Epidemic of childless and miserable 40+ women

[saintrose]

I hope that this post does not offend anyone who has chosen to be childless. I had an experience where my sister chose to be childless and I made the mistake of sharing my children's phone numbers with her. She actually tried to take over my family. It was a battle to get her out of their lives when she began causing trouble. She made the mistake of running me down to one of my children who went back at her when they saw what she was doing. She reminded me of that bird that goes around sitting on any nest of eggs it finds and sits in the nest of another bird's eggs.

It got me thinking about the number of young women who have chosen a career over a family. I looked it up and was shocked that psychologists have found great misery in 40 - something's who chose career instead of a family. That describes my sister. I tried to get her to adopt several times but she refused. I don't know why. I think she was in denial about it.

Has anyone else encountered these women or this type of situation?

https://vigilantcitizenforums.com/threads/feminist-lies-that-are-making-women-miserable.8578/

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/...atable-reason-career-women-end-childless.html

https://www.returnofkings.com/116603/20-reasons-why-modern-women-are-so-unstable-and-miserable

 

[TheIndianGirl]

I hope that this post does not offend anyone who has chosen to be childless. I had an experience where my sister chose to be childless and I made the mistake of sharing my children's phone numbers with her. She actually tried to take over my family. It was a battle to get her out of their lives when she began causing trouble. She made the mistake of running me down to one of my children who went back at her when they saw what she was doing. She reminded me of that bird that goes around sitting on any nest of eggs it finds and sits in the nest of another bird's eggs.

It got me thinking about the number of young women who have chosen a career over a family. I looked it up and was shocked that psychologists have found great misery in 40 - something's who chose career instead of a family. That describes my sister. I tried to get her to adopt several times but she refused. I don't know why. I think she was in denial about it.

Has anyone else encountered these women or this type of situation?

https://vigilantcitizenforums.com/threads/feminist-lies-that-are-making-women-miserable.8578/

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/...atable-reason-career-women-end-childless.html

https://www.returnofkings.com/116603/20-reasons-why-modern-women-are-so-unstable-and-miserable

You may be too harsh on your sister; you make it sound like she is trying to "steal" your kids. Is this true? Two of my favorite people growing up were my single aunts (one is mentally challenged and another who passed in her late 30s, my mom's sisters), who spent a lot of time babysitting me and taking me around town. I think unless the aunt is causing division of some sort (telling lies about family) or is a bad influence (drinking, cursing, etc.), spending time with the kids is fine.

Adoptions can be time consuming/espensive, and raising a child as a single parent can be difficult. Does your sister have a pet? Maybe she can share some of her love with a pet.

On being 40 plus single and miserable, a lot of people feel this way due to social pressure, jealousy from looking at smiley pictures on Facebook, or loneliness. Remind your sister that God has great plans for her, or that Paul said singlehood is a blessing.

I love my job but I would not consider myself a "career woman" as I limit working long hours and I dont apply for every promotion. We have to remember that jobs are great blessings which God provided.

 

[saintrose]

You may be too harsh on your sister; you make it sound like she is trying to "steal" your kids. Is this true? Two of my favorite people growing up were my single aunts (one is mentally challenged and another who passed in her late 30s, my mom's sisters), who spent a lot of time babysitting me and taking me around town. I think unless the aunt is causing division of some sort (telling lies about family) or is a bad influence (drinking, cursing, etc.), spending time with the kids is fine.

Adoptions can be time consuming/espensive, and raising a child as a single parent can be difficult. Does your sister have a pet? Maybe she can share some of her love with a pet.

On being 40 plus single and miserable, a lot of people feel this way due to social pressure, jealousy from looking at smiley pictures on Facebook, or loneliness. Remind your sister that God has great plans for her, or that Paul said singlehood is a blessing.

I love my job but I would not consider myself a "career woman" as I limit working long hours and I dont apply for every promotion. We have to remember that jobs are great blessings which God provided.

I am happy for your good experiences with your aunts. They were apparently far different than my experiences. I did not come from a good family that cared for each other - everyone came out highly selfish. My sister who never had children was very selfish and invited my children near someone who I knew was bad news - this was after telling her repeatedly never to invite my children around this person who she associated with. She thought that she could call the shots and it caused so many problems I don't even care to recall it. It was due to her never having had her own family. She has pets but I no longer talk with her.

I'm concerned that women are choosing a career today instead of a family and there is going to be an even bigger crop of unhappy 40' somethings. I watch crime shows and I'm shocked that almost all of the prosecutors are women. I always wonder about them - and if they thought it was worth it. I only have one example that I saw which was my sister - and what I read seems to show there are many unhappy women in their 40's.

