making plans starting now*** can't do this anymore

[jenniferand2]

Okay so today I was helping my husband's friend grab some of his stuff and I don't know what happened he just went into a hole mode. He threw sonething real small at my hair no big deal. I said why ya throwing stuff at me. He went to brush my head with his hand to see if it was out of my hair and I said don't touch me. Then he said something about beating my a$$ in front of his friend. Well needless to say he has been having these mood swings real bad for weeks now. I went to a concert last Wednesday and he got mad because it was taking me to long to get home. Mind you I was at a major concert over an hour and a half away from home. The concert let out at 11 pm. He acted like I should be home by 12:30 am at the latest. Now let's not forget the traffic leaving the event etc.. anyways he got mad because it was 2 am or so by the time I got home. Accusing me of all kinds of things and just being nasty. So today threatening to beat me up was the last straw. I already messaged some one to see if they could take my dogs for me for a bit until I can find a place where I can have them.. next I will go to the battered woman's place and see if they will help me with a deposit for a place to live. Also if they will help me with a divorce. So I have things starting. Please just pray for my safety and pray that he does not go balustic and I become his punching bag. I am hoping to just get this done in a civil mannor. Please pray for resolving this and peace. Thank you.

 

[Depleted]

What will he do when you leave? Because it will be very easy for him to find you, since you plan to live in the same area, go to the same school, and see your daughter.

Is he the kind of guy who will leave you alone over this or hunt you down?

 

[jenniferand2]

What will he do when you leave? Because it will be very easy for him to find you, since you plan to live in the same area, go to the same school, and see your daughter.

Is he the kind of guy who will leave you alone over this or hunt you down?

I am hoping he will be okay and leave me alone. If I see he won't leave me alone then I may have to go the route of disappearing. I am hoping if I set him down and just say lookwe are miserable together. We just need to live seperatly and continue to be civil for our daughter so that she can still see us both. That he will be civil about it. I am just praying God helps me get this figured out.. I think he will be okay seeing how several events have happened in front of his friend and his friend won't think twice about giving testimony on my behalf if it came down to it. To protect me.

 

[TemporaryCircumstances]

Good job for getting away.

 

[NotmebutHim]

Does he have a drug and/or alcohol problem? Is he bipolar (or is afflicted by a similar disorder)? You mentioned mood swings so that's why I'm asking.

You are wise to seek help for yourself and find safety, but I bet that he needs help too. And not just a batterer's program either. I think his issues go much deeper than that.

God bless! B-)

 

[blue_ladybug]

Didn't you tell us that you had found an apartment to move into? Did it fall through? Or was it someone else who said that? lol

 

[jenniferand2]

Does he have a drug and/or alcohol problem? Is he bipolar (or is afflicted by a similar disorder)? You mentioned mood swings so that's why I'm asking.

You are wise to seek help for yourself and find safety, but I bet that he needs help too. And not just a batterer's program either. I think his issues go much deeper than that.

God bless! B-)

I am sure he has bipolar or something.. he also is not a Christian. I have asked and begged him to get help before tons of times he refuses. This has been on going for years he is an abuser he has no desire to change his ways. I have tried and I am not trying anymore you can't change what he does not acknowledge.

 

[jenniferand2]

Didn't you tell us that you had found an apartment to move into? Did it fall through? Or was it someone else who said that? lol

I did find one before but did not take it. We were actually going to try to buy a house but that fell through so we did just end up moving into an apartment together in July. Now I have to look to move again or find him a place and make him move something will have to happen.

