What Do Men REALLY Mean When They Say, "God Made Men Visual"?

[seoulsearch]

So many good guys have shown up in this thread that I seriously feel the need to apologize -- again.

You've all shown a lot of grace in this thread, and I am extremely thankful for that.

I also apologize in that this thread was written from a place of extreme weariness as a long-time single. I don't mean that as an excuse in anyway, but I'm trying to explain where I'm coming from.

Over the past several years, I've often found myself in a place where a guy might say something to me such as, "Well, I like you... but, I kinda like this other girl, too," -- and she's 15 years younger than I am. And my reply is always the same, "Go with the younger girl. She'll still look good for another 20 years, and my time is about to wrap itself up any day now!"

Actually, guys don't usually say this to me -- I generally find out from other people -- and usually, the other girl(s) he's talking to.

I know I've asked this before, but do men feel like they constantly have to compete with guys half their age as well? (Sorry, just kind of thinking out loud.) And it's always within the Christian community, because those are the only circles I hang out with these days.

At any rate... I know you men must be just as frustrated by everything you've seen and endured as well.

But I would also like to say that the negative experiences have made me appreciate good guys even more than ever, especially at this point in my life.

(So I know that, "Then why do good guys always get friend-zoned?" will be the next question.) I can't speak for anyone else, but I know that for me, I feel that in some ways, I'm still working through a lot of my own negativity, and at least for right now, it wouldn't be fair to burden another person with it.

 

[Lynx]

Just for myself I gotta say it's a lot easier when you don't compete at all. But that's just me. And I'm still single, so apparently my approach isn't too good for finding a wife.

It is a lot more peaceful though. And I don't have to compete with guys half my age. Or any guys at all.

 

[tourist]

Lol.

Zero, and if I got paid a dollar for every time you say that women are only out for money, I could buy a new car. 🙄

That's a lot of money.

 

[tourist]

Hmmm... if I haven’t really gotten out and tried is that like never leaving Egypt?

One must eventually leave Egypt to experience the fullness of life. There is a world to explore that starts just beyond the sand dunes. Sometimes you might wander for awhile but eventually you will get to where you need to be. Egypt is not the end of the world but you can see it from here.

 

[Lynx]

Just for myself I gotta say it's a lot easier when you don't compete at all. But that's just me. And I'm still single, so apparently my approach isn't too good for finding a wife.

It is a lot more peaceful though. And I don't have to compete with guys half my age. Or any guys at all.

I think I should rephrase what I mean about competition. If you have to compete for a guy, the guy is not really interested in you, only what you can do for him. if you have to prove to him you are better than the competition, find somebody else.

 

[Hamarr]

So many good guys have shown up in this thread that I seriously feel the need to apologize -- again.

You've all shown a lot of grace in this thread, and I am extremely thankful for that.

I also apologize in that this thread was written from a place of extreme weariness as a long-time single. I don't mean that as an excuse in anyway, but I'm trying to explain where I'm coming from.

Over the past several years, I've often found myself in a place where a guy might say something to me such as, "Well, I like you... but, I kinda like this other girl, too," -- and she's 15 years younger than I am. And my reply is always the same, "Go with the younger girl. She'll still look good for another 20 years, and my time is about to wrap itself up any day now!"

Actually, guys don't usually say this to me -- I generally find out from other people -- and usually, the other girl(s) he's talking to.

I know I've asked this before, but do men feel like they constantly have to compete with guys half their age as well? (Sorry, just kind of thinking out loud.) And it's always within the Christian community, because those are the only circles I hang out with these days.

At any rate... I know you men must be just as frustrated by everything you've seen and endured as well.

But I would also like to say that the negative experiences have made me appreciate good guys even more than ever, especially at this point in my life.

(So I know that, "Then why do good guys always get friend-zoned?" will be the next question.) I can't speak for anyone else, but I know that for me, I feel that in some ways, I'm still working through a lot of my own negativity, and at least for right now, it wouldn't be fair to burden another person with it.

