I'm so sick and tired of my life. I always sin and I mean it's just that I go back and forth, for exampleI Ialways pray and read my Bible but then a week or months later I like I watch inappropriate things and then I am jealous and many moree. I asked God for a change but I am still the same person and I am trying hard not to but I still do, so because of this I feel like maybe I am meant to just be out there living a foolish and sinful life since no matter how I ask God and how I try I always go back to my old ways and that kills me I mean if God knows I'll disappoint him then why did he create me. It makes me so angry to know that I am a filthy sinner who plays with God who lives a double life of sinning and repenting continuously but the truth is that it is killing me because I need God in my life things are difficult for me all my siblings my younger is more smarter taller and more liked than me and gets good grade than me . I myself I'm the older sibling I'm shorter I'm not smart and I don't get good grade and my parents always compare me to my siblings and it hurts to feel like a loser to feel worthless and depressed but I know God loves me and doesn't think I'm worthless so it really hurts to not be close to God but I'm tired of living a false life I'm tired of knowing g the fact that I can't change no matter how much I try and no matter how much I pray sometimes I guess I wasn't meant to be living the Christian Life sorry for the bad spelling and grammar
Hey
So, i wonder how much do you know about the individuals of the bible? Many of the most respected people in the bible were serious sinners. King David had someone murdered out of lust, Peter chopped off someones ear, Abraham and Sarah decided not to wait on God. And more. Look at Paul, who wrote most of the New Testament. He said "i do what i do not want to do, and what i want to do i do not do" Romans 7:15
See, you look at yourself and see that you struggle with sin and put yourself down for that. I look at you and i see someone who desires to live for God and loves God, and i think God sees your heart and is very proud of you. Yes, our actions are important, but where our heart is is more important. Your heart is in the right place, and you need to focus more on that, and less on mistakes. Because you're always going to sin, one way or another. We all do. Some of what you struggle with now, you'll overcome eventually. And some things you may always struggle with, and that's ok. Long as you keep your heart right and do your best God will love seeing that in you and honor it.
And don't compare yourself to your siblings. The smartest, most attractive person means nothing to God. God can use anyone with a heart to obey. Moses had a stutter, for example, and look at the great things God used him for.
I'd encourage you to spend more time learning about the people in the bible and finding verses that build you up, and spend less time comparing yourself to others or spending too much time focusing on what you do wrong. It's good to be aware and acknowledge when we sin, but it's unhealthy and defeating if we dwell on it.
Your heart is in the right place, and that's what matters most to God. Give yourself a break. God has forgiven you, and will continue to do so. Don't ignore that and attempt to undo the work He has done by bringing yourself down. God wants to lift you up and you are fighting Him. God knew every sin you'd ever commit, yet Jesus died for you nonetheless. You can't do anything to surprise God. He knew He'd forgive you long before you were ever born. So relax. (=
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