Hello,
When I was a kid, my parents sent me to Lutheran schools from kindergarten until the day I graduated. I have often read about people who wished they would have gone to Christian schools, as they believed it would have been a wonderful, loving, Christ-centered atmosphere that would be sheltered from the ways of the world.
It might be that way for some people, but this was not my own experience.
After reading a thread here about a young single mother's journey, it had me reflecting on a part of my own personal history.
I was adopted before I could remember, and I have often wondered how my birth mother would have been treated within the church, schools, and Christian community I grew up with (I have no knowledge of my background or parents before my adoption.)
It was an unspoken fact at my Lutheran high school that if a girl became pregnant, she was quietly asked to leave and never come back. My high school was small -- about 125 students in the entire school -- not just one class, but all 4 grades combined, and during my time there, I knew of at least 3 girls who became pregnant out of wedlock.
One skipped school with her boyfriend to have an abortion. The other two were no longer allowed to attend the school.
I understand that when a high school advertises a good Christian education, it's not exactly a good look to have unmarried girls walking down the halls.
Now, I truly am grateful for the pastors and teachers there who genuinely cared about us and were deeply invested in our spiritual growth.
But I always found it hard knowing that I was taught about God's love, grace, and forgiveness daily (even several times a day,) yet I knew very well that my own birth mother would have been banned from that school for the very reason that I existed (assuming she was not married to whomever my father was.) And even if she had married him, that still would not have been good enough, seeing as one of the young ladies did marry the father of her child, but was still not allowed to come back to the school.
This case was of special interest to me, because this girl was the daughter of one of our leaders in the congregation, and many were calling for his resignation (which he willingly offered to do, but the board of elders voted that he could keep his position.)
To make matters even more ironic, when I was a kid, the church had asked my parents if they could use my picture for one of their drives against abortion. The local churches within the synod ran a pregnancy crisis center, and made a big poster that said, "ADOPTION, NOT ABORTION!" I remember seeing my picture on this poster, along with 2 other children in the congregation who were adopted.
You can't imagine how ironic I find it that the church saw me as being good enough as a literal poster child against abortion (which of course I fully support,) but AT THE VERY SAME TIME, they would have kicked my birth mother out from the school that I myself attended for carrying me!!!
This is the type of irony I've seen again and again within the churches I've been part of, and it always troubles me. It just seems to send a message of, "You're good enough when we want to use you for a public campaign, but for the love of God, we would have punished your horrible sinful mother (parents) for having you out of wedlock and having her sin -- your existence -- showing!!!"
I am certainly not saying that sin should not be dealt with or punished. But at the same time, I find it hard to be taught love, grace, and forgiveness, while at the same time, seeing that those whose sins are visible are removed from the population.
I am wondering if any of you know of Christian schools that may have handled these situations differently.
* Do any of you have any experiences with or observations of Christian schools?
* If so, what were these institutions policies regarding teen pregnancies?
* Were the students allowed to stay in school? Did the school give a reason as to why or why not, and what was it?
* For the parents of children whom they adopted: How would you feel about the church asking for a picture of your child to feature on a Pro-Life poster, after forbidding your child's mother from going to their schools while she was pregnant with your child?
* If you were/are the adopted child in this scenario, how would you feel about this?
Thanks very much in advance for your answers.
I am eager to learn what other Christian schools have done.
When I was a kid, my parents sent me to Lutheran schools from kindergarten until the day I graduated. I have often read about people who wished they would have gone to Christian schools, as they believed it would have been a wonderful, loving, Christ-centered atmosphere that would be sheltered from the ways of the world.
It might be that way for some people, but this was not my own experience.
After reading a thread here about a young single mother's journey, it had me reflecting on a part of my own personal history.
I was adopted before I could remember, and I have often wondered how my birth mother would have been treated within the church, schools, and Christian community I grew up with (I have no knowledge of my background or parents before my adoption.)
It was an unspoken fact at my Lutheran high school that if a girl became pregnant, she was quietly asked to leave and never come back. My high school was small -- about 125 students in the entire school -- not just one class, but all 4 grades combined, and during my time there, I knew of at least 3 girls who became pregnant out of wedlock.
One skipped school with her boyfriend to have an abortion. The other two were no longer allowed to attend the school.
I understand that when a high school advertises a good Christian education, it's not exactly a good look to have unmarried girls walking down the halls.
Now, I truly am grateful for the pastors and teachers there who genuinely cared about us and were deeply invested in our spiritual growth.
But I always found it hard knowing that I was taught about God's love, grace, and forgiveness daily (even several times a day,) yet I knew very well that my own birth mother would have been banned from that school for the very reason that I existed (assuming she was not married to whomever my father was.) And even if she had married him, that still would not have been good enough, seeing as one of the young ladies did marry the father of her child, but was still not allowed to come back to the school.
This case was of special interest to me, because this girl was the daughter of one of our leaders in the congregation, and many were calling for his resignation (which he willingly offered to do, but the board of elders voted that he could keep his position.)
To make matters even more ironic, when I was a kid, the church had asked my parents if they could use my picture for one of their drives against abortion. The local churches within the synod ran a pregnancy crisis center, and made a big poster that said, "ADOPTION, NOT ABORTION!" I remember seeing my picture on this poster, along with 2 other children in the congregation who were adopted.
You can't imagine how ironic I find it that the church saw me as being good enough as a literal poster child against abortion (which of course I fully support,) but AT THE VERY SAME TIME, they would have kicked my birth mother out from the school that I myself attended for carrying me!!!
This is the type of irony I've seen again and again within the churches I've been part of, and it always troubles me. It just seems to send a message of, "You're good enough when we want to use you for a public campaign, but for the love of God, we would have punished your horrible sinful mother (parents) for having you out of wedlock and having her sin -- your existence -- showing!!!"
I am certainly not saying that sin should not be dealt with or punished. But at the same time, I find it hard to be taught love, grace, and forgiveness, while at the same time, seeing that those whose sins are visible are removed from the population.
I am wondering if any of you know of Christian schools that may have handled these situations differently.
* Do any of you have any experiences with or observations of Christian schools?
* If so, what were these institutions policies regarding teen pregnancies?
* Were the students allowed to stay in school? Did the school give a reason as to why or why not, and what was it?
* For the parents of children whom they adopted: How would you feel about the church asking for a picture of your child to feature on a Pro-Life poster, after forbidding your child's mother from going to their schools while she was pregnant with your child?
* If you were/are the adopted child in this scenario, how would you feel about this?
Thanks very much in advance for your answers.
I am eager to learn what other Christian schools have done.
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