How To Ditch a Stalker ("Casual Surveyor")?

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1

1still_waters

Guest
#21
if my feelings ever change, I will be the first to let you know."
Saying that might lead him to think there is some 'wiggle room'. You gotta shut that door and cement it shut with a do not enter sign super glued to both sides....


I'm running out of the number of times I can tell him I'm washing my hair (and it's starting to fall out a bit as it is! Or was that me yanking it out and yelling, "PLEASE!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!"
You've gotta move from being nice and hinting to being bold, blunt and brash. Some guys are totally clueless and interpret repeated 'i'm busies' as legit excuses, instead of as the gal blatantly avoiding them.

By the way, is this guy like 14?
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,761
5,660
113
#22
Saying that might lead him to think there is some 'wiggle room'. You gotta shut that door and cement it shut with a do not enter sign super glued to both sides....


You've gotta move from being nice and hinting to being bold, blunt and brash. Some guys are totally clueless and interpret repeated 'i'm busies' as legit excuses, instead of as the gal blatantly avoiding them.

By the way, is this guy like 14?

I can see where my approach might be seen as leaving the door open a crack and I appreciate you pointing that out, Still... I guess you don't really know what you sound like or how you come across until someone repeats it back to you and shows you an alternative interpretation.

He's 28... but never had a girlfriend before. I hate to say it, but he's your typical "nice guy"--too nice. This is the guy I wrote about in Musical's "Nice Guys Finish Last" thread... we were talking on the phone and he couldn't stand up to his 4-year old niece (repeatedly asking her to please give him a few minutes when she constantly interrupted instead of putting his foot down and saying he'd be with her after we were finished talking). I thought to myself, "If he can't stand up to a 4-year-old, how would he possibly stand up to me?" He is the epitomy of "the nice guy", so EVERYONE and their mother (including my own) is always saying, "Why don't you go out with .......?" And it makes me want to chew my own arm off...

But he interprets his niceness as simply being polite towards women... I've known him for ten years and the worst part is (depending how you look at it) is that he started coming to my church, hoping that would help convince me to date him (and it's not like I could say, "Hey, STOP going to church!!!") and has since become very involved with the youth group there--so much in fact that the ENTIRE youth group staff (including the youth pastor and his wife and several senior members of my old church) are ALWAYS trying to get me to go out with him, saying, (drumroll, please) "HES SSSOOO NICE!!" NO ONE understand my position because of how nice he is and they say I'm really missing out by not dating him. But I could never handle being around someone so needy and smothering...

I have since changed churches... not entirely because of him but I can't say it wasn't part of it. I don't want to completely shut him out and stop being friends with him but I guess if that's what it takes...
 
1

1still_waters

Guest
#23
I can see where my approach might be seen as leaving the door open a crack and I appreciate you pointing that out, Still... I guess you don't really know what you sound like or how you come across until someone repeats it back to you and shows you an alternative interpretation.

He's 28... but never had a girlfriend before. I hate to say it, but he's your typical "nice guy"--too nice. This is the guy I wrote about in Musical's "Nice Guys Finish Last" thread... we were talking on the phone and he couldn't stand up to his 4-year old niece (repeatedly asking her to please give him a few minutes when she constantly interrupted instead of putting his foot down and saying he'd be with her after we were finished talking). I thought to myself, "If he can't stand up to a 4-year-old, how would he possibly stand up to me?" He is the epitomy of "the nice guy", so EVERYONE and their mother (including my own) is always saying, "Why don't you go out with .......?" And it makes me want to chew my own arm off...

But he interprets his niceness as simply being polite towards women... I've known him for ten years and the worst part is (depending how you look at it) is that he started coming to my church, hoping that would help convince me to date him (and it's not like I could say, "Hey, STOP going to church!!!") and has since become very involved with the youth group there--so much in fact that the ENTIRE youth group staff (including the youth pastor and his wife and several senior members of my old church) are ALWAYS trying to get me to go out with him, saying, (drumroll, please) "HES SSSOOO NICE!!" NO ONE understand my position because of how nice he is and they say I'm really missing out by not dating him. But I could never handle being around someone so needy and smothering...

I have since changed churches... not entirely because of him but I can't say it wasn't part of it. I don't want to completely shut him out and stop being friends with him but I guess if that's what it takes...
Yeah sometimes us guys get this mental block concerning women. If we like her, sometimes we forget that OTHER women on the planet exist. So instead of looking outside of the ONE woman we like and going for another option, we just think if we try harder, the ONE will eventually come around. But eventually the LIGHT hits us and we realize there are tons of other women on the planet, so we move our attention and intentions outside of the ONE woman who is umm..obviously not showing interest.

He may be the same way right now. Maybe there is a way you can clear this mental block and help him realize other women besides you do exist? But yeah, you do need to be firmer with doctor nice.
 