 

[OneFaith]

Okay so today I was helping my husband's friend grab some of his stuff and I don't know what happened he just went into a hole mode. He threw sonething real small at my hair no big deal. I said why ya throwing stuff at me. He went to brush my head with his hand to see if it was out of my hair and I said don't touch me. Then he said something about beating my a$$ in front of his friend. Well needless to say he has been having these mood swings real bad for weeks now. I went to a concert last Wednesday and he got mad because it was taking me to long to get home. Mind you I was at a major concert over an hour and a half away from home. The concert let out at 11 pm. He acted like I should be home by 12:30 am at the latest. Now let's not forget the traffic leaving the event etc.. anyways he got mad because it was 2 am or so by the time I got home. Accusing me of all kinds of things and just being nasty. So today threatening to beat me up was the last straw. I already messaged some one to see if they could take my dogs for me for a bit until I can find a place where I can have them.. next I will go to the battered woman's place and see if they will help me with a deposit for a place to live. Also if they will help me with a divorce. So I have things starting. Please just pray for my safety and pray that he does not go balustic and I become his punching bag. I am hoping to just get this done in a civil mannor. Please pray for resolving this and peace. Thank you.

Even if he actually hit you, you cannot divorce him with God's permission- therefore it would be a grand sin. You would be lying to God when you got up in front of witnesses and said "For better or worse." You don't have to live with him if it threatens your safety, but you can never divorce him unless he cheats on you.

I have been the customer of a shelter for battered women, and have worked at one. They do not help you get an apartment, or help you financially in any way. They only help you look up programs that you can google anyways- such as food stamps and Medicaid. If you are there for being homeless you can only stay if there is room, battered women come first, and you can only stay for one month (30 days exactly).

If you are there because of abuse (and it has to be actual abuse not threats) you can only stay three months. Statistically, most battered women go back to their batterer because of finances. The beds (bunkbeds) often have diseases and bed bugs, lice, or fleas that customers drag in- its worse than a motel. It truly is a 'no other choice' emergency situation.

 

[jenniferand2]

Even if he actually hit you, you cannot divorce him with God's permission- therefore it would be a grand sin. You would be lying to God when you got up in front of witnesses and said "For better or worse." You don't have to live with him if it threatens your safety, but you can never divorce him unless he cheats on you.

I have been the customer of a shelter for battered women, and have worked at one. They do not help you get an apartment, or help you financially in any way. They only help you look up programs that you can google anyways- such as food stamps and Medicaid. If you are there for being homeless you can only stay if there is room, battered women come first, and you can only stay for one month (30 days exactly).

If you are there because of abuse (and it has to be actual abuse not threats) you can only stay three months. Statistically, most battered women go back to their batterer because of finances. The beds (bunkbeds) often have diseases and bed bugs, lice, or fleas that customers drag in- its worse than a motel. It truly is a 'no other choice' emergency situation.

Okay first of all he had cheated on me.... second of all the shelter I went to before was very nice. I don't know what shelter you went to but all shelters except battered woman even if it is just a threat. Thirdly there is a wat long history of emotional abuse here and physical abuse so I doubt that a shelter would turn me away. I also said I was going to see about getting help with moving I did not say I would stay there I would only go to stay there if he actually did hit me again or throw something at me. Finally this man does not make empty threats if he says he will kick my a $$ he will do it if he feels like it. So I wish people would not make posts like yours. If some one else reads your comment they are going to end up with a bunch of wrong information. No one should ever stay in a situation where they feel threatened or scared period. Yes a lot of woman go back to abusers for different reasons but some do not. Also anyone who is scared enough to be seeking help from a domestic violence shelter should go if nothing else they can document what is going on and have a record of information in case it is ever needed.

 

[jenniferand2]

Also I do not think God is going to punish a woman if she leaves a man who is abusive.

 

[jenniferand2]

The psychological tourture an abuser puts a woman through is worse in many cases then being beat up. Because threats make you fear all the time you never feel safe when your constantly being threatened or verbally abused.

 

[kaylagrl]

Even if he actually hit you, you cannot divorce him with God's permission- therefore it would be a grand sin. You would be lying to God when you got up in front of witnesses and said "For better or worse." You don't have to live with him if it threatens your safety, but you can never divorce him unless he cheats on you.

