Sex before marriage follow up. Practical reasons why I dont fornicate

thimsrebma · Apr 28, 2011

Okay so a while ago there was a thread and poll about sex before marraige. There were about 30pgs of don't do it its wrong. Liamson was tired of beating the dead horse, so I decided to make a new thread for people to list practical reasons why they have not or will no longer fornicate.

Obviously most Christians will say its wrong but how do we not do it? What makes us say no? If you have and regret it or have stopped why and how do you not do it again? Please give your testimony.

I'll go first.
Preface:
This is a serious topic and I am sharing real life stuff. Be nice as I am opening my heart to you all. Thanks

So I lost my virginity in my teen years. I was not rasied in a religious/spiritual family and sex was discussed as an activity between two consenting adults. Thats about it. So I just pretty much thought of it as a fun activity for people who were mutually physically attracted to each other.

So I did it. I liked it. I did it repeatedly. It wasn't a big deal. Sometimes I was dating the guy and a few times it was a friends with benefits kind of thing.

But as I came to know the Lord I started to have a new attitude, or a change of heart about what that physical act is. I no longer think of it as a fun activity. Well sure it will be that when I get married but its more than just that. Now I view it for a woman at least as the ultimate act of submission to her husband. She is saying, I love you, I trust you, here I am, you can have me in th most intimate way, when I am most vulnerable, nothing to hide, I am yours. And that is awesome.

Because of this new understanding, after I gave my life to Christ I vowed to Him, myself and my unknown husband that I would never give myself to anyone else. I ithink sometimes when facing temptation people say, God is a forgiving, he'll forgive me again if I fall. Yes that is true, But what keeps me going, other than the fact that I don't date anymore anyway, lol, is that I never want to have to explain to my husband that even after knowing God I still chose to give myself away to a man that was not him. We are not as forgiving as God. And I love my husband too much to look him in the eye and tell him that.

seoulsearch · Apr 28, 2011

Awesome post, Thim.

I agree with you 100%. I've made mistakes in my past as well. I'm surrounded by younger (and sometimes older) single people at work who are living with their significant others and like to "skirt around" "the" question regarding my personal life but still persist in asking... I know what they're trying to ask and I figure... why not be honest, it might inspire someone. So, I tell them the truth, that I made a mistake and was in a relationship I should not have been in, and that was nearly 9 years ago.

And they all look at me like I'm crazy and ask, "WHAT?? You haven't died yet???" Well... here I am, so apparently not.

I don't try to tell people what they should or should not do, but I'll tell them why I make certain decisions... and I also tell them I'm human and in danger of falling every single day, so I rely on God to keep me straight (as well as friends to hold me accountable.)

Other practical reasons to avoid sex outside of marriage:

1. STD'S--scary stuff. I was in a few classes and programs in college... If the thought of these diseases don't scare you, the pictures most certainly will--not to mention the fact that you'll lose your lunch when you see them.

2. Emotional ties, damage, and heartbreak--it takes a LONG time and a LOT of work/counseling/prayer to get over the feeling of being used by someone.

3. People often don't keep quiet about whom they've slept with--no one wants to have someone point at them in front of their friends and say, "Yeah, I hit that." It's shameful, embarrassing, and not worth the trouble.

4. God sees and knows what you're doing... I personally hate the feeling of guilt and God being after me about something I'm doing wrong--I've found that in the end, it's just less trouble to try to do the right thing instead of trying to get away with doing what's wrong!!

babymarinel · Apr 28, 2011

Hi thimsrebma,

I'm sorry to hear that, but Praise God that you finally meet him. However God let it happen because he know that you are a strong woman. And you are really courageous that you even tell us your story I salute you for that, God gave you the strength to do it because it is a great testimony to others,that if they will really choose to stop Fornication and follow God, it will really happen because nothing is impossible with God. And also, don't worry, your soon to be husband/husband will completely understand it.

well, here's my story;
I am 25, I never had a boyfriend since birth, why? because I'm blessed that I have a christian Family that taught me christian Values. Virginity should be given to your husband only and not to your boyfriend or friends with benefits. That sex is sacred and it should be done after the marriage because it should be done out of LOVE and not because of LUST.
So I am now keeping it for the right man, to the man that is given to me by God. Temptations are everywhere but Praise him because He is a great God.

thimsrebma · Apr 28, 2011

Thank you courageous ladies for responding. This is a subject that we will say no no no to just like Liamson said in the other thread but few are willing to share. I understand that becuse sometimes we are afraid of how people will respond to our life stories. But I encourage any one else who has a testimony about a sexual past to post as encouragement for others as well as those who have remained virgins their entire lives.

