Happiness is defined as a state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. People tend to choose to walk over the happiness of others. Simply to obtain what they crave. Obsession is like a tendency of fear. Fear roams within a person’s heart when obsession reaches its peak.
Breakfast in bed is like a feeling of being loved. So many wish they had it, although does the appreciation ever reach that far anymore? When you feel lost things seem different, it is like you were ran over by a truck. You can care for someone so much that when you are absent from them you feel empty inside.
Love is a battle in itself; it never helps to have others in the mix. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. Therefore when you are around the one you care about you cherish every moment you two have together. When you long to be beside someone writers block comes and all you can think about is them.
Feeling invincible is like feeling you are not there. You stand there by your lover’s tree, waiting to have a word in. They walk by you as if you are not even there. Thoughts course through your mind of doubt. Is it something to doubt? Or is it something you think too much about. I kept wondering what was going on, I could not breath for hours. The hours past slowly to where I wish I was in her arms.
The hours are slow, the days became longer. I just want to be near her more and more. Wishing she would listen to her heart more? I could only wish that she would. I even know when she is hurting, even when she denies it. A person’s heart shines through their eyes louder than their words of expression.
Reaching for the radio, not much was playing not even a sound close enough to our song. I close my eyes for only a moment, the rain was pouring hard outside. The windshield wipers were on full force. The silence within was devastating. I long for her kiss, her touch, and to feel her heartbeat once again.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I say absence makes me nuts. Being old fashioned is a way to show true love for a woman. I doubt at times when I do not have the one I love in my arms. I doubt to where I wish I knew what was going on. Although absence makes the heart grow fonder, it hurts.
Not knowing what could be bothering the one you love is like a sword. It can pierce your heart until you cannot breathe. While gripping the steering wheel I remember one night I was confronted. Lies are deceiving, that’s the thought that ran through my mind the first moment I heard the news. “She is playing with your heart boy, run away while you still have the chance.” I looked at this woman speaking these words, “I will say this once, no matter what you say I want no part of.” I slowly walk away; no matter the cause jealousy roams more than ever.
“What is with these people?” I said out loud, looking around grateful no one heard me. In my deep thoughts words tend to fly out. No matter what I am thinking, you will know what I think of you if you ever cross my path. I turn down the review mirror; I look deep into my own eyes. “Stay strong man, no matter what stay strong.” I say to myself slowly letting the grip loose of the wheel.
A bad feeling was roaming in my heart; I sat on my porch while looking over at her. She grasps the picture that was nearest to her. Said and prayer and disappeared. The door slammed, I thought someone got to her emotionally. I sat there in silence, wondering if I have done anything wrong.
Ten minutes have past, still not a sound. I sit there in silence wondering if she may have fallen asleep. I am a little confused at this point; confusion gets the best of me at times. “I am here with you my love, no matter what anyone says.” I whisper out loud, praying she can hear me.
*CHAPTER ONE*
BE TRUE TO WHO YOU ARE
As I walked through the corridor of the bus station, I had one thing in mind as I noticed a couple kissing. “I only wish that was me, what is so wrong with me.” I sat my luggage on the floor; my next transfer was in the next hour. “Hey buddy, I know you do not work here. Can you watch my luggage for about five minutes please?”
He looked up and smiled, “sure thing brother take your time. I’m not going anywhere.” I shook his hand, and then headed to the men’s room. I opened the door, walked in slowly letting my eyes find their way to the sinks. I turned on the water, washed my face and looked in the mirror. “What is wrong with you, I do not see anything wrong with you. Is it you or those women?” I said silently to myself, my eyes were blood shot I felt like I wanted to die.
The hurt that is inside of me is like a knife that is piercing through my soul. I take in a deep breath, closed my eyes, and sighed. “Get a grip, get a grip.” I whisper to myself while gripping the faucet. I then open my eyes to look around, hoping no one knew how I was feeling. There is so much that I wish I could have done.
Going home is not what I wanted; being in her arms again is what I craved. Wishing, hoping and praying that this was all just a dream. Closing my eyes tighter, I bring myself back to reality. I turn the water off; it was staring to steam up the mirror. I place my hand on the right hand corner, and I begin to wipe the steam off in a diagonal fashion.
When I got to my face, I looked deep inside on my eyes. I smiled, turned around and walked out. Feeling devastated can cause you to have problems, these problems can and will affect your way of life. So much has over taken me, I feel up and I feel down. This is a constant cycle to where I feel like giving up.
I get tired of seeing everyone happy except for myself. Being happy is something I want, not what I want to hide from. Many people choose to ignore the fact of true happiness. Many do tend to hide because other people do not like them. Do not do what makes everyone else happy; always do what makes you happy. You are not on this earth to make people happy. For if you where the world would be worse than what it already is.
“Thanks buddy for watching my luggage.” I said handing the guy a ten dollar bill. He smiled and said, “No brother it was my pleasure. Do not pay me, payment is not required. Here is my card, if you ever need anything?” I took the card in hand, “Thank you Mr. Andrews I sure will call you if I need anything. “ Mr. Andrews was dressed in an all-black business suit. He was on his way back from a trip in Florida Keys.
His hair was slicked back, playing on his blackberry; he stood up and stuck his hand out. “It is nice to meet you, Mister?” I shook his hand, “The name is Jason, Jason Blackburn.” That was the last time I saw Mr. Andrews. Bus number nine was he bus in that collision on route ’46 on that Wednesday evening. He sat in the front; it made him feel more comfortable.
People come into our lives, maybe for a short time. That time makes an impact on your life. It can change you, even when it is an angel in disguise. I have always tried to understand what love was about. At times I kept coming back to square one. This is because love is not meant to be completely figured out but explored.