How Not to be Labeled as a Player at Your Church--Part 1.

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tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#61
Mar 13, 2014
42,582
17,050
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69
Tennessee
#61
Lynx said:
A young twerp at work was bugging me about this just today. I told him "A 40-year-old single guy with no obvious problems... do you really think I'm still single by accident? I LIKE IT THIS WAY!"

Besides, wouldn't it be a bad idea for the (hypothetical) sweet woman at work to date me? I'm a minister AND a choir boy, two strikes against me, according to your own earlier advice.
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Yeah, about my earlier advice, the thing is I am retracting it. Sometimes I get in these moods and my posts reflect that.

There is certainly nothing wrong about dating ministers and choir boys. By the way, you are not a choir boy but are a man of God. As for the sexually naïve part I was not referring to being experienced but in having unrealistic expectations of what sex should be. Actually, I don't know what I mean so I'm chucking the whole thing out.

You can tell that young twerp at work that this is not your first time around and that you really don't value the input of a naïve teenager who doesn't know anything. You on the other hand know quite a bit and I admire you greatly for your work ethic, the way you conduct yourself and in your humble service to the Lord both inside and outside of church.

For the record I will say that rather that being a bad idea for that hypothetical sweet woman at work to date you it would be a smart move on her part because you are a good man and those are hard to find.

I sincerely mean that and I'm sorry for what I wrote earlier. I was just being a jerk. My bad.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#62
May 23, 2009
16,442
5,391
113
#62
tourist said:
Yeah, about my earlier advice, the thing is I am retracting it. Sometimes I get in these moods and my posts reflect that.

There is certainly nothing wrong about dating ministers and choir boys. By the way, you are not a choir boy but are a man of God. As for the sexually naïve part I was not referring to being experienced but in having unrealistic expectations of what sex should be. Actually, I don't know what I mean so I'm chucking the whole thing out.

You can tell that young twerp at work that this is not your first time around and that you really don't value the input of a naïve teenager who doesn't know anything. You on the other hand know quite a bit and I admire you greatly for your work ethic, the way you conduct yourself and in your humble service to the Lord both inside and outside of church.

For the record I will say that rather that being a bad idea for that hypothetical sweet woman at work to date you it would be a smart move on her part because you are a good man and those are hard to find.

I sincerely mean that and I'm sorry for what I wrote earlier. I was just being a jerk. My bad.
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No worries, tourist.

I don't think you were being a jerk at all. This is the very reason for these threads--so that we can share our thoughts and ideas and talk about them.

Thank you so much for this post, and for having so much integrity that you would be willing to listen to and consider other opinions without criticizing, condemning, or insulting the people involved. :)
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#63
#63
I've long disagreed with the "go to church to find someone" thinking. Firstly, duh. Thanks Captain Obvious.
Second it encourages people to treat church as a place to find a spouse, not as a place for being focused on God. So not only do you have wrong motives for being there, you may be an irritation or distraction to others who are there for it's intended purpose.
Meeting someone through church is, of course, normal and fine. But treating church as a hunting grounds for a spouse is a misuse of what God intended church to be.

Not to mention "spamming" woman after woman (or man, for the ladies) is a very insincere approach to me. Why I disagree with dating sites. A bunch of people dangling the bait and latching on to the first random person that catches their attention.

So for me it's not good from either side.
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#64
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,153
113
#64
Ugly said:
I've long disagreed with the "go to church to find someone" thinking. Firstly, duh. Thanks Captain Obvious.
Second it encourages people to treat church as a place to find a spouse, not as a place for being focused on God. So not only do you have wrong motives for being there, you may be an irritation or distraction to others who are there for it's intended purpose.
Meeting someone through church is, of course, normal and fine. But treating church as a hunting grounds for a spouse is a misuse of what God intended church to be.

Not to mention "spamming" woman after woman (or man, for the ladies) is a very insincere approach to me. Why I disagree with dating sites. A bunch of people dangling the bait and latching on to the first random person that catches their attention.

So for me it's not good from either side.
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If God is the focus of Christians, all day, every day..... Church should be a fine disco.
 
Didymous

Didymous

Senior Member
#65
Feb 22, 2018
5,047
2,101
113
#65
Why should anyone be looking for a spouse outside of church? Aren't Christians better off marrying Christians? My last marriage was a disaster, because I married an unbeliever. My first two(to the same Christian woman) didn't work out because she'd basically been a hermit for seven years, and couldn't really stand being around anyone after being alone for all that time.
 
J

Jennie-Mae

Guest
#66
#66
Interesting thread, Kim.

I think making a distinction between a persons church or AT church in the broader sense of the word is something worth considering here.

Looking for a spouse at your own little country church, might could be a bit claustrophobic, and, like Pipp said, the alternatives are either too young or too old. Or just not acceptable.

Maybe guys and gals should be venturing out of his or her church to find that somebody special?

A Baptist could be venturing over into the Presbyterian church...or maybe not lol.
 
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Didymous

Didymous

Senior Member
#67
Feb 22, 2018
5,047
2,101
113
#67
Tommy379 said:
I'd go out with the girl. A date is no obligation for anything, and we might get along well.
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I've never thought less of any woman who was looking for a man, and there seem to be a lot in most churches I've been to, and sometimes there were men doing so as well.
 
T

toinena

Guest
#68
#68
I think to find someone that is a true match, you have to get burnt. When you date, you make yourself voulnerable. Both to another person, you are also being observed by others and you will be tested and tried what is your standards regarding the line between innocent intimacy and sin.

I think we as a church, both here and in a real physical church need to be understanding and open to the couple dating. If we see this is clearly wrong, we ougth to tell. If it is a match that seems to be a blessing to both and the church community with should encourage it. And always encourage prayers.