 

[Nehemiah6]

It got me thinking about the number of young women who have chosen a career over a family.

God ordained families and children for women (as well as men). Therefore Paul encouraged the younger widows to get married, bear children, and manage their households.

The single state is an anomaly, and celibacy is an abomination when you look at the results. Genesis 1 tells us what humanity is expected to do. John 3 tells us that all must believe on the Lord Jesus Christ in order to be rightly related to God.

 

[tourist]

I hope that this post does not offend anyone who has chosen to be childless. I had an experience where my sister chose to be childless and I made the mistake of sharing my children's phone numbers with her. She actually tried to take over my family. It was a battle to get her out of their lives when she began causing trouble. She made the mistake of running me down to one of my children who went back at her when they saw what she was doing. She reminded me of that bird that goes around sitting on any nest of eggs it finds and sits in the nest of another bird's eggs.

It got me thinking about the number of young women who have chosen a career over a family. I looked it up and was shocked that psychologists have found great misery in 40 - something's who chose career instead of a family. That describes my sister. I tried to get her to adopt several times but she refused. I don't know why. I think she was in denial about it.

Has anyone else encountered these women or this type of situation?

https://vigilantcitizenforums.com/threads/feminist-lies-that-are-making-women-miserable.8578/

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/...atable-reason-career-women-end-childless.html

https://www.returnofkings.com/116603/20-reasons-why-modern-women-are-so-unstable-and-miserable

There are those that chose neither to have child or a career. Hard to say what the happy / miserable slip there would be. If God is fully in one's life it would be hard to find oneself miserable despite not having children and / or career.

 

[TheIndianGirl]

God ordained families and children for women (as well as men). Therefore Paul encouraged the younger widows to get married, bear children, and manage their households.

The single state is an anomaly, and celibacy is an abomination when you look at the results. Genesis 1 tells us what humanity is expected to do. John 3 tells us that all must believe on the Lord Jesus Christ in order to be rightly related to God.

Paul told young widows to get married because he knew that they desired to get married/burned with passion, hence why they got married in the first place.

What Paul says about young widows doesn't apply to the unmarrieds/virgins.

1 Corinthians 7 says the following (summary obtained form another site):

1. Both singleness and relationships are a gift from God.
2. It is good to be single.
3. Live the life to which you were called.
4. Life goes by quickly. Remain as is.
5. Be free from anxieties.
6. Undivided devotion, no matter what.

 

[TheIndianGirl]

Also, what Paul says to young widows is actually quite considerate/kind. What if the widows' husbands told them they can never marry someone else, that they only belong to one man forever? Paul is freeing the widows from such orders, so they can marry again if they fall in love, etc.

 

[saintrose]

God ordained families and children for women (as well as men). Therefore Paul encouraged the younger widows to get married, bear children, and manage their households.

The single state is an anomaly, and celibacy is an abomination when you look at the results. Genesis 1 tells us what humanity is expected to do. John 3 tells us that all must believe on the Lord Jesus Christ in order to be rightly related to God.

I think this is accurate. When people depart from the plan that God has for them there are consequences. It's just sad that so many were misled. I saw a documentary on this - can't recall the name - and a woman was a lawyer I believe, and she began crying and said that everywhere she went she got the message to have a career but no one told her to plan to have a family.

 

[saintrose]

There are those that chose neither to have child or a career. Hard to say what the happy / miserable slip there would be. If God is fully in one's life it would be hard to find oneself miserable despite not having children and / or career.

Apparently God isn't in many 40 somethings lives if your reasoning is accurate because those are the statistics.

 

[Nehemiah6]

It is good to be single.

Only if you are called to be single. The MAJORITY are not called to be single.
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. (v 2)

This goes all the way back to Genesis 2:18: And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

"The man" here represents the males in the human race. That is why the Lord said this (Mt 19: 10-12): His disciples say unto Him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. But He said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

 

[TheIndianGirl]

I think it is a natural feeling for childless people (both men and women) to feel a sense of loss in that they did not experience parenthood; parenthood opens a whole new world that only can be experienced as a parent. I think this feeling is worse for people who experienced abortion and miscarriage, because for them there is a definite loss. For other childless people, they are losing out on an imaginary baby. Most childless people are not anti-baby and do not intentionally seek to be childless, it just so happens that they become older and "forgot" to have a baby. I don't know anyone who has said she is putting her career first, women are constantly dating to find a right person. I know several women who have PhDs, however they were still dating at the same time. People who are childless should lean into/trust God more, and know that God has great plans for them. They should not fall into Satan's lies that singles are less worthy/less loved, etc. which I believe is feeding into a lot of the depression. If a single person feels she has no family, the church is not doing its job.

