Doomed to be single?

[tourist]

If you were married before and almost married a second time, both times there were reasons of a break up. Were they the same reasons, or different reasons? Something to think about and ponder. If they were basically the same reason, than maybe it's time to take a step back.

Honestly, I don't think you are being completely genuine overall. First you say, "I have free access to the remote control, but no one to watch a good movie with", than you say, "Not to watch TV with." Which is it? It doesn't really matter, not trying to interrogate you at all, your lonely and that's the bottom line.

Your sentiment is well received here, they are many that share your frustrations of being single. Obviously, not all are interested in getting married on CC. I think marriage has been sold out, and no longer has any real meaning in today's Western society. If you look at the divorce rate in modern societies, it's about 50%.

Many are choosing to ditch marriage and just live together, than when a baby is born they decide it's time to get married. After which there is a normally a huge financial or emotional break down and people split up. "Until death do us part", yeah right! More like, until I'm fed up, and can't take it anymore.

People love to play the blame game, but rarely accept the fact, that is most likely their own fault. How can you not blame yourself on a failed marriage? Is it only the other person's fault when the relationship goes sour? Marriage is more like exclusively dating now, but it's far from the original design.

Regarding marriage having no meaning in society, I don't see that as an issue as long as marriage has meaning for the couple that is so inclined to spend the rest of their life together with God at the center of their marriage. Personally, I really don't care squat what society thinks.

 

[Lynx]

toinena / icequeen you have been distraught about being single for as long as I have known you.

You have been desperately trying to find a man for as long as I have known you.

I have been telling you the same thing over and over for as long as I have known you. You have not been listening.

I am going to try one more time.

Finding a man won't fix a thing. If you are unhappy with life as a single person, you'll be unhappy married. Finding a husband won't suddenly fill the world with peace, joy, love and pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows. Nobody can make that happen in anybody else's life. The responsibility is just too much.

Nobody wants you to be unhappy, but the method you have chosen and fixated on to make yourself happy will not work. You are dwelling on a solution that is not a solution and will not fix anything. You have made it your life goal to get that solution anyway because you are sure it will be the magic cure, but it won't do a thing for you if you do get it.

Finding a man will not make you happy. I promise it will not. You can keep trying if you want, and if you try hard enough you will probably find one, but it will be nothing but frustration to you.

I say this knowing you will not believe me, and knowing you will keep searching for a man to make your life complete. But I had to try one last time anyway.

 

[CharliRenee]

Icequeen,

I do not know you offline, but in reading your heart as you display it so openly in weak moments of lonely, I find you to be very genuine and refreshing. I'd rather not dissect why your relationships have not worked out. I would rather tell you that I understand.

I have moments of ache too, where I feel all a lonely. I love my Lord and most of the time I am more than content with the table of two, Jesus and me. However, there are times it hurts deeply. I think those seasons many ppl can relate with, married or single. Life on earth comes with seasons of pain and suffering, regardless of any set of circumstances.

I think it is good to reach out online and off too. We are called to be caring of one another and it helps others feel less alone when they know others get it. I'm not saying... hey get caught up in those heavy hurting times, no. We want to take this time we are in and see where God is taking us, find what's right.

Being alone has many advantages just as being married does. Let's us single peeps, make the best of this blessed time, best we can. Our Lord, often calls and woos us into the desert to bring us closer to Him. Whoa!!!! He wants our connection. He wants our fellowship.

I will be praying for you, not just that God finds you a fella of God but that He, Christ, shines His revealing so strongly in your life that you find peace and joy right where you are today.

Live you Sister in Christ.

 

[climbthehill]

 

[TheIndianGirl]

I may be doomed to be single. I am kind of upset about that but at the same time feel a sense of peace. I do not have an entirely good view of marriage based on my observations. My parents only started to get along finally (in their 60s). Growing up, my dad made all the decisions and my mom really did not have much say (such as where to live, when to visit relatives) and she was also expected to do all the chores and errands even though she was working full-time. Disagreeing with my dad was not really an option (even now). Divorce was not an option due to financial reasons. I did not see my mom happy growing up. At the same time, I do know quite a few happy couples now and I see happy couples at my church. So, I am not ruling out marriage but I am VERY cautious.

 

[17Bees]

Aye, that is good to be cautious. I detest bullies and I'm sorry for your mom.

 

[icequeen]

toinena / icequeen you have been distraught about being single for as long as I have known you.

