Should I be married to two women?

[GOP]

My dear precious brother, you said, "the second wife is a Christian" and so this make the situation easy to handle and solve. Put first thing first. All these has happened because you didn't Put First Thing First. Now, Put First Thing First by committing the situation to the LORD in prayer. When you do this, the LORD will handle the situation for you and you will see how the second wife will agree to go without any problem. Since she is a Christian, she should understand this.

Secondly, you said, "I truly do love them both,..". Bro, look into your heart, there is one of them which you truly love as a wife and not both of them. You can't love both of them as a wife.
Finally, the first wife is really your wife and not the second. So make the right decision now. As I said, commit the situation to the LORD and HE will handle it for you and you will see how things workout beautiful.
Nothing happens to a Child of GOD by chance because with our GOD and FATHER, there is nothing like chance.

Sorry if this isn't the right place to post this. I signed up for this forum hoping to get some unbiased, biblical Christian advice on a really odd situation that I'm faced with.

When I was 22 I got married to a wonderful Christian woman. We were married for 5 years, and she and her friends took a trip to a country in central Asia (this was in 2011). A few days into her trip I stopped hearing from her, and no one had heard from her friends either. Long story short, they just kind of disappeared, the foreign country's government couldn't find her, and she was legally declared dead (I was shown her US-issued death certificate).

5 years later (2015) I got married to another great Christian woman. We've been married almost 3 years now and are getting along well.

So now the difficult situation; my first wife has come back. Apparently she and her friends were being held by the government of that central Asian country, suspected of being spies. They recently released her, she made it back home, and I was amazed and so happy to see her again.

Right now we (me, my wife, and...my wife?) are talking about having a three-person marriage. We just sort of mentioned it, at this point we haven't really settled on anything.

So my question is this; would it be biblically acceptable for me to be married to both of them? And if not, which one takes precedence? I truly do love them both, but I need to be right with God first and foremost.
I'm feeling very conflicted, as I made a lifelong vow to both of them. Advice/insight would be very much appreciated.

Tl;Dr My first wife disappeared and was declared dead, years later I remarried, now my first wife has come back.

 

[AuntieAnt]

Hey ScottOffThatLine, I see at the bottom of this page, and also on your profile "about" section, that you've been logged onto this particular page for a few hours. Don't know if you're actually at your computer or phone, but I was curious that you said God is first and foremost in your situation.

If that's true, if you're a true follower of Christ and the LORD is first and foremost in your life, I'm sure you prayed and asked the LORD about this, is that correct?

And if so, what has the LORD GOD revealed to you about this?

 

[Stranger36147]

Just two? Try being married to four at one time. Old Jacob had his hands full.

 

[Lynx]

I especially like the part of the story about how his wife was held on spying charges. Reminds me of a thriller.

Actually... that's where the story lost it for me. I could suspend disbelief and enjoy the tale right up until the word "spy" but that one word made the whole story a hackneyed James-Bond-wannabe novel.

I mean really. Dude. Can't you be just a bit more original than THAT?!

 

[melita916]

OP, you said your wife went on a trip with friends. days after, you didn't hear from her, and no one heard from her friends. she came back, but did her friends come back, too? or did she return alone?

was this trip a fun trip? business? missions trip? I figured if it was a fun/business trip, then usually, the country they visit is more on a safe side.

I just have so many questions.

 

[Oncefallen]

Sorry if this isn't the right place to post this. I signed up for this forum hoping to get some unbiased, biblical Christian advice on a really odd situation that I'm faced with.

When I was 22 I got married to a wonderful Christian woman. We were married for 5 years, and she and her friends took a trip to a country in central Asia (this was in 2011). A few days into her trip I stopped hearing from her, and no one had heard from her friends either. Long story short, they just kind of disappeared, the foreign country's government couldn't find her, and she was legally declared dead (I was shown her US-issued death certificate).

5 years later (2015) I got married to another great Christian woman. We've been married almost 3 years now and are getting along well.

So now the difficult situation; my first wife has come back. Apparently she and her friends were being held by the government of that central Asian country, suspected of being spies. They recently released her, she made it back home, and I was amazed and so happy to see her again.

Right now we (me, my wife, and...my wife?) are talking about having a three-person marriage. We just sort of mentioned it, at this point we haven't really settled on anything.

So my question is this; would it be biblically acceptable for me to be married to both of them? And if not, which one takes precedence? I truly do love them both, but I need to be right with God first and foremost.
I'm feeling very conflicted, as I made a lifelong vow to both of them. Advice/insight would be very much appreciated.

Tl;Dr My first wife disappeared and was declared dead, years later I remarried, now my first wife has come back.

Simple math (unless I'm in some way misunderstanding the information in this post) proves you are spinning a yarn.

Your first wife supposedly disappeared in 2011.

You claim to have remarried five years later in 2015 (oooops, that's only four years).

Most states recognize old common law which would consider someone to be dead after having been missing seven years albeit a couple of states have reduced that number to four or five years. Even if you lived in a state where proclamation can come in four years, this means you remarried immediately after receiving a death certificate.

The ONLY way you are getting an "in absentia" death certificate quicker than statute is when there extreme probability of death even though no corpse exists such as the victims in the World Trade Center or unaccounted for passengers from the Titanic.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Simple math (unless I'm in some way misunderstanding the information in this post) proves you are spinning a yarn.