Nothing happens that God doesn't allow. It would be ashame for us to learn from these experiences but not let anyone else in on God's lessons.

Be blessed.

lordsservant121 · Apr 29, 2011

I was a typical guy in every sense of the word. I would do anything to do "it" short of being illegal. I used to say anything they wanted to hear, do anything they wanted to do and so forth. The last lady I was with was my Ex 4 years ago. When my wife left I felt if she didn't want me, the one who knew me best, then who could want me. I can't see myself with anyone else because of my covenant with GOD. I promised HIM and her and even though she has left me, I haven't left her. We may never get back together but that is okay. If we do, I want to be able to look her in the eye and say I have waited all the years for you because you're worth it. That is why, for love of GOD and her.

I know I am free to move on but then that wouldn't be love. I feel that if I moved on, then what I had with my wife would be tantamount to lust not love. Love never dies. Never.

Liamson · Apr 29, 2011

lordsservant121 said:

Thats very Deep. Thank you for sharing

I suppose for me it was out of a sense of revenge that I lost my virginity at 21. I was into the fairytale endings growing up and through high School. I wanted things to be right and in order always. A kiss meant that I loved and was in Love with someone. I love you, were the words I had saved for only one person. My problem was that in spite of everything, women who caught my eye were few and far between. When I finally found one that I absolutely fell for, she was far more experienced than me. I gave a superhuman effort into winning her heart, I poured every ounce of me into making it work over the course of years and failed miserably.

Since to begin with I was in my own waters, I didn't have anyone else to relate to. Everyone I talked about it with came out of the conversation just as distraught as I did telling it. They all told me the same things, "Keep trying." I believed that if I loved her enough, there was no obstacle that could not be overcome. But in my inexperience I mistook her excuses as actual reasons why we could not be. Rather than outright tell me that I meant so little, it was always circumstantial, so I hung on to the hope that eventually we would work.

Another woman, one that seemed to come straight out of a Bond movie was bent on disillusioning me. She tried to help me mend things but, her advice was awful. So then she tried to "fix" me. I admit that I was not entirely innocent in all of her schemes but, she wanted to show me that it was possible for me to not become emotionally invested in women at all, therefore never suffer having to live with a broken heart again. At that time sounded like heaven.

I was 19 and should have known better. She took me to Bad Religion concerts, strip clubs and Dance Clubs, just so that I might lose some of the respect and anxiety I had for God and women. This went on for a year but I still held on to the hope that the truth was worth waiting for. I started hanging out with the wrong crowd because it was better than being alone and it helped me lose the hope, which I thought was a burden( of the nagging truth). I started Smoking and collecting speeding tickets. I was searing my conscience and setting myself up for failure.

I moved across the country away from the slightest positive influence or accountability. I went looking for trouble and I found it. For 2 years, I was completely lost and stuck in a bad relationship with a girl that I knew in my heart I had nothing in common with. My conscience was giving me literal blinding migraines. Battle lines were drawn and God forced me to choose.

Though I had always been a "Christian" Proposition 8 in California is what made me have to start living it out. To return to the person I was before the fight, would be like spooning up my own vomit. I've spent the last 3 years trying to recondition myself into the boy who believed that Love is everything. It is hard because now the hope of true love feels more synthetic, whereas before when I was young, I knew of nothing else.

babymarinel · Apr 29, 2011

What I can see here is that, God put or allow obstacles along our way to teach us how to jump over it. He lets us experience troubles that will teaches us to hang on to our faith, or sometimes find/seek for him and get closer to Him.
At the end of the day, no matter what we've gone through He is There, waiting for us...
we always turns to HIM for we are nothing apart from him.
As long as God is with us and we are with HIM, whether it is a good or a bad experience, its OK...

