Would you ask your future spouse to sign a prenup?? (Poll)
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T
TheIndianGirl
Guest
Well, I have mixed feelings about prenups too, and wish we didn't need them. But, the reality is we might marry someone who turns out to be a different person than we married. Also the Bible allows divorce in at least two instances that I can think of (adultery and if the unbeliever spouse decides to leave). What if the Christian you married turns out to be an agnostic later on, and wants to leave? People also argue that Bible allows divorce for abuse.
Women are especially in a precarious position because many husbands naturally assume that as head of household they automatically gain control of the wives' assets and being the decision maker of the family they have ultimate say over the money. They might squander the wive's assets accumulated before marriage. Wives generally do not behave/believe this way (that they are head of household/financial decision-maker for the family especially over husband's assets).
If a couple married in their teens or right out of college, I think a prenup is unnecessary since both individuals most likely do not have any assets, and if they met at the same college they may have similar amounts of student loans.
I think when you are married you are joined together, and so assets accumulated during marriage should be split 50/50. However the spouse should not access to the assets accumulated before marriage (house (or payments into house), car, any retirement/investments,etc.) and similarly should not be responsible for any liabilities incurred before marriage (student loans, credit card loans, etc.). Also, a pre-nup is beneficial to set up terms of alimony (spousal support) such as no alimony or x amount of alimony for x number of years, etc.). According to state laws, prenups cannot include child support or child custody issues.
A prenup also helps to prevent an ugly divorce.
Women are especially in a precarious position because many husbands naturally assume that as head of household they automatically gain control of the wives' assets and being the decision maker of the family they have ultimate say over the money. They might squander the wive's assets accumulated before marriage. Wives generally do not behave/believe this way (that they are head of household/financial decision-maker for the family especially over husband's assets).
If a couple married in their teens or right out of college, I think a prenup is unnecessary since both individuals most likely do not have any assets, and if they met at the same college they may have similar amounts of student loans.
I think when you are married you are joined together, and so assets accumulated during marriage should be split 50/50. However the spouse should not access to the assets accumulated before marriage (house (or payments into house), car, any retirement/investments,etc.) and similarly should not be responsible for any liabilities incurred before marriage (student loans, credit card loans, etc.). Also, a pre-nup is beneficial to set up terms of alimony (spousal support) such as no alimony or x amount of alimony for x number of years, etc.). According to state laws, prenups cannot include child support or child custody issues.
A prenup also helps to prevent an ugly divorce.
sounds kinda like a treaty.
Im reminded of when europeans set foot on Aotearoa, assumed it was theirs and planted the British flag on it and named it. The maoris didnt even know they did this. They British then drafted up a treaty which the maori chiefs signed, the maori thought that meant they would become british citizens and be protected by the Crown and be partners, the British thought that gave them licence to take the land and govern under their Queen (at the time, Victoria)
Initially it was all peaceful but then. they ran into problems when the Brits kept coming until they became the majority.
what happened was there was this huge war and the Brits then took a lot of maori land. The land was all the assets the maori had, though many lands were traded with the Brits initially (sometimes for just some measly guns! ) for items they didnt have and wanted eg nails, potatoes, ships, etc.
The maoris lost this war so the brits ended up with the best land and took all the fertile soil. Now cut to years later with their descendents living in poverty and frustrated because nobody is honoring the treaty.
They basically signed a prenup! So they want their land back which was all the assets they had before the Brits came. The brits have proceeded to squander this land and pollute it, and dont consult with local iwi on how its meant to be used, so its not like its 50/50 for most areas.
The Brits for the most part, had nothing but guns and goods to give to Maori, and let them keep it, but those assets only depreciate over the years till they are worth nothing. But thing is many had hoodwinked Maoir for having land sold for a song. But now the land is worth a lot more and they arent giving them a cent for what its worth.
I am not sure about the future of this to be honest now a lot of maori either want out of this 'marriage' or continue with it, hoping a partnership would work but there WAS a treaty. even though it seemed to mean different things to both parties.
this i suspect is how prenups work (or dont work)
Im reminded of when europeans set foot on Aotearoa, assumed it was theirs and planted the British flag on it and named it. The maoris didnt even know they did this. They British then drafted up a treaty which the maori chiefs signed, the maori thought that meant they would become british citizens and be protected by the Crown and be partners, the British thought that gave them licence to take the land and govern under their Queen (at the time, Victoria)
Initially it was all peaceful but then. they ran into problems when the Brits kept coming until they became the majority.
what happened was there was this huge war and the Brits then took a lot of maori land. The land was all the assets the maori had, though many lands were traded with the Brits initially (sometimes for just some measly guns! ) for items they didnt have and wanted eg nails, potatoes, ships, etc.
The maoris lost this war so the brits ended up with the best land and took all the fertile soil. Now cut to years later with their descendents living in poverty and frustrated because nobody is honoring the treaty.
