Hi, guys! I am entirely new to this forum, but I wanted to ask for advice from people who love Jesus. I'm sorry, it's a bit long.
I will try to make this as brief as possible without revealing too much information. About 4 or 5 years ago, I entered a church community via my college and met a few new friends. One of these people was the guy I'm writing about now (let's call him Sam). Sam is a little bit older than me, and had the role of a mentor, so I only saw him as a teacher/big brother for a very long time. Over time, though, I started to realize I was developing a crush on him. As someone inexperienced in romance, I had to recognize that these feelings weren't as gross and evil as I thought they were, because we were both adults, Sam was single (at the time), and I am just human. Still, I didn't make any moves to tell him or show it - I figured the feelings would just pass.
Although I didn't tell anyone, a lot of friends began to notice that we were (apparently) similar to each other, and began to make comments about it. If I made a joke, someone pointed out that Sam was rubbing off on me. If I mentioned a favorite movie, a mutual friend pointed out that it was Sam's favorite, too. When I mentioned loving a certain video game series, a friend told me that Sam loved it, too, and she wouldn't want us to "miss out" on the chance to bond over it. Someone once said we were literally the same person during a dinner with friends, and I tried not to die/feel as embarrassed as I did. I didn't try to emulate him; it just so happened that we were the same kind of nerdy and had similar personalities.
I think that it made Sam feel a bit uncomfortable around me. During a church conference, while were getting in our seats, he quietly moved aside so that the friend behind him would sit beside me instead. (That friend looked very confused, but didn't ask questions.) After a dance, as I was leaving, he followed after me as if to say something, but wound up looking a little frustrated, and asked if I just wanted to take a picture.
Fast forward a bit of time. Sam started to date someone in our church. They got married. Of course it stung, but they are so sweet together, and his wife is a truly beautiful person, inside and out. The comparison comments stopped, but not before a visitor to the church assumed that I was Sam's fiance, and it took some embarrassing explanation on my part. Over time, I am learning to get over these feelings I have for him, and accept God's plan for him.
But here's the thing: he still seems to be noticeably uncomfortable around me. For the longest time, I thought I was just being self-centered/delusional, but it's becoming clear that I'm not just imagining things. Sam kind of flinches when he sees me, and doesn't speak to me as easily as he does to other friends. It is really weird and hard to explain, but he will sort of avoid crossing paths with me if we are in the same room. I know that he doesn't hate me: A friend told me that Sam does have an affinity for me, and that he agrees that we are very much alike. A while ago, he wrote a little note on a birthday card and told me that he enjoyed speaking with me and found our conversations "refreshing". But I just don't understand if I have done something wrong, or how to navigate this; we have too many overlapping social circles to keep ignoring it.
He still smiles when he is sees me, and will say hello, but he always looks a little tense. I just want to be able to get over my feelings for him, and to be able to have a friendly relationship with my brother in Christ. My initial guess is that it was obvious that I liked him, and it made him feel uneasy.
Thanks for reading, and God bless.
I will try to make this as brief as possible without revealing too much information. About 4 or 5 years ago, I entered a church community via my college and met a few new friends. One of these people was the guy I'm writing about now (let's call him Sam). Sam is a little bit older than me, and had the role of a mentor, so I only saw him as a teacher/big brother for a very long time. Over time, though, I started to realize I was developing a crush on him. As someone inexperienced in romance, I had to recognize that these feelings weren't as gross and evil as I thought they were, because we were both adults, Sam was single (at the time), and I am just human. Still, I didn't make any moves to tell him or show it - I figured the feelings would just pass.
Although I didn't tell anyone, a lot of friends began to notice that we were (apparently) similar to each other, and began to make comments about it. If I made a joke, someone pointed out that Sam was rubbing off on me. If I mentioned a favorite movie, a mutual friend pointed out that it was Sam's favorite, too. When I mentioned loving a certain video game series, a friend told me that Sam loved it, too, and she wouldn't want us to "miss out" on the chance to bond over it. Someone once said we were literally the same person during a dinner with friends, and I tried not to die/feel as embarrassed as I did. I didn't try to emulate him; it just so happened that we were the same kind of nerdy and had similar personalities.
I think that it made Sam feel a bit uncomfortable around me. During a church conference, while were getting in our seats, he quietly moved aside so that the friend behind him would sit beside me instead. (That friend looked very confused, but didn't ask questions.) After a dance, as I was leaving, he followed after me as if to say something, but wound up looking a little frustrated, and asked if I just wanted to take a picture.
Fast forward a bit of time. Sam started to date someone in our church. They got married. Of course it stung, but they are so sweet together, and his wife is a truly beautiful person, inside and out. The comparison comments stopped, but not before a visitor to the church assumed that I was Sam's fiance, and it took some embarrassing explanation on my part. Over time, I am learning to get over these feelings I have for him, and accept God's plan for him.
But here's the thing: he still seems to be noticeably uncomfortable around me. For the longest time, I thought I was just being self-centered/delusional, but it's becoming clear that I'm not just imagining things. Sam kind of flinches when he sees me, and doesn't speak to me as easily as he does to other friends. It is really weird and hard to explain, but he will sort of avoid crossing paths with me if we are in the same room. I know that he doesn't hate me: A friend told me that Sam does have an affinity for me, and that he agrees that we are very much alike. A while ago, he wrote a little note on a birthday card and told me that he enjoyed speaking with me and found our conversations "refreshing". But I just don't understand if I have done something wrong, or how to navigate this; we have too many overlapping social circles to keep ignoring it.
He still smiles when he is sees me, and will say hello, but he always looks a little tense. I just want to be able to get over my feelings for him, and to be able to have a friendly relationship with my brother in Christ. My initial guess is that it was obvious that I liked him, and it made him feel uneasy.
Thanks for reading, and God bless.
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I genuinely sense that He wants me to remain part of this community for some time.
