I not sure anymore

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Pontiac

Guest
#21
#21
Tommy379 said:
Pontiac is dumb, and once made a terrible car.
Go shopping for a dad???? They have a father. How Christ like of you to promote parental alienation.
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How Christ like of you to call a man an idiot and dumb and TROLL A THREAD ... You seem to be a fine example yourself ... At least I responded and suggested she pray and read her Bible ... I have not seen you offer to help her with any decent advice at all ...

The man is an admitted cheater, he has left his family, said to have thrown in the towel and gone ... He already has proven untrustworthy by cheating once and now he has left ... How long do you expect for the poor woman to sit waiting on a cheater to return Tommy ... A year, 6 months, 2 years ? ... I give her the same advice I would give my sister ... Don't wait on a cheater or beg him to come back ... Most likely that is asking for more trouble ... I think she deserves better than that ... And I believe God will help her to find it ...
 
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Pontiac

Guest
#22
#22
loverofjesus first thing you need to do is you must stop blaming yourself for this ... If the man cheated then he deserved to get yelled at ... If he up and ran then he acted cowardly ... I know it isn't easy but you have to stop blaming yourself for something that he caused ... He was not responsible and who knows if he will ever turn out to be responsible ... Pray and ask for God to be your guide ... If He tells you to wait, then wait ... But I think with what this man has done already He will tell you to think about moving forward with your life instead of dwelling in the past ... Your children need for you to be strong for them ... It will take some time to heal for sure but I think the sooner you start that process the better off you will be ... I will keep you in my prayers ...
 
Nehemiah6

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
#23
Jul 18, 2017
26,074
13,784
113
#23
loverofJesus82 said:
I have been married for nine years and were going through a separation and hurting me there is so much that had happened and my husband decided to throw in the towel its v affecting our entire house him being gone I do know I pushed him away with the fighting he says he loves me but can't do it anymore I'm just praying but I miss him and so do the kids
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Only you know whether it is too late to fix anything. However, what you could do -- regardless -- is pick op the phone (or send an email) saying that you are sorry about your mistakes, you miss your husband, and that you want to stop fighting and put the past behind. In such situations there is usually fault on both sides, so it would be best to have a meeting with your pastor (or pastors or elders) and talk this out and get a clear understanding from Scripture as to how you should move forward.

1. Both of you need to be genuinely saved and committed to living for the Lord.

2. Both of you need to understand your duties and responsibilities as spelled out in Scripture.
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#24
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,153
113
#24
Pontiac said:
How Christ like of you to call a man an idiot and dumb and TROLL A THREAD ... You seem to be a fine example yourself ... At least I responded and suggested she pray and read her Bible ... I have not seen you offer to help her with any decent advice at all ...

The man is an admitted cheater, he has left his family, said to have thrown in the towel and gone ... He already has proven untrustworthy by cheating once and now he has left ... How long do you expect for the poor woman to sit waiting on a cheater to return Tommy ... A year, 6 months, 2 years ? ... I give her the same advice I would give my sister ... Don't wait on a cheater or beg him to come back ... Most likely that is asking for more trouble ... I think she deserves better than that ... And I believe God will help her to find it ...
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No, I just responded to your suggestion that this woman find another daddy, for another mans children. You are the problem.
 
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Pontiac

Guest
#25
#25
No, you didn't "just respond" ... You resorted to name calling similar to what a child might do ... So, since your still TROLLING this ladies thread and offered zero advice to help her ... How long would you suggest to her that she wait for a cheating husband that cowardly walked out on his family to return ? ... I am curious to know your expert advice on this ...
 
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oldethennew

Banned
#26
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
2,976
113
#26
we pray that Jesus is teaching you how to stand upon your own two feet, with Him
as your Instructor and Guide...
 
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reneweddaybyday

Senior Member
#27
Mar 23, 2016
7,021
1,674
113
#27
loverofJesus82 said:
About 2 years ago we went through a season of fighting which lead him to leave and have an affair he came back 2 months later wanting to work things out I was happy to blender I wasn't prepared for the rage hurt and anger or devistation I would go through we decided to renew our vows in the church but I couldn't let go and let God heal the wounds I was expecting my husband to fix it but now I realize only God could do that so there was so much fighting I caused I admit and he said he had enough and left its been 2 weeks and a few days the Lord has alien to me and b revealed things I was doing I repented but I don't know what's going to happen I am a Christian but my flesh says let him go but my spirit tell me this isn't what God wants for my marriage so here I am
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You answered a couple of the questions and I now know you are Christian and that you were bitter and angry toward your husband because of his infidelity.

Is your husband a believer?

How old are your kids?
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#28
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
339
83
#28
loverofJesus82 said:
I do know I pushed him away with the fighting he says he loves me but can't do it anymore
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If the fighting was that bad and a constant thing, perhaps this separation is good. I'm sure your kids weren't happy with all the fighting. I don't know what the battles were about, but it can be emotionally draining on a person. Probably a good time to reflect and try to grasp what your husband couldn't take anymore? After 9 years, he obviously didn't see any hope for change, ergo, threw in the towel. I'm not insinuating the fighting was your fault, just that it can wear a person out. Constant bickering, knit picking, complaining, and disagreements don't make a happy or satisfying union. As grandma always said; If you can't say something nice, keep your mouth shut. :) Sometimes, silence is golden.

 
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loverofJesus82

Junior Member
#29
Mar 26, 2018
6
0
0
#29
reneweddaybyday said:
You answered a couple of the questions and I now know you are Christian and that you were bitter and angry toward your husband because of his infidelity.

Is your husband a believer?