They basically signed a prenup! So they want their land back which was all the assets they had before the Brits came. The brits have proceeded to squander this land and pollute it, and dont consult with local iwi on how its meant to be used, so its not like its 50/50 for most areas.
The Brits for the most part, had nothing but guns and goods to give to Maori, and let them keep it, but those assets only depreciate over the years till they are worth nothing. But thing is many had hoodwinked Maoir for having land sold for a song. But now the land is worth a lot more and they arent giving them a cent for what its worth.
I am not sure about the future of this to be honest now a lot of maori either want out of this 'marriage' or continue with it, hoping a partnership would work but there WAS a treaty. even though it seemed to mean different things to both parties.
this i suspect is how prenups work (or dont work)
While there aren't much cerainty in what I'm looking for in marriage, one thing is certain and that is I would never ask my wife to sign a prenup.
1. Okay, couple things that need to be acknowledged:
I have never been married, no kids, thus I have no idea as to the mess one usually has to go through in a divorce proceeding - so I'm speaking for myself only. Also, I don't have much asset worth protecting so there's that.
2. I am committing my life for her, my entire life, and I expect the same from her - the marriage I desire simply has no room for 'in case things go south' - even if things go south and I become the one on the receiving end of every single negative consequence of not having a prenup, so be it, ain't signing one.
3. While it may protect your financial interest in worst case scenario, I believe having a prenupt creates a foothold, a "wedge" sort to speak, in a convenantal relationship that needs to be protected, upheld, and honored from both parties at all time. Starting a marriage with something like that is just beyond me - might as well not get married. For real.
4. lastly, if you feel the need for me to sign one up, then either dispose all of whatever that needs to be disposed of so there is no need for prenup (not interested in your money - I want you, you alone) or I am just not the kind of guy you are looking for.
1. Okay, couple things that need to be acknowledged:
I have never been married, no kids, thus I have no idea as to the mess one usually has to go through in a divorce proceeding - so I'm speaking for myself only. Also, I don't have much asset worth protecting so there's that.
2. I am committing my life for her, my entire life, and I expect the same from her - the marriage I desire simply has no room for 'in case things go south' - even if things go south and I become the one on the receiving end of every single negative consequence of not having a prenup, so be it, ain't signing one.
3. While it may protect your financial interest in worst case scenario, I believe having a prenupt creates a foothold, a "wedge" sort to speak, in a convenantal relationship that needs to be protected, upheld, and honored from both parties at all time. Starting a marriage with something like that is just beyond me - might as well not get married. For real.
4. lastly, if you feel the need for me to sign one up, then either dispose all of whatever that needs to be disposed of so there is no need for prenup (not interested in your money - I want you, you alone) or I am just not the kind of guy you are looking for.
K
Kim82
Guest
OK. So you say you don't have much, but you would ask that a woman dispose of all that she has and come and live with you? That doesn't make any sense.
You say you wouldn't be interested in the woman's money. OK. Well why not sign a prenup?
OK. God forbid it should ever happen to you. But are you saying you would be completely OK with it if your ex wife decides to take the cat, the dogs and everything else and leave you on the streets?
its like job contracts.
They give you a 20 page document which you have to sign you working life away before you start work, and the terms seem to be always in the employers favour. You probably wont come out any better off in the event you quit, but they may give you some redundancy money to tide you over.
They give you a 20 page document which you have to sign you working life away before you start work, and the terms seem to be always in the employers favour. You probably wont come out any better off in the event you quit, but they may give you some redundancy money to tide you over.
C
CozHElivesIcanface2morrow
Guest
No, I won't...that clearly shows that I don't trust him..I don't know but I think no one wants to marry someone they can't trust.
I would not marry someone who thinks that he needs to protect his money or wealth from me...That's quite awkward
I'd rather ask him to start all over again together without a single penny in our pocket than sign that agreement...
I would not marry someone who thinks that he needs to protect his money or wealth from me...That's quite awkward
I'd rather ask him to start all over again together without a single penny in our pocket than sign that agreement...
I went against the grain and was the only person to vote "yes", apparently. I understand about trust and so forth, but I believe a person must also be realistic (having already been through one marriage in which the other person left for a girlfriend.) And I've heard plenty of stories of husbands who have been abandoned as well, so I'm not trying to paint men as the bad guys at all.
I am also coming from the viewpoint of anticipating that my spouse would ask ME to sign a prenup, which I would do without hesitation as long as we agreed on the terms.
When I was younger, I would have given the same answer as most other posters have given here about it being a matter of trust. But things happen. And the older the I get, the more I've seen happen. I'm not 25 anymore, and if I marry someone around my age or older, he may have something like a 401K that he's worked hard to build up, and I would see that as his alone, unless he decided differently.
My time on CC has had a big impact on my thinking as well. I've read countless stories of men who are bitterly angry at being used for money (and who could blame them for feeling that way,) so I see signing a prenup as saying, "I'm marrying you for YOU and not an income." I would also do it so that NO ONE ELSE (nosy relatives and sweet-faced church people who love to gossip) could say I married him for money, either.
