Will I ever get a good wife of Christ?
- Thread starter Zdenek
- Start date
-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
When there is a hunger in your vessel, it’s hard to focus on anything else. Finding a cute wife doesn’t guarantee she will be cute for life, outside or inside. Don’t look for a sex partner. Look for a purpose in life. People like Nicola Tesla never bothered with a wife. He was too passionate about other things. Also you can channel sexual energy into mental and physical energy. That is what has been identified as “sex magic”. It’s not demonic, it’s redirecting biochemical energy. A family is like an anchor. It limits your freedom and resources (time and money). Like you I thought a woman would make me happy. She would be great company and relieve the aching in my loins. Well, 25 years later, I can’t wait to die. Sure I love my family. I have four children who are doing well. They are exhausting. The time and dedication it takes to continually give of yourself is perpetual agony. “He who hates his life will keep it.” I’m abundantly convinced I’m keeping it. My once cute wife is mentally and emotionally unstable. The Lord keeps me here in this wilderness, not as punishment, but as preparation for what is to come. Dark days ahead. The very last thing you should want is a wife and to bring children into this psychotic world, degrading increasingly daily.
-
2
- Show all
I haven't heard of any of the ones you have said (there are few Europeans here anyway) but I have heard a few from America (and some from unknown locations) with similar complaints as mine. I'm sorry that they have wasted your time and that of many others probably, sadly there are also people in real life who behave that way (complaining about everything in life absolutely all the time as well as annoying everyone in the around with their own problems as if they were guilty or something) typically these people are really bored or exhausted with life and seek attention from others as a way to escape from their own issues even if they don't actually want support. Sure there are many things we can complain in life about but they should not defeat ourselves that way. I'm not saying my life will automatically end if I'm single with 30 (I'm sure God doesn't want me to just surrender), what I do fear actually is that I may not be able to cope with life in the case and start feeling weaker and weaker until I can't even work (typically psychological distresses develop slowly through lifetime and after series of repeated serious failures and lack of successes, sometimes even involuntarily, they don't just pop up out of nothing). I may not necessarily get to the point of a depression (nothing in life does matter anymore) but simply psychological difficulties (such as being slowly drifted away from life because of constant weight even if I still want to persevere and believe in success). Until today my problem is fear of the future rather than actual distress.
My life is (thankfully) not at all bad right now. I'm still fed and supported by my parents and do not have many responsibilities aside from studying. If I was born in a small village in somewhere like Afghanistan I could probably have lost my family in the war since very young and even kidnapped and forcefully recruited into some army, touching weapons and killing innocent people since the age of 6, and literally any risk I take could cost my physical integrity or life. And I would probably not even see people of the opposite sex for a very long time (if I even had the luck of not dying during combat or being enlisted as a suicide bomber). I'm so thankful nothing of this has happened to me. It's amazing I have such a comfortable life. But I fear it may take an U-turn in the future.
I especially agree with you in the self-control part. I sometimes think it's the main problem I have right now. I have a very strong desire for sex but especially affection. I daydream a lot with a cute, faithful and shy Christian wife. Yes, I would really love a shy quiet woman who can stay hours without saying a word. Such a woman would never be screaming to me all the time or cheating on me whenever she feels unhappy. But back to topic, I still do think that self-control is important. Everytime I masturbate, I'm cheating on a potential wife, and I feel really bad after each time I do it. The good news is that my abstinence periods are becoming longer (God is helping me!). Chastity is also one of my biggest goals in life (and until today the one who seems closest to success). I hope I will achieve it soon.
My life is (thankfully) not at all bad right now. I'm still fed and supported by my parents and do not have many responsibilities aside from studying. If I was born in a small village in somewhere like Afghanistan I could probably have lost my family in the war since very young and even kidnapped and forcefully recruited into some army, touching weapons and killing innocent people since the age of 6, and literally any risk I take could cost my physical integrity or life. And I would probably not even see people of the opposite sex for a very long time (if I even had the luck of not dying during combat or being enlisted as a suicide bomber). I'm so thankful nothing of this has happened to me. It's amazing I have such a comfortable life. But I fear it may take an U-turn in the future.
I especially agree with you in the self-control part. I sometimes think it's the main problem I have right now. I have a very strong desire for sex but especially affection. I daydream a lot with a cute, faithful and shy Christian wife. Yes, I would really love a shy quiet woman who can stay hours without saying a word. Such a woman would never be screaming to me all the time or cheating on me whenever she feels unhappy. But back to topic, I still do think that self-control is important. Everytime I masturbate, I'm cheating on a potential wife, and I feel really bad after each time I do it. The good news is that my abstinence periods are becoming longer (God is helping me!). Chastity is also one of my biggest goals in life (and until today the one who seems closest to success). I hope I will achieve it soon.
