Is the church obligated to do anything with singles?

[Tommy379]

I have a feeling, if my church had a dedicated grouping of it's singles membership; it would include about 4 girls between the ages of 15 to 19, and me. Pretty awkward I would think. Single peeps don't seem to go to church anymore.

 

[Oncefallen]

You're at the wrong church Tommy. My church has about a dozen or so singles out of roughly 150 attendees.

 

[Tommy379]

You're at the wrong church Tommy. My church has about a dozen or so singles out of roughly 150 attendees.

I live in a county with a total population of about 15k. I don't think there is a church around here, that can get more than 40 people in it at a time.

 

[Tommy379]

I'm divorced, so I'm not even sure that counts as single. Facebook has tried to direct me to divorce care ministries at churches. The closest meetings are about an hour and a half away.

 

[Oncefallen]

I live in a county with a total population of about 15k. I don't think there is a church around here, that can get more than 40 people in it at a time.

That'll teach you to live in the sticks.

 

[Tommy379]

That'll teach you to live in the sticks.

It was fine when I was married.
The pickings are slim here. I don't think a woman could ever be dumb enough to move to this hole with me.

 

[Raffie]

Did you ask them why they didn't want to do this?

Really don't need to ask why.
I listen to key words, body posture and the eyes. Not what they said (reply to) but the lack there of.
They made excuses, told me why, but never a work around or different time.
Also the eyes are the windows of the soul. I can tell looking at their eyes and it tells me everything. They simply are not interested.
Like the job interviews I been to, watching how their eyes are and movement tells me they did not want to hire me, no matter how qualified I was. (Yes, I'm a discouraged worker).
The human body is amazing, it speaks truth %90+ of the time. You just gotta careful watch it when you are talking or giving them an answer. Read the tells they are unknowingly giving you.

 

[Lynx]

Alright, did you try the singles bible study group on your own? If you did, how did it come out? If you did not, could you try it?

 

[melita916]

i'm aware that the church is supposed to be very welcoming to everybody, but sadly, it doesn't happen always. i've realized that many times, others are hesitant to say yes to an invitation to a bible study/someone's home/etc when they don't really know the person who is inviting.

some of us have recommended joining a ministry team at your local congregation. it gives people a chance to get to know you a little more. i've been at my local assembly for a year and a half. i joined the music team a few months after i started going there. although i still don't talk to people much, i'm a little more comfortable with those in the music team.

 

[CandieM]

Please forgive me if I am not able to tell whether or not people realize that there are singles who choose to stay single and want nothing more than to live a single life, solely because they aren't interested in a relationship and only want to keep to themselves for the rest of their life? I want to believe that people believe that, so I'm at least asking because it isn't entirely clear to me if there are people on here who are aware of this. Some singles want to stay single and hope to stay that way for the rest of their lives.

Also, another question I have is whether or not me wanting to stay single for the rest of my life contributes to the problem of other Christian singles struggling to pair up with other Christian singles? It takes two in a relationship. If I'm that one other party that isn't into finding a man, does that mean it's somewhat my fault because at least one other man somewhere out there doesn't want to be alone, despite the fact that I do want to be alone?

Thanks for reading. 😳

 

[CandieM]

My last comment sounds very arrogant. Let me rephrase it.

Are the Christian singles who desire to stay single a large part of the reason that the other Christian singles who want a partner struggle or cannot otherwise hook up with another Christian? (There, hopefully that sounds better.) There was a single Christian guy that went to my high school years ago. This was in Tennessee. A lot of girls at my school liked him and wanted to date him, but he didn't want anything to do with dating anyone. He was into his studies, reading the Bible, and focusing on Christ. He's a nice fellow and I was glad that he at least was kind enough to talk to people and treat everyone as a friend, and with compassion and Christ's love.