In fact, I might carry a copy of the agreement in my wallet and if anyone ever accused me of marrying for money, I'd tell them, "No, I didn't. In fact, I have the paperwork right here (you idiot)."
A man could call me ugly to my face and I'd find that a lot less insulting than being called a gold digger (which, ironically, I've been called before on CC.) A long time ago, I went on a first (and only) date with a guy who was an engineer and obviously thought he was hot stuff. When he found out my job isn't nearly as prestigious, there was an immediate sense of disdain in his voice, and I'll never forget that. Obviously, he saw me as a potential blood sucker.
He seemed to relax when I paid for our entire meal (he'd driven an hour. I figured that was fair, and I always try to keep things as fair as possible just SO THAT a man can't say I used him for anything.)
My father raised me to work, plan, and be prepared. I don't need someone else's money. Beyonce declares, "Put a ring on it."
And my hollaback to that is, "And sign the papers (prenup)."
(I am only voicing my OWN opinion here--most others will disagree with me and I completely understand that. I know and respect that different things work for different people.)
By the way, don't be fooled by someone with a supposedly high income, because their amount of debt can be a total game changer. Mr. Engineer confessed in the midst of our conversation that he was close to foreclosing on his house and living paycheck-to-paycheck. I don't have a big, fancy job with a cute title. But I also don't have any debts, either.
And seeing as he'd looked down on me from the very beginning, I saw no point in telling him that. Or anything else.
I would sign one too sis and not give it a second thought..but I wouldnt ask for one.
I think when two people who come from unwanted broken marriages there can be past trust issues. Sometimes there are areas left broken and certain trust can be healed in time...
It's a choice that only two people can make together and let God work on the broken pieces. (Love has a way of covering a multitude of sins...even when they aren't your doing.)
I thank God I did not sign one or my children and I would have been left destitute after I devoted my life for 15 years to him. He walked away, tried to give our 5 children and I the very least he could get away with and treated us terribly. He is still back-slidden now, 10 years later, married to an unbeliever who he had a baby with, outside of marriage. I loved him and was totally faithful to him, and when we married I was glad he wasn't poor, because money can help a lot in life but it can, of course, become a snare.
I find this a really difficult question because I would honestly struggle with a guy asking me to sign one, and would feel hurt, but then if I was in such a financial situation that caused me to be afraid of the slight chance of ME being taken to the cleaners then I guess I see a prenup as protection; although, as has been previously stated, prenups are not always dependable on especially in the UK I have heard....
I guess as with all hypothetical situations, I am glad I can trust my Heavenly Father with any future decisions I may have to make
(And yes I do realise that what I have said seems hypocritical in a way)
The problem is, can you guarantee no adultery in any marriage situation?
The heart is deceitful and desperately wicked, who can know it?
S
Scribe
Guest
Just stay single. Guaranteed to avoid that issue.
Marriage has risks. I personally would not marry with a prenup but I would not judge those who do.
As a pastor I would still tell them they will have to decide that on their own without my input. I would not feel comfortable telling others what they should do in that regards. They have to stand by their own decisions if things go south without blaming someone else for what advice was given. Let them ask their lawyers and their financial advisors, I'm staying out of that decision.
Those that are led by the Spirit of God they are the Sons of GodJust stay single. Guaranteed to avoid that issue.
Marriage has risks. I personally would not marry with a prenup but I would not judge those who do.
As a pastor I would still tell them they will have to decide that on their own without my input. I would not feel comfortable telling others what they should do in that regards. They have to stand by their own decisions if things go south without blaming someone else for what advice was given. Let them ask their lawyers and their financial advisors, I'm staying out of that decision.
Property would be better termed as assets. All too often people thing of property in terms of real estate when dealing with the courts, any asset (car, furniture, bank account, retirement investments, clothing, etc) is property.
really. well I have heaps of books but they are not mine, they are belong to the library.
not sure what a man would want with my clothing.
or car.....furniture is just a couple of bookshelves and a desk.
Bank account I dont think you can have a single account with access for someone else unless you actually give them your PIN number...which you are techinically NOT alllowed to do. I mean then you would start wondering hey why is someone always getting takeways on my bank statement?! Oh hold on, someones just paid for something from the florist or jewellery store. wow a hotel booking.
How come money is being withdrawn and Im not seeing any of the goods lol.
not sure what a man would want with my clothing.
or car.....furniture is just a couple of bookshelves and a desk.
Bank account I dont think you can have a single account with access for someone else unless you actually give them your PIN number...which you are techinically NOT alllowed to do. I mean then you would start wondering hey why is someone always getting takeways on my bank statement?! Oh hold on, someones just paid for something from the florist or jewellery store. wow a hotel booking.
How come money is being withdrawn and Im not seeing any of the goods lol.