You have been desperately trying to find a man for as long as I have known you.

I have been telling you the same thing over and over for as long as I have known you. You have not been listening.

I am going to try one more time.

Finding a man won't fix a thing. If you are unhappy with life as a single person, you'll be unhappy married. Finding a husband won't suddenly fill the world with peace, joy, love and pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows. Nobody can make that happen in anybody else's life. The responsibility is just too much.

Nobody wants you to be unhappy, but the method you have chosen and fixated on to make yourself happy will not work. You are dwelling on a solution that is not a solution and will not fix anything. You have made it your life goal to get that solution anyway because you are sure it will be the magic cure, but it won't do a thing for you if you do get it.

Finding a man will not make you happy. I promise it will not. You can keep trying if you want, and if you try hard enough you will probably find one, but it will be nothing but frustration to you.

I say this knowing you will not believe me, and knowing you will keep searching for a man to make your life complete. But I had to try one last time anyway.

Oh, shoot. You blew my cover. Well, well.

I know you are happy alone. And you will remain happy alone. You are different. I am different. And I am content with many things in my life. As you know. Work has never been better and health-wise things are looking good. I am happy when doing the things I love, but sometimes loneliness hits. I think that is normal. It is also normal to grieve a man that meant a lot to me. I didn't ask him to marry me. He did. I didn't ask him to move here, he wanted to. It doesn't matter. It is a blessing it didn't work out.

You think you know me, and perhaps you do. But how can you say I am fixated on one thing and one thing only? How could I have changed careers, studied and handled my disability if I was that fixated? It is not only unfair but uncalled for. If it is something I am fixated on, it is linguistics. Talk to me about inversion and phonetics or language policies, and you will see.

How I choose to live my life is not your business as much as you being content with yours is non of mine.

But I still can vent if I like to. I have experienced the joy of companionship. And also the frustration from it. I have made bad choices and some pretty good ones. I have lived a rich life, and seen more countries than most. But to share experiences are much more valuable than you could ever know.

Call me desperate or call me a hopelessly romantic. You are right, a man will not fix my problems, but it will enhance the happiness and a bonus is of course if he can shovel snow. Burdens shared and life shared is a blessing. Perhaps you will never see that. But what I see is that I have many blessings in life. And happiness as well as joy in Christ. If I want to share that with someone, what is wrong with that?

 

[icequeen]

I kind of regret coming back to the singles forum. I tried to stay out and hide in the poetic corner, but in the end I thought why not.

It was a mistake.

I really appreciate the heartwarming responses from most. And Lynx' response was no surprise. Well. I vented back and now I will leave. Perhaps I join in a thread later. Or perhaps I just stay in my quiet corner.

Jesus has called us to follow Him but we all have different routes. Some more filled with trials and grief than others. We all share the same heavenly father, though. And we shall leave the judging to Him that has the authority to do so.

God bless y'all. So long, and thanks for all the fish.

 

[BibleStudent60]

Jesus put the gift of voluntary singleness in a very noble position (Matthew 19:10-12) and so Christians should feel as did Jesus and not think of it as a condition to be pitied. God highly values the sacrifices made by single persons who have chosen to do what he delights in (Isaiah 56:4, 5). And of course, God "satisfies the desire of every living thing and gives to all the requests of their heart (Psalm 37:3, 4; 145:16).

 

[BibleStudent60]

I kind of regret coming back to the singles forum. I tried to stay out and hide in the poetic corner, but in the end I thought why not.

It was a mistake.

I hope you reconsider! Warm Christian regards,

 

[Lynx]

Call me desperate or call me a hopelessly romantic. You are right, a man will not fix my problems, but it will enhance the happiness and a bonus is of course if he can shovel snow. Burdens shared and life shared is a blessing. Perhaps you will never see that. But what I see is that I have many blessings in life. And happiness as well as joy in Christ. If I want to share that with someone, what is wrong with that?

Not a thing in the world wrong with that. I would kind of like that myself some day.

But after many conversations in chat and on the forum, I have concluded you can talk yourself into being miserable better than anybody I know. And I wish I could find a way to help you stop doing that, because I don't like to see anybody miserable.

Maybe it's just one side of you I see. Maybe you are quite happy with your life, and you only vent about the parts you don't like online, so I get a one-sided view of you. But that side is all I've seen.

