Very Fat

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Crimson_Lark

Crimson_Lark

Senior Member
#1
Apr 17, 2012
207
15
18
#1
Let me present a hypothetical question:

Imagine you are morbidly obese. You are at least 150 pounds over weight. You know you need to lose weight.

Then you meet someone you would like to date. Even though this person likes you, this person will not date you because of the health problems that come with being so overweight. (Of which there are many: heart problems, joint pain & replacement, shortened life span etc.)

Is there a weight loss dating contingency the non-fat person could offer that you would consider?

For instance if someone said, 'I am willing to support you in your weight loss journey, but in order for us to date, you have to lose 50 pounds in a certain amount of time.'

Would you consider it? Or maybe some other version of that question?

I know there will be people who find this post offensive. There will be many who say take me as I am or don't take me at all.
In fact that's the prevailing sentiment in the USA.

But I've always wondered if there is an alternate group. A group of people who say- hey I get being morbidly obese is a major problem and if you are willing to face it with me, I'm willing to work to change it and maybe grow a relationship in the process.

So what do you think?
 
WineRose

WineRose

Senior Member
#2
Jan 3, 2017
3,631
265
83
Row A, Column 9
#2
First, I would ask them: "Do you know how old I am?"

If they're a lot older than me, and they know that I'm a minor, and they still go for it...time to get the pepper spray and the cops. I would not consider dating anyone at this age, especially when they're way older than me.
 
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J

joefizz

Guest
#3
#3
Crimson_Lark said:
Let me present a hypothetical question:

Imagine you are morbidly obese. You are at least 150 pounds over weight. You know you need to lose weight.

Then you meet someone you would like to date. Even though this person likes you, this person will not date you because of the health problems that come with being so overweight. (Of which there are many: heart problems, joint pain & replacement, shortened life span etc.)

Is there a weight loss dating contingency the non-fat person could offer that you would consider?

For instance if someone said, 'I am willing to support you in your weight loss journey, but in order for us to date, you have to lose 50 pounds in a certain amount of time.'

Would you consider it? Or maybe some other version of that question?

I know there will be people who find this post offensive. There will be many who say take me as I am or don't take me at all.
In fact that's the prevailing sentiment in the USA.

But I've always wondered if there is an alternate group. A group of people who say- hey I get being morbidly obese is a major problem and if you are willing to face it with me, I'm willing to work to change it and maybe grow a relationship in the process.

So what do you think?
Click to expand...
Honestly I'm tired of speculating dating anymore all it does is work me up and lead me to back slide,I'm content with simply caring for someone at a distance,because it not only keeps me from having a meltdown but I can think on a "good future" instead of a bunch of "what ifs" plus I've already answered this sort of question before.
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#4
Aug 12, 2011
10,464
2,692
113
#4
A couple of years ago, I decided to make changes in my life to lose weight. At first, my reason was because I wanted to date again even though I had no prospects lol. But then, my reason changed. I wanted to lose weight for myself.

As for the OP: idk how I would respond. I think initially, I would be offended if a guy said that to me. I believe I would feel I wasn’t good enough. My mind would automatically assume that.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#5
May 23, 2009
16,442
5,391
113
#5
Crimson_Lark said:
Let me present a hypothetical question:

Imagine you are morbidly obese. You are at least 150 pounds over weight. You know you need to lose weight.

Then you meet someone you would like to date. Even though this person likes you, this person will not date you because of the health problems that come with being so overweight. (Of which there are many: heart problems, joint pain & replacement, shortened life span etc.)

Is there a weight loss dating contingency the non-fat person could offer that you would consider?

For instance if someone said, 'I am willing to support you in your weight loss journey, but in order for us to date, you have to lose 50 pounds in a certain amount of time.'

Would you consider it? Or maybe some other version of that question?

I know there will be people who find this post offensive. There will be many who say take me as I am or don't take me at all.
In fact that's the prevailing sentiment in the USA.

But I've always wondered if there is an alternate group. A group of people who say- hey I get being morbidly obese is a major problem and if you are willing to face it with me, I'm willing to work to change it and maybe grow a relationship in the process.

So what do you think?
Click to expand...
Hi Crimson, it's great to see you back!

The older I get, the more I find myself saying, "There are reasons why I'm single."

When I was younger, I thought "true love", most ESPECIALLY Christian love (after all, we have God to back us) would just conquer all if two people loved each other enough.

As I get older, I don't know if I'm just becoming more cynical or too set in my ways, but I always try to tell myself that whenever two people decide to be together, they have to take on the other person's problems as well as their own, and I know that for myself, I would be afraid to expect another person to tackle my issues.

I would see a weight-loss challenge as similar to other things in life--let's say that instead of being morbidly obese, a person had a very large debt.

