"I Love You." "Prove It!" (Part 1.)

[Dino246]

...
She dropped her glove, to prove his love, then looked at him and smiled;
He bowed, and in a moment leaped among the lions wild:
The leap was quick, return was quick, he has regained his place,
Then threw the glove, but not with love, right in the lady's face.
"By Heaven," said Francis, "rightly done!" and he rose from where he sat;
"No love," quoth he, "but vanity, sets love a task like that."
-- James Leigh Hunt

The poem Lynx quoted is a perfect example of what the worldly call a "$**! test". It's a contrived examination of another person designed to expose their real motivations. The trouble is, it usually does more to expose one's own motivations. If a female in whom I was otherwise interested did something like that to me, I would happily wish her a nice life and move on.

"If you loved me, you would... " is often met adequately by the response, "If you loved me, you wouldn't ask that!"

I think it is certainly acceptable to test the asserted love of another by considering their actions, but to contrive a test is not acceptable. As others have said, if love is real, stating it should be mere confirmation of the actions that have already proven it.

There is an implicit flip side to the $**! test: having unspoken expectations. Holding your partner to some standard about which they are unaware is just as unloving as ignoring them when they speak. Don't be that guy (or girl!). I'm not sure there ever was such a society, but ours certainly doesn't have a single standard of etiquette, so expecting someone to "just know something" is not reasonable. Don't put up with abuse or criminal behaviour of course, but don't condemn a person for failing to know that you intensely dislike anything ecru. If you expect them to know something, tell them. If you want something, ask for it! Otherwise you have nobody to blame but yourself.

One more thought: take it whence it comes. Don't expect that "I love you" from the gf/bf of six months means the same thing as "I love you" from your spouse of twenty years.

 

[chickwithsticks]

Oh if only I could express myself as well as Dino!!

Well said my good man, well said!!

 

[Oby]

I think love is a natural feeling and the acts that show love are also natural. You shouldn't have to force yourself. Proving it should be automatic. It's either there or it isn't. The way Dino put it is perfect.
I have only been in love with one person in my love and it never required any extra effort to prove it.

 

[maxwel]

Love is a burning thing, and it makes a firey ring.

[video=youtube;gPCT0GxBSlc]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPCT0GxBSlc[/video]

 

[laughingheart]

Everything goes back to the attitude of the heart. If I ask you to prove your love to show me your worthiness then it is an issue of power and control. If I am in pain feeling neglected and unseen I may search for a sign that I am loved and want to see evidence so that I know the truth. When we love our thoughts are for the other person's well being and happiness. When two people come together who both care for the other in that way then love is a constant. When two people sit back and wait for the other to constantly attend their wants, their whims, their ego and neurosis then you end up with grasping and selfishness.
For me a great relationship is like two kids holding hands and going out and exploring the world together. We are not about our roles. We need to see the other person for who they are and be a safe harbour.
If someone is in a relationship where the other person does not esteem them, does not seem to care about their life, does not support and encourage them then the relationship exists as a delusion. It is not about getting the person to prove their love but realizing that the absence of reciprocal affection means it might never have been there. After you realize that there was never any evidence of love you need to deal with reality.
Yes we want someone who will never leave, always love and support and thinks we are uniquely beautiful to them. We want to loved and cherished. In the wedding vows, we promise to love, honour and cherish. We talk about adultery as breaking of the vows. It is true but what about the other vows? When a person is not honoured or cherished they do not feel loved. Vows are being broken. We need all the vows to come through in order to believe we are loved.
We want the sort of love that comes from God so how do we prove it in our human lives? I'd say care enough to pray together, pray for each other, treat each other with a sacrificial love, honour each other and encourage each other's faith. Help them to see themselves as God sees them. God's love through you is all the proof anyone could ask for. Being the love of God in their lives is everything.

 

[mj007]

I think love generally, and how the mainstream perceives it, is 2 different people on different paths, on different sides of the wall, having expectations of each other, like love is a thing, a currency.

Those who find true love are rare, but I know what it looks like. You are both on similar paths, directions in life. It's very hard to find those people who understand us to a great degree. A best friend.

I think the general type of love, leaves at least one person cold as an adult, if not both. Where love is about tolerance??

It's hard though really, is it better to be alone than go for 2nd best? Is going for 2nd best better than not going for anyone? And one thing people who find 2ns best are good at, is giving the impression they have found true love, but behind closed doors it is anything but that.

People who find true love, can be apart from each other and yet they are together.

People who don't find true love, tend to have a problem being apart (whether single or with someone).

I think if you find true love, its between 3 entities. You, them and God. And through that, you do good - together. Not just good for each other. Love becomes an outward expression, rather than an isolated expression (got the house, got the kids, got the family issues, got the in-law issues, but God keeps us going 'personally').

 

[mj007]

Usually, prove it, is, give up on your dreams for me me me.

 

[laughingheart]

Usually, prove it, is, give up on your dreams for me me me.

Brilliant. I was a counsellor/social worker for years and this is one of the best way to sum up the opposite of love. It is the red flag that every person should know. It is the classic narcissist behaviour. I am going to share the heck out of this.

 

[mj007]

Well as a musician (more so when I was younger) I used to obviously have such a love and passion for my music. No-one would know the time when I would be inspired but when inspired I had to write the song, the music.

Love is appreciating that inspiration someone has, and saying go do that, forget about me, this is important, for your soul.

But what I used to get was, why is your music more important than me, why do you have to write music rather than spend time with me. Of course I was younger then, but I think people can still be a lot like this.

Love is not giving up on your dreams for each other, it is inspiring and motivating each other to follow your dreams.

If you are with someone, and your dream is to be a doctor, but the only place you can learn is in another country for 3 years, and your partner gives you an ultimatum - by God go learn to be a doctor. If someone truly loves you they will say that doing what is in your heart, is more important than giving up on what is in your heart, and giving it only to them.

No matter where you are or how far apart you are, if God is involved in your relationship, then love has no distance because from here to God, there is no distance and there is no time.

Maybe 2 people feel their purpose is just to have a good job, happy family, have kids, etc. Well then are they perfect for each other? I always question why do people feel this is a purpose? Often this path is anything but perfect, but people use the coping strategy of 'life is but a struggle'. Try comparing that to the struggle of someone living in an impoverished country where there is not enough water, and disease is all around, friends and family dying, and every day is a struggle to live; that is a real struggle. Or; leaving your friends and family and loved ones because you woke up and felt your purpose is to be a missionary in a war torn country, and you have to deal with 'their' fears, when really they should empathise with a) the people who live in fear every day that you are trying to help, b) your actual fears you have to face.

Love which isn't of God, is often selfish and self-preserving. Godly love is but a rare thing. But we ALL know one of those people, someone who is so loving in a way we find hard to perceive, but neither can we reject it. Because their love is a Godly love, and Godly love cannot ever be rejected.

Brilliant. I was a counsellor/social worker for years and this is one of the best way to sum up the opposite of love. It is the red flag that every person should know. It is the classic narcissist behaviour. I am going to share the heck out of this.