We have a great God anyway.....

God bless!
its me nell

karlita · Apr 29, 2011

dats a great thread Thimsrebma,

well, im only 19 and my story is not dat long. last year i was dating a guy whos same age as me, but he was not christian. at first, i didnt want to date him becoz as a non-christian, he would not understand some of my decisions, my way to think. but i ended up dating him. he did knew why i didnt wanna date him, and he accepted me as i was, as i am. but he didnt love me enough to wait, invented an excuse and left me. well, i knew dating a non-christian was not "safe", but i did it anyway. ive taken my lesson n its not gonna happen anymore.....hehe....

now im single, still virgin and waiting with God's patience 4 the day when ill meet my future husband.

why ill stay virgin until my marriage:
1. its the will of God, im just obeying
2. avoiding sexually disrespectful comments from men towards me
3. sex is sacred and only can be practiced in sacred conditions: marriage.

GreenNnice · Apr 29, 2011

Fornicating is wrong because it easily can take us away from God and that is the LAST thing in the world we should want to have happen. That goes for anything, too, I was once 25 years old full of life and, suddenly seeing my white picket fence and wife coming into being being from a good job then giving me those things, they___----___boom! Needless to say, those things never came, because....I was saying I wanted those things with one person, or, rather, Deity, out of the equation. God. Well, to make a long story short, I crashed my car for almost inexplicable reasons within 10 minutes after thinking that thought of my life changing without putting God in the center if it all. God's power is so great and so is His love for us. Sooo great!
I came to a real realization from that horrible crash then, that I had indeed chosen God to be FIRST in my life from the time I was 15 remembering and likely before that because I wanted to please Him from earliest time in life I remember. I realized from crashing into another car without having insurance and doing damage to health of others this thing: God is a jealous God, not being tongue in cheek either. There is and ALWAYS will be only ONE God for me. My God, who says in scripture I was fearfully and wonderfully made and, my temple should be the temple of the Holy Spirit who God's given me. Why would I DARE Fornicate that ! As the late Rich Mullins sings, and, I loved that guy's singing and cried so much when I heard he died back in late '90s, I will ever praise Him.
God's dealt with me in other ways throughout life, be it masturbation, bad movies/internet, or, business dealings, and, ever so severely in some cases He has dealt with me.
But God taught me sooo much thru that crash--GREAT THINGS!

I want to leave you all with this. I have a personal relationship with God, my Lord, Jesus Christ, and, whom He has given me, His Holy Spirit. I am not going to go saying anything on Christian chat I pray that are not words filtered thru prayer from God.

I am single, I have had a deep conviction inside me to stay pure until/if God ever choose one for me. I have kept it, 42 , and I give ALL glory to God for keeping it. I am not homely, I am someone who turned in a card at a booth in the mall and someone called me day Later and said, ' We saw you on our camera in mall and we want u to come to our modeling agency in Seattle.'
Like I said, I give God all the glory and He through great books like Passion&Purity , Jacob's Way, and great presence in my life kept me from sex before marriage, He alone has kept me accountable but using others too is something He has done too, whether church singles groups or whatever.
I want youth know this, too, only the Enemy (Satan) wants you to feel guilty. God wants the best for you and to do that He needs ALL OF YOU

God bless you.

thimsrebma · Apr 29, 2011

Thanks everyone for this input. Thru this thread I gues I was hoping to encourage people to stay celibate. I know that all your stories will touch others.

Jullianna · Apr 29, 2011

This is a very good idea for a thread, Amber; especially since so many young people don’t have Christian guidance in this area and are bombarded with worldly views and examples at every turn. Having a teenager of my own, I know that just telling them “no” isn’t enough most of the time. They have questions and need answers and examples to learn from.

Since I was not permitted to date until 16 and married at 18 (and was married for 15 years before my husband passed), God protected me from much of what many of the singles who visit these threads have had to face. Since I’m kinda on the fiery, daredevil, passionate side, God knew best and married me off early I guess. J Even so, that doesn’t mean that it has been easy.