Sorry about that. 😐

 

[LightBright]

Hmm..I do know that there are a few Churches here that do offer singles meeting rarely though, but beyond that i'm not sure, sorry the best thing that i could suggest is praying for the partner that you are looking for.
I do agree with zeroturbulence that Church is to learn about God, get closer to God, grow in knowledge of God's word and will, but for The Church to have activities for singles would not be wrong on the contrary i think it would help single Christians to meet other people (not just a partner) that have more free time to read The Bible together or talk or do stuff as most marriage people does not have the same amount of free time as single people due to the family responsibilities (husband/wife, kids, house chores, etc) and also for them to find their partners, because let's be honest is difficult for Christians to find a partner now days. Besides Church is very difficult to find other Christians friends let alone a probable partner. I myself have been praying and waiting for the person God choose for me, most of my friends tell me that they can find me a date easily the only thing that they tell me is that my main requirement needs to be get rid of, my main requirement for them is impossible or too difficult and the main and "difficult" requirement is just for him to be Christian. Is truly sad how difficult it is to find true Christians now days :/

This ^ I think there is a very important part of being single in the sense that you have WAY MORE TIME, like a lot of the time if I'm not working (as in doing a service for someone else not necessarily at my job) I'm bored and lonely, no not literally all the time but I have a lot of time that isn't filled with much of anything unless I figure something out. If we have a bunch of young people in a church and we stress purity and Godlyness we have to not only be holy but we have to have something to do.....Adults they have kids and they have a spouse a lot of the time, they also have friends usually in the church because churches are filled with older people. I stress the youth part because we have some of the most free time and almost nothing to do with it, then we are CHRISTIAN! like I don't want to hang out with just anybody because most of the people my age spend 8 hours a day smoking weed and playing 2k and the rest of it is usually filled with sexually impure acts like that's what the world does especially men right? So we go to church and want to build relationships we want friends, mentors, people we can hang out with and talk to without having to worry about constantly being tempted to do immoral things (of course worship that's one of the main reasons for church) but youth aren't that frequent in church, not teens at least it's usually 5 year olds and like the adults. Then the few teens that are there are almost ignored and neglected, at least where I'm at, I mean the sermons and stuff are helpful for all of us but we don't have a reason to get together at certain times like the adults, we don't have to talk to each other, we don't have nearly as many after church things that involve us except the Bible studies where we just kinda ask the youth pastor or whatevs questions about what we read. We aren't really encouraged to interact with others especially not with other youth so not only is it hard to find a partner it's hard to build relationships with a bunch of people you never talk to unless you are just super direct and force your way into stuff. We have a womens book reading thing, womens breakfast, mens breakfast, and probably a lot more stuff I don't know about because I'm only 18 and it doesn't really matter to me. I don't think we should change church and make it six flags over Jesus that's not at all what im asking for, I'm just asking that we get a reason to interact with other people our age in church to, at the least, build some friendships. I DON'T HAVE FRANDS like that shouldn't exist in a church we are there for fellowship to be a family but I talk to a couple adults mainly and they are COOL like they are wise they help me and I have progressed because of them I appreciate them but if I want to hang out with other believers outside of church I can't call them they have things they have to do, they're adults. The youth yea they talk to eachother and stuff but I don't want to just start speaking to random people all the time, yea it's good to meet people and stuff by ourselves but having to build almost every relationship with people my age out of thin air is not realistic. So what tends to happen is you have people that just don't talk to youth and they have a bunch of cliques around the church, not bad groups by any means, but people that just tend to hang out with 2 or 3 other people and you have a few of those groups and they don't really branch out and interact with others. Then when someone new comes to the church and happens to be a youth they see group A, B, and C and they don't even know how to talk to people because this isn't just a matter of talk to this person it's a matter of invade this group, you feel like you're intruding almost making meeting other even more difficult then it already is. This is way too long XD but hopefully that makes sense. To summarize it basically just give youth reasons to talk to each other instead of being in that bubble, they could do things like youth Bible studies where you could vote on parts of the bible to study, let the youth study the bible together rather than them just studying by themselves next to other people cuz that's what happens a lot. FRANDS I NEED FRANDS lol not associates for 3 hours on a sunday or something. BUT TO BE FAIR friends are rare so maybe they just aren't that common? IDK

 

[LightBright]

Please forgive me if I am not able to tell whether or not people realize that there are singles who choose to stay single and want nothing more than to live a single life, solely because they aren't interested in a relationship and only want to keep to themselves for the rest of their life? I want to believe that people believe that, so I'm at least asking because it isn't entirely clear to me if there are people on here who are aware of this. Some singles want to stay single and hope to stay that way for the rest of their lives.

Also, another question I have is whether or not me wanting to stay single for the rest of my life contributes to the problem of other Christian singles struggling to pair up with other Christian singles? It takes two in a relationship. If I'm that one other party that isn't into finding a man, does that mean it's somewhat my fault because at least one other man somewhere out there doesn't want to be alone, despite the fact that I do want to be alone?

