Why do you think God has you single?

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Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#41
Dec 15, 2018
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#41
Because of recessions etc, fewer people get married.
I am reading a book about a nurse in Africa, when they had the AIDS pandemic in the 90s and people were dying left and right, it left a great many orphans and widows. Children as young as 12 and 13 were looking after their siblings. But they had noone to look after them.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#42
Dec 15, 2018
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#42
this amazing nurse, Sister abigail, stayed single and she adopted a huge number of children.

People might not know this, but HIV. and STDS are still around.
 
Didymous

Didymous

Senior Member
#43
Feb 22, 2018
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#43
Lanolin said:
this amazing nurse, Sister abigail, stayed single and she adopted a huge number of children.

People might not know this, but HIV. and STDS are still around.
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Why wouldn't people know that? :cool:
 
Vagabond

Vagabond

Member
#44
Feb 19, 2020
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#44
If you have a job, you take care of yourself appearance wise and you are halfway decent in the conversation department and single you are single by choice. If you don't take care of yourself (obese, bad hygiene, etc.), have no job, no drive in life and still expect someone to just love you for who you are, that's just being naive. A bit of brutal honesty is good for the soul :)
 
K

Kim82

Guest
#45
#45
Lynx said:
Why do I think God has me single? Uh... why should I blame God? "God how could you hold out on me? You should have sent me a wife DECADES ago!"

I don't have a wife for the same reason I don't have facebook - I don't see a need for it in my life right now and it would take up time I want to spend on other things.

I'm very goal-oriented. I bike for exercise, but it drives me nuts to just bike around a loop - I have to have a reason, so I bike to w*rk and back. I have not identified a need in my life that either facebook or a spouse can fill, so I don't bother getting either. I don't know anybody across the country that I want to keep in touch with on facebook. I don't want to play the games on facebook. It literally has nothing to offer me. Likewise I wash my own laundry, do my own cooking (and others say my cooking is pretty good) and generally tend to my needs. I don't need a hypothetical spouse's income because I have everything I need, almost everything I want and no debts.

In the meantime if I got facebook it would get in the way. I would spend screen time on it that I could be spending on the forum, playing a video game, catching up with a skype group chat I've been part of for years... many other things I would rather do. Likewise if I had a spouse it would interfere with taking care of Grandma, always being here for her, making meals, helping her in a hundred little ways... not to mention the peace of mind the rest of the family seems to have, knowing I'm here if something happens to her.

Of course life is change. I may soon get facebook. Our church has been streaming services using facebook live. Two Sundays ago there was a storm and the church internet connection failed. Had I had a facebook account and been an admin for the church facebook page, I could have grabbed my phone and kept filming and streaming. I'm currently evaluating options. Likewise Grandma will not live forever - some day she will "pass on" as we like to say in the South, and then I'll have a lot more time on my hands and nobody to take care of. Maybe then I'll find a nice lady and we'll get married. One never knows.

If God is keeping me single, cool. Things seem to be happening just about right. Either way, it is convenient that I am single right now and I'm not impatient to change it.

Yet.
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This is ridiculous. How long will you go on convincing yourself that you don't need a partner? This is sad.

Comparing a wife to Facebook? All that stuff about grandma? Come on now.
 
K

Kim82

Guest
#46
#46
Vagabond said:
If you have a job, you take care of yourself appearance wise and you are halfway decent in the conversation department and single you are single by choice. If you don't take care of yourself (obese, bad hygiene, etc.), have no job, no drive in life and still expect someone to just love you for who you are, that's just being naive. A bit of brutal honesty is good for the soul :)
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But then, there are some who have absolutely nothing going for them other than the fact that they are attractive, and they do find themselves in relationships just the same. While there are others not so attractive, but they do have other attributes but still can't get a partner.
 
BrotherMike

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
#47
Jan 8, 2018
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#47
MegMarch said:
I think I am single for a multitude of reasons. God has used the single years of my life to refine me in many ways. Being single for 8 years has helped me heal and learn from past relationship mistakes, focus on growing in other areas of my life, and most importantly I've learned to see the idolatry of my heart that used to long for a husband to provide for all of my needs. I've come to know God as my provider. There are many other lessons I've learned about marriage after becoming a believer, but I don't want this response to become a book.

I'm also single because I have some ideals that I won't compromise on. (It might go without saying, but I also apply standards to myself for my future partner.) I won't marry a man who isn't a believer or equally yoked. I won't marry a man who is addicted to porn, drugs, or alcohol or tries to sleep with me before marriage. I won't marry a man who is dishonest or unfaithful. I won't marry a man who can't communicate in a respectful and healthy way or is abusive. And I won't marry a man who doesn't have a job. I don't expect perfection, but I won't bend on these standards even if it is not easy to meet someone who does not fail in one or more of those standards.
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Don’t settle for less than these standards and God will bless you for it. Jesus does not live in sin, so it’s best to find a man who wants to obey His word and shows the fruits of the spirit. You’re right no one is perfect, but you’ll know when you get peace from the Holy Spirit.
 
BrotherMike

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
#48
Jan 8, 2018
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#48
I’m single cause I’m not aggressive enough in the dating world and I should really work on a few things beforehand. I am 47 though and time is ticking. I do trust God is in control and I am in no rush.
 