I had wanted to become a military pilot, but my military dad and brothers put the brakes on that, so, after I married, was in college and an event occurred in my life that made me want to go into law enforcement, my husband and family knew that I was going to be working in what was mainly a “man’s world”. I was blessed with VERY protective older siblings and I married someone who was considerably older and wiser than I (by the grace of God J ). They were VERY plain spoken with me. They told me a few things:

1. Some people could care less whether a man or woman is married or not. They have no respect for marriage, God, the targeted man or woman, or even themselves, and they stand ready to take advantage of you at the first sign of weakness;
2. My brothers warned me that there would be men who would always hit on me, married or not, simply because of my hair color, which made no sense to me, but it’s very true; and
3. My brothers in law (who were both cops) warned me that there would be men who would hit on me, married or not, simply because I was a cop; and, as I said in another thread, many of the rumors about infidelity running rampant in law enforcement are true.

I learned very quickly that some men/women see us as no more than a piece of cake. We are meaningless to them and going down that road will only bring harm and heartache. Know that you will face sexual temptation ALL of your life, whether you are married or not. We have to keep our eyes and hearts on God and our husband/wife/children.

There’s something else I want to mention here, rather than just talk about the why nots of engaging in sexual immorality. When we do things God’s way, we not only avoid the traps and damage that satan has planned for us (remember that it’s him and not other people who mean us harm in the big picture), there are benefits we reap when we do marry. If we do avoid these things, we do not bring baggage into marriage that can interfere with the trust and intimacy that are necessary for a healthy sexual relationship within a marriage. An intimate relationship with your spouse is precious, tender, fun, exciting and all of the things the world tries to tell us we’ll miss out on if we don’t sleep around before we married. Know that the world is LYING to you when you hear these things. It’s what YOU make of it, what you bring to it, and also what you DON’T bring to it…

When you are ready to marry, TALK with your partner about ALL of these things. Make sure that you are emotionally healthy in this area and are prepared for marriage. If you are not, get help. You don’t want anything to stand in the way of being able to share anything and everything with the person you marry, as the two of you become one in EVERY possible way…so what affects you, will affect your marriage AND your spouse. I’ve had a lot of friends who didn’t take care of sexual issues before they married and they brought them into their marriages…this was damaging and ultimately their marriages ended badly. Don’t sweep anything under the carpet. Let God cut it open, pour it out and heal you….making you that new creation you want to be for your husband/wife.

After my husband passed, life held a whole new reality for me, and it’s been quite an adjustment, especially in this area. Once you have known how special an intimate relationship with someone can be, it’s a VERY tough thing to life without. BUT, it also helps you to understand that it CAN and DOES happen, and it’s well worth holding out for. If it happened once, it can happen again. And if it happened for me, it can happen for anyone reading this. God doesn’t love any of us more than an another. J We’re ALL precious to Him.

I want to live my life God’s way. I only mess up when I do it my way and I know that. I also know that my behavior doesn’t just affect ME. As I said, I have a teenage son and I want him to have respect for himself, me and any young ladies that come into his life as a Christian young man. It’s up to me to set an example for him. So, knowing how easily it would be to be tempted, I have been much more withdrawn from the dating world than most of my friends, and I don’t go a lot of the places they go, which is probably why I’m on CC so much. Haha Having made a couple of wrong choices in this regard, I’ve become VERY, VERY picky, as we all must be.

With all of my heart I pray that the young readers of this thread will benefit from both the good and wrong decisions we older posters have made for ourselves. If we keep our focus on God, He will guide us. We also need to remember that, even when we fail, it doesn’t mean that we have to continue in our failure. He stands ready to brush us off, set us on the right path and heal our wounds, whether physical or emotional.

