It's the ANTI-CRUSH Crushing Game!

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seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#1
May 23, 2009
16,761
5,659
113
#1
Hey Everyone,

* Do you find yourself being attracted to people, features, or traits that other people make fun of you for?

* For instance, have you ever found yourself crushing on someone who seemed "unlikely" or, if you told someone about it, resulted in people saying, "What on earth do you see in that person?" (I actually got the idea for this thread by reading a post from someone who was describing this very scenario.)

* Are there popular celebrities or people that everyone else goes gaga over, but for some reason, you're just not attracted to them?

Then this is the thread for you! :)

Here are some suggested points for this discussion. Feel free to tell us about things such as:

* A time when everyone else was attracted to X, but you were attracted to Y instead, and everyone thought you were crazy.

* Traits and characteristics you might like that others don't seem to understand.

* People you have dated/relationships in which you went against the grain of what others thought was attractive, and how did it turn out?

Here's my own example.

One day at work, a couple of the girls were talking about how attractive they find Channing Tatum (I'm including a picture for anyone who might not know who he is -- he's a Hollywood actor.)



Now there's no doubt that on a base level, Mr. Tatum is attractive according to today's cultural standards -- I won't try to deny that. But I was trying to explain that I've never found him attractive partially because he's been in movies such as Magic Mike (which is about male strippers, which I have NO interest in at all,) and I've read articles in which he has described his ongoing struggle with alcoholism and trying to remain in a state of being "a functional alcoholic." And all the girls thought I was nuts.

I must add a disclaimer here in that I have a great amount of sympathy for anyone dealing with addiction (as I've written openly that I feel I struggle with food addiction,) but when it comes to attraction and a possible relationship, I'm all about personality and character. Seeing as I've had experience dating someone who struggled with an addiction, it's not something I would be around by choice again except as trying to be a supportive (but non-enabling) friend.

I've never been attracted to party boys. When I was younger, these were usually the popular, good-looking guys that the girls most chased after, but it was never my scene.

Pretty much every guy I've ever been attracted to was like me - they had been mercilessly made fun of for this or that in their life, but they still kept going. The guys I am almost always attracted to are almost always some kind of underdog, because one of my favorite things in the world is to see an underdog get his day. I've never been into smoking, drinking, or drugs, but oddly enough, as I get older, I tend to attract that type because I guess they think I will somehow make them stable or am responsible enough to make up for any slack they have in their life.

Admittedly, I have tried in the past -- and have seen over and over that I fail miserably in that situation.

Therefore, I'm sticking to what I know and love best in a guy -- responsibility, no attraction to substances (and gets made fun of because of it, being accused of "not being able to have a good time", hard-working, pays the bills on time, and lives a relatively quiet but still immensely interesting life (I can find myself interested in most everything about a person with an interesting outlook.) I love it when a guy has faced immense opposition, but stands his ground for the things he believes in.

I know to most people, this would spell B-O-R-I-N-G, but in all honesty, that's what I am, too (boring to the core!) and I know it works for me. I also love quirky features and supposed "imperfections" (that are actually perfect on the the people that have them) such as a crooked smile, a couple of teeth that are longer than the others (providing he isn't actually a vampire, of course. No Team Edwards here!!!,) hair that's just a little naturally messy, and a body type that says, "I live my life to the best of the abilities that God has given me but don't make it everything."

As a result, I would often have crushes that others didn't understand, but that's why I'm attracted to these certain traits -- my crush has most likely been made fun of all his life, too -- and he just doesn't care, because he knows who God wants him to be, and that's what matters most to him.

So I've told you all about me. :) Now I would like to know about you!

Please tell us about your unconventional crush choices, why you have them, and what has happened a result of "going against the grain."

I'm looking forward to reading your stories!
 
NotmebutHim

NotmebutHim

Senior Member
#2
May 17, 2015
2,943
1,618
113
48
#2
I find myself attracted to some female celebrities who, while certainly not ugly, aren't generally the ones that a lot of other guys seem to go for. I kind of feel like an outlier, LOL! :ROFL:
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#3
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#3
um no. im not sure I quite understand

But...I do like curly hair, maybe its because I have dead straight hair and I just like what I dont have. Also I dont really go chasing, but when guys chase me I run away. Yea its weird. I think they expect me to go after them.

