse so relax. No one is persecuting you.

 

[cheli]

Sorry but I had .. I mentioned I had been divorced. I don't come here to be judged and I felt as though you were condemning for assuming I wasn't married..sorry but you are the only one here that made me feel I deserved it all I was a child now I am an adult that never dealt with or address all this issues coz I I thought hey relax relax I deserve this .. I kept silence... I kept quiet .. I thought don't say anything no one will understand so say nothing

 

[preacher4truth]

Sorry but I had .. I mentioned I had been divorced. I don't come here to be judged and I felt as though you were condemning for assuming I wasn't married..sorry but you are the only one here that made me feel I deserved it all I was a child now I am an adult that never dealt with or address all this issues coz I I thought hey relax relax I deserve this .. I kept silence... I kept quiet .. I thought don't say anything no one will understand so say nothing

I went off your OP not your latter revelations. Nothing I said was condemning of you nor was there any judgment of you.