Your first wife supposedly disappeared in 2011.

You claim to have remarried five years later in 2015 (oooops, that's only four years).

Most states recognize old common law which would consider someone to be dead after having been missing seven years albeit a couple of states have reduced that number to four or five years. Even if you lived in a state where proclamation can come in four years, this means you remarried immediately after receiving a death certificate.

The ONLY way you are getting an "in absentia" death certificate quicker than statute is when there extreme probability of death even though no corpse exists such as the victims in the World Trade Center or unaccounted for passengers from the Titanic.

Yea i saw a couple red flags too, like how do u get a death certificate when there's no body, no 'cause of death'.... And the one thing that gave it away for me is the fact that two women who barely know each other would never entertain the idea of a 3-way marriage..... And of course, when someone's imprisoned for spying, their home country's govt. is notified so they can say, "hey nice try but we caught you're little spy and if u want him/her back we need to make a trade...." ....But I thought it was just too much fun to let it play out and see where it would go....

 

[Oncefallen]

Yea i saw a couple red flags too, like how do u get a death certificate when there's no body, no 'cause of death'

Every state in the United States (and just about every country) has some legal avenue of issuing "in absentia" death certificates so that wasn't so much the red flag. It is however a lengthy and in depth investigative process not just a quick and easy so and so vanished so they must be dead.

 

[Lighthearted]

Reminds me of the Tom Hanks film...
CASTAWAY

 

[RickyZ]

I was just thinking...

do we see anything in the NT about this subject? Those who are pro-polygamy always go to OT.

Just off the top of my head, doesn't the NT restrict certain elders of the church to one wife? Implying but never stating that more than one is allowed elsewhere? But yes it is an OT phenomenon. Like Tommy's an OT kinda guy

 

[RickyZ]

Paul did write to Timothy and Titus, saying that a potential elder must be the husband of one wife. Some folks say that means he must be married, others that he must not be a polygamist.

Again implying polygamy is acceptable outside that position.

But really, who we marry should be God's choice, and if for some old OT reason God chooses for one of of to be married to more than one who are we to question - altho we always will

 

[RickyZ]

Well Jesus talks about that if a man gets divorced even though he gets a bill of divorce it is not true,for "what got has brought together none can unjoin"

Exactly. Marriage comes and goes, but spousal is forever.

 

[Tommy379]

Just off the top of my head, doesn't the NT restrict certain elders of the church to one wife? Implying but never stating that more than one is allowed elsewhere? But yes it is an OT phenomenon. Like Tommy's an OT kinda guy

I prefer to not have any wife.

 

[RickyZ]

hear hear

Boo hiss ..................

 

[maxwel]

Just off the top of my head, doesn't the NT restrict certain elders of the church to one wife? Implying but never stating that more than one is allowed elsewhere? But yes it is an OT phenomenon. Like Tommy's an OT kinda guy

Incredibly funny point Ricky.
I'll remember that and say i thought it up myself, lol.



But, as humorous as that is, let's break it down for any new believers that might not understand the actual text.


1. There are many character qualifications given for leaders in the church, in several different passages.

2. In the NT Church, the leaders are simply men who BEST EXEMPLIFY the spiritual qualities ALL believers are supposed to have.

3. So by understanding point #2, we understand that the character qualifications which are MANDATORY for a leader, are still EXPECTED of all believers.

 

[RickyZ]

But even in that case there is a difference between things in the OT being descriptive and prescriptive. Solomon having many wives was a statement of fact rather than an imperative. In fact, I have heard that Hebrew scholars have noted how, in instances where polygamy is mentioned as a practice in the OT, things seem to go wrong consistently in almost a comical way. Take Abraham, Hagar, and Sarah for instance. So both explicitly and implicitly the Bible is pretty clear in terms of its support for heterosexual, monogamous marriage.

I'll see that, and ante up that the Bible even says it's best not to marry at all.

Except for that, you know, flesh thing

 

[RickyZ]

I prefer to not have any wife.

It's nice to know that before you get one

 

[RickyZ]

Incredibly funny point Ricky.
I'll remember that and say i thought it up myself, lol.



But, as humorous as that is, let's break it down for any new believers that might not understand the actual text.


1. There are many character qualifications given for leaders in the church, in several different passages.

2. In the NT Church, the leaders are simply men who BEST EXEMPLIFY the spiritual qualities ALL believers are supposed to have.

3. So by understanding point #2, we understand that the character qualifications which are MANDATORY for a leader, are still EXPECTED of all believers.

Very well put. I'd rep you for that one 'cept for, you know.

 

[Tommy379]

It's nice to know that before you get one

My last one kinda turned me off. I'm waiting for fembots to go on sale, so I can get some chores done.

 

[RickyZ]

Whether the op is a troll or not, there are others who read these posts having similar questions. And the question is plausible, altho I too would expect a longer time frame. For sake of argument, assuming he is real, I would have to assume that his stop here was but one of many including pastors ministers counselors prayer meditation et al. If that were me , yeah, you better believe I'd be all over the place trying to figger it out. So I pray for those who may be in his boat - whether he himself actually is.

And besides, it's so refreshing to have something new to talk about!