God bless you all J

HollyW · Apr 29, 2011

When something like this happens to you, you can't help but feel like you're the only person in the world with this kind of problem. Now, I see I am not the only one who gave into temptation, hallelujah. I lost my virginity when I was 17. I was extremely lonely and confused about everything in life. I had a few boyfriends from that time on, but none of them lasted more than a couple of months. Even the one who helped me conceive my daughter didn't stick around longer than four. I got pregnant at 19. I felt so ashamed of myself that I didn't even attend my high school graduation. I didn't want people to see me the way I was. When I was a teenager, before I lost my virginity, I was an advocate to stay a virgin until marriage. I used to protest that I would never have sex until I got married. Conviction isn't always the best guide. I guess I needed some moral support or possibly, if I wasn't so eager to ''fit in'' and I didn't feel so alone because I wasn't getting much attention at home. My mother used to work round the clock. I was home most nights by myself with the TV as my only means to the outside world. I did it for three reasons, I was bored, I was lonely, and I needed to feel needed. All not very good reasons. All worldly self-centered reasons. Now that I'm growing more in Christ I can looked back and say, ''this is what I did so that God could work through me and make me the person I am today." After I had my child and to this day, I am a born again virgin, abstaining until marriage. It's scary and sometimes I do get tempted I won't lie, but I turn to the Lord in my times of distress and stick my nose in that bible for hours on end.

thimsrebma · Apr 29, 2011

Jullianna - thanks for that dissertation. lol. No but seriously it was great. I liked the point about knowing that everything you do doesnt just affect you. Though I am unmarried and childless, my decisions now can affect any friendship and futur relationships I can have. Because I truely desire a mate I often think about my actions in the sense of what would he think if he saw me do ____? I don't wanna present myself in a way that may deter the one God has for me. I don't know what ya'll call it in your parts of the world but around here we refer to it as "ruining your witness" We have to be very careful as we walk with God to be on our best behavior. Thats not to say we do everything perfectly cause we all are far from that, but we must always try to do the best thing we know to do, whatever's right and will be honored by the Lord.

Jullianna · Apr 29, 2011

thimsrebma said:

LOL!! Sorry 'bout that. I've seen similar threads in the past and didn't post in them, so my thoughts on it had overloaded my brain. It kinda exploded all over this thread.

The larger font that somehow showed up (cos I typed it in Word a bit at a time since yesterday haha) didn't help either.

And..AMEN..none of us are perfect and we've ALL failed in so many ways. But God still manages to remold us and use us for good in the process, huh?

So glad we have one another to love/encourage.

jimmydiggs · Apr 29, 2011

Practical reason
1) Never had much going for me if I had wanted to.

evelina · Apr 30, 2011

thimsrebma said:

i thank god that he saved me for such things!

and i agree with that statement above from thimsremba

The reasons why i wouldn't have sex before marriage is:

1: some friends of mine they weren't that patient with it and they didn't had gods blessing...so after
some years they Marriage is falling apart ... and i believe thats because they had no patient and it wasn't god will to do it before marriage..

2: i wouldn't like to give myself before marriage because ( sometimes you think you know this person really good but actually you don't... so if i would give myself in my most intimate way .... it could be that he just want to use you or maybe you love him now and and could be you will split up in some days or weeks or whenever ... he could tell everyone who you are he could hurt your feelings and tell some other guys how you have been intimate....) thats one of my thoughts .... and some girls been thru this ....

and i think sex is not the most important thing in life .... maybe its wonderful but i think ... if i would be married and have the one that i could share everything.... that is the most wonderful thing in life + getting older together

Protection_Retribution · Apr 30, 2011

Im definately struggling with this... narp not getting anything

feel like the odd one out now.

xphineasx · Apr 30, 2011

"Act of submission to your husband"?

***Raunchy references deleted by 1still_waters*****

I'm really sorry you don't enjoy sex anymore. It's kind of awesome.

Protection_Retribution · Apr 30, 2011

Ahhh bad religion now that... thats an awesome band.

GreenNnice · Apr 30, 2011

Really, there are, as I see it, no practical reasons why I don't Fornicate. I just constantkyly, day in and day out , let God know to only allow me put into situations that there is a way out. And, regarding girls coming on to me or vice versa, Ive, like you I'M guessing , just ultimately had to ask God to take over and He always has, and, I praise Him, thank Him for that.

Practical reasons not to Fornicate are not bad to list but , ultimately, to keep from doing that act we MUST turn to God for strength when that tempting troubles comes. Psalms 46 God bless

Sex before marriage follow up. Practical reasons why I dont fornicate

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