Is it okay to marry someone just to have children? For example, if you prayed for and found someone (and you also think God has led him/her to you), however you are not "in love" with this person, would you get married? You do like this person though and could see yourself with this person long-term (he's loyal, kind, etc.). I would especially like to hear from divorced people with kids.
Husbands and wives are supposed to love one another. Paul tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. He told older women to teach younger women to love their husbands.
But it does not say that you have to be 'in love' to get married. If you listen to people talk, listen to people on dating shows or reality shows or movies talking about being 'in love'-- what do they mean? There is this idea that if you experience the right feelings about a relationship, everything will work out okay. You'll hear somebody talk about a past relationship that did not work out, and they say, "I thought I was in love, but I guess it was not real.' So they redefine being 'in love' not to be whatever that was, because it turned out bad.
Back in middle school or high school, you might have had a crush that gave you butterflies in your stomach, made you feel almost nausea around that person, and your heart beat out of your chest. If you felt that way throughout a whole marriage, you might die young from a heart attack. I don't know that our bodies can endure that sort of emotional high. There are some bonding hormones that were probably intended to help a newly married couple bond, but which our culture has us burn through with excessive young dating experiences. And they probably are a little more intense at the younger ages because of where teenagers bodies are hormonally.
I didn't want to marry someone I did not have feelings for. When I got to know my wife, I had strong feelings for her, but it was not the uncomfortable, cannot eat type if feelings. I like to think it was something more mature. I felt comfortable around her. We could talk about things.
The command is to love, not to be 'in love.' The Bible says to love your neighbor. You probably don't get butterflies from every fellow human you meet or even your brothers or sisters in Christ at church. But you can love them. You probably don't get butterflies when you see your mom or dad, even if you really love them.
The Song of Solomon does describe romantic love, and it is a good thing. It warns not to awaken love before it so desires. There is a right time for the physical and romantic love. That timing has to do with marriage or leading up to it. The sexual love should be reserved for marriage. It is a beautiful thing, and we want it in our marriages.
As far as marrying someone goes without certain feelings, one thing to keep in mind is that sex does make babies, but the Bible also says to render 'due benevolence.' I believe a husband or wife should go into marriage with an attitude that they will meet the others sexual needs. Of course, they need to cut each other slack for giving time to fasting and prayers, health reasons, sickness, a woman's cycle, after childbirth, etc. Partners not meeting each other's needs is a big enough problem to cause tension in a marriage when each one is attracted to the other. But if there is no physical attraction, a potential wife considering a partner to make babies, for example, might need to ask herself if she will be willing to meet her partner's needs. He might be looking for more than the bare minimum to produce 2 or 3 children. And the same goes the other way, since some women end up feeling deprived in this area.
Both a husband and a wife want to feel desired by their partner.
Many cultures had arranged marriages, and some still do. If you had to feel 'in love' to get married and you had to go through our very recent dating rituals, or otherwise it was plain wrong or illegitimate to marry, then arranged marriages would be wrong. Most of us would be descended by a long line of bastards whose arranged marriages weren't legitimate. Isaac and Rebecca's marriage was a kind arranged marriage of sorts, wasn't it? And would any of us say it was not from the Lord? I Corinthians 7 talks about whether a man should marry his virgin or not. It is likely that there were people in arranged situations that hadn't actually married yet and men were considering whether to be celibate or get marriage. Paul was encouraging celibacy but allowing for marriage,
When I was in Korea, maybe 40% of marriages were arranged, but they tended to have the lower divorced rates. I think some of the couples that get arranged value marriage as marriage and it is not based on their feelings in their minds. If the feelings aren't there, they don't bail. Our emotions can go up and down and be influenced by all kinds of stuff going on. People who think they should be married as long as they are 'in love', and associate being 'in love' with an emotional high may want to divorce easily. Arranged marriages often involve input from family members who might be able to spot red flags that a single person who is blinded by looks and charm may not see.
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