remarriage after divorce.

[calibob]

I'm divorced, twice. 1st was a non christian so there's no guilt left but the 2nd time claimed to be a christian at the time. I've always believed I can never remary or it would bring the sin of adultery upon both our heads. I have lived my whole life since believing their would never be another for me and quit looking decades ago. Is this wrong?

 

[tourist]

Here is my take on this. What God has joined together may no one put asunder. Of course, this is predicated on whether or not God truly joined the two together in the first place. For humans, getting married, whatever the reason or desire is a physical act. When God joins two together in marriage it is a spiritual act. Often, the two are really quite different and separate. God wants you to have life and have it more abundantly. It states this in the bible. God also has stated that it is not good to be alone. I would go with that flow as to whether or not it would be wrong for you to remarry. "Come now, and let us reason together...". That's in the bible too in the first chapter of the book of Isaiah. I have to believe that God is reasonable and understanding, that He understands the human condition quite well, and is merciful and compassionate to relieve our suffering and heartbreak.

 

[Waggles]

By strict NT scripture standards -
1: you can only divorce your wife on the grounds of adultery, nothing else.
2: if she left you to consumate with another person then I believe you are free - your vows of fidelity have been broken,
and made null and void.
3: if none of the above has happened then you are not free to remarry, as in the eyes of God this is adultery.
4: if reconciliation is not possible and both of you remain chaste then so be it ...

Marriage is written of by Paul in 1Corinthians 7 and also Jesus teaches us about marriage and adultery

31 It was also said, Whoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a bill of divorce.
32 But I say to you that whoever shall put away his wife, except for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery.
And whoever shall marry her who is put away commits adultery.
Matthew 5:

 

[Waggles]

2 And tempting Him, the Pharisees came to Him and asked Him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife?
3 And He answered and said to them, What did Moses command you?
4 And they said, Moses allowed a bill of divorce to be written, and to put her away.
5 And Jesus answered and said to them, He wrote you this precept because of the hardness of your hearts.
6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
7 For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife.
8 And the two of them shall be one flesh. So then they are no longer two, but one flesh.
9 Therefore what God has joined together, let not man put apart.
10 And in the house His disciples asked Him again about the same.
11 And He said to them, Whoever shall put away his wife and marries another commits adultery against her.
12 And if a woman shall put away her husband and marries to another, she commits adultery.
Mark 10:

 

[Dino246]

This, perhaps more than many other issues, needs consideration of the specific context. Every situation is different. Throwing big, ugly words like "adultery" around is easy, but often masks compounding issues... and responsibility.

I would offer only this: take your own case up with the Lord. Ask Him to speak to you about it, and to give you clear insight and guidance. If someone rejects your conclusion, fine; they aren't answering for it.

 

[calibob]

By strict NT scripture standards -
1: you can only divorce your wife on the grounds of adultery, nothing else.
2: if she left you to consumate with another person then I believe you are free - your vows of fidelity have been broken,
and made null and void.
3: if none of the above has happened then you are not free to remarry, as in the eyes of God this is adultery.
4: if reconciliation is not possible and both of you remain chaste then so be it ...

Marriage is written of by Paul in 1Corinthians 7 and also Jesus teaches us about marriage and adultery

31 It was also said, Whoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a bill of divorce.
32 But I say to you that whoever shall put away his wife, except for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery.
And whoever shall marry her who is put away commits adultery.
Matthew 5:

I didn't divorce her we lived in a no fault divorce law state, it only takes a petition for divorce by one party uncontestable by law for divorce. She had remarried 25 years ago. do you think that kets me off the hook?

 

[Waggles]

I didn't divorce her we lived in a no fault divorce law state, it only takes a petition for divorce by one party uncontestable by law for divorce. She had remarried 25 years ago. do you think that kets me off the hook?

Dino246 has the right approach. Be prayful and ask the Lord to govern your future.
If she remarried then she has broken her vows to you on monogamy and faithfulness.
What is your part in all this?
Examine yourself and be prayerful … seek a wife from the Lord, and not by your own efforts in the flesh.

Do you believe in three times lucky?