It is not easy when trying to find the one and only to see for yourself if this is right. I for one wished someone took me aside before I got married and told me from their perspective how unhealthy the relation was.

To judge someone as a player is vain. We should rather support eachother. Sexual sin is different, of course. But it is the sinner him/herself that needs to be convicted in their hearts and repent.

I have done mistakes. I have been flirting with more than one "wrong guy". I got blinded by the attention I got. It has been a struggle. Now I know what I want and have an opinion who might be the one that will fulfill the vision given to me. It makes it easy to not fall for the wrong guy now. It took me a broken marriage, lots of giref and loneliness and many years. How foolish I was in my teens, my twenties. How miserable I was in my thirties. How broken I have been in my fourities. And the only thing I can do now is to pray for a miracle. To open the heart, mind and eyes to "my Mr. Darcy" will need a miracle. Perhaps it will never happen. But I rather stay alone than "testing out" guys. Testing time is over. Praying and waiting time is here.

Perhaps I should have entered that time earlier. Perhaps I should accept the brokenness and accept a life alone, allowing myself to grieve over the what ifs for a moment and just move on.
 
Skylar

Skylar

Member
#69
Apr 30, 2018
54
5
0
#69
Lynx said:
We're not?

Oh... um...

I mean no, of course not! I've never done that! Nope. :cool:
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lols...I wish this site didn't force me to type 10 words when all I want to say is...lols
 
Skylar

Skylar

Member
#70
Apr 30, 2018
54
5
0
#70
Ugly said:
I've long disagreed with the "go to church to find someone" thinking. Firstly, duh. Thanks Captain Obvious.
Second it encourages people to treat church as a place to find a spouse, not as a place for being focused on God. So not only do you have wrong motives for being there, you may be an irritation or distraction to others who are there for it's intended purpose.
Meeting someone through church is, of course, normal and fine. But treating church as a hunting grounds for a spouse is a misuse of what God intended church to be.

Not to mention "spamming" woman after woman (or man, for the ladies) is a very insincere approach to me. Why I disagree with dating sites. A bunch of people dangling the bait and latching on to the first random person that catches their attention.

So for me it's not good from either side.
Click to expand...
But what IS good for people in this situation?
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#71
Aug 13, 2014
27,291
9,336
113
#71
Jennie-Mae said:
Interesting thread, Kim.

I think making a distinction between a persons church or AT church in the broader sense of the word is something worth considering here.

Looking for a spouse at your own little country church, might could be a bit claustrophobic, and, like Pipp said, the alternatives are either too young or too old. Or just not acceptable.

Maybe guys and gals should be venturing out of his or her church to find that somebody special?

A Baptist could be venturing over into the Presbyterian church...or maybe not lol.
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I dunno... One of the founding members of our Pentecostal church used to be a Baptist. He said when he was young he went to a Pentecostal church to look for a good Pentecostal woman... and he wound up staying. ^.^
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#72
Aug 13, 2014
27,291
9,336
113
#72
tourist said:
I sincerely mean that and I'm sorry for what I wrote earlier. I was just being a jerk. My bad.
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I did not think you were being a jerk. I was a bit miffed because it felt like you were waving a big red flag and planting it right in front of my face... and my reply might have been a bit rough as a result. Sorry about that.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#73
Mar 13, 2014
42,582
17,050
113
69
Tennessee
#73
Jennie-Mae said:
Interesting thread, Kim.

I think making a distinction between a persons church or AT church in the broader sense of the word is something worth considering here.

Looking for a spouse at your own little country church, might could be a bit claustrophobic, and, like Pipp said, the alternatives are either too young or too old. Or just not acceptable.

Maybe guys and gals should be venturing out of his or her church to find that somebody special?

A Baptist could be venturing over into the Presbyterian church...or maybe not lol.
Click to expand...
The points that you mentioned are valid and worthy of consideration.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#74
Mar 13, 2014
42,582
17,050
113
69
Tennessee
#74
Lynx said:
I did not think you were being a jerk. I was a bit miffed because it felt like you were waving a big red flag and planting it right in front of my face... and my reply might have been a bit rough as a result. Sorry about that.
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I

What I wrote about pastor's and choir boys was grossly insensitive and I feel bad about that. I didn't have anyone in mind when I wrote that but should have realized that it was not a good thing to write. You don't have any need to be sorry.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#75
Aug 13, 2014
27,291
9,336
113
#75
What I want to know is, where are the ladies from other churches that are looking for a guy? They should have been to our church YEARS ago...

What? Me go there? Why in the world would I want to leave my church and go to some other church looking for a girl? :p
 
Skylar

Skylar

Member
#77
Apr 30, 2018
54
5
0
#77
tourist said:
OK​........
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lol where is your sense of humour?! I've been struggling with depression for weeks now but reading this I am literaly laughing out loud...praise God :)
 
J

joefizz

Guest
#79
#79
seoulsearch said:
No worries, tourist.

I don't think you were being a jerk at all. This is the very reason for these threads--so that we can share our thoughts and ideas and talk about them.

Thank you so much for this post, and for having so much integrity that you would be willing to listen to and consider other opinions without criticizing, condemning, or insulting the people involved. :)
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Well if he ever was or is a jerk then he has an excuse he's a "Tourist" after all!:cool:
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#80
Mar 13, 2014
42,582
17,050
113
69
Tennessee
#80
joefizz said:
Well if he ever was or is a jerk then he has an excuse he's a "Tourist" after all!:cool:
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Yes, just a fellow traveler passing through these parts on my journey, taking in the sights and meeting new peeps.
 
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