Otherwise, not really thought about it too much. I guess when the time comes (God Knows when?!) He'll have sorted it all out for me and I wont have to agonise over the whys and wherefores.
 
Pipp

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
#4
Sep 17, 2013
5,543
2,722
113
Georgia
#4
Ive often in life found myself attracted to guys who weren't part of the popular crowd, which is nice cause Im not part of the popular crowd myself. Lol

Finding someone I just click with personality wise is wayyy more important and enjoyable.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#5
May 23, 2009
16,761
5,659
113
#5
Pipp said:
Ive often in life found myself attracted to guys who weren't part of the popular crowd, which is nice cause Im not part of the popular crowd myself. Lol
Click to expand...
When I was a student at my old Lutheran grade school, I remember a pastor I very much looked up to telling us, "Why do THEY (the "cool" crowd) have to be what we want to be? Why can't WE be the ones THEY want to be like?"

One of the coolest things I think there is about becoming an adult is that we get more control over who we want to be and what degree other people can try to control that. When we're little, we are dependent upon others and so people sort and label us based on what they see. They push us into boxes and pigeon holes based on the assumptions they make about us, and then treat us accordingly.

I have a family member who once told me, "If it wasn't for spite, you'd never accomplish anything!" and I have to laugh because at that the time, he was right on the money. All the goals I set, all the jobs I took and the work I put into them was because I was focused on one thing: freedom! More than anything, I wanted to break out of the boxes that had been set before me and that I felt shoved into.

The funny thing I've found is that as I strive further towards that goal, I'm finding that maybe this is one of the secrets of life -- even if I don't achieve the freedom I always thought I'd wanted so badly, maybe it actually HAS arrived in a different form -- maybe it's really the freedom of not caring so much what other people think, and making up your very own "cool crowd" -- even when that "crowd" is actually just a party of one. :geek:

#Nerd4Life :)
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#6
Aug 13, 2014
27,790
9,711
113
#6
I never have much bothered with crushes. They seem to be nothing but high blood pressure and stress.

That's just me though. They must be fun somehow, because a lot of people seem to enjoy indulging in them.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#7
Aug 13, 2014
27,790
9,711
113
#7
seoulsearch said:
When I was a student at my old Lutheran grade school, I remember a pastor I very much looked up to telling us, "Why do THEY (the "cool" crowd) have to be what we want to be? Why can't WE be the ones THEY want to be like?"

One of the coolest things I think there is about becoming an adult is that we get more control over who we want to be and what degree other people can try to control that. When we're little, we are dependent upon others and so people sort and label us based on what they see. They push us into boxes and pigeon holes based on the assumptions they make about us, and then treat us accordingly.

I have a family member who once told me, "If it wasn't for spite, you'd never accomplish anything!" and I have to laugh because at that the time, he was right on the money. All the goals I set, all the jobs I took and the work I put into them was because I was focused on one thing: freedom! More than anything, I wanted to break out of the boxes that had been set before me and that I felt shoved into.

The funny thing I've found is that as I strive further towards that goal, I'm finding that maybe this is one of the secrets of life -- even if I don't achieve the freedom I always thought I'd wanted so badly, maybe it actually HAS arrived in a different form -- maybe it's really the freedom of not caring so much what other people think, and making up your very own "cool crowd" -- even when that "crowd" is actually just a party of one. :geek:

#Nerd4Life :)
Click to expand...
 

Attachments

Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#8
Aug 13, 2014
27,790
9,711
113
#8
seoulsearch said:
Hey Everyone,

* Do you find yourself being attracted to people, features, or traits that other people make fun of you for?

* For instance, have you ever found yourself crushing on someone who seemed "unlikely" or, if you told someone about it, resulted in people saying, "What on earth do you see in that person?" (I actually got the idea for this thread by reading a post from someone who was describing this very scenario.)

* Are there popular celebrities or people that everyone else goes gaga over, but for some reason, you're just not attracted to them?