 

[Lanolin]

no, its just your sister. But I dont know why you are making it into big news.
Why not talk with her or pray for her instead.
We dont really know what shes gone through in her life that made her like this or why shes unhappy.

I wouldnt vilify anyone just because we dont even know her situation. She could have a broken heart, she might be barren or have health issues, she may not be have a stable financial situation, who knows?

If you are that concerned you talk to her.

 

[Lanolin]

One person does not make it an epidemic. Sorry. The other thing you might need to concern yourself with is why men dont actually want to look after children and step up to being good dads.

Ive known so many whos dads just deserted the family. Often when the children were young. Not even giving a reason... It puts a real strain on everyone. Ask any social worker. Theyd be able to tell you what the real epidemics are.

 

[saintrose]

I think it is a natural feeling for childless people (both men and women) to feel a sense of loss in that they did not experience parenthood; parenthood opens a whole new world that only can be experienced as a parent. I think this feeling is worse for people who experienced abortion and miscarriage, because for them there is a definite loss. For other childless people, they are losing out on an imaginary baby. Most childless people are not anti-baby and do not intentionally seek to be childless, it just so happens that they become older and "forgot" to have a baby. I don't know anyone who has said she is putting her career first, women are constantly dating to find a right person. I know several women who have PhDs, however they were still dating at the same time. People who are childless should lean into/trust God more, and know that God has great plans for them. They should not fall into Satan's lies that singles are less worthy/less loved, etc. which I believe is feeding into a lot of the depression. If a single person feels she has no family, the church is not doing its job.

Maybe it's the quality of people? It doesn't seem like there are an overabundance of quality people to make as a marriage mate. I've read that too.

 

[saintrose]

no, its just your sister. But I dont know why you are making it into big news.
Why not talk with her or pray for her instead.
We dont really know what shes gone through in her life that made her like this or why shes unhappy.

I wouldnt vilify anyone just because we dont even know her situation. She could have a broken heart, she might be barren or have health issues, she may not be have a stable financial situation, who knows?

If you are that concerned you talk to her.

I happened to read the article and then came across a talk about it on a Christian site and I wondered if others had seen this trend. But I used to pray for my sister every day for years. After she did that then I felt released from praying for her. I may begin again at some point.

The one article said that it's going to get even worse as more women opt for careers.

 

[saintrose]

One person does not make it an epidemic. Sorry. The other thing you might need to concern yourself with is why men dont actually want to look after children and step up to being good dads.

Ive known so many whos dads just deserted the family. Often when the children were young. Not even giving a reason... It puts a real strain on everyone. Ask any social worker. Theyd be able to tell you what the real epidemics are.

You didn't read the links - this IS an epidemic. I'm not putting the blame on anyone - just wondered if others had seen the statistics as a result of the cultural shift. Progress isn't progress if women reach their 40's and are miserable. Many men do cheat on their wives and leave their families. I watch a lot of crime shows and it's shocking to see how many best friends take off with a friend's spouse. Another cultural shift that's yielded bitter fruit.

 

[Kireina]

The women in those links are Born again Christians? they don't sound like they are... because without God in our lives it is indeed a miserable life...

I am 42 going to 43... I love kids because I came from a big family of 11... there were men who were willing to impregnate me when I was younger if I wanted it...and even right now...but I believe that that is not right and God will not approve it...I tried to adopt a few years back but it didn't happen, the first parent gave the baby to other people because I can't decide fast...but the couple who took the baby gave back the baby again to the true mother after a month or more (not sure) and the parents decided to raise the baby ... The second one the father changed his mind and decided not to continue to put their baby for adoption...I gave up because in my mind maybe God has other plans for me...I am still hoping to get married at the age of 44 and have one child yeah it is quite risky according to Science but God can do miracles I believe that 😇 My friend a Christian also got married in her 40's and got pregnant when she was 44 😊 to a healthy baby 😊


My sister the other day pushing me to get married she said I can still have a child...my answer to her is the Lord knows what's best for me... I have waited for 42 years for God to bless me a mate and a family and I'm going to ruin it because people think that I got no time anymore? Lol I know and I am very aware that I am not young anymore and in the eyes of the world my womb is closing up already 😅 but I think I understand that because the world won't understand God's perfect timing...I do... And I trust Him...


