Working Through Guilt?

[Blain]

R.C. Sproul did something awful to a woman he knew back when he was in seminary. He went to her and apologized, but she would not forgive him. He went back to apologize again with the same results.

So he took it to an 85-year-old retired missionary he knew, who was also the arbitrator in his church. And the guy told him something like this:
You made two huge mistakes. The first one was what you did to her. The second was to apologize twice. The Lord tells us to seek forgiveness and to forgive. He says absolutely nothing about forcing that forgiveness. What you did was wrong. No doubt about that, so it was good to seek forgiveness. But there was no reason to keep trying. It didn't help her or you.

He went on to say there is only one reason to kick someone out of church. For the sin of impenitent. We must all repent. And we must all forgive when others wrong us and ask. But when the other won't repent or won't forgive, that is where the difference goes beyond any relationship.

You do not know if she will ever forgive you. Have you yet been given the time to seek it? If not, you have to wait. If you have, but she will not, go about your life. No need to wait that which may never come.

But do understand, sometimes it takes a while for someone to be pressed in by God to forgive. She might be willing to forgive you in the future, but as it stands now, you're mourning a great loss. And you are supposed to do that. But when you're done, move on. You can keep doing that whether she forgives you or not. God tells us to seek forgiveness, but he also never said to expect it.

How i wish could rep you 777 times for this one Lynn

 

[tourist]

Thank you. She actually called me this morning twice "accidentally" and I saw my phone had rang with her number but not name (I am trying to delete her from my phone). I called back, because I still care about her. Then she said her phone called me accidentally which I found hard to believe. She said that she hopes I die alone and in great pain. She said again how much she hates me. She said again that I should kill myself. I was in tears and had to hang up the phone because I tried to say well I will never hate you...but t just made her that much more intent on trying to make me feel like a piece of poop. I honestly don't know what else I can do. I have asked her not to talk to me if she is only going to be angry and insulting. I blocked her on facebook and whatsapp and removed her from phone.

Yet the pain is still there today. What is wrong with me? Why can't I forget her and why do I feel such a profound sense of loss? Why can't she just have a civil final conversation rather than constantly making me feel like I am the lowest life form on the planet? She refuses to listen to my side of the story. I don't know what else I can do. I give up trying to fix things.

As you have said it's only been two days so what do you expect? Give her space and time to recover from what you did to her. She may or may not forgive you but regardless, prepare to move forward without her as she is obviously moving forward without you.

 

[mcubed]

Does anybody here have any advice on how to overcome crushing levels of guilt? A relationship ended (my fault mostly), and now they want nothing to do with me and all I want to do when not working is lay in bed and feel sad. How do you move past this situation? Its been 2 days for me.

Guilt is like a barometer that helps us gage the moral standard of right and wrong. If you fell guilty be glad you do, you have a conscious. REPENT!!!! Ask for forgiveness, receive, and CHANGE!!!!!! It is up to G-d to restore the relationship or not. But if you fell guilty GOOD! YOUR HEART IS NOT HARD! The Lord will change you... LET HIM!!!

 

[Blain]

Guilt is like a barometer that helps us gage the moral standard of right and wrong. If you fell guilty be glad you do, you have a conscious. REPENT!!!! Ask for forgiveness, receive, and CHANGE!!!!!! It is up to G-d to restore the relationship or not. But if you fell guilty GOOD! YOUR HEART IS NOT HARD! The Lord will change you... LET HIM!!!

I appreciate your pure intentions but the guilt he bears is not the good kind. There is guilt that shows we have a conscious it happens when we have done wrong but then there is the condemning guilt that will continue weigh you down until you are so broken you cannot get back up. He cannot be glad he feels guilt in the way he is because it's the wrong kind of guilt

 

[mcubed]

I appreciate your pure intentions but the guilt he bears is not the good kind. There is guilt that shows we have a conscious it happens when we have done wrong but then there is the condemning guilt that will continue weigh you down until you are so broken you cannot get back up. He cannot be glad he feels guilt in the way he is because it's the wrong kind of guilt

Oh shame... I know splitting hairs.... But really two different things. Shame is a deep internal of who you believe you are. He and all of us who are Saved are new creatures in Y-shua Messiah. Old things are washed away we have been born again. G-d's mercy is renewed every morning so every morning I am a lucky duck and a new creature was clean in my Saviors Blood. Se two hours ago mt clothes were black and nasty of sin G-d has wasted me white as snow. Now, I will, by His grace, sin no more. And my love for Him, I really... really try not to... but if/when I do ... His mercy is renewed.... See my identity is not shame... my identity is I am my Daddy's little girl, the apple of His eye. He defines me not sin. When I sin. I asked for forgiveness and I am forgiven and by His power, His might, His spirit I will set aside that sin that so easily beset me. Some sins easier than others, but one day; in this body or when I get home, they will be set aside. But everyday I hold my head up high because I am a child of the MOST HEIGH!!!! Now Dad lets me suffer consequences, to make me change but He has always got me through and has changed me.

