When Does "Earnest Pursuit" Become Stalking?

[seoulsearch]

Hey everyone,

Just wanted to get your opinions on where to draw the line between trying to get to know/pursue someone and "Quick, call the police, he just drove by my house for the 12th time in an hour"-type stalking.

Although I mean for this to be a light-hearted thread if possible, I am in no way trying to make fun of or belittle anyone who actually HAS had to deal with stalking--my purpose in this thread is to ask what makes us feel that someone is making an acceptable attempt to pursue us... and what would be considered borderline or too much.

And, I'm not trying to make the guys out to be the bad ones, either. I've known plenty of guys who had their share of overly zealous female attention, so I'm just as interested in hearing from the guys--how many times are we allowed to call you before you plan to change your number and have your friend (who works as a bouncer at a club) prevent us from walking up and talking to you?

What kind of contact, and how often, is deemed acceptable?

Now, I just want to clarify (and possibly keep myself from getting into any trouble ) that although I have sometimes written threads about other people (and have made this an option in the poll), I am in NO WAY stalking the people I have written about. Not at all. In NO way, shape, or form. I assure you! (Now please excuse me, seeing as I need to go flood their personal contact sites and numbers with friendship requests, texts, tweets, pokes, prods, and paraphernalia. )

BUT, I'm NOT stalking them. Honest!

 

[francina]

Bottom line, a stalker is unhinged. A person might be determined that you are the one for them ,especially if they listened to a prophecy & believed it. I met many like that. I know of many horrible marriages, all ended up in divorce. I know of people who really did not like the person, but prophet stupid said, thus saith the Lord & the person followed them around & never left them alone.
Scary thing is, these demented people get married. I lived in the Bahamas, the amount of women who come to our shores & leave with a man who would never of gotten married to anyone in the church because of how strange they were is staggering, Then they want to call back to the Bahamas to the pastors when they find out they are gay & have emptied their bank account - this is the most common outcome.

 

[francina]

ok maybe that is not light hearted but feel free to laugh anyway

 

[1still_waters]

I checked these..

Introducing myself to the person of interest's friends.
Trying to become friends with the person of interest's friends.
Trying to hang out with the person of interest's family.

If a person tries to do any of the above I checked, without the person with them or around, I view that as an invasion of that persons' territory. If they intentionally want to make friends, hang with or whatever, just because those people are in their 'interests'' life, to me that just feels like a huge social violation. I really can't explain why. But it makes me feel uneasy. Maybe it's because if you're seeking to make friends it should be for other reasons than, "Oooh that person I like hangs with them."

 

[NukePooch]

I think it's not exactly what, but how much. If your stalker doesn't do much on the list except "Texting every time I have a chance, even when I'm in the bathroom" for instance, would probably mean that your stalker isn't a stalker, but rather is a teenaged girl. If your stalker does multiple of the 'more than once per day' items, then congratulations. You have stalker-itis.(Stalker-thon? Stalker-mania? Stalker-isms?)

 

[Jullianna]

I normally only call guys or text them when they either ask me to or in response to their communications. I've even gotten in trouble for NOT calling. haha I don't believe in forcing relationships of any kind. You don't have to force something that's meant to be.

I think you have to take your cue from the person you like. If they contact you via a certain form of communication, respond in kind. If they begin to text, email, call, etc. more often, do the same. If they back off, you back off. If they back off or you do, it doesn't always mean they don't like you, it can just mean things might be going too fast, they need to think about something or their attention is diverted by something in their lives temporarily that is totally unrelated to you. And if they want to tell you about that, they will. If not, ...that's their business.

Unless the meeting was coincidental, I can't imagine introducing myself to a guy's friends or family. It would creep me out if someone did that to me.

I think stalking is ANYTHING that makes you feel uncomfortable. Never discount gut feelings in this regard. If a guy seems a bit too aggressive, I will not be unkind, but I will point this out as politely as possible. They may not realize they are doing it and it may just be part of their personality. But, once you've done that, if it continues, sometimes all you can do is break off communication.

 

[Liamson]

"The only difference between a romantic and a stalker is success."

Its all just a matter of perspective.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Yes, I think its a matter of persepctive. It depends on the person being stalked.

If a person thinks its ok for someone to call them every 30 minutes then its not stalking, but if a person thinks its not ok and they keep calling after being asked not to, then its stalking.

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

You act like stalking is a bad thing........

 

[Liamson]

You act like stalking is a bad thing........

Exactly, for some people being intrusively interested is about the only way to show them how much you care and to find out more about them.

I'm not sure if you were being sarcastic but I am not.

 

[zeroturbulence]

You act like stalking is a bad thing........

Its only bad when I forget to stop and take my medication, because then everything starts to look like this for awhile and it makes it very difficult to continue.

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

hahahahahah zero!!!! i love it....

 

[Kooper]

-Other.


Climbling up trees is very tiresome... Especially when it comes to taking my equipment with me. *snap* :grin:

 

[Jullianna]

hmmmmm...seems like most people are actually fans of stalking. Maybe I should give it a shot. Now I just need a victim... Any volunteers?

 

[NukePooch]

hmmmmm...seems like most people are actually fans of stalking. Maybe I should give it a shot. Now I just need a victim... Any volunteers?

~hand shoots up~

Me meeee mee. Over hereeee! Meeee!

 

[Maddog]

Honestly? Legally speaking, as far as I'm aware, it is stalking whenever the 'victim' decides it is. Yes, I have experience.

 

[Pheonix]

The difference between earnest pursuit and stalking is when the girl says no or go away and the guy keeps at it.

just my opinion....

 

[SoHeavenly]

That's trie.

 

[thimsrebma]

I must preface this with I AM NOT A STALKER but...

I have googled a guy and checked for social websites. I think this is a good adiea because it helps you to see who someone is before you attempt to get to know them better. You may see some crazy stuff on their FB that may make you think differently about them and head the other direction.

The occaional background check isnt so bad either. Arrests and law suits are public information and its important to knwo if you are dealing with a criminal or someone who has a bunch of lawsuits pending against them or if they like to sue others.

 

[zeroturbulence]

hmmmmm...seems like most people are actually fans of stalking. Maybe I should give it a shot. Now I just need a victim... Any volunteers?

Now if a guy had a stalker like you he'd probably love it!