And Maybe I am still single next year... I don't know...but still,my answer won't change I will wait on the Lord 😊

 

[Smoke]

I am happy for your good experiences with your aunts. They were apparently far different than my experiences. I did not come from a good family that cared for each other - everyone came out highly selfish. My sister who never had children was very selfish and invited my children near someone who I knew was bad news - this was after telling her repeatedly never to invite my children around this person who she associated with. She thought that she could call the shots and it caused so many problems I don't even care to recall it. It was due to her never having had her own family. She has pets but I no longer talk with her.

I'm concerned that women are choosing a career today instead of a family and there is going to be an even bigger crop of unhappy 40' somethings. I watch crime shows and I'm shocked that almost all of the prosecutors are women. I always wonder about them - and if they thought it was worth it. I only have one example that I saw which was my sister - and what I read seems to show there are many unhappy women in their 40's.

Have you never met an unhappy married woman? They aren't in shortage sadly.

I don't think the issue you have with your sister is in anyway related to her not having children. Maybe I'm wrong, I've only read a few posts, I'm just not able to adequately connect the dots.

 

[Runningman]

I hope that this post does not offend anyone who has chosen to be childless. I had an experience where my sister chose to be childless and I made the mistake of sharing my children's phone numbers with her. She actually tried to take over my family. It was a battle to get her out of their lives when she began causing trouble. She made the mistake of running me down to one of my children who went back at her when they saw what she was doing. She reminded me of that bird that goes around sitting on any nest of eggs it finds and sits in the nest of another bird's eggs.

It got me thinking about the number of young women who have chosen a career over a family. I looked it up and was shocked that psychologists have found great misery in 40 - something's who chose career instead of a family. That describes my sister. I tried to get her to adopt several times but she refused. I don't know why. I think she was in denial about it.

Has anyone else encountered these women or this type of situation?

https://vigilantcitizenforums.com/threads/feminist-lies-that-are-making-women-miserable.8578/

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/...atable-reason-career-women-end-childless.html

https://www.returnofkings.com/116603/20-reasons-why-modern-women-are-so-unstable-and-miserable

I don't have any children of my own, but I've witnessed varying degrees of child envy by single women.

I've never seen the extreme example of someone trying to divide and conquer a family to get close to geir children, but I believe you when you said it happens. There are documentaries about single women who have gone to extreme lengths to get their own children even if it involves stealing, killing, and destroying.

Most of the time it's just someone wanting to be overly affectionate to someone else's baby or to hold them too often. I imagine that probably sets off some protective instincts. Honestly, if I had children, no one would touch them unless they are trusted. Guess what? I don't trust many people. Lol.

I think the bull majority of the time people have good intentions though so try to keep that in mind. I can tell you feel bitter and resentful of her. Can you forgive your sister?

 

[saintrose]

The women in those links are Born again Christians? they don't sound like they are... because without God in our lives it is indeed a miserable life...

I am 42 going to 43... I love kids because I came from a big family of 11... there were men who were willing to impregnate me when I was younger if I wanted it...and even right now...but I believe that that is not right and God will not approve it...I tried to adopt a few years back but it didn't happen, the first parent gave the baby to other people because I can't decide fast...but the couple who took the baby gave back the baby again to the true mother after a month or more (not sure) and the parents decided to raise the baby ... The second one the father changed his mind and decided not to continue to put their baby for adoption...I gave up because in my mind maybe God has other plans for me...I am still hoping to get married at the age of 44 and have one child yeah it is quite risky according to Science but God can do miracles I believe that 😇 My friend a Christian also got married in her 40's and got pregnant when she was 44 😊 to a healthy baby 😊


My sister the other day pushing me to get married she said I can still have a child...my answer to her is the Lord knows what's best for me... I have waited for 42 years for God to bless me a mate and a family and I'm going to ruin it because people think that I got no time anymore? Lol I know and I am very aware that I am not young anymore and in the eyes of the world my womb is closing up already 😅 but I think I understand that because the world won't understand God's perfect timing...I do... And I trust Him...


And Maybe I am still single next year... I don't know...but still,my answer won't change I will wait on the Lord 😊

Oh please - you may not realize how needed you are. Our former neighbor adopted a young girl who had been abused and they used her to clean their house and the father bragged that she was his ticket to a new truck. They only kept her there for money and used her as a slave. They do not properly vet who they put children with. Please try again - children badly need you. If I was younger and in better health I would do it. It's heartbreaking what I saw. They never protected the young girl and I learned that she was abused by the kids in school. I called the principal and he denied it was happening. I learned all about the conspiracy of silence in the face of wrong.

I hope that you try again.