In John 15:5 Jesus said, "I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing."
You and I, being branches, it's not our job to figure out or worry about whether we are growing or bearing fruit. Our job is make sure that WE are intimately connected to Jesus, as He is our True Vine. Don't concern yourself with whether you are growing up as the growth and bearing fruits will be natural results of abiding in Jesus in its due season. How do we abide in Jesus, the living Word of God? You spend time with Him everyday. Grab coffee, open up your Bible, grab a seat and just chat with Him. I say 'chat' because He likes to grab coffee and chat with you, talking about how things are going with you and all your video game interests (He likes to hear about your opinions on games). Tell Him also about your inability to read and enjoy His word because of panic attack and you should rebuke any spirit of evil, anything that does not line up with God's word in Jesus name because there is power and authority in His name. Also plead the blood of Jesus on yourself, on your family and your place of abode. Lastly, my personal recommendation, read the book of Psalm everyday. Just read it straight, no need to meditate on it, just straight read, one chapter a day, a verse, or as much as you feel like reading - but keep reading and start from the first chapter once you go through the entire book. Repeat and I guarantee you that you will begin to see changes taking place internally. Just as God commanded Joshua be strong (withstanding hardship) and be courageous (not being deterred by danger/pain and keep moving forward), do not be afraid or be disheartened by your circumstances for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.