I don’t mind hearing a woman's opinion I just know that majority of women I have spoken to have only told me to leave that I am stupid for wanting to stay with him just bc we have kids, that I need to have self respect and self love and walk away for good, and maybe they are right however I have given him so many opportunities bc I really believed the lord could genuinely touch him and I really wanted my children to have a happy complete family lead by the Lord. I asked for mens opinion bc I would like to try to better understand if they could rationalize his behavior as I don’t understand him 😔 or why he says he loves us that we’re his everything yet he runs when he can’t deal....
I don't mean for this to sound harsh, but, presently, there's really nothing to rationalize.
Jesus said that we'll know a tree by its fruit, and, right now, his fruit is bad. This doesn't mean that God cannot get a hold of him somewhere down the line, but there's simply no rationalization for his present behavior as you have described it here.
I'll offer the same advice to you that I follow all of the time myself.
When you don't know what to do, do what you do know to do.
In other words, your boyfriend has his own free will, and, aside from praying for him, there's really nothing else that you can do right now as far as him potentially loving you or your children are concerned.
With such being the case, focus on your own betterment right now and the betterment of your children.
Move forward with your baptism, continue to seek God's grace via prayer, and continue to seek support and prayer from other Christians, whether here or elsewhere.