Maybe some of you ladies in this forum can help me with a question. Why do some women not have a concept of "later" when asking somebody to do something? For some women it is always either "now" or "never."
GIRL: "Honey could you take out the trash?"
GUY: "Yeah, in a minute. Just gotta get to the next save point."
At this point the girl does one or more of four things:
A - She takes out the trash herself.
B - She mentions the trash to the guy once every 5.7 seconds until he either takes it out or loses his temper.
C - She sulks in the corner and mutters about how he never does anything she asks.
D - She calls a friend or three to complain about how distant he is.
I have never seen a single man do this, but I see women doing it all the time. If you tell some women any variant of "not right now, but I'll get to it later" they take it as "I will never do what you requested."
Ladies? Any help here? I'm a guy so I can't understand this. To me it makes anti-sense. Maybe you can comprehend why some women do this, and explain it in a way we guys can understand?
Sometimes it's a lot more than a simple matter of "just taking out the trash." Have you ever been in a situation where something in particular bothers your senses, or is making you sick?
Last year I spent some time with friends who loved to cook, which was wonderful. Except that they also used a lot of fresh ingredients (which is again, wonderful,) but this also meant that they would be left with piles of scraps that got thrown into a giant waste basket. Trash came once a week, and because trash bags are expensive (which I understand,) they only changed the bag when it was about ready to burst.
In the meantime, whenever I passed through the kitchen, my senses were caught up in a pungent odor of rotting onions, peppers, and various scraps of produce, as well as remnants from other odiferous substances like rotting chicken and fish. Yum.
Lynx, after we met in person, you've told me that I am someone who is too polite for my own good. I can't say that's 100% true, but I can say that I was trying to be polite in this particular situation. Most people get used to whatever environment they live in and don't realize it might be uncomfortable for an outsider. For example, I have also stayed with friends who kept their cat litter box in their dining room,. and that was normal to them but a little horrifying to me (though it made sticking to a diet easy, that's for sure.) But as a guest, I don't want to impose and I certainly don't want to try to tell them how to live, so I just rolled with the... litter, and said nothing.
As for the situation with the kitchen trash, I also didn't say a word about how the stench was making me nauseous, because I didn't want to be impolite. Rather, I offered to change the trash myself, but they said they didn't want it changed until it was absolutely full, because of how expensive garbage bags are. (When I'm at home, I use the free shopping bags from my groceries at Walmart and change my trash almost every time I throw anything fresh into it.) I eventually resorted to buying multiple boxes of baking soda and dumping it all over their trash in layers while they were at work (which helped at least a little.)
I agree with you that constant nagging, complaining, and certainly complaining to others about the situation is not the proper way to handle it. However, I am used to being around people (not as a criticism -- it's just their own way of doing things) who think things like this is no big deal because, since it doesn't bother them, they don't think it will bother anyone else either. If you ask them to take out the trash on Monday and trash comes on Friday, they're used to being perfectly fine with taking it out as the trash man is coming down the street on Friday morning. In the meantime, my eyes are burning and I have the constant feeling like I am going to violently throw up.
If I was in a situation like this with a significant other, I would hope that I could feel free to talk to him about it and explain why I was asking him to take care of it relatively soon (and if not, yes, I'd just change it myself.)
For whatever reason, I can sometimes be very sensitive to things other people don't even think about. When I've tried to speak up, they often brush it off as me exaggerating or being a big sissy, so at that point, I stop trying to explain and try to figure out how I can cope on my own without bothering anyone. But it also limits my time with people who don't take my sensitivities seriously.
Sometimes asking someone to do something and hoping they'll do it right away means that it is genuinely important that it be done promptly for one's comfort and safety, even if it's not a problem for the other person.
Unfortunately, the guys I've dated were unfortunately not very responsible, so I am used to having to do things myself rather than being able to rely on them to get it done. "Sure, I'll get to it as soon as I reach as saving point," meant they weren't going to do it at all, and the next thing you know, there would be a late fee (because they said they'd take care of such-and-such bill, and never did) or some other obligation that was put off and never fulfilled.
Which makes me appreciate guys (and people in general) who ARE responsible all the more, because I realize there ARE responsible, reliable people out there (both men and women.)
I hope you also realize that women aren't the only ones to be impatient. I know a few males who want everything done THEIR way and as soon as they say it, or they will hound the other person until it gets done. I witnessed one of them belittle someone and literally call them stupid for not meeting their expectations just a few weeks ago. It wasn't pretty.
Granted, it's also a big reason why they (the ones I know) are as successful as they've been -- it's great for getting quantitative results. But as far as dealing with interpersonal relationships with actual people who have real feelings? Not quite so much.
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