I have been the customer of a shelter for battered women, and have worked at one. They do not help you get an apartment, or help you financially in any way. They only help you look up programs that you can google anyways- such as food stamps and Medicaid. If you are there for being homeless you can only stay if there is room, battered women come first, and you can only stay for one month (30 days exactly).

If you are there because of abuse (and it has to be actual abuse not threats) you can only stay three months. Statistically, most battered women go back to their batterer because of finances. The beds (bunkbeds) often have diseases and bed bugs, lice, or fleas that customers drag in- its worse than a motel. It truly is a 'no other choice' emergency situation.

Im sorry,I dont believe God would expect a woman to stay with a man that abuses her,either physically nor emotionally. The Bible says God wont even hear your prayer if you do not treat your wife right. No woman should stay married to an abuser,not ever. That is horrible advice.

 

[Angela53510]

Abuse is a kind of adultery that breaks the bond between husband and wife. No spouse should have to live with someone who is threatening to hurt them, deprive them of money, or even real psychological or emotional torture.

The point is, the husband is controlling. That is what abuse is about! She went to a concert, and he started laying down rules about when she should be home, and when she was not, he started accusing her of things. He obviously did not trust her, and accused her of doing things she did not do. This is a kind of psychological torture.

I know you have been on here a lot over this marriage, and the fact that you were going to move out on your own, but went back to him, and were planning to buy a house with him, suggests the cycle of abuse to me.

Cycle of Abuse

Also, he may not be bipolar, but maybe borderline with narcissism? Of course, if he never seeks help, you will never know. Typically, bipolar disorder has mood swings which last months and months, not something that flashes up and down quickly. That is borderline. Borderline can only be helped with intensive counselling, and sometimes not even then. Even becoming a Christian is not going to suddenly make him into a normal people, although it would give you more hope. Then again, it might tie you to a believer, which he is not right now, giving you Biblical permission to leave.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Please get help, counselling, and do take his threats seriously. Please look at these links, to sort through what your husband may be going through. But don't diagnose him, just be aware that these personality disorders may account for his behaviour, and without help, he will not change. But, he may not be these things, just giving you some things to think about.

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder/index.shtml

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo...1708/why-do-narcissists-abuse-those-they-love

https://www.whatiscodependency.com/what-is-narcissistic-abuse/

 

[Depleted]

Even if he actually hit you, you cannot divorce him with God's permission- therefore it would be a grand sin. You would be lying to God when you got up in front of witnesses and said "For better or worse." You don't have to live with him if it threatens your safety, but you can never divorce him unless he cheats on you.

I have been the customer of a shelter for battered women, and have worked at one. They do not help you get an apartment, or help you financially in any way. They only help you look up programs that you can google anyways- such as food stamps and Medicaid. If you are there for being homeless you can only stay if there is room, battered women come first, and you can only stay for one month (30 days exactly).

If you are there because of abuse (and it has to be actual abuse not threats) you can only stay three months. Statistically, most battered women go back to their batterer because of finances. The beds (bunkbeds) often have diseases and bed bugs, lice, or fleas that customers drag in- its worse than a motel. It truly is a 'no other choice' emergency situation.

A. There is divorce, and then there is remarrying. I think you need to do more studying from the Bible before you teach about biblical divorces.

B. Women's shelters are like hospitals in that you can't judge all by one.

C. Even Dr. Phil gets to know the person he's talking to before the show airs. You're not Dr. Phil, and you're barking up the wrong tree.

 

[OneFaith]

Okay first of all he had cheated on me.... second of all the shelter I went to before was very nice. I don't know what shelter you went to but all shelters except battered woman even if it is just a threat. Thirdly there is a wat long history of emotional abuse here and physical abuse so I doubt that a shelter would turn me away. I also said I was going to see about getting help with moving I did not say I would stay there I would only go to stay there if he actually did hit me again or throw something at me. Finally this man does not make empty threats if he says he will kick my a $$ he will do it if he feels like it. So I wish people would not make posts like yours. If some one else reads your comment they are going to end up with a bunch of wrong information. No one should ever stay in a situation where they feel threatened or scared period. Yes a lot of woman go back to abusers for different reasons but some do not. Also anyone who is scared enough to be seeking help from a domestic violence shelter should go if nothing else they can document what is going on and have a record of information in case it is ever needed.