Then this is the thread for you! :)

Here are some suggested points for this discussion. Feel free to tell us about things such as:

* A time when everyone else was attracted to X, but you were attracted to Y instead, and everyone thought you were crazy.

* Traits and characteristics you might like that others don't seem to understand.

* People you have dated/relationships in which you went against the grain of what others thought was attractive, and how did it turn out?

Here's my own example.

One day at work, a couple of the girls were talking about how attractive they find Channing Tatum (I'm including a picture for anyone who might not know who he is -- he's a Hollywood actor.)



Now there's no doubt that on a base level, Mr. Tatum is attractive according to today's cultural standards -- I won't try to deny that. But I was trying to explain that I've never found him attractive partially because he's been in movies such as Magic Mike (which is about male strippers, which I have NO interest in at all,) and I've read articles in which he has described his ongoing struggle with alcoholism and trying to remain in a state of being "a functional alcoholic." And all the girls thought I was nuts.

I must add a disclaimer here in that I have a great amount of sympathy for anyone dealing with addiction (as I've written openly that I feel I struggle with food addiction,) but when it comes to attraction and a possible relationship, I'm all about personality and character. Seeing as I've had experience dating someone who struggled with an addiction, it's not something I would be around by choice again except as trying to be a supportive (but non-enabling) friend.

I've never been attracted to party boys. When I was younger, these were usually the popular, good-looking guys that the girls most chased after, but it was never my scene.

Pretty much every guy I've ever been attracted to was like me - they had been mercilessly made fun of for this or that in their life, but they still kept going. The guys I am almost always attracted to are almost always some kind of underdog, because one of my favorite things in the world is to see an underdog get his day. I've never been into smoking, drinking, or drugs, but oddly enough, as I get older, I tend to attract that type because I guess they think I will somehow make them stable or am responsible enough to make up for any slack they have in their life.

Admittedly, I have tried in the past -- and have seen over and over that I fail miserably in that situation.

Therefore, I'm sticking to what I know and love best in a guy -- responsibility, no attraction to substances (and gets made fun of because of it, being accused of "not being able to have a good time", hard-working, pays the bills on time, and lives a relatively quiet but still immensely interesting life (I can find myself interested in most everything about a person with an interesting outlook.) I love it when a guy has faced immense opposition, but stands his ground for the things he believes in.

I know to most people, this would spell B-O-R-I-N-G, but in all honesty, that's what I am, too (boring to the core!) and I know it works for me. I also love quirky features and supposed "imperfections" (that are actually perfect on the the people that have them) such as a crooked smile, a couple of teeth that are longer than the others (providing he isn't actually a vampire, of course. No Team Edwards here!!!,) hair that's just a little naturally messy, and a body type that says, "I live my life to the best of the abilities that God has given me but don't make it everything."

As a result, I would often have crushes that others didn't understand, but that's why I'm attracted to these certain traits -- my crush has most likely been made fun of all his life, too -- and he just doesn't care, because he knows who God wants him to be, and that's what matters most to him.

So I've told you all about me. :) Now I would like to know about you!

Please tell us about your unconventional crush choices, why you have them, and what has happened a result of "going against the grain."

I'm looking forward to reading your stories!
Click to expand...
Well that explains it.

I was puzzled by the look in his eyes, because I couldn't figure it out but it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. When you mentioned his struggle to keep his alcoholism at a functional level, that explained it.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#9
May 23, 2009
16,761
5,659
113
#9
Lynx said:
Well that explains it.

I was puzzled by the look in his eyes, because I couldn't figure it out but it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. When you mentioned his struggle to keep his alcoholism at a functional level, that explained it.
Click to expand...
I hope I don't sound judgmental of either Mr. Tatum or anyone else who is struggling with something -- after all, I talk about struggling with food addiction and people could easily write me off for that, too. I try to remember to pray for people whose challenges are different than my own and show them compassion as well.

