I spent my life locked away and isolated. No reason to go into detail but I might have spent a good two years in society not counting a few as a kid. I had to learn to talk to people and be peaceful around people again and was pretty much court ordered to stay home until I did. I always held into the idea of having a family one day to get me through it all. But I have to live fast. A regular life just wont be able to take care of me since I am starting out older and the Lord just didnt make me some people that way, Im a dream chaser. I could not do much for society and all I knew how to do was fight so I took my own warpath and pursued a career as a mercenary. I think deep down this was my suicidal justification. I met a girl long ago in the beginning, she made life just seem beautiful again. I decided to try again to live a normal life and backed out of the warpath and worked hard for the entire time to establish myself. But she wont talk to me. She seems interested but doesnt trust me because I am a little wild I think, and she doesnt really trust anybody. I never bothered her and nobody really knows. I still cant fit in society either. I decided to move into a big house and fill it with wives and live fast and die young leaving a crater where I fall. We are meant to be who we are and in these last days warriors will be needed. I think some people are meant to have different lives and go through different things or hard times and some are meant to always be isolated and cold wherever they go. How else can one choose to sacrifice them self for the better good of others?
You have told quite a story about your life's journey. Having served in the military and now putting on the full armor of faith each day, facing the cold reality of the struggle and challenges, I consider myself a warrior too.
I believe that isolating yourself in a big house filled with wives and living fast will indeed leave a crater. You are better than that.
This world does need warriors, but to be an integral part of that fighting force you have to be disciplined and allow God to show you what battles are to be fought. Perhaps it would be best to consider a long-term strategy and stay in the fight for the long haul. You are still young and it would not serve you well to shut off yourself from the rest of the world.
Even though you are not seeking counsel my advice is to take a few deep breaths, get a library card and a good pair of shoes, be still and pray for clarity of thought on what God's plan of attack is, the rules of engagement, and the role you are going to play. At that time exchange your shoes for combat boots, put on your war paint and the full armor of faith and wait for the command to charge.
Until then, I offer a toast to those other fellow warriors that still remain in the army of God bravely fighting the good fight. "Here's to us, and those like us, there are damn few left".
Carry on soldier.