Thanks for reading. 😳

I think I get what you're saying and nah I don't think so, look even people that are looking for a spouse they are people, they have feelings and desires so say you wanted a husband for example. I might want a wife and I might like you but maybe you think I'm ugly...… or not your type whatevs, the point is even with those people you still have to find someone that: 1. meets your requirements whatever those might be it could be as simple as just being a Christian, it could be you gotta look like she hulk (not green?) and have the spirituality of john the Baptist. 2. they have to be around your age range, location, and be somewhat compatible so that it's even possible to be together, for example if I want to be a missionary I might meet tan she hulk but if she wants to stay in America or something that might not work out. 3. (the hard part for most people) you need to meet 1 and 2 to them aswell. I could find the perfect girl exactly what I wanted she has to like me too. So when you look at it your chances are already like super slim especially being Christian so it's going to be hard regardless. If tanned she hulk was like perfect for me or whatever but she just didn't care for a relationship it's not her fault and it's not really ruining my chances of finding someone it all just comes down to "chance". At the end of the day God is sovereign He will or will not put people in our lives if He thinks that we are or are not ready if that's what he wants to do. Ultimately it all comes down to God putting someone in your life that he wants you to be with and that will work out how He wants it no matter what. A good example is Jackie Hill Perry (IDK IF I SPELLED THAT RIGHT) she was a lesbian turned Christian and when she was saved she just kinda looked at it like "I don't like men but I can't date women so I'll be single". Eventually God put a man, now her husband, in her life and she was attracted to him for whatever reason and they ended up married happily ever after blah blah. When it came down to it God makes the choice, I may never find a wife and honestly my chances are pretty slim like everyone else, but if it's meant to be it's meant to be basically. Your choice is completely irrelevant when it comes to anyone else finding a spouse they might not find YOU but if they are supposed to get married they will you can't somehow mess up someones options or something like that.

 

[LightBright]

I met my second and third wife online and from my observations many people find success in online dating.

I understand what you say about getting older as my age was one of the reasons that I chose to try that route. I was 47 when I met my late second wife in 2002 in an AOL Romance Christian Singles chat room and was 59 when I met my current and last wife on this site in 2014 shortly after I joined.

It's a blanket statement I made but it is also the truth as most people do not meet their future spouse in church, but rather at work, online, a previous friend or even a chance encounter. Next time you're at your local 7/Eleven and meet a cute single woman behind the counter as you are paying for your Slurpee take a chance and give her your phone number. Or perhaps you will bump into your future wife at your local super Walmart in the produce section as you are thumping the honeydews to see what one is ripe for the taking.

Perhaps you have set the bar too high and are waiting for the perfect woman to drop into your lap. If so, you may be waiting a long time. Yes, finding the right one is hard, even if you pray about it (I did) but it still requires action on your part if an opportunity arises. Some people have naïve expectations regarding a prospective spouse, or have a fear of rejection or commitment or are waiting for things to be perfect, making sure first by crossing all of the T's and dotting all of the I''s and waiting for all of the lights to be green. Then there are those that simply remain idle and do nothing waiting for God's perfect timing which is really code for being afraid to take a chance, roll the dice and see what happens.

Faint heart does not win fair woman. That may seem a little harsh but that is one of the Rules of Engagement regarding relationships. I wrote a thread about these rules that may be of some help to you if you are so inclined.

So you're a ladies man yea? XD

 

[Raffie]

I think I get what you're saying and nah I don't think so, look even people that are looking for a spouse they are people, they have feelings and desires so say you wanted a husband for example. I might want a wife and I might like you but maybe you think I'm ugly...… or not your type whatevs, the point is even with those people you still have to find someone that: 1. meets your requirements whatever those might be it could be as simple as just being a Christian, it could be you gotta look like she hulk (not green?) and have the spirituality of john the Baptist. 2. they have to be around your age range, location, and be somewhat compatible so that it's even possible to be together, for example if I want to be a missionary I might meet tan she hulk but if she wants to stay in America or something that might not work out. 3. (the hard part for most people) you need to meet 1 and 2 to them aswell. I could find the perfect girl exactly what I wanted she has to like me too. So when you look at it your chances are already like super slim especially being Christian so it's going to be hard regardless. If tanned she hulk was like perfect for me or whatever but she just didn't care for a relationship it's not her fault and it's not really ruining my chances of finding someone it all just comes down to "chance". At the end of the day God is sovereign He will or will not put people in our lives if He thinks that we are or are not ready if that's what he wants to do. Ultimately it all comes down to God putting someone in your life that he wants you to be with and that will work out how He wants it no matter what. A good example is Jackie Hill Perry (IDK IF I SPELLED THAT RIGHT) she was a lesbian turned Christian and when she was saved she just kinda looked at it like "I don't like men but I can't date women so I'll be single". Eventually God put a man, now her husband, in her life and she was attracted to him for whatever reason and they ended up married happily ever after blah blah. When it came down to it God makes the choice, I may never find a wife and honestly my chances are pretty slim like everyone else, but if it's meant to be it's meant to be basically. Your choice is completely irrelevant when it comes to anyone else finding a spouse they might not find YOU but if they are supposed to get married they will you can't somehow mess up someones options or something like that.