For anyone replying to this thread, you might want to take a few minutes to check out these two other threads in comparison:
https://christianchat.com/christian...ere-single-christian-girls-in-finland.200207/
https://christianchat.com/christian...d-christian-girl-from-france-to-marry.199441/
Both asked exactly the same things, gave nearly identical information (a 19-year-old in the first French thread, then supposed 29-year-old in the Finland thread,) both wanted a teenage bride they could keep total control of (she would not be allowed to work, go to school, or talk to anyone else,) so that she would worship him indefinitely.
Both would not take any advice, would not listen to anything people poured their hearts out in telling them, repeatedly asked people to repeat and explain themselves, never actually read what people wrote, and insisted that people give them a guarantee that absolutely, undoubtedly find the teenage love slave they insisted they deserved for their faithfulness to God.
If you see this poster doing all the same things, which he is, please consider reserving your time and energy.
Many of us have already tried. The other posters actually didn't want advice -- they wanted attention.
And for the OP, @Zdenek, if you are indeed a different person, and if you are sincere, take a look through these threads and get back to us.
They contain all the information anyone here has to give.
But I'm guessing that like these "other two," you will insist that it's not specific to "your country" -- or you'll find some other circular argument that goes nowhere as an excuse to keep right on going.
Please prove me wrong.
After watching these two posters dredge on and on, I'm really hoping you will.
For anyone else answering this thread, may I politely suggest waiting for @Zdenek to show some proof of reading the posts here and/or other threads before putting in the time.
I just read your last post.
These other users mentioned very similar things, most especially daydreaming, a cute introverted girl, and masturbation (and for one, alcoholism.)
If you are someone different, I wish you all the best.
https://christianchat.com/christian...ere-single-christian-girls-in-finland.200207/
https://christianchat.com/christian...d-christian-girl-from-france-to-marry.199441/
Both asked exactly the same things, gave nearly identical information (a 19-year-old in the first French thread, then supposed 29-year-old in the Finland thread,) both wanted a teenage bride they could keep total control of (she would not be allowed to work, go to school, or talk to anyone else,) so that she would worship him indefinitely.
Both would not take any advice, would not listen to anything people poured their hearts out in telling them, repeatedly asked people to repeat and explain themselves, never actually read what people wrote, and insisted that people give them a guarantee that absolutely, undoubtedly find the teenage love slave they insisted they deserved for their faithfulness to God.
If you see this poster doing all the same things, which he is, please consider reserving your time and energy.
Many of us have already tried. The other posters actually didn't want advice -- they wanted attention.
And for the OP, @Zdenek, if you are indeed a different person, and if you are sincere, take a look through these threads and get back to us.
They contain all the information anyone here has to give.
But I'm guessing that like these "other two," you will insist that it's not specific to "your country" -- or you'll find some other circular argument that goes nowhere as an excuse to keep right on going.
Please prove me wrong.
After watching these two posters dredge on and on, I'm really hoping you will.
For anyone else answering this thread, may I politely suggest waiting for @Zdenek to show some proof of reading the posts here and/or other threads before putting in the time.
I just read your last post.
These other users mentioned very similar things, most especially daydreaming, a cute introverted girl, and masturbation (and for one, alcoholism.)
If you are someone different, I wish you all the best.
-
3
- Show all
In the first thread I listed (France), the guy said he was also 19 and living with his parents and did not have a job; in the second thread, the age was bumped to 29 and the guy said he had a steady, well-providing job -- and alcoholism.
As we did with the 19-year-old, we're going to ask you:
* What are your school and career plans that will allow you to support a wife?
* Is living with your parents as a married couple customary where you are, and if not, how do you plan to get a place of your own? Especially if you "don't want to live alone for a long time" when you become independent. So you are basically looking to marry and then try to live in your own place right off the bat?
* What's your game plan for achieving this? Now granted, I understand that these are hard times, and many families are living together out of necessity (and as I said, it might be a cultural norm for some,) but unfortunately, it's just a fact of life that you can't realistically look for a wife if you have no means of paying bills.
Better yet, let's start from the very beginning.
* Do you have a job? (If not, how do you plan to find one?)
* What means do you have to start taking a girl out on dates if or when you find her?
The point isn't about money -- it's about knowing that daydreams don't achieve real life unless you have a plan as to how to reach your goals and are taking active steps to reach them.
These are things we repeatedly pointed out to the other posters -- and any advice we gave was completely ignored and sidestepped because the posters kept going back to "daydreams" and "fantasies" about the perfect young, humble, only-talks-to-me wife-and-no-one-else wife.
Any mention of reality was thrown out the window.
As we did with the 19-year-old, we're going to ask you:
* What are your school and career plans that will allow you to support a wife?
* Is living with your parents as a married couple customary where you are, and if not, how do you plan to get a place of your own? Especially if you "don't want to live alone for a long time" when you become independent. So you are basically looking to marry and then try to live in your own place right off the bat?
* What's your game plan for achieving this? Now granted, I understand that these are hard times, and many families are living together out of necessity (and as I said, it might be a cultural norm for some,) but unfortunately, it's just a fact of life that you can't realistically look for a wife if you have no means of paying bills.
Better yet, let's start from the very beginning.
* Do you have a job? (If not, how do you plan to find one?)
