I’ve been a Christian now for about 7 years, and I’m finally encountering what I will call the wall of judgement from my Christian friends. It is not only in the area of dating, although this seems to be the topic that they care about the the most, but also in other areas like how often I read my Bible, or if I am serving others enough, or if I endure trials with joy because that is godly.
But I will focus on the area of dating. It is disheartening to me, and I don’t feel like I can date unless it is according to their standards. To clarify, we all agree on the Biblical stance regarding fornication. I’m referring to all the additional expectations they have.
For example:
-Online dating isn’t good.
-Don’t spend too much time taking to the other person because that means they are becoming your god.
-They aren’t good enough because they aren’t a “strong” Christian.
-Wait a certain amount of time between dating people.
My main question is this-how do you all deal with the way other Christians pressurize the dating environment?
1) I don't date, probably because of many of the reasons you listed
2) If I were to date, I would only take advice from a very select few people. Most other people probably wouldn't know I was dating until I was pretty confident in the relationship.
Since that's not likely very helpful for people looking to date or needing some guidance in dating, here are some other observations:
The person you marry will pretty much become the most significant person in the world to you, so if you're to the point where you're thinking about marrying that person should be becoming pretty high up there in significance. If someone accuses you of trying to replace God with a people or making a people into your god, I'd say make them cite some specific evidence before you believe them. Also remember that while God is the source, he often works through people.
Be prudent but don't drag your feet. It will take time and deep conversations to establish a solid foundation to the relationship. Don't short circuit the relationship building process by rushing into the physical connecting. And spend some time thinking what level of connection is appropriate at each stage of the relationship ( seriously, please don't be paying someone else's debts or buying them super expensive presents after the first couple dates and don't let them do the same for you either).
Perhaps a good measure of the relationship would be to ask yourself: if something happened and you could never physically consummate the relationship, would you still choose this relationship over any other potentials.
Character counts far more than hours spent in church, number of Bible verses quoted, or number of Christian books with good teaching a person has read. If this person doesn't display acceptable character to their family, cashiers, waitresses, and other average strangers as well as toward you; they aren't someone you want to live with for the next several decades.
As much as possible get involved in each other's activities and daily lives. Online only or primarily can leave you in for a lot of surprises like someone having a totally different schedule, liking a very loud / quiet environment, foods they can't eat or stand the smell of, etc. when you start spending time together in person.
Be clear with each other about your level of commitment, one date is not a commitment or a relationship. Getting together several times a week for 6 months is starting to look and feel like something significant even if one party keeps wanting to call it close friends ( good rule of thumb I picked up from an online article is less than 2 hours a week one on one time if you're not dating / pursuing a relationship)
Ok hopefully that is some wise and useful advice, but it comes from someone who doesn't date so actual results may vary.
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