Demographics plays a big part I think.

Being over 50, looking for a women I am attracted to that is Christian and like mind, heck, I got better odds playing the lottery.
Don't get me wrong, there is some single women my age, there is just no attraction in the least. Looks do play a part, many people said disagree with me (makes me laugh), but if looks don't matter, then WHY do we all look different? Because they do matter in the attraction stage that leads to dating and then marriage.

Sadder is that some have said "well sooner or late their husband will die and you can date a widower." I find that deeply disturbing on many levels.

The end of this Dec will be 7 years since I even had a date. It's not from lack of trying I can assure you. I will have nothing to do with a non-Christian.

I just don't know any more.

 

[Lynx]

Demographics plays a big part I think.

Being over 50, looking for a women I am attracted to that is Christian and like mind, heck, I got better odds playing the lottery.
Don't get me wrong, there is some single women my age, there is just no attraction in the least. Looks do play a part, many people said disagree with me (makes me laugh), but if looks don't matter, then WHY do we all look different? Because they do matter in the attraction stage that leads to dating and then marriage.

Sadder is that some have said "well sooner or late their husband will die and you can date a widower." I find that deeply disturbing on many levels.

The end of this Dec will be 7 years since I even had a date. It's not from lack of trying I can assure you. I will have nothing to do with a non-Christian.

I just don't know any more.

So basically... You want local churches to run a local version of Christian Mingle?

 

[Raffie]

So basically... You want local churches to run a local version of Christian Mingle?

Nope, to many unChristians can easily ruin everything.
Just tired in many ways is all.

 

[SweetStars]

This ^ I think there is a very important part of being single in the sense that you have WAY MORE TIME, like a lot of the time if I'm not working (as in doing a service for someone else not necessarily at my job) I'm bored and lonely, no not literally all the time but I have a lot of time that isn't filled with much of anything unless I figure something out. If we have a bunch of young people in a church and we stress purity and Godlyness we have to not only be holy but we have to have something to do.....Adults they have kids and they have a spouse a lot of the time, they also have friends usually in the church because churches are filled with older people. I stress the youth part because we have some of the most free time and almost nothing to do with it, then we are CHRISTIAN! like I don't want to hang out with just anybody because most of the people my age spend 8 hours a day smoking weed and playing 2k and the rest of it is usually filled with sexually impure acts like that's what the world does especially men right? So we go to church and want to build relationships we want friends, mentors, people we can hang out with and talk to without having to worry about constantly being tempted to do immoral things (of course worship that's one of the main reasons for church) but youth aren't that frequent in church, not teens at least it's usually 5 year olds and like the adults. Then the few teens that are there are almost ignored and neglected, at least where I'm at, I mean the sermons and stuff are helpful for all of us but we don't have a reason to get together at certain times like the adults, we don't have to talk to each other, we don't have nearly as many after church things that involve us except the Bible studies where we just kinda ask the youth pastor or whatevs questions about what we read. We aren't really encouraged to interact with others especially not with other youth so not only is it hard to find a partner it's hard to build relationships with a bunch of people you never talk to unless you are just super direct and force your way into stuff. We have a womens book reading thing, womens breakfast, mens breakfast, and probably a lot more stuff I don't know about because I'm only 18 and it doesn't really matter to me. I don't think we should change church and make it six flags over Jesus that's not at all what im asking for, I'm just asking that we get a reason to interact with other people our age in church to, at the least, build some friendships. I DON'T HAVE FRANDS like that shouldn't exist in a church we are there for fellowship to be a family but I talk to a couple adults mainly and they are COOL like they are wise they help me and I have progressed because of them I appreciate them but if I want to hang out with other believers outside of church I can't call them they have things they have to do, they're adults. The youth yea they talk to eachother and stuff but I don't want to just start speaking to random people all the time, yea it's good to meet people and stuff by ourselves but having to build almost every relationship with people my age out of thin air is not realistic. So what tends to happen is you have people that just don't talk to youth and they have a bunch of cliques around the church, not bad groups by any means, but people that just tend to hang out with 2 or 3 other people and you have a few of those groups and they don't really branch out and interact with others. Then when someone new comes to the church and happens to be a youth they see group A, B, and C and they don't even know how to talk to people because this isn't just a matter of talk to this person it's a matter of invade this group, you feel like you're intruding almost making meeting other even more difficult then it already is. This is way too long XD but hopefully that makes sense. To summarize it basically just give youth reasons to talk to each other instead of being in that bubble, they could do things like youth Bible studies where you could vote on parts of the bible to study, let the youth study the bible together rather than them just studying by themselves next to other people cuz that's what happens a lot. FRANDS I NEED FRANDS lol not associates for 3 hours on a sunday or something. BUT TO BE FAIR friends are rare so maybe they just aren't that common? IDK