 

[calibob]

This, perhaps more than many other issues, needs consideration of the specific context. Every situation is different. Throwing big, ugly words like "adultery" around is easy, but often masks compounding issues... and responsibility.

I would offer only this: take your own case up with the Lord. Ask Him to speak to you about it, and to give you clear insight and guidance. If someone rejects your conclusion, fine; they aren't answering for it.

The reason I bring it up is not for my own sake. I believe when the lord was speaking to the pharisies about it he was teaching how hypocritical their adherance to the law was but many churches have taken this out of context and made it a strict doctrine. And many folks like me feel trapped for life by it. This makes us more hesitant to commit again after making a stupid mistake. Some of the people on the singles forum won't admit that they too have made a mistake also and suffer lonliness and broken hearts because of it. I wanted to start a dialog that adresses these issues.

In our current state of moral decay this level of morality is rare but so is virginity, celebasy, honor to our vows and honesty now days. Plus some of the the women don't realize that men get burned too. Were not all violent drunken bums. Many of us love our wives and children to little avail in this modern world. Thanks for your input. I took 3 hours for someone to respond to this heart breaking subject and no women so far.

 

[calibob]

Dino246 has the right approach. Be prayful and ask the Lord to govern your future.
If she remarried then she has broken her vows to you on monogamy and faithfulness.
What is your part in all this?
Examine yourself and be prayerful … seek a wife from the Lord, and not by your own efforts in the flesh.

Do you believe in three times lucky?

I don't believe in luck at all!

 

[Waggles]

but many churches have taken this out of context and made it a strict doctrine.

Not so.
The scriptures are clear on marriage from the gospels to the epistles.
Don't muddy the waters by appealing to our sinful flesh as an excuse to circumvent the standards set by God on proper
and righteous living.
I have been a widower for some 22 years and certainly do not feel trapped or cheated or denied in any way.
Several times I have desired to remarry women in my church but on every occasion the Lord has strongly grieved me
not to do so. Subsequently all these women have left our Fellowship for various reasons and disappeared into the world.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart … He knows what is best for us.

 

[calibob]

Not so.
The scriptures are clear on marriage from the gospels to the epistles.
Don't muddy the waters by appealing to our sinful flesh as an excuse to circumvent the standards set by God on proper
and righteous living.
I have been a widower for some 22 years and certainly do not feel trapped or cheated or denied in any way.
Several times I have desired to remarry women in my church but on every occasion the Lord has strongly grieved me
not to do so. Subsequently all these women have left our Fellowship for various reasons and disappeared into the world.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart … He knows what is best for us.

that any man who looks at another woman has already commited adultery. That was the main message I got. I'm not defending it. I'm saying we're all guilty.

 

[calibob]

Not so.
The scriptures are clear on marriage from the gospels to the epistles.
Don't muddy the waters by appealing to our sinful flesh as an excuse to circumvent the standards set by God on proper
and righteous living.
I have been a widower for some 22 years and certainly do not feel trapped or cheated or denied in any way.
Several times I have desired to remarry women in my church but on every occasion the Lord has strongly grieved me
not to do so. Subsequently all these women have left our Fellowship for various reasons and disappeared into the world.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart … He knows what is best for us.

being a widower exempts you, your bondage for life through marriage is over. Some churches even teach it is a sin to remarry the same woman again and also teach to be more dependent on the wisdom of the clergy than on trust in the lord. If you haven't been to one of these they are the majority, at least here in the USA. Not all but over 50%. I know you re charismatic but most churches aren't.

 

[Tommy379]

It all causes me trouble. I read an article not too long ago, that made the argument that when Jesus said what God put together, let no man separate, means that I'm still married although my wife left and married someone else. That has really bothered me. I don't want to be bound to a woman that treated my family like that. When your mother in law says her daughter is screwed up, you know it's bad.

Anyways, I can read what the bible says, but sometimes these ministers and ministries put out some stuff that really screws with ones head.

 

[calibob]

the check mark is my amen button. Thanks for responding. I think some women believe a man gets over a broken heart as easily as a fender bender. We know that isn't true.