I was just giving you some thoughts to consider, you don't need to be defensive, I'm not attacking you. And I did say you should go away from an abusive person- that you don't have to live with them if it's unsafe. And I don't recall you mentioning that he cheated on you. Was it years ago? Cause why didn't you leave him right then? If your spouse cheats you can't hold a "get out of jail free card" and decide to use it when want, you either leave when he cheats or you stay. And you didn't mention what evidence you had to prove his threats are not empty. If you don't want someone to respond, don't make a public post.

 

[OneFaith]

A. There is divorce, and then there is remarrying. I think you need to do more studying from the Bible before you teach about biblical divorces.

B. Women's shelters are like hospitals in that you can't judge all by one.

C. Even Dr. Phil gets to know the person he's talking to before the show airs. You're not Dr. Phil, and you're barking up the wrong tree.

A. I disagree. The only way to re-marry is to marry the one whom you've divorced- which God says not to do. Getting married to someone else is not remarriage- because that indicates an attatchment to the first marriage- when this is a whole other seperate marriage that has nothing to do with the first. Believe me, I have studied this a lot, and my comments are based off of the scriptures- not off of my personal opinions.

B. Yes, and one motel is not another. However, since the customers come from all walks of life, and levels of cleanliness, whether a shelter gets diseases or bed bugs does not depend on how good the shelter is, but by who the customers are. Therefore, my point still stands- that what I mentioned is something to consider. I was in a very clean shelter, still there were people who picked their nose and wiped it on things, there were people who master-bated any time of day on their bed right in front of me and my child, and other things not in the shelter's control. (Yes I complained about it).

C. In this format you don't get to know the person- therefore you have to go only by the information they give you. And no, I am not Dr. Phil, why? Did she assume anyone who responded on here would be Dr. Phil or a professional like him? I have a right, just like anyone else here, to respond by expressing my thoughts, opinions, scriptures, life-experiences, etc. And I will not be bullied into conforming my response to be what they want to hear. I have my own voice, and if they don't want to hear it, then they shouldnt invite the public to respond.

 

[OneFaith]

Im sorry,I dont believe God would expect a woman to stay with a man that abuses her,either physically nor emotionally. The Bible says God wont even hear your prayer if you do not treat your wife right. No woman should stay married to an abuser,not ever. That is horrible advice.

Then you don't know your bible too well- because those are not my words but His. He says the only reason you may divorce is if your spouse has sex with someone else. That is not my advise or opinion, etc- that's God's Word.

And why are so many putting words in my mouth? I did not say someone should stay in abuse- I said the direct opposite. I said you do not have to live with an abusive person- even verbal abuse. God says "It's better to sleep on a corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife." Which she seems to be- she seems very argumentative and verbally-attacking- which means she is abusing him too.

 

[proverbs35]

Then you don't know your bible too well- because those are not my words but His. He says the only reason you may divorce is if your spouse has sex with someone else. That is not my advise or opinion, etc- that's God's Word.

And why are so many putting words in my mouth? I did not say someone should stay in abuse- I said the direct opposite. I said you do not have to live with an abusive person- even verbal abuse. God says "It's better to sleep on a corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife." Which she seems to be- she seems very argumentative and verbally-attacking- which means she is abusing him too.

You say that she is argumentative, verbally attacking and abusive too.

How do you know?

Where are you getting that from?

I may have missed something, and I'm trying to ascertain what I missed that would lead you believe that she is verbally abusive to her husband.

 

[OneFaith]

You say that she is argumentative, verbally attacking and abusive too.

How do you know?

Where are you getting that from?

I may have missed something, and I'm trying to ascertain what I missed that would lead you believe that she is verbally abusive to her husband.

Because she's being so with even me.