I think a key element to everything you are feeling is this; Why do you want to believe? You say you've tried really hard but what was the motivation?
Also note that the Bible isn't just a book of morals. It's also a history book and not everything that happened was commanded by God.
Also also note that while there are some blind believers, a lot of us have reason and logic behind our faith as well. Heck, even Einstein believed there was a creator, he simply couldn't concede that human beings could have more value than a grain of salt to him.
At the end of the day, there is Jeremiah 29:13-14a. "You will see Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. (14a) I will be found by you,' declares the Lord....."
If you really want to believe, you can't just seek out the reasoning and logic and the ever popular "proof." Those things are important to any belief system, but Christianity is based on a relationship between God and people. Do you think you could get to know Julius Caesar better by reading about him or actually talking to him? My recommendation would be to, over the course of a month or so, take some time during your day in private and try talking to God out loud. Actually pursue the God behind the religion.
You remind me of a man who eventually did become a believer, he was recorded while having a conversation with Ray Comfort. Ray is an evangelist, who has made some powerful movies, and is really good about helping people think about faith. Not everyone is convinced, not every argument he has made is perfect, and I recommend not watching his homosexuality movie... even as a Christian it is beyond cringy. Lol.
Here's the link, if you're interested:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SH81gadQNk
Also note that the Bible isn't just a book of morals. It's also a history book and not everything that happened was commanded by God.
Also also note that while there are some blind believers, a lot of us have reason and logic behind our faith as well. Heck, even Einstein believed there was a creator, he simply couldn't concede that human beings could have more value than a grain of salt to him.
At the end of the day, there is Jeremiah 29:13-14a. "You will see Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. (14a) I will be found by you,' declares the Lord....."
If you really want to believe, you can't just seek out the reasoning and logic and the ever popular "proof." Those things are important to any belief system, but Christianity is based on a relationship between God and people. Do you think you could get to know Julius Caesar better by reading about him or actually talking to him? My recommendation would be to, over the course of a month or so, take some time during your day in private and try talking to God out loud. Actually pursue the God behind the religion.
You remind me of a man who eventually did become a believer, he was recorded while having a conversation with Ray Comfort. Ray is an evangelist, who has made some powerful movies, and is really good about helping people think about faith. Not everyone is convinced, not every argument he has made is perfect, and I recommend not watching his homosexuality movie... even as a Christian it is beyond cringy. Lol.
Here's the link, if you're interested:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SH81gadQNk