But one of the things I have learned over time, through much trial and error -- mostly error on my part -- is that there are certain situations I can and cannot handle, and I know that, aside from as I said, being a caring but non-enabling friend, I don't handle being around an alcoholic very well at all.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#10
Aug 13, 2014
27,790
9,711
113
#10
seoulsearch said:
I hope I don't sound judgmental of either Mr. Tatum or anyone else who is struggling with something -- after all, I talk about struggling with food addiction and people could easily write me off for that, too. I try to remember to pray for people whose challenges are different than my own and show them compassion as well.

But one of the things I have learned over time, through much trial and error -- mostly error on my part -- is that there are certain situations I can and cannot handle, and I know that, aside from as I said, being a caring but non-enabling friend, I don't handle being around an alcoholic very well at all.
Click to expand...
You didn't come across as judgmental. And the look in his eyes didn't ring alarm bells like he posed a danger to those around him. He just looked like he has been fighting his own demons for a long, long time. Long enough to go way past the point of being weary of the battle, long enough to consider the fight a normal part of his life.
 
S

SimpleSheep

Guest
#12
#12
I've noticed that I am more attracted to men a bit older than I am. Like ten years older give or take a few. That has raised some eyebrows in the past.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#13
Aug 13, 2014
27,790
9,711
113
#13
SimpleSheep said:
I've noticed that I am more attracted to men a bit older than I am. Like ten years older give or take a few. That has raised some eyebrows in the past.
Click to expand...
*Lynx sees SimpleSheep's eyebrow and raises her a toenail... And also raises his shields.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#14
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#14
SimpleSheep said:
I've noticed that I am more attracted to men a bit older than I am. Like ten years older give or take a few. That has raised some eyebrows in the past.
Click to expand...
it is because girls mature faster than boys.

But I dont know if its exponential. I do know put boys and girls in the same class and year in school, the girls will be articulate and reading the classics while the boys are still giggling over Captain Underpants and mumbling.
 
S

SimpleSheep

Guest
#15
#15
Lanolin said:
it is because girls mature faster than boys.

But I dont know if its exponential. I do know put boys and girls in the same class and year in school, the girls will be articulate and reading the classics while the boys are still giggling over Captain Underpants and mumbling.
Click to expand...
Haha yeah I think that is the case. I was picked on a lot as a kid by boys, so I associate guys my age with that. Lanolin, are you a schoolteacher? :)
 
R

Ruby123

Guest
#16
#16
SimpleSheep said:
I've noticed that I am more attracted to men a bit older than I am. Like ten years older give or take a few. That has raised some eyebrows in the past.
Click to expand...
I also seem to be more attracted to men up to ten years older than myself.:unsure:
 
K

KrisWampler

Guest
#17
#17
I love redheads, but have been told they have no souls? Whatever. I love them.

Also I never cared for Jennifer Aniston or Pamela Anderson. Just don't get what dudes saw in them. Give me a redhead lady aaannnnnny ole day.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#18
May 23, 2009
16,761
5,659
113
#18
KrisWampler said:
I love redheads, but have been told they have no souls? Whatever. I love them.

Also I never cared for Jennifer Aniston or Pamela Anderson. Just don't get what dudes saw in them. Give me a redhead lady aaannnnnny ole day.
Click to expand...
Oh I know the power of redheads.

My then-husband left me for one, lol.

The funny thing is that I've always identified as a redhead who was born into the wrong color hair, and as if to rub that in, God seems to make sure I'm always friends with at least one redhead.

At one point I was friends with 3 redheads, and yeah, they each had tons of guys chasing them.
 
K

KrisWampler

Guest
#19
#19
seoulsearch said:
Oh I know the power of redheads.

My then-husband left me for one, lol.

The funny thing is that I've always identified as a redhead who was born into the wrong color hair, and as if to rub that in, God seems to make sure I'm always friends with at least one redhead.

At one point I was friends with 3 redheads, and yeah, they each had tons of guys chasing them.
Click to expand...
I am sorry that happened! I favor them but would never leave a woman for one! :)
 
J

jennymae

Guest
#20
#20
SimpleSheep said:
I've noticed that I am more attracted to men a bit older than I am. Like ten years older give or take a few. That has raised some eyebrows in the past.
Click to expand...
I think that’s quite common. Leastways whenever you are in your mid twenties or older.❤️
 
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