caught my son watching xxxx

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P

Pontiac

Guest
#41
#41
O.K. Dino, do you recommend any sort of discipline or punishment for the boy ? ... I didn't see anything about that ... Or do you simply recommend that the father apologize and provide a soft talking to the child ... Sometimes one can go too softly as well as too harshly ... What I heard was that the father became a bit angry and then cried and prayed ... I did not hear the father say he showed any anger towards his son, only unto himself ... In my mind, the fatrher's anger, kept unto himself, "is" excusable as it demonstrates a genuine concern to raise his son correctly ... Something there is surely not enough of in this world today ...
 
J

joefizz

Guest
#42
#42
As the Op can see there are "two" sides to every situation as well as many different "ways" of handling this type of circumstance,and alot of good points have been made especially concerning the Op child's age,11 is most likely an "experimental age" I didn't think of such things at all until I was about 10-12 years old,and it's a "critically influential time" so the child must "understand" why this behaviour is wrong before any punishment other the child will start thinking things like that the "parent" is "being abusive,unfair or hiding something" one of the biggest mistakes a parent can make is "assuming" the child "just knows it's wrong".
 
kaijo

kaijo

Senior Member
#43
Jul 31, 2017
355
54
28
#43
Pontiac said:
O.K. Dino, do you recommend any sort of discipline or punishment for the boy ?
Click to expand...
Discipline without an understandable explanation is worthless.

For example..

Father:
"What are you doing watching porn? Thats it! You are punished for a whole month!"

Son:
"But why?"

Father:
"Because its disgusting and God says its wrong!"

Son:
"But, my school and my teachers and my friends ALL say that its perfectly normal! Why should i believe you over them? You send me there to Learn from them! Thats not fair! This doesnt make ANY sense! >=( "

Father:
"You just do what i say, or else!"

Son (thinking):
"What the....screw this AND your God >=( "

So if your going to punish him. I hope you explain exactly why its wrong, why hes having those urges, the source of those urges, why the schools and teachers are wrong yet... you still send him there to learn from and to trust them, and what the RIGHT ways are to deal with these urges.

And i hope you can explain to him how..if u were in his shoes at his age, in Todays society....how this tsunami of over sexualization would have ZERO effect on yourself whatsoever ....because...(explanation).
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#44
Jul 3, 2015
62,220
31,193
113
#44
joefizz said:
As the Op can see there are "two" sides to every situation as well as many different "ways" of handling this type of circumstance,and alot of good points have been made especially concerning the Op child's age,11 is most likely an "experimental age" I didn't think of such things at all until I was about 10-12 years old,and it's a "critically influential time" so the child must "understand" why this behaviour is wrong before any punishment other the child will start thinking things like that the "parent" is "being abusive,unfair or hiding something" one of the biggest mistakes a parent can make is "assuming" the child "just knows it's wrong".
Click to expand...
I think the boy knew it was wrong enough he tried to hide what he was doing by using incognito features/options.
 
J

joefizz

Guest
#45
#45
kaijo said:
Discipline without an understandable explanation is worthless.

For example..

Father:
"What are you doing watching porn? Thats it! You are punished for a whole month!"

Son:
"But why?"

Father:
"Because its disgusting and God says its wrong!"

Son:
"But, my school and my teachers and my friends ALL say that its perfectly normal! Why should i believe you over them? You send me there to Learn from them! Thats not fair! This doesnt make ANY sense! >=( "

Father:
"You just do what i say, or else!"

Son (thinking):
"What the....screw this AND your God >=( "

So if your going to punish him. I hope you explain exactly why its wrong, why hes having those urges, the source of those urges, why the schools and teachers are wrong yet... you still send him there to learn from and to trust them, and what the RIGHT ways are to deal with these urges.

And i hope you can explain to him how..if u were in his shoes at his age, in Todays society....how this tsunami of over sexualization would have ZERO effect on yourself whatsoever ....because...(explanation).
Click to expand...
That was an accurate scenario,that makes sense because between school and friends particularly a parent needs more than "orders" because as a child learns new "information" they may take anything to heart and "trust" others more so you need an "understandable reason" for why such behavior is wrong,it's like a battle against ideals of an entire school but that's why a child still needs "parent input" school is "not enough" for good morals and wisdom.
 
J

joefizz

Guest
#46
#46
Magenta said:
I think the boy knew it was wrong enough he tried to hide what he was doing by using incognito features/options.
Click to expand...
Yep it's possible incognito is on lots of browsers.
 
