I have officially flipped my lid. Or I'm a genius. I'm not sure which, but either way I'm certainly not normal anymore, if I ever was.
I have been using a 5-gallon washtub to mix up sourdough bread, but it is too small for the batches I wanted to do. So I went out and got a ten gallon bucket, and to stir up the dough I got an honest-to-goodness boat paddle. And it worked very well! I even bypassed the first kneading by leaving the dough in the bucket and using the paddle as a plunger to knead it in situ.
Maybe it's time to open that bakery everybody keeps saying I should open. But... then it would be a JOB, not fun!