So what if instead of having 150 pounds to lose, someone had a very large debt, such as $50,000, which is all too easy to do after taking out student loans and so forth. Would the person then be given an ultimatum by which they had to at least reduce their debt by a certain amount?

For myself (and I can ONLY speak for myself), I don't think a time limit and set amount would really be a good motivator for that large of a challenge (whether weight loss or debt), but again, I'm only speaking for me. If I were the person facing the challenge, I would probably see such an ultimatum as more of a threat than anything else, and I'd have to assume that even if I did meet that goal, another one would probably be set, and so I'd always be dreading another bar I would have to try to reach after every attempt.

As much as I would want someone to love me and help me through it, I couldn't realistically expect them to do that, but I would probably ask if they would at least be my friend and cheer me on.

And, I'll be completely honest--deep down, of course I wish they'd still choose to be with me and that we could be a couple. But, in order to keep my heart protected from the thought of rejection, I would ask if they'd just be my friend and a source of platonic support.

(I don't know if this is a very helpful answer... but it's the first thing that came to mind.)

P.S. I just saw Mel's post, and I completely agree.
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#6
#6
I’m not sure that’s a good way to start a relationship...I’d think the balance of power/respect would be thrown off by a deal like that before the relationship even begins. I’d think dating is tricky enough (from what I hear). I personally would never accept something like that, if I was in that situation.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#7
Feb 21, 2014
70,920
9,669
113
#7
As a person whose family has a history of bad hearts, bad bones, and lots of physical pain, let me just say this: being overweight does not necessarily always lead to those symptoms. None of my family are overweight, except my oldest sister, because she eats fast food ALL THE TIME, and she smokes like a chimney..

And speaking of bad hearts, I should get mine checked. I've been having problems with it lately.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#8
#8
Any time you approach a relationship with the other person changing to suit your needs, it's over.
According to experts one of the biggest mistakes women make in romance is expecting the other person to change, or he molded, into a version they think is right.
Love is selfless and expecting others to change to suit your preferences is arrogant and selfish.

Love is taking a person as they are. What if God told people they had to change into what He wanted before they got saved? How loving would that feel?
And justifying it behind "health issues" is just a way to make what you're saying sound like a concern for the other person. In reality what you're saying is "you're fat and unattractive".
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#9
Aug 12, 2011
10,464
2,692
113
#9
I started losing weight right about the time I met my husband. After a few months of dating, my mom told me a lady from church asked if I lost weight for him. My mom told her no lol. My answer was heck naw!!! Lol
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#10
Oct 11, 2013
14,554
2,176
113
#10
One of the things that is good about CC is that when you write in the forums you start to get to know the personality of an individual at least their thoughts and reactions and how they respond to other people on the forum.

Unless they decide to post a picture of themselves you have no idea how someone looks. You get to like or dislike the personality of the individual. I met Tourist on this site and we fell in love with each others personalities first. I was in luck because he posted a couple pictures of himself so I had an idea of what he looked like after he had been posting for a while but he really didn't know what I looked like.

I am morbidly obese and as luck would have it he is extremely thin we are total opposites in body type, but when we met in person for the first time we didn't care what the package on the outside looked like because we had fallen in love with the person on the inside.

I'd fight tooth and nail against the I'll date you unless you jump through some hoops deal... Do this or else we can't date. Move along buddy....that's my response.

Tourist and I have been married over three years now and this year starting in January I have been trying to change my eating habits - not because Tourist wants me to or else but because I need to as with my age and getting higher in numbers there are issues that are creeping up that makes quality of life not as good and if I don't start making changes I won't be around much longer so because I need to start really taking care of my body temple which I should have done much sooner I am making changes.

Sometimes I am a slow starter and many times in my life I have had to learn the hard way. But if someone really cares about you they will love you no matter what and it is possible to find people like that.

So again No I wouldn't date under a conditional sort of deal.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#11
Aug 2, 2009
24,644
4,305
113
#11
First of all... Crimson, you really need to stop avoiding me! :rolleyes: :cool: ...and start spending more time in the singles asylum :rolleyes:



Now... if I had a friend who was M.O., and they said they are considering dating someone who requires that they lose a certain amount of weight by a certain time I'd be like...






And hopefully they'll be like....



:rolleyes:
 
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Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#12
Aug 13, 2014
27,289
9,336
113
#12
If I had a problem and somebody who wanted to date me wanted me to fix the problem, it would depend on many things like tone of voice, reason for wanting me to change something, the reason I I think the person wanted me to change something... And those last two can be widely disparate... And a lot of other factors, most of which cannot be expressed in the English language.