N

NoNameMcgee

Guest
#47
#47
Magenta said:
I think the boy knew it was wrong enough he tried to hide what he was doing by using incognito features/options.
Click to expand...
yaaaaa

im not a father and not exactly sure how i would punish my child for something like this

but i know at 11....
i had enough smarts to play dumb and use my age as an excuse to get away with stuff

guilt trip

lie

or apologize before being caught if i knew i would be caught to save face
 
J

joefizz

Guest
#48
#48
NoNameMcgee said:
yaaaaa

im not a father and not exactly sure how i would punish my child for something like this

but i know at 11....
i had enough smarts to play dumb and use my age as an excuse to get away with stuff

guilt trip

lie

or apologize before being caught if i knew i would be caught to save face
Click to expand...
Yep growing up you don't wanna look your parent in the eye when you do something you know you shouldn't and do all you can to keep it secret.
 
N

NoNameMcgee

Guest
#49
#49
joefizz said:
Yep growing up you don't wanna look your parent in the eye when you do something you know you shouldn't and do all you can to keep it secret.
Click to expand...
Main reason being (for me anyways) : repercussions
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#51
Jun 30, 2015
25,830
13,972
113
#51
Pontiac said:
O.K. Dino, do you recommend any sort of discipline or punishment for the boy ? ... I didn't see anything about that ... Or do you simply recommend that the father apologize and provide a soft talking to the child ... Sometimes one can go too softly as well as too harshly ... What I heard was that the father became a bit angry and then cried and prayed ... I did not hear the father say he showed any anger towards his son, only unto himself ... In my mind, the fatrher's anger, kept unto himself, "is" excusable as it demonstrates a genuine concern to raise his son correctly ... Something there is surely not enough of in this world today ...
Click to expand...
In this case, where the issue of pornography apparently had not been discussed previously, I would recommend no punishment at all. In this case I would recommend only consequences: parental control over computer usage (which requires involvement!). Dad and Mum need to discuss what appropriate restrictions and boundaries are needed and why, and discuss these with the son, explaining the increasingly-serious consequences of repeated porn usage. That puts the responsibility on the parents where it belongs, and the choice to do the right thing on the son, where it belongs.

The larger issue is that punishment prior to understanding will only make it unsafe for the son to explore the world (for good and bad) and make it less likely that he will bring questions/feelings/experiences to his parents for their loving input. The worst thing here is the potential for broken trust. Lack of trust shuts down all communication (I know this firsthand) and makes preventive discussion impossible. Trust allows for discussion where punishment will engender fear and uncertainty.

If the boy is punished, what will he do when later exposed to bullying, alcohol, drugs, gangs, gender confusion or a host of other dangers? Talk to his parents? Not likely.
 
P

Pontiac

Guest
#52
#52
So, your philosophy is NOT to punish the boy for anything out of fear he will not speak to his parents ? ... Well, that certainly is NOT what the Bible teaches parents to do ... It is not rocket science here ... The boy did something wrong and needs to be punished ... He knows what he did is wrong is why he was hiding it ... He doesn't need any 5 hour lecture into "why" not to do what he did and a discussion into many things he may not yet understand ... Punishment and the word "NO" from his father should be good enough ... "NO" should also be a good enough answer from "Our Father" as well ... We shouldn't need any lengthy explanation into "why" we should not do something and the boy shouldn't need that from his father either ... When the father says "NO" that should be good enough ... If he wants to follow that with an explanation then fine, but that should not be any requirement ... And the parent should not be afraid to discipline his children anymore than God is afraid to discipline us ... If the boy is smart, then he will listen to his father ... If he is not, then he will not listen to his father ... Same is true of God's children ...
 
G

graceNpeace

Senior Member
#53
Aug 12, 2016
2,180
107
63
#53
Pontiac said:
So, your philosophy is NOT to punish the boy for anything out of fear he will not speak to his parents ? ... Well, that certainly is NOT what the Bible teaches parents to do ... It is not rocket science here ... The boy did something wrong and needs to be punished ... He knows what he did is wrong is why he was hiding it ... He doesn't need any 5 hour lecture into "why" not to do what he did and a discussion into many things he may not yet understand ... Punishment and the word "NO" from his father should be good enough ... "NO" should also be a good enough answer from "Our Father" as well ... We shouldn't need any lengthy explanation into "why" we should not do something and the boy shouldn't need that from his father either ... When the father says "NO" that should be good enough ... If he wants to follow that with an explanation then fine, but that should not be any requirement ... And the parent should not be afraid to discipline his children anymore than God is afraid to discipline us ... If the boy is smart, then he will listen to his father ... If he is not, then he will not listen to his father ... Same is true of God's children ...
Click to expand...
This is called over-egging the goose!
Go back and read Dino's post for goodness sake!