This is exactly what happened to me, i go to Church because i believe we are call for fellowship with the Church, If i remember correctly Hebrew 10:25 explained that we care call to meet with one another. So when i went to Church the message is awesome but them none talks to me or even acknowledge my existence, i'm call to fellowship but i'm completely ignored, i can't go to a random family group and be like "Hello, i'm a complete stranger that wants to be your friend ", just saying good morning/afternoon to people here is enough to get either no reply or for them to look at me like i'm some weird bug, i was teach since birth that it was good manners but here it seems like an insult... And them i could listen to the Sermon online, so when i'm given the option of going to a building where i will feel judge not by doing anything wrong but just by my existence or learning about God at my home where i can worship, sing, and learn without anyone giving me the evil eye, which do you think seems more appealing? I thank God left that Church and went to the one my Co-worker goes, everyone is very nice, but i only speak with a few elderly and everyone else is the same issue at least i do not get the evil eye ^^u, but if they did events for everyone it does not even need to be for singles just everyone without segregation, may be in those occasions would be an opportunity to grow as what we are the body of Christ, we are suppose to be like a big family.

 

[tourist]

So you're a ladies man yea? XD

Actually, I am a ladies man to just one lady.

 

[LightBright]

Demographics plays a big part I think.

Being over 50, looking for a women I am attracted to that is Christian and like mind, heck, I got better odds playing the lottery.
Don't get me wrong, there is some single women my age, there is just no attraction in the least. Looks do play a part, many people said disagree with me (makes me laugh), but if looks don't matter, then WHY do we all look different? Because they do matter in the attraction stage that leads to dating and then marriage.

Sadder is that some have said "well sooner or late their husband will die and you can date a widower." I find that deeply disturbing on many levels.

The end of this Dec will be 7 years since I even had a date. It's not from lack of trying I can assure you. I will have nothing to do with a non-Christian.

I just don't know any more.

yea the cahnces are very low and I'm not even close to 50 so I can't understand your situation sorry, but I think we should re

This is exactly what happened to me, i go to Church because i believe we are call for fellowship with the Church, If i remember correctly Hebrew 10:25 explained that we care call to meet with one another. So when i went to Church the message is awesome but them none talks to me or even acknowledge my existence, i'm call to fellowship but i'm completely ignored, i can't go to a random family group and be like "Hello, i'm a complete stranger that wants to be your friend ", just saying good morning/afternoon to people here is enough to get either no reply or for them to look at me like i'm some weird bug, i was teach since birth that it was good manners but here it seems like an insult... And them i could listen to the Sermon online, so when i'm given the option of going to a building where i will feel judge not by doing anything wrong but just by my existence or learning about God at my home where i can worship, sing, and learn without anyone giving me the evil eye, which do you think seems more appealing? I thank God left that Church and went to the one my Co-worker goes, everyone is very nice, but i only speak with a few elderly and everyone else is the same issue at least i do not get the evil eye ^^u, but if they did events for everyone it does not even need to be for singles just everyone without segregation, may be in those occasions would be an opportunity to grow as what we are the body of Christ, we are suppose to be like a big family.

Right exactly, you're English is pretty good btw , i think events would help a lot and i am kinda against the whole new church thing where the church is basically a community center but doing something every now and then just to spend time together would be cool even if it was just a group bible study or something. Food is common but then people just kind of eat lol.