I think there is a difference between good guy and nice guy. I know I am personally working on not being a nice guy. That has also included doing a ton of work on not being negative towards women.

There have been a number of articles written about this sort of frustration from women. Men seeking youth and beauty more and as they gain status they can start going for younger women, especially if they intend to have a family. Women tend to hold more power when younger. So a lot of guys leave the daring pool, make a career and then jump back in seeking the types of women that turned them down when they were younger.

Women tend to seek more signs of status, from everything I have read.

I know if I want to start a family, I will have to date a bit younger. This is one of those things I’m not sure about now.

I guess I have been gun shy about dating for a number of reasons and want to work more on myself. I feel like I should have had more money built up by now. I’m not sure if it was worse to avoid it altogether or jump in and get burned a bit. It’s taken a lot of work to get me to be open to the idea of dating at all.

 

[PennEd]

To try and be more clear, sir, I believe that we(men)don't have to walk around thinking we're going to get easily aroused all the time. I believe what we think and believe about our physical needs will become our reality. When I was a young man, I don't doubt that testosterone could overpower my brain. When I became a Christian, and as I got older, I realized God gave me the power to overpower my body with my mind. Kinda like what Paul wrote in Philippians 4. I don't know if this clarifies things for you, but I hope so.

Yeah I understand all that, and I'm certainly not saying we have to avert our eyes.

I for one, constantly have to check myself cause the moment I let it the flesh tries to roar back to life.

I've been in the habit of visualizing the ladies as my sister's or potential sisters in Christ, and that helps.

 

[JustEli]

competition? Whats that? hahahahaha just kidding.

 

[tourist]

There are also those that claim that God made man virtual.

 

[Hamarr]

Competition makes me think of that alpha vs beta stuff. I guess that means I need to pee on your pee puddle? I only know alpha stuff from dogs imo.

 

[seoulsearch]

I think there is a difference between good guy and nice guy. I know I am personally working on not being a nice guy. That has also included doing a ton of work on not being negative towards women.

Women tend to seek more signs of status, from everything I have read.

I really liked that statement about the fact that there is a difference between a good guy and a nice guy. I'll have to ruminate on that one a bit longer.

I have to admit that the constant message that women are only seeking status and wealth really frustrates me. I've met a few women like that, but not very many.

And if the women I do know are seeking status or money, they're seeking it through their own careers and not a man (although of course, no one, whether a man or woman, wants to marry a gold digger either.)

I guess what I'm trying to say is... Don't believe everything you read or hear about women -- please go ahead and talk to us women instead -- and right here on the forum is a great starting point, or at least good practice.

I have to take this and apply it to myself as well. Personally, I am extremely thankful that so many of the guys here go against
the stereotypes I get frustrated with (and often believe) myself.

It's showing me how much further I have to go as well, and talking to the good guys here in the forums definitely helps!

 

[Hamarr]

I really liked that statement about the fact that there is a difference between a good guy and a nice guy. I'll have to ruminate on that one a bit longer.

I have to admit that the constant message that women are only seeking status and wealth really frustrates me. I've met a few women like that, but not very many.

And if the women I do know are seeking status or money, they're seeking it through their own careers and not a man (although of course, no one, whether a man or woman, wants to marry a gold digger either.)

I guess what I'm trying to say is... Don't believe everything you read or hear about women -- please go ahead and talk to us women instead -- and right here on the forum is a great starting point, or at least good practice.

I have to take this and apply it to myself as well. Personally, I am extremely thankful that so many of the guys here go against
the stereotypes I get frustrated with (and often believe) myself.

It's showing me how much further I have to go as well, and talking to the good guys here in the forums definitely helps!

I don’t think status necessarily means financial, or I didn’t intend it to only mean that. I guess there are other types of success, like social status. Fair point about talking to women about some of their views.

I’m glad you are finding good guys to counter the bed examples. I hope to be one of the good guys soon.

 

[Didymous]

One thing I've noticed about the more serious threads you post is this: The reason these stereotypes exist seems-in some cases-to be because we(Christians)often seem to take on the ways of the world-instead of taking in the ways of God. As always, I enjoy your stuff, Seoulsearch. Keep up the good work.