 

[CozHElivesIcanface2morrow]

There's nothing wrong with wanting a husband or wife... To be married is beautiful it is a worthy life 😊 it is nice to have someone holding your hand I guess 😁


It becomes bad when we become too focused and desperate about finding someone to marry...desperation blinds us and it makes us do some foolish things in order to move the relationship forward without realizing the true color of the person we are with...yeah...it is sad when lonely nice men/women become an easy target for manipulators who want to take advantage of them...😔


To @icequeen you are not alone...many of us feel lonely sometimes and loneliness doesn't feel good...but we'll be fine...we got Jesus...whether we get married or we become single forever our hope lies with Jesus 😊 God bless you more ❤

 

[climbthehill]

just sayin...

 

[Commanda89]

It would be nice to have a husband but at the end of the day...I have what I need. I'm secure in Christ.

Of course, we long for physical intimacy and companionship with a spouse that's natural we're made as sexual beings. We live in a fallen' world, and those things we desire are not like what we see in the movies. I know most single people have this idea of what marriage will be and it's more challenging than you think it is. As a single person, you're fully devoted to the Lord with no distractions. That is a gift!!

 

[TamLynn]

Every time I scroll through the singles Forum I see the title "Doomed to be Single" and I cringe.
I don't know why it bothers me so much, so I decided to look up the definition of 'doomed' tonight.

The definition of 'Doomed' is:
'likely to have an unfortunate and inescapable outcome; ill-fated".
"To condemn to certain destruction for death".

I can't help but think of Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Psalm 139:16 also comes to mind. "You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed".

I understand the longing to love and be loved, but I if we are feeling "doomed" to be single we may need to fix our eyes on Jesus and ask him to help us grasp the fact our lives are in his hands and his plans for us are GOOD. ❤
Doomed is the opposite of what God has in store for those who love him. 🙏🏼

 

[Lanolin]

what about zoomed to be single.

Or groomed to be single.

the OP makes singleness sound like a curse...when it totally isnt! Its a huge blessing!

well at least I think so...and Im not alone. right? lol

 

[Lanolin]

btw watching tv with other people can be annoying especially if one of you has the remote, hogs it and starts channel surfing. The solution is to get two remotes or more and make it into a multiplayer video game.

I mean really if all you have to complain is theres noone to watch tv with you must be living a pretty priveliged life or maybe its time to read more books. Cos if I watched too much tv alone or with anyone my brain would turn to mush.

 

[Lanolin]

I dont think anyone would die if they stopped watching tv. seriously.

 

[icequeen]

I find it interesting and funny how the dynamics in this forum works. This is a Christian Singles Forum. And yet discussing, venting and frustrating over being single is frowned upon. Even judged.

People claim to know me. People who DO know can tell I smile, laugh and joke a lot. I care for the people arond me and I see how I, or God using me rather, make people grow and learn during the time I teach them. People feel comfortable around me. And they, mostly, enjoy my company as I enjoy theirs. So I am not that miserable. And I don't need affirmation from this forum or from a significant other. I get that from my dogs, students, boss, co-workers and friends. I am blessed. But yet I have and have had my fights and struggles.

Perhaps that is why those that think they know me think I am miserable? Yes. It is hard to live with a disability. It is hard to rely on help to do the things most people take for granted. It is a pain in the butt to see my abilities to walk get worse year by year. And yes. Sometimes I complain about that. I am frustrated when I fall on the floor and don't get up. I am tired of always having to control my intake of food and drink, because the only safe place to go to the bathroom is at home, and I have to calculate how much, how long and what to eat and drink to last until I get home. It takes a lot of energy. It is frustrating. But I am not miserable.

A man can't fix that. Lynx is right. But the right man can see past the wheelchair, the difficulties getting out during Winter and the bathroom problematics. The right man will see a woman that makes him smile and feel loved and cherished. And that man is hard to find. I know that. And yes. It feels like a curse. The disability can feel like a curse. But perhaps a woman like me is hard to find, too. Because what Lynx might fail to see, is that I have a lot to offer. To the right man. And I believe God can do awesome things. Even the mission impossible, to put two persons together that need eachother and fullfill eachother's potential.

 

[Lynx]

btw watching tv with other people can be annoying especially if one of you has the remote, hogs it and starts channel surfing. The solution is to get two remotes or more and make it into a multiplayer video game.

Now this is an awesome idea. Get a second remote and make TV watching a multiplayer game. Points are scored by how many times you get it to your channel. Bonus points if you can follow your show enough to decipher what is going on in the plot.