 

[Blain]

Oh shame... I know splitting hairs.... But really two different things. Shame is a deep internal of who you believe you are. He and all of us who are Saved are new creatures in Y-shua Messiah. Old things are washed away we have been born again. G-d's mercy is renewed every morning so every morning I am a lucky duck and a new creature was clean in my Saviors Blood. Se two hours ago mt clothes were black and nasty of sin G-d has wasted me white as snow. Now, I will, by His grace, sin no more. And my love for Him, I really... really try not to... but if/when I do ... His mercy is renewed.... See my identity is not shame... my identity is I am my Daddy's little girl, the apple of His eye. He defines me not sin. When I sin. I asked for forgiveness and I am forgiven and by His power, His might, His spirit I will set aside that sin that so easily beset me. Some sins easier than others, but one day; in this body or when I get home, they will be set aside. But everyday I hold my head up high because I am a child of the MOST HEIGH!!!! Now Dad lets me suffer consequences, to make me change but He has always got me through and has changed me.

No it's not splitting hairs it's a just a different way of seeing things. The thing is though not everyone be like this some people will go through guilt and sadness but the enemy uses this to his advantage as well, some can go through the consequences of their actions and after a time of guilt and sadness learn from it and grow stronger however others can go through the same thing and need help to be able to stand up again and until they get that help the enemy will make sure to try to crush them with the chains that they bear so heavily.

I am the same way, if I am down and consumed in my guilt shame sadness and weakness I will keep going downward into a spiral of what starts out as guilt and sadness into a much darker realm of utter self hatred complete depression I will not be able to stand again on my own and I cannot simply make these things go away. It is true that the fact one can feel guilt shows they have a conscious and a good heart but there is also this fact and that is that the more a heart can feel guilt and sadness the more they need help in not having those things overwhelm them.

Not everyone can be strong and it is because I am weak and because my heart is as soft as is it and because it can feel things deeper than some people that I could empathise with him. There was a time when I too was drowning in my guilt and sadness and was unable to stand up again until God's hand came to reach down and help me to stand up again. And what this man needs is the same thing he is overwhelmed with these chains and wants to shake them off but he is having a hard time doing so and so because I know what that is like and because I received a hand to help me stand and be filled with life that is all I want to do for him.

 

[mcubed]

No it's not splitting hairs it's a just a different way of seeing things. The thing is though not everyone be like this some people will go through guilt and sadness but the enemy uses this to his advantage as well, some can go through the consequences of their actions and after a time of guilt and sadness learn from it and grow stronger however others can go through the same thing and need help to be able to stand up again and until they get that help the enemy will make sure to try to crush them with the chains that they bear so heavily.

I am the same way, if I am down and consumed in my guilt shame sadness and weakness I will keep going downward into a spiral of what starts out as guilt and sadness into a much darker realm of utter self hatred complete depression I will not be able to stand again on my own and I cannot simply make these things go away. It is true that the fact one can feel guilt shows they have a conscious and a good heart but there is also this fact and that is that the more a heart can feel guilt and sadness the more they need help in not having those things overwhelm them.

Not everyone can be strong and it is because I am weak and because my heart is as soft as is it and because it can feel things deeper than some people that I could empathise with him. There was a time when I too was drowning in my guilt and sadness and was unable to stand up again until God's hand came to reach down and help me to stand up again. And what this man needs is the same thing he is overwhelmed with these chains and wants to shake them off but he is having a hard time doing so and so because I know what that is like and because I received a hand to help me stand and be filled with life that is all I want to do for him.

Fare enough... But is he talking about guilt or shame? Either way we find our forgiveness and our identity in Y-shua. And move on. Weather it is moving just by our confession or literally getting up out of bed we move on in fatih. Y-shua is the all that ends all not our feelings... Either way...

 

[Blain]

Fare enough... But is he talking about guilt or shame? Either way we find our forgiveness and our identity in Y-shua. And move on. Weather it is moving just by our confession or literally getting up out of bed we move on in fatih. Y-shua is the all that ends all not our feelings... Either way...

He is talking about guilt and it wouldn't surprise me if he felt a bit of shame but you have to understand not everyone is strong enough to be able to move on like that, remember we are all at different levels of faith and we all have different strengths and weaknesses and we all are different. It may be that you can do this but not everyone can. I for one know I am forgiven and can move on but it was not always like that and I have yet to be able to know and accept my identity in Christ but I know one day I will.

 

[mcubed]

He is talking about guilt and it wouldn't surprise me if he felt a bit of shame but you have to understand not everyone is strong enough to be able to move on like that, remember we are all at different levels of faith and we all have different strengths and weaknesses and we all are different. It may be that you can do this but not everyone can. I for one know I am forgiven and can move on but it was not always like that and I have yet to be able to know and accept my identity in Christ but I know one day I will.

Yes, you and all that seek Him will find Him. There is the additional finding Him and we are Saved but then there is the continental seeking Him and we keep findinding Him on such a deeper level. I remember reading the parable of the sower and some falls on dry ground, some falls among the thorns and so on. G-d spoke to me one day and said that is what happens every time you read my Word not just the unsaved. And I understood if I keep reading the Word it will eventually fall on good soil and all of it will eventually produce 100 fold. If we seek Him we will find Him, the door will be open!!!