C

CozHElivesIcanface2morrow

Guest
#49
#49
Vagabond said:
If you have a job, you take care of yourself appearance wise and you are halfway decent in the conversation department and single you are single by choice. If you don't take care of yourself (obese, bad hygiene, etc.), have no job, no drive in life and still expect someone to just love you for who you are, that's just being naive. A bit of brutal honesty is good for the soul :)
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And If He/she still thinks you are special despite everything...it must be true love? Yay! 😍 Screenshot_20200421_124918.jpg 😅
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#50
Aug 13, 2014
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#50
Kim82 said:
This is ridiculous. How long will you go on convincing yourself that you don't need a partner? This is sad.

Comparing a wife to Facebook? All that stuff about grandma? Come on now.
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The one living the life (me) is happy with it.

The one observing the life from outside (you) thinks it is ridiculous and I am sad. (I am assuming you mean "sad" pathetic, not "sad" despondent.)

Hmm... which opinion is more valid? I think I'll stick with my opinion that I'm happy with my life.
 
R

Ruby123

Guest
#52
#52
Vagabond said:
True love despite all the undesirable qualities... I suppose anything is technically possible. But it is a bit naive.
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I think when you really like someone you tend to overlook their negatives, at least at first lol.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#53
Dec 15, 2018
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#53
Didymous said:
Why wouldn't people know that? :cool:
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maybe they were born after the AIDS epidemic and were never taught or know about STDS. It seems the vast majority of men dont seem to be concerned about stuff like that. That you can get germs from sleeping around.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#54
Dec 15, 2018
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#54
I think the there are differenct experiences for men and for women.
women are more likely to be molested and date raped, than men. Women are less likely to be heard and their refusals not considered.

Women are also judged on their outward appearance, (can she handle having children?) while men seem to be judged on their bank account. (can he provide for a household?) Not saying thats a bad thing but it is something that you need to take inti considertion. if you are serious about a lifetime marriage, not just living together in a casual arrangement, which you not supposed to do anyway as whats the point of that.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#55
May 23, 2009
16,517
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#55
Kim82 said:
This is ridiculous. How long will you go on convincing yourself that you don't need a partner? This is sad.

Comparing a wife to Facebook? All that stuff about grandma? Come on now.
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Lynx said:
The one living the life (me) is happy with it.

The one observing the life from outside (you) thinks it is ridiculous and I am sad. (I am assuming you mean "sad" pathetic, not "sad" despondent.)

Hmm... which opinion is more valid? I think I'll stick with my opinion that I'm happy with my life.
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I've known Lynx for about 5 years here on CC and met him in person late last year, so I can definitely confirm that:

1. He's happy on his own, and spends most of his time helping his family, church, and yes, his grandma (she's a lovely person.) The older I get, the more I seem to meet people who are single and actually happy that way, and it's very inspiring. (Plus, his uncles are a total hoot -- just don't expect them to remember your name.)

2. What he says is true -- whether he found someone or not, he'd be fine either way. I'm trying to get him to teach me how to be so content in life but I don't think I'm catching on nearly as quick! :)

Truthfully, after spending a week with his family, I wondered if God was a little disappointed in me for worrying so much about dating and finding someone, etc. rather than devoting more time to taking care of the people right in front of me as he does.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#56
Dec 15, 2018
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#56
if lynx is happy on his own who are we to judge. lol

if you are not happy on your own why must you make everyone else as miserable as you are? (rhetrical question for single unhappy people)
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#57
Aug 13, 2014
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#57
Thank you seoulsearch. I will be certain to tell grandma she is officially a lovely person.
 
christian74

christian74

Senior Member
#59
Oct 1, 2013
594
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#59
Kim82 said:
This is ridiculous. How long will you go on convincing yourself that you don't need a partner? This is sad.

Comparing a wife to Facebook? All that stuff about grandma? Come on now.
Click to expand...
seoulsearch said:
I've known Lynx for about 5 years here on CC and met him in person late last year, so I can definitely confirm that:

1. He's happy on his own, and spends most of his time helping his family, church, and yes, his grandma (she's a lovely person.) The older I get, the more I seem to meet people who are single and actually happy that way, and it's very inspiring. (Plus, his uncles are a total hoot -- just don't expect them to remember your name.)

2. What he says is true -- whether he found someone or not, he'd be fine either way. I'm trying to get him to teach me how to be so content in life but I don't think I'm catching on nearly as quick! :)

Truthfully, after spending a week with his family, I wondered if God was a little disappointed in me for worrying so much about dating and finding someone, etc. rather than devoting more time to taking care of the people right in front of me as he does.
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I can attest to what seoulsearch said about Lynx since I know him on a personal level as well.
I am fully convinced that he does not make himself appear as or pretend to be happy (heck, he doesn't even try) but he is genuinely a happy person who is content with his life right now as a single person. More importantly, I've never seen a guy in my life whose life does not operate based on the worldly standard/value but based on his life and belief in Christ.
 
OneOfHis

OneOfHis

Well-known member
#60
Mar 24, 2019
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#60
Kim82 said:
This is ridiculous. How long will you go on convincing yourself that you don't need a partner? This is sad.

Comparing a wife to Facebook? All that stuff about grandma? Come on now.
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What are you talking about?

Who are you to decide if someone needs to "convince" themselves of what they need and don't need.

This is a forum with different people who love God and we talk about our various perspectives and opinions here.


He is a man with a grasp on what is truly important to him and sharing his own personal views....

You are someone who seems to be confused and harsh imputing your own sense of "wanting" to another.
 
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