If I were dating somebody and I thought that person had a problem that needed to be fixed, I would probably just passively observe whether the person was trying to fix the problem and how likely it was she would succeed. Then I would make my decision on whether to continue dating her or break off. I would only suggest my date trying to fix a problem if we knew each other very, very well and I was certain I could state the case in such a way as to not offend her.
 
Blain

Blain

The Word Weaver
#13
Aug 28, 2012
19,212
2,547
113
#13
Well I suppose at first I would be upset because I would feel like i am not good enough, I also with my already low self esteem issues would likely go sulk alone at home. The thing is making a demand like that in order to date someone says it all, you can say it's because of health issues but in reality you don't like them for them because if you really like someone then their appearance or weight will have nothing to do with it and in making such a strange condition to date them your just showing that.

Now if you were to date them and help them lose wight for health issues that is different
 
T

Tinuviel

Guest
#14
#14
My biggest beef with that is people who are 150 lbs overweight aren't the kind who would stay at a healthy weight once they get there. SO...if the person has a problem dating someone overweight, what about 6 years down the road when they're married and the person is AGAIN extremely overweight? You cannot go into a relationship expecting the person to change in any way .
 
Pipp

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
#15
Sep 17, 2013
5,542
2,721
113
Georgia
#15
I'm a big lady ... I am losing weight, but no...I don't think I'd take kindly to someone being like" I like you BUT..... "
I'm changing for myself, cause it's important to me...say this guy that made me lose weight to date him dumps me in 6 months even after having lost the required weight..... then if he was the motivation and he's gone, wouldn't that be your encouragement and motivation gone?
That's why it's got to be for me.

No I wouldn't consider dating someone who gave me a condition like that. I may be fat but I'm not desperate.
 
M

mj007

Banned
#16
Feb 5, 2017
1,118
36
0
#16
Well I believe in you. You can do it. At the end of the day, you have to do it for yourself, and if God says you should then in good faith you should do it and succeed triumphantly. God is always with you.

Pipp said:
I'm a big lady ... I am losing weight, but no...I don't think I'd take kindly to someone being like" I like you BUT..... "
I'm changing for myself, cause it's important to me...say this guy that made me lose weight to date him dumps me in 6 months even after having lost the required weight..... then if he was the motivation and he's gone, wouldn't that be your encouragement and motivation gone?
That's why it's got to be for me.

No I wouldn't consider dating someone who gave me a condition like that. I may be fat but I'm not desperate.
Click to expand...
 
S

Susanna

Guest
#17
#17
I don't think I could because I don't think a morbidly obese person could keep my pace. I'm a little ADHD and things are spinning quite rapidly, so most people have problems keeping up with me...I'm like a hamster on a treadmill. LOL
 
R

Rachel20

Senior Member
#18
May 7, 2013
1,639
106
63
#18
People should love you for who you are on the INSIDE, right? Sure... but the truth is dating, marrying and living life together is about the whole package.
 
M

mj007

Banned
#19
Feb 5, 2017
1,118
36
0
#19
If someone expecting such a thing from me, and yet it was already in me that I needed to change it, I would go along with it, for the extra motivation but with the concept of doing it for me and not them, in mind. It most probably would not work out once you achieved their goal (but your own goal secretly) and I would be grateful for them. On top of that, who knows, maybe you might find beauty behind the control freakary, since everyone is still a real person underneath. Maybe it was love expressed in the wrong way, that they were unable to. Maybe you might inspire them. Everyone can be helpful in the right perspective, or, they can be a scapegoat for our problems. One is helpful (in the name) one is not.

Crimson_Lark said:
Let me present a hypothetical question:

Imagine you are morbidly obese. You are at least 150 pounds over weight. You know you need to lose weight.

Then you meet someone you would like to date. Even though this person likes you, this person will not date you because of the health problems that come with being so overweight. (Of which there are many: heart problems, joint pain & replacement, shortened life span etc.)

Is there a weight loss dating contingency the non-fat person could offer that you would consider?

For instance if someone said, 'I am willing to support you in your weight loss journey, but in order for us to date, you have to lose 50 pounds in a certain amount of time.'

Would you consider it? Or maybe some other version of that question?

I know there will be people who find this post offensive. There will be many who say take me as I am or don't take me at all.
In fact that's the prevailing sentiment in the USA.

But I've always wondered if there is an alternate group. A group of people who say- hey I get being morbidly obese is a major problem and if you are willing to face it with me, I'm willing to work to change it and maybe grow a relationship in the process.

So what do you think?
Click to expand...
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#20
Aug 2, 2009
24,644
4,305
113
#20
What if it was money instead of weight....

What if someone said, "I know you're poor right now, but I'll date you as long as you can increase your personal net worth by $1000 within the next 3 months"...

How about that?? :rolleyes:

 
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