 

[Tommy379]

the check mark is my amen button. Thanks for responding. I think some women believe a man gets over a broken heart as easily as a fender bender. We know that isn't true.

There are a few women here that understand it hurts us too.

 

[Faith-n-Christ]

Wow what a deep question. I believe men and women alike seek, ask and struggle with this very question. Many Churches have made a mess of this very question. Some tell me I can never remarry. My ex committed adultery and became violent the last time when I could prove it. The Lord gave me the door to flea from that marriage. In fact had to give me a bit of a push out the door. ( I gave my vows before the Lord). He has since hooked up with another ( unwed) and impregnated her. I have peace in my heart I have been set free. I am also free to remarry. He broke the Covenant between him, myself and the Lord by his adultery. It was a 6 month affair. Something he knowingly chose to do.
As far as would I marry a man divorced. I have wondered that myself seeking the Lord for answers. I know the Lord did not bring my ex and me together. In fact there were warning signs. Small ones I chose to not see. I was lonely. Nor did I know what a healthy marriage looked like. ( I had faults too, none however that justified adultery) I took years after my divorce to work on me, my faults and learn the Lords way of what a marriage should be. If I did start dating a divorced man. I would need to know the facts, from a healed, un bitter man. I would also have to seek the Lord. I have learned not to many change their patterns or cycles.
I also know men can get hurt as well. The woman my ex cheated with was married 18 yrs. I spoke with him many times. He became a broken man. He could not understand her betrayal. Even from her own mouth in an email to me confessing all. She admitted her husband was good to her. She just got bored. And my ( silver tongue ex) said all the right things including lies about me. So I have witnessed both sides of the coin for say. I know there is good and bad in both sexes.
Writer, all I can suggest is read the word and seek the Lord. If you have not found a woman you are interested in dating. Continue to work on you and your relationship with the Lord. If that time should come, pray diligently for the Lord's guidance. He will give you peace on what is right. That is all any of of can really do. The Lord knows all. We need to put our trust in him.

 

[Faith-n-Christ]

the check mark is my amen button. Thanks for responding. I think some women believe a man gets over a broken heart as easily as a fender bender. We know that isn't true.

I think most women that feel that way have been hurt repeatedly by men and yes sadly throw all men in that category. I have also seen men behave the same. Bitter to all women thinking all women only want power and money to make them content. The sad part is we never really sit down and talk with the opposite sex, learning who they are. We go by our good and bad experiences and tend to think all are that way. I was the same way, till the Lord opened my eyes.

My grandmother told me, "all men cheat. That's just what they do. You have to get over it". From the one marriage I was in I found that to be true. I had to meet men friends that showed me that was not the case. A few married, some single and some involved. All good men and dear friends. ( I do have boundaries, with married or involved friends. I would never allow them or myself to share what should only be shared with mate or future mate). But having friends from both sexes and exploring the stereo typical thoughts, one learns a great deal. Not all men cheat, and not all women seek worldly comforts. Some men can't use tools and some women can and it don't mean either are gay/ lesbian. If we simply just learned to have open, honest communication with each other, life would be so much easier. Yes that makes us vulnerable, open to judgment and ridicule. But that also opens us up to true friendship and relationships we would never have had other wise.

Sorry writer, not trying to lecture. My way of addressing your comment. May the Lord give you peace and answer your prayers.

 

[Faith-n-Christ]

The reason I bring it up is not for my own sake. I believe when the lord was speaking to the pharisies about it he was teaching how hypocritical their adherance to the law was but many churches have taken this out of context and made it a strict doctrine. And many folks like me feel trapped for life by it. This makes us more hesitant to commit again after making a stupid mistake. Some of the people on the singles forum won't admit that they too have made a mistake also and suffer lonliness and broken hearts because of it. I wanted to start a dialog that adresses these issues.

In our current state of moral decay this level of morality is rare but so is virginity, celebasy, honor to our vows and honesty now days. Plus some of the the women don't realize that men get burned too. Were not all violent drunken bums. Many of us love our wives and children to little avail in this modern world. Thanks for your input. I took 3 hours for someone to respond to this heart breaking subject and no women so far.