* What means do you have to start taking a girl out on dates if or when you find her?
The point isn't about money -- it's about knowing that daydreams don't achieve real life unless you have a plan as to how to reach your goals and are taking active steps to reach them.
These are things we repeatedly pointed out to the other posters -- and any advice we gave was completely ignored and sidestepped because the posters kept going back to "daydreams" and "fantasies" about the perfect young, humble, only-talks-to-me wife-and-no-one-else wife.
Any mention of reality was thrown out the window.
-
2
-
1
- Show all
Another one has already commented on that. I also have seen other similar threads before (but not these ones). This thread is not the first and will not be the last one of this type, sadly. I will check them if I have time.
I have also heard this.
Ok I will try.
Well it's not like France or Finland are particularly better on this aspect, I could sure point you to many bad statistics about my country but numbers may not tell the whole story. Yes Czechia is a very atheistic country but maybe God gives me a good surprise one day (you know what). Or maybe not. Anything can happen. I try to trust Him but I sometimes fail.
Well daydreaming and masturbation are things the vast majority of people do, especially when they are young and their hormones raging. Not to say masturbation / lust is good or should be done. As for the cute introverted girl I can definitely find the appeal there. And I don't drink alcohol.
I have also heard this.
Ok I will try.
Well it's not like France or Finland are particularly better on this aspect, I could sure point you to many bad statistics about my country but numbers may not tell the whole story. Yes Czechia is a very atheistic country but maybe God gives me a good surprise one day (you know what). Or maybe not. Anything can happen. I try to trust Him but I sometimes fail.
Well daydreaming and masturbation are things the vast majority of people do, especially when they are young and their hormones raging. Not to say masturbation / lust is good or should be done. As for the cute introverted girl I can definitely find the appeal there. And I don't drink alcohol.
Don’t be sorry. It is not without extreme heat does the gold get separated from the dross. The wilderness is a place that forces weakness to exit the vessel. I’m much stronger because of my trouble. When the Lord calls upon me, I will be both willing and capable to serve Him. Because I have no affinity for life, I have no fear of death.
-
1
-
1
- Show all
When I was younger, I wanted to be married by age 25. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 31. We got married when I was 33.
I understand the worry behind “will I ever get married?” It wasn’t until I surrendered that question completely to the Lord that I learned regardless of our marital status, we still have purpose. Jesus gives us abundant life, every day.
I understand the worry behind “will I ever get married?” It wasn’t until I surrendered that question completely to the Lord that I learned regardless of our marital status, we still have purpose. Jesus gives us abundant life, every day.
-
2
-
1
-
1
- Show all
I just wanted to say, Hungry, I am so sorry for your troubles.
Please know that we are listening to you and praying for you, and appreciate your honest reports about marriage.
I still mourn what my ex and I could have been, and wonder if he is happy with his new wife.
But when I read your posts... Sometimes I wonder if I actually dodged a bullet.
Thank you for your honest and courageous posts.
Please know that we are listening to you and praying for you, and appreciate your honest reports about marriage.
I still mourn what my ex and I could have been, and wonder if he is happy with his new wife.
But when I read your posts... Sometimes I wonder if I actually dodged a bullet.
Thank you for your honest and courageous posts.
-
1
- Show all
The other question we brought up was why someone would come to a site with mostly American, Canadian, and not-in-their-country members, but yet expect people to speak as if they could say for certain what their chances were of finding their dream girl in their own country?
We just have a tendency to notice patterns, and while we want to help and welcome anyone new to the site, we regulars are also passionate about protecting our good-hearted members from conversational black holes.
We just have a tendency to notice patterns, and while we want to help and welcome anyone new to the site, we regulars are also passionate about protecting our good-hearted members from conversational black holes.
-
1
- Show all
Ok I will not tell the story of my life in a forum I barely know but I get the message anyway with all those questions.
Nothing in this life is achieved without effort. This can be applied not only to getting a spouse but also a job, a home, a car and basically everything. I'm not asking God to give me the wife I want in a tray. I know it requires effort and perseverance. But I'm worried God has simply not a woman for me. Maybe because I'm not fully prepared to be a good husband (due to lust or something, maybe he wants to protect me from premarital sex during courtship which is great, but yet there is the possibility there is something deeper I don't know about or can't simply fix). Maybe He has called me to be single for the rest of my life (which scares me). Maybe He has punished me for my past sins (which also scares me). I just don't know.
Nothing in this life is achieved without effort. This can be applied not only to getting a spouse but also a job, a home, a car and basically everything. I'm not asking God to give me the wife I want in a tray. I know it requires effort and perseverance. But I'm worried God has simply not a woman for me. Maybe because I'm not fully prepared to be a good husband (due to lust or something, maybe he wants to protect me from premarital sex during courtship which is great, but yet there is the possibility there is something deeper I don't know about or can't simply fix). Maybe He has called me to be single for the rest of my life (which scares me). Maybe He has punished me for my past sins (which also scares me). I just don't know.
-
1
- Show all