 

[seoulsearch]

One thing I've noticed about the more serious threads you post is this: The reason these stereotypes exist seems-in some cases-to be because we(Christians)often seem to take on the ways of the world-instead of taking in the ways of God. As always, I enjoy your stuff, Seoulsearch. Keep up the good work.

Thanks very much, Didymous!

After all, SOMEONE has to start some trouble around here!

However, I can see that there's some serious competition here as far as trouble-making goes (i.e., Lynx's "Pharisee" thread.)

I had to take a step back ... in awe of your superior ability!

 

[Gracie_14]

Thanks very much, Didymous!

After all, SOMEONE has to start some trouble around here!

However, I can see that there's some serious competition here as far as trouble-making goes (i.e., Lynx's "Pharisee" thread.)

I had to take a step back ... in awe of your superior ability!

Hmmm....I must check this out immediately!

 

[Didymous]

Hmmm....I must check this out immediately!

Don't do it Gracie! You're too young!

Thanks very much, Didymous!

After all, SOMEONE has to start some trouble around here!

However, I can see that there's some serious competition here as far as trouble-making goes (i.e., Lynx's "Pharisee" thread.)

I had to take a step back ... in awe of your superior ability!

Now if only I could find a job that needed the best Pharisee ever!

 

[Hamarr]

Don't do it Gracie! You're too young!


Now if only I could find a job that needed the best Pharisee ever!

The smite app needs QA.

 

[Ellorah]

Phrasing this gently. This thread seems a bit harsh on our male species.

Women look at porn. Women visualize things they shouldn’t just as men do. Perhaps men do a bit more but honestly I’m not even so sure about that. And women google and check out a cute guy just as men notice a pretty woman. Everything from clothing lines to makeup is geared at getting men to notice us. Perhaps women who don’t dress modestly or use an excess of makeup or flaunt should realize they want the man to notice her.

I think both sexes are equipped with the vision to see what we choose to see. It’s in the maturity to discern what we choose to linger on. Just my thought and opinion.

 

[PennEd]

Phrasing this gently. This thread seems a bit harsh on our male species.

Women look at porn. Women visualize things they shouldn’t just as men do. Perhaps men do a bit more but honestly I’m not even so sure about that. And women google and check out a cute guy just as men notice a pretty woman. Everything from clothing lines to makeup is geared at getting men to notice us. Perhaps women who don’t dress modestly or use an excess of makeup or flaunt should realize they want the man to notice her.

I think both sexes are equipped with the vision to see what we choose to see. It’s in the maturity to discern what we choose to linger on. Just my thought and opinion.

Amen!

As Christians, we would not be told in several places to take every thought captive to Christ, if we didn't have those illicit thoughts to begin with!

A word to Kim. I did not read your entire post about your past boyfriends, but from what I can gather you have made wise decisions to break up.

YOU are a wonderful lady. For you to keep up a facade for the 6 yrs I've been here that displays your beautiful heart, would be impossible.

EVERYONE has baggage. So you will never find a pristine, perfect man. But you CAN find a man that loves you properly and treats you with dignity and respect. Certainly ANY men that aren't even trying or admitting that watching other women naked or having sex is not only sinful but hurtful, AREN'T worthy of you.
Be Blessed!

 

[seoulsearch]

Phrasing this gently. This thread seems a bit harsh on our male species.

Women look at porn. Women visualize things they shouldn’t just as men do. Perhaps men do a bit more but honestly I’m not even so sure about that. And women google and check out a cute guy just as men notice a pretty woman. Everything from clothing lines to makeup is geared at getting men to notice us. Perhaps women who don’t dress modestly or use an excess of makeup or flaunt should realize they want the man to notice her.

I think both sexes are equipped with the vision to see what we choose to see. It’s in the maturity to discern what we choose to linger on. Just my thought and opinion.

I understand what you're saying, and I want to sincerely apologize to anyone I have offended in this thread.