Sharp

Senior Member
May 5, 2009
2,569
21
38
#24
i've learnt the hard way that if you want to make someone lose interest in you, do really disgusting things in their presence....pick your nose, fart, spit, spill things on your clothes, sneeze on them and their food....you get my drift.
 
M

missy2shoes

Guest
#25
i've learnt the hard way that if you want to make someone lose interest in you, do really disgusting things in their presence....pick your nose, fart, spit, spill things on your clothes, sneeze on them and their food....you get my drift.
....ya had to 'learn' that?.....heh :p
 
C

chelsers

Guest
#26
I spill things on my clothes all the time :)
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,761
5,660
113
#27
Yeah sometimes us guys get this mental block concerning women. If we like her, sometimes we forget that OTHER women on the planet exist. So instead of looking outside of the ONE woman we like and going for another option, we just think if we try harder, the ONE will eventually come around. But eventually the LIGHT hits us and we realize there are tons of other women on the planet, so we move our attention and intentions outside of the ONE woman who is umm..obviously not showing interest.

He may be the same way right now. Maybe there is a way you can clear this mental block and help him realize other women besides you do exist? But yeah, you do need to be firmer with doctor nice.

Hey everyone, I appreciate your suggestions... if only they would work. This guy I'm talking about simply just does not get it. And he's not just fixated on me, he's basically just trying to get any girl he can to pay attention to him.

When he first asked me about dating and I said no, he moved on to a friend of mine, which is fine with me (she's much more gutsy than I am when it comes to blatantly saying things someone doesn't want to hear--she thoroughly cussed him out when he started stalking her) but he just brushed it off as a bad mood and started right up again. (He has a very strong-willed mother and sister so he's used to seeing women go through bad moods and phases. And I work with him so it's not like I can avoid him altogether.)

Next, he moved on to almost every single girl involved in my old church's youth group, one at a time. They all refused him flat. He even went so far as to buying a huge, honkin' diamond ring and asking one girl to marry him this past mother's day because her daughter adored him and he thought they could have a family together (even though, as I pointed out to him, this girl had NEVER even agreed to dating him, let alone saying she loved him or talk about marriage.) But he won't listen... I think he thinks he can swoon/win a girl over with sweet gestures... I tried to tell him he's going to get a reputation as a guy who treats women like Flavors of the Month even though he has good intentions and treats them well... but have come to the conclusion that he just has to learn on his own.

He keeps coming back to try again with me because I'm the only girl he's stalked who tries to confront him about what he's doing wrong and is still his friend--the others (who are probably much wiser than I am) shut him out completely and stop talking to him.

When I see some people here who are like, "I want a boyfriend/girlfriend NOW," I wish them the best and God's blessings in their search, but please, just don't turn into anything remotely like this, please!!!

Any additional advice is welcome (if I tried your suggestions, Sharp, he'd just offer to do my laundry--by hand--and if the "gastrointestinal" measures were used... seriously... he'd probably be like, "Oh, that's nothing... check THIS out!") but I didn't mean to make this thread all about me--sorry!!

Please, keep sharing your own thoughts and experiences! :)
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#28
i've learnt the hard way that if you want to make someone lose interest in you, do really disgusting things in their presence....pick your nose, fart, spit, spill things on your clothes, sneeze on them and their food....you get my drift.

I revived this thread not only for it's helpful hints, but because I was so deeply moved by this post *sniffle*
 
Aug 2, 2009
24,653
4,316
113
#29
I never thought I'd say this to you Julianna, but you've gotta stop living in the past! :D
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#30
I like reading these. They were before my time so I missed 'em first time around. There's good stuff here. :)
 
S

SubCruceSalus

Guest
#32
You usually ditch them when there's no better place than the side of the road to dump the body :p
 
N

NukePooch

Guest
#33
You usually ditch them when there's no better place than the side of the road to dump the body :p
~shakes head~ When will these younguns ever learn? People need to ALWAYS carry a shovel in their car just for this occasion.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#34
Bah! Why travel so far when there's a convenient wheat field beside my house? Saves the farmer bundles in fertilizer.
 
N

NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#36
Waaaaait.......... why would you want to ditch a stalker??
 
N

NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#38
Cause you already have one...and to have two would just be greedy.

This is gonna be a tough decision deciding between you and Zero.... ;)
 
V

violakat

Guest
#39
I revived this thread not only for it's helpful hints, but because I was so deeply moved by this post *sniffle*
Needed this thread today, although, it still did not help me, or else I was just to nice.
 
N

NukePooch

Guest
#40
Needed this thread today, although, it still did not help me, or else I was just to nice.
You didn't belch loud enough, did you? You've gotta open wide and PROJECT!