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Really? Who is doing the planning here? You also didn't mention if he's a believer.
Pregnancy and Worried
- Thread starter theupsetone
- Start date
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No...He didn't...but y'all...He did it with love and compassion. She didn't come in here to be judged. She came in here for some helpful advice from fellow believers...we are to help and bear one another's burdens...if ya can't do it and do it with love...you shouldn't open your mouth! I'm not angry because I don't get angry...but it hurts my heart. Y'all know better!
And if you have a reason to think I'm talking to you...I probably am...and if I was big enough or your mama...I'd spank you or send you to your room with no supper!
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Some people do both civil ceremony and then after the baby is born, have as big a church wedding as they want/can afford, with all the family and friends in attendance, followed by the reception party. That seems a good compromise, as long as the guy is willing to get married at all.
No one here is judging her, but we aren't going to coddle her either, and say "you poor thing"... We're giving her straight advice, and they ARE adults so they should be able to hear what they NEED to hear and not what they WANT to hear..
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Since your parents want it in a church, then it's their cost, not yours. Seriously, weddings, by tradition, are paid for by the father of the bride. If your dad won't, then go to a justice of the peace and get married.
And this is all contingent on both of you really being believers, because what you're saying isn't matching any of the actions being taken -- yours, your BF's or your dad's.
During that marriage it was like prison to me. Yeah, I had conjugal visitations but even that got old after awhile. That went south after I found out that she was cheating on me. Getting that divorce was like getting paroled from a life in prison. God in His mercy and compassion commuted my sentence.
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This rational person is seeing stuff that doesn't add up, in multiple ways, with the whole story. Are you?
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She never indicates her stance on it, just that she wants to satisfy her parents and her boyfriends demands. When she says "he wants us to be able to have a wedding" it sounds like she wants this too and is only having an issue because of the parents demands. The stress of the situation with her parents is "breaking her heart completely", not the boyfriend refusing to marry her at the courthouse.
Her next post afterward says that she doesn't have an issue waiting for the marriage.
I don't think they should have a courthouse wedding out of fatherly threats if they both are young punks that want a ceremony. I don't think the guy wants to be forced to marry her with threats, even though he got their daughter pregnant, if he wants them to have a real wedding.
I'm just saying there is no harm in waiting if they truly want to enjoy the process of the marriage and do a honeymoon and all that. Yeah the formality is already thrown off with the pregnancy, but I don't see how the courthouse wedding is going to do anything at all to improve the situation. I'm giving the guy the benefit of the doubt and I also don't think a piece of paper stops someone from cheating.
Well..lady blue...I wasn't talking to you. What you said to her wasn't harsh but true. This thread reminds me of another not so long ago...I wonder how that young woman is after all the loving advice she got.
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You're not seeing most of the red flags then, if that's what you're getting out of this story.
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pckts
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That's a good compromise in her situation. I think if the guy truly doesn't want to get married than forcing him to isn't really going to improve the situation. We don't have enough information or know the people involved, we are all filling in the details with our personal experiences and judgements on "what is really going on here".
I would just go to the courthouse and accept I wasn't going to have a ceremony because of the circumstances and my mistakes. If these people want a ceremony despite that, I don't think the father's threats should take that away. Everyone will soften up when the kid is born and stop with the cold feet and threats, maybe.
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Seriously? The excuse the BF is hiding behind right now is $$$. The very last thing they need to do is spend a bunch on the farce of a Church wedding. They are in trouble... BIGGLY! And they need to face facts and learn that they will have next to nothing to spend on anything extra for at least five years. And act like they know it.
In many parts of the country, there is still some stigma attached to having a child out of wedlock.
Your father may be feeling social pressure and embarrassment at church.
If you marry before the baby comes you will make the situation right in the eyes of the church community.
If you are concerned about how your situation effects your father's social life you may want to urge your fiance to mary you now in a simple inexpensive ceremony. That will not preclude your having a more elaborate ceremony and/or reception later to share your marriage with family and friends.
Your father may be feeling social pressure and embarrassment at church.
If you marry before the baby comes you will make the situation right in the eyes of the church community.
If you are concerned about how your situation effects your father's social life you may want to urge your fiance to mary you now in a simple inexpensive ceremony. That will not preclude your having a more elaborate ceremony and/or reception later to share your marriage with family and friends.
I am curious as to who is paying for the wedding ceremony? I just wonder because for around here iti s the custom that the bride's parents pay for the wedding, though of course this isn't always the case. If you dad is paying for the wedding, maybe work with him a little more, not saying that you have to perform the ceremony against your will, but if he is paying for it, maybe give that a lil consideration. If it is that your family is not paying for the wedding, well, then I suppose work around the timeline of whomever is. May God bless you and your husband and your child to be either way, and may your family remain together.
I'm not judging her. Hell, I tend to think a lot of marriages that spring from the same circumstances, work out great. I gave the example of my own grandparents on this thread. But, she needs to be wise to the fact, that her baby daddy, has made an excuse to put off getting married.
I don't coddle anyone btw. I just try to look at Christ's example. He accomplished EVERYTHING calmly, with loving words of wisdom and peace in His heart. I'm betting He even had a small smile on His face when He spoke to people. That's who I want to be.