This is a good start. You are correct many women don't know. Yes because of their own experiences and honestly not to many men open up. ( tough guy syndrome, they think they are weak if they show emotions). And yes I've known many women including myself for a time that thought men should be mind readers or at the very least catch on to the dropped hints. Both sexes seem to have strange expectations from their partner. And many expect their partner to make them happy. One fault I can honestly say, I did not make. I knew early in life I controlled my happiness. No one else. But I did have false expectations of what a marriage should be. And most were worldly. I am always transparent and always will be. I have no problems admitting my faults. That's why I took time to explore and correct them.

And you are correct sin in todays world sin is no longer sin, but the norm. It is very difficult for me to find a man suitable to date. The men I have come across want sex before marriage, and I have heard from men too, they have came across so called Christian women doing the same. For me that is the one sin that sins against myself as it states in the bible. In my early 20s I did not believe that nor ever heard that. Yes I fornicate before marriage. And yes that was a warning sign to my ex I ignored. He did not force me. I did not know the Lord well and did not guard my heart. I will not make the same mistake and have learned from my sin at a great price. But learning and going through that, broke my heart deeply. And it brought a great blessing. From the ashes I found the Lord on a level I never had. Better yet he came to me in that broken place. Because I was broken I was willing to learn, grow, and heal. I'm still not perfect, I never will be till the Lord calls me home and I am no longer flesh. But while I am still flesh, I continue to learn, grow, and sacrifice the flesh. Becoming more and more like Christ each day.
My friend if you want a strong sometimes stubborn woman's take on life, I am always open and honest. I don't hide behind my faults. If I never messed up I would have never learned or grown in my walk with the Lord. After all is it not a relationship with us that the Lord seeks.

 

[calibob]

This is a good start. You are correct many women don't know. Yes because of their own experiences and honestly not to many men open up. ( tough guy syndrome, they think they are weak if they show emotions). And yes I've known many women including myself for a time that thought men should be mind readers or at the very least catch on to the dropped hints. Both sexes seem to have strange expectations from their partner. And many expect their partner to make them happy. One fault I can honestly say, I did not make. I knew early in life I controlled my happiness. No one else. But I did have false expectations of what a marriage should be. And most were worldly. I am always transparent and always will be. I have no problems admitting my faults. That's why I took time to explore and correct them.

And you are correct sin in todays world sin is no longer sin, but the norm. It is very difficult for me to find a man suitable to date. The men I have come across want sex before marriage, and I have heard from men too, they have came across so called Christian women doing the same. For me that is the one sin that sins against myself as it states in the bible. In my early 20s I did not believe that nor ever heard that. Yes I fornicate before marriage. And yes that was a warning sign to my ex I ignored. He did not force me. I did not know the Lord well and did not guard my heart. I will not make the same mistake and have learned from my sin at a great price. But learning and going through that, broke my heart deeply. And it brought a great blessing. From the ashes I found the Lord on a level I never had. Better yet he came to me in that broken place. Because I was broken I was willing to learn, grow, and heal. I'm still not perfect, I never will be till the Lord calls me home and I am no longer flesh. But while I am still flesh, I continue to learn, grow, and sacrifice the flesh. Becoming more and more like Christ each day.
My friend if you want a strong sometimes stubborn woman's take on life, I am always open and honest. I don't hide behind my faults. If I never messed up I would have never learned or grown in my walk with the Lord. After all is it not a relationship with us that the Lord seeks.

Sister faith, thank for your replies my server was down part of the day and all night. So I unfortunately I couldn't keep this topic open. I'd like to bring up real christian delemas we most have to face in the real world. Not just divorce but I picked that one first because their are more of us and we hurt and the problem is hard to deal with. Another would be what do you when you can't take care of parents any more? What do you do when you see something in in your children that came from yourself, that you don't like it any more.

 

[Jewel5712]

I'm divorced, twice. 1st was a non christian so there's no guilt left but the 2nd time claimed to be a christian at the time. I've always believed I can never remary or it would bring the sin of adultery upon both our heads. I have lived my whole life since believing their would never be another for me and quit looking decades ago. Is this wrong?

If she remarries..you are free to marry..the covenant between the 2 of you is broken