Where did he say that parents cannot or should not discipline their children?
He most certainly did not even intimate this!
 
P

Pontiac

Guest
#54
#54
Dino most certainly did suggest NOT punishing the boy and he did that with this statement ...

If the boy is punished, what will he do when later exposed to bullying, alcohol, drugs, gangs, gender confusion or a host of other dangers? Talk to his parents? Not likely.
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#55
Jun 30, 2015
25,830
13,972
113
#55
Pontiac said:
Dino most certainly did suggest NOT punishing the boy and he did that with this statement ...

If the boy is punished, what will he do when later exposed to bullying, alcohol, drugs, gangs, gender confusion or a host of other dangers? Talk to his parents? Not likely.
Click to expand...
What's more important? Punishing a ten-year-old boy for a wrong or building a relationship that will safely see him through the next ten years?

You are free to disagree with me... no skin off my nose.
 
P

Pontiac

Guest
#56
#56
What is most important is doing as the Bible says, which is to attempt to correct a wrong and not to ignore it ... I just told you the truth of what the Bible says to do, which is to discipline a child ... If you choose not to discipline yours out of fear, that is up to you ... I am trying to help the original poster by offering biblical advice ... If you choose to believe that you know a better way, then that is your choice Dino ... Personally, I will stay with what God commands to do ...
 
O

oldethennew

Banned
#57
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
2,976
113
#57
as we are witnessing daily, 'no discipline, no growth-no responsibility for actions-no respect-
no real Godly Love for one another', = deadly consequences!!!
 
J

jogoldie

Senior Member
#58
Mar 20, 2014
1,616
48
48
#58
I am a mother of girls...so I am not claiming I have gone through any thing like this.....
However, I am a parent/grandparent and I have faced many other types of ...well lets say shocking and hit ya from left field kind of stuff..and in my observation when you freak out..
when you over react.. when you want to strike out and demand punishment and rod of correction kind of attack. You are missing a perfect opportunity to mold your child to the Christian frame of mind..How we want the child to have the tools they need to succeed and have the life with Christ.. first you must stop feeling and believing its a major problem..the more you attack him with the anger and frustration he is gonna think this is something him and his friends need to check out further...but if you go one on one and ask him how he knows this...what did he think about what he saw...etc..you get the idea. you then have the opportunity to explain how a Christian man is suppose to be..you also find out where this is coming from and get to the source..
it's important to keep the lines of communication open and do the best we can to make sure we take the time and talk to our children...cause you can try to block the world from them...but it always gets through.
if it was me.. before I sit down with him I would pray and ask for the words to say and give this up to God....

then punish his behind...no wifi.. hey ya gotta pay the piper...peace jo
 
G

graceNpeace

Senior Member
#59
Aug 12, 2016
2,180
107
63
#59
Pontiac said:
Dino most certainly did suggest NOT punishing the boy and he did that with this statement ...

If the boy is punished, what will he do when later exposed to bullying, alcohol, drugs, gangs, gender confusion or a host of other dangers? Talk to his parents? Not likely.
Click to expand...
If you believe that punishment is is the first and only alternative for every situation then I am sorry you are just parading your foolishness...
 
M

MattforJesus

Banned
#60
Apr 15, 2017
2,867
653
113
#60
graceNpeace said:
If you believe that punishment is is the first and only alternative for every situation then I am sorry you are just parading your foolishness...
Click to expand...
The Bible says a rod for the fool's back,which is a person that will not give heed to what you say no matter how much you tell them to stop it.They refuse to listen so the only way you can correct them is with physical punishment,which God said the child will not die,and you will drive hell far from them.

I do not believe we should snatch our children up over every thing they do wrong and physically punish them.As the same with Israel,God did not correct them with allowing trouble to come upon them from their enemies over one day of rebelling by way of false gods,but He let it go on for a certain amount of time sending prophets to tell them to turn back to the LORD,and if they did not then He would punish them.

If we tell the child over and over and they refuse to listen then if a person wants,physical punishment would be in order.

A rod for the fool's back,not a rod for the back of one that has been caught one time and a talking can be laid down first to try to correct them,which in other words warnings like God does before He allows the physical punishment.
 
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