How old are your kids?
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Yes he is a believer my children are 13 10 and 8
 
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oldethennew

Banned
#30
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
2,976
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#30
satan's minions are believers, as well as himself...better get your Bible out,
and find where you really fit in this situation that you have chosen to get yourself into,
not to mention your innocent children...it will enlighten you how to 'get out and begin'
to live a 'real life' for your Lord and Saviour, instead of the world's ways...
 
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Pontiac

Guest
#31
#31
If ever at some point you might wish to speak to someone in private you are welcome to click on my name at left and send me a private message ... It's like e-mail except contained on this site and only you and I would see it ... That's if ever you may feel more comfortable that way instead of in a group ... It up to you of course, whatever you prefer ... I hope everything turns out well for you ...
 
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loverofJesus82

Junior Member
#32
Mar 26, 2018
6
0
0
#32
oldethennew said:
satan's minions are believers, as well as himself...better get your Bible out,
and find where you really fit in this situation that you have chosen to get yourself into,
not to mention your innocent children...it will enlighten you how to 'get out and begin'
to live a 'real life' for your Lord and Saviour, instead of the world's ways...
Click to expand...
Enlighten me please!?
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#33
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,153
113
#33
Pontiac said:
No, you didn't "just respond" ... You resorted to name calling similar to what a child might do ... So, since your still TROLLING this ladies thread and offered zero advice to help her ... How long would you suggest to her that she wait for a cheating husband that cowardly walked out on his family to return ? ... I am curious to know your expert advice on this ...
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I did only respond to your stupid post, and your stupid advice.

You made your dumb statement in post #4. By this time, the OP had only divulged that her husband had left, and she pushed him away.

Later you tried to rectify this by mentioning the husband is an adulterer, but that information didn't come about until post #19. If you read that post, with basic comprehension, you could note, the two reconciled after that episode, and is not the issue now, other than the OP has not healed from it after reconciliation. Your argument you make in post #21, doesn't hold water.

Maybe you're the troll. Maybe you're the snake that slithers it's way into others marriage. Possibly you're a shark, smells blood in the water, and comes circling. I don't know you, it's just hypotheticals.

I do have experience with guys like that.

You are right, I should offer advice to the lady who began this thred...... Don't take Pontiac's advice. He is suggesting you alienate the children from their father. Horribly wrong.
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#34
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,153
113
#34
Pontiac said:
If ever at some point you might wish to speak to someone in private you are welcome to click on my name at left and send me a private message ... It's like e-mail except contained on this site and only you and I would see it ... That's if ever you may feel more comfortable that way instead of in a group ... It up to you of course, whatever you prefer ... I hope everything turns out well for you ...
Click to expand...
Oh yes, a married woman should speak to you in private...... not!
 
Lighthearted

Lighthearted

Senior Member
#35
Oct 17, 2016
1,779
818
113
54
#35
Sis, please don't let the bickering on this thread bring you down any further. I'm sure you and your husband have already done plenty lately.
Truthfully, this is something only the Lord, you, and your husband can repair. If you both still love each other, perhaps you can both agree to see a Christian counselor to help you both work out personal issues you each have that have made things go in this direction and give yourselves a set time before making any more drastic moves such as divorce. Separation can be a positive while working things out. A counselor would know what's best.
If your husband says he still loves you, pray...let God work on His heart...but it's always worth both of you giving your all. That's what marriage is about. We all mess up...sometimes we don't even realize we're doing it.
God bless sis. Praying for you.
 
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reneweddaybyday

Senior Member
#36
Mar 23, 2016
7,021
1,674
113
#36
loverofJesus82 said:
About 2 years ago we went through a season of fighting which lead him to leave and have an affair he came back 2 months later wanting to work things out I was happy to blender I wasn't prepared for the rage hurt and anger or devistation I would go through we decided to renew our vows in the church but I couldn't let go and let God heal the wounds I was expecting my husband to fix it but now I realize only God could do that so there was so much fighting I caused I admit and he said he had enough and left its been 2 weeks and a few days the Lord has alien to me and b revealed things I was doing I repented but I don't know what's going to happen I am a Christian but my flesh says let him go but my spirit tell me this isn't what God wants for my marriage so here I am
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What has happened in your marriage is so sad. Trust has been broken and trust is something that is built up little by little.

You indicated that you and your husband were fighting and he left. During the time he left he had an affair, but after two months he came back and wanted to work things out. You also wanted to reconcile with him but you were unable to let go of your hurt, rage and anger.

How did you find out he had an affair? Did he tell you?
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#37
Mar 13, 2014
42,738
17,199
113
70
Tennessee
#37
Tommy379 said:
Pontiac is dumb, and once made a terrible car.
Go shopping for a dad???? They have a father. How Christ like of you to promote parental alienation.
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My older brother bought a used Pontiac Sunbird that was a piece of crap. One day the carb separated from the rubber gasket on the intake manifold. Only the linkage kept it from flying into the radiator. I glued the carb back on and he sold it the next day.
 
Demi777

Demi777

Senior Member
#39
Oct 13, 2014
6,891
1,961
113
Germany
#39
When my father left.. if my mother immediately would have showed up with another guy i would have raised hell. Another stranger can never take the place of the father OR mother.
Awful advice and bad for the children and the mother
A mother already feels like trash after havingva husband like that, then running blindly to another guy...no...just no
 
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hunterpoet

Member
#40
Mar 8, 2018
100
6
18
#40
loverofJesus82 said:
Yes I'm in full understanding this isn't what I want at all but I can't control my husband I feel so ashamed and heart broken for both me and my children
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Earlier you said you pushed him away, now you are saying you cannot control him. I'm not sure why you think you need to control him.
I have been married for 31 years, and all I know is that you have to work together. Both of you will have to sacrifice your personal desires for the good of the marriage.
I pray you will be able to reconcile.
God be with you.
 
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