I’ve been a Christian now for about 7 years, and I’m finally encountering what I will call the wall of judgement from my Christian friends. It is not only in the area of dating, although this seems to be the topic that they care about the the most, but also in other areas like how often I read my Bible, or if I am serving others enough, or if I endure trials with joy because that is godly.
But I will focus on the area of dating. It is disheartening to me, and I don’t feel like I can date unless it is according to their standards. To clarify, we all agree on the Biblical stance regarding fornication. I’m referring to all the additional expectations they have.
For example:
-Online dating isn’t good.
-Don’t spend too much time taking to the other person because that means they are becoming your god.
-They aren’t good enough because they aren’t a “strong” Christian.
-Wait a certain amount of time between dating people.
My main question is this-how do you all deal with the way other Christians pressurize the dating environment?
Hi, MegMarch. 🙂 Today I had one of the biggest revelations, it appears, of my life. I simply must confess here that I have had a history of being one of those judgemental, legalistic Christians you speak of. It may be a little off topic, but I write this publicly to thank God for answering me when I was in a place of utter confusion and despair. Whoever reads this, please do thank God with me for opening my eyes to His TRUTH!
Through a relatively long series of events God has shown me that I have had a tendency to dwell on His wrath against sin more intensely than His love and grace. John 12:47b was one thing He used to get His message across to my apparently slow-learning, stubborn heart- "For I did not come to judge the world, but to save the world." Also,
@seoulsearch and
@SoulWeaver wrote great posts on another thread that also helped to open my eyes. Thank you both. We never know how many people our posts on CC reach and effect- for good or for bad. I am very grateful for all of the posts on CC that God uses for good:
https://christianchat.com/bookmarks/confirm?content_type=post&content_id=4282660
https://christianchat.com/bookmarks/confirm?content_type=post&content_id=4282662
Romans 14 is the passage that held my answer for today. I realized that I have had WEAK faith-- my conscience has accused me over and over again about different things and I thought it was God! Now I can echo Romans 14:22b, "Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves." Now, sin is still sin, and we do have a responsibility to turn from it. But God is SO gracious!
Honestly and sincerely I write to you: by my trying ever-so-diligently to follow God's instructions in the Bible, and what I thought He was telling me through "signs" of circumstances, and by following my conscience, I thought I was loving Him and actually having strong faith. I thought I could trust my conscience. But, really, our conscience can be weak and misguide us. We MUST depend on the written, living, breathing, Word of God.
From your original post
@MegMarch "Don’t spend too much time talking to the other person because that means they are becoming your god." THIS was an accusation I believed and ended a relationship when I shouldn't have. Sometimes people can be so hard on themselves and think they are doing right. 😔
I may not be making much logical sense. I just post to try and give a little perspective from the harsh Christian type you speak of- not to justify. Their consciences may be weak like mine and be easily persuaded to condemn something that, in actuality, unbeknownst to them, God doesn't condemn. (Though there are things God does condemn- I am speaking more to those "gray areas," like for example online dating.) I hope someone benefits by this. But, again, please if you have read this, fellow Sisters and Brothers, celebrate, rejoice, and thank God with me that He gave me clarity in a moment when I needed it so badly. He is Good above all else! ❤️
I am sorry you are suffering from someone like me. Love to you, beloved Daughter of the King.