You wanna know?
cuz when i was three i found out that the person who was raising wasnt my real dad.. when i found out he started to become abusive very abusive.. i prayed and prayed and prayed... he got my mom pregnant and beat her so bad that it killed the baby... when i was five he goto drunk and he bashed my head into the floor... same stuff till i was thirteen when i found my real dad... i contacted him and he was happy to see me i visited him and he had a family and they HATED me they were racist and just mean.... and i had a choice to live where i wasnt welcome or go back to where i would get the crap kicked out of me... i went back to mexico... and when i was fifteen i was raped by that mans friend.. while he just stood there and laughed... i tried killing myself four times... god wanted me to suffer cuz he kept me here... about a year later when i was sixteen i went back with my biological father went to school made some friends and got pregnant this is the only reason i can say there might be aloving god.. even tho i gave him up for adoptotion.... he deserved better than what i could give him... is that reason enough or do you need more details...? more stories..?
That is absolutely terrible... now, nothing I say will mean anything to you, because my experiences pale in comparison to yours. However, just because your adoptive father was an evil man, and did terrible, terrible things to you doesn't mean there is no loving God. Simply because your biological family was racist doesn't mean there is no loving God. Simply because you have been so depressed that you tried killing yourself doesn't mean there is no loving God.
Why?
Because of a concept called Free Will. God wanted us to make a choice to live with Him forever, or to reject His offer. That is one of the main reasons we're here on earth. This means that for people to be able to choose evil over good, God has to allow evil to exist. It would be
unloving of God to force everyone into His presence; to make everyone love Him (for two reasons):
1) Not everyone wants to give up their ability to sin, and live aside God forever. It would be unloving to make these people live with him.
2) Have you ever tried making a computer say "I love you"? Not very satisfying, is it? That's because it was programmed to do that. If God made everyone love Him, then we are all robots, incapable of actually choosing to love or reject Him.
What this all means is that evil has to exist. This doesn't mean God doesn't love you and care about you, but He must allow evil to exist. Now, you mentioned praying to God, and how it didn't work. Are you aware that prayer to the Almighty
only works if you have been cleansed of sin? Unless you have the Holy Spirit living in you; unless you believe in God, He will not answer your prayers. A lot of people pray to God when they're in extreme danger, but He will not listen to them now, because they did not listen to Him when he tried to reach them.
Germex, I know these words will do less than make a little dent on the bulk of your experiences, but you have to understand that God wants to come into a relationship with you
now, and that what happened in the past happened for a reason. I know that may sound incredibly bizarre, but it did. God causes all things to work for the good for those who love Him.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)
Perhaps your trials will have made you a stronger individual; one able to talk on the same level as other people who have undergone enormous difficulties in life. You, and your experiences, have a purpose if you listen to the call of God; for He wants to come into a relationship with you!