Teaching Children What "Respect" Means

[Genipher]

My husband and I are having an issue with C, our almost 12-year-old son. We've tried explaining what respect is several times but he's just not "getting" it. C has even tried looking it up in the dictionary and come to the conclusion that respect is something that you can choose to give someone, which then obviously excuses him from respecting his parents because we somehow haven't earned it.

Lots of things going on with him. Anger and puberty being the top two contenders. Also have issues with him lying (he will never, ever admit he is wrong). But that's a whole 'nother issue.

At any rate, I'm trying to find books that give better examples of HOW to show respect, especially to parents. And, yes, we've gone over scriptures (honoring i.e. respecting parents being one of the big ones) but he usually breaks down and screams that honor and respect are two different things or that we have to earn his respect. Not sure how we lost it in the first place as we didn't raise him differently than his older or younger siblings and they respect us.

Anyway, I'd love some practical advice on how to teach him what respect is and how to show it. Any books that you would recommend for a 12 year old (or us old parents who apparently are, according to C, too stupid to understand anything) to read would be great, too.

And prayer. Boy, do we need it. Older 2 kids made raising kids look like a walk in the park! Really earning my parenting badge with this kiddo.

Thanks y'all.

 

[Dino246]

I would recommend the parenting books by Dr. James Dobson, and Boundaries by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

A suggestion: watch a few episodes of a family sitcom or drama with him and discuss with him the interactions between the characters after each one. Look for something that interests him and illustrates respect and disrespect.

 

[Nehemiah6]

My husband and I are having an issue with C, our almost 12-year-old son.

You might be better off having a third party (Christian friends or pastors or elders) sit down with your son and talk to him about his real issue -- that he needs to repent and be converted, and be truly saved.

Which means sharing the Gospel in a way that he will understand that he is under condemnation until he believes on the Lord Jesus Christ, and turns away from his sinful ways. Things will fall into place after that. If a 12-year-old gets saved, he should also be baptized immediately, and the meaning of baptism should be explained --walking in newness of life.

 

[GaryA]

Also have issues with him lying (he will never, ever admit he is wrong). But that's a whole 'nother issue.

No, darlin' - this is THE issue.

PRIDE.

For what it may be worth, see the explanation in this post and see if you can adapt it to the parent-child relationship. The important thing is to recognize the two 'facets' of respect:

https://christianchat.com/christian...o-earn-your-respect.86295/page-3#post-1780754

 

[Lanolin]

Librarian here

There are books on manners, though not many in the 12 year old age range, more for junior, but they have pictures and examples showing what courtesy and politeness and kindness is and how to show it. This is part of showing respect.

For adults there are books on etiquette. which is just a grown up version of manners.

A recent book that I would recommend for a 12 year old is a book called Not all heroes wear capes.
Have a look for that one. It might give him an idea of what a hero does. Not necessarily about respecting parents but nudge him in a more inspired direction with real life examples.

 

[Lanolin]

By Ben Brooks

 

[Billyd]

Watch the old movie "To Sir with Love".

Just a little food for thought. Children learn from others, but they develop their values from their parents. If you wish to teach your children respect, you must demonstrate the same respect to everyone you interact with.

 

[Genipher]

Just wanted to pop in and say thanks for the ideas and encouragement. We're in the process of selling our house and trying to find another one so I've been tired and unable to get on and let y'all know I haven't ditched this thread.