Don’t quickly fall in love

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Runningman said:
People may say all sorts of things, throw around the words love, forever, for better or worse, and maybe they truly intended them, but they can’t actually guarantee them. “Until death do us part” is the only thing that’s a certainty in a relationship, romantic or otherwise.
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Can you please explain why “Until death do us part” is different from the other words (forever, for better or worse, etc.). To me they all mean the same thing which is forever on this earth. “Until death do us part” is not a guarantee either, as in the case of divorce.
 
MsMediator said:
Can you please explain why “Until death do us part” is different from the other words (forever, for better or worse, etc.). To me they all mean the same thing which is forever on this earth. “Until death do us part” is not a guarantee either, as in the case of divorce.
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I’m referring to wedding vows. My ex and I were planning to get married and we had lightly discussed some wedding vows. Some of the common ones are to cherish and love your partner regardless of if they are sick, healthy, rich, poor, etc.

What I realized is that since people cannot guarantee they’ll love their spouse under every condition that these vows are vulnerable to being violated. However, the one thing we can guarantee is we’ll all die and “until death do us part” is the only wedding vow any married couple is truly capable of being faithful to

I hear you say that “until death do us part” is not a guarantee either. I should probably explain what I believe marriage is. Marriage doesn’t end after a divorce decree issued by the state or local government. Sure, it’s legally over in the eyes of the law, but I believe in the eyes of God a soul union has occurred. The only thing that breaks this union is a guaranteed death.
 
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Just jumping in here...did you say it took you 8 seconds to fall in love? Should it take longer?

How did you fall in love in 8 seconds or is that a stupid question?
 
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Lanolin said:
Just jumping in here...did you say it took you 8 seconds to fall in love? Should it take longer?

How did you fall in love in 8 seconds or is that a stupid question?
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Yeah, this.

It has taken me 44 years so far, and still counting. :P
 
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tourist said:
Falling in love is an emotion, sustaining actual love is a series of actions.
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What would you do if you had done everything you possibly could for someone though? Even risking your career, livelihood, comfort, safety, finances, etc and they still couldn’t see love in anything through the minor infraction of not hugging long enough for example?

It seems like the bar my ex set for me was sinless perfection. Seriously, I sat my wallet down too hard one time and that sparked a forest fire so to speak. I used the wrong tone of voice, or I was distracted with something, or I wasn’t good at something, or I rode my bicycle too often. You name it. Then I finally lose patience with this nonsense and now I’m suddenly the bad guy… as always! Forever in the dog house.

I even bought her a cell phone once and she broke up with me over it. Honestly I’m not exaggerating a bit. Tell me this isn’t a normal healthy relationship, but I feel like I love her too much to wrest control away.
 
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Runningman said:
What would you do if you had done everything you possibly could for someone though? Even risking your career, livelihood, comfort, safety, finances, etc and they still couldn’t see love in anything through the minor infraction of not hugging long enough for example?

It seems like the bar my ex set for me was sinless perfection. Seriously, I sat my wallet down too hard one time and that sparked a forest fire so to speak. I used the wrong tone of voice, or I was distracted with something, or I wasn’t good at something, or I rode my bicycle too often. You name it. Then I finally lose patience with this nonsense and now I’m suddenly the bad guy… as always! Forever in the dog house.

I even bought her a cell phone once and she broke up with me over it. Honestly I’m not exaggerating a bit. Tell me this isn’t a normal healthy relationship, but I feel like I love her too much to wrest control away.
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Your ex sounds like a bit of a loon. While I'm sure that breaking up was painful, in the end it was for your own best interest.
 
[QUOTE="Runningman, post: 4953350, member: 294652"You name it. Then I finally lose patience with this nonsense and now I’m suddenly the bad guy… as always! Forever in the dog house.

I even bought her a cell phone once and she broke up with me over it. Honestly I’m not exaggerating a bit. Tell me this isn’t a normal healthy relationship, but I feel like I love her too much to wrest control away.[/QUOTE]


You’re in love with someone you can’t have. If you look back at your life you’ll see the people you’ve had feelings for fit in this category. Look at the real reason you chose the girl in question, and you’ll notice I’m right. This is more about your choices and not so much about whether you’re in the dog house with her. People love patterns and it’s rare we deviate from them. If you learn to pick out different women you’ll be much happier.
 
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Runningman said:
I think what you're saying is definitely true for some people, but in my opinion there is a big difference between genuine, selfless, unconditional love, and infatuation with the opposite sex. Would you risk your life and make wedding vows for someone you met 8 seconds ago based off of a feeling? LoL. :giggle:

Infatuation is more like an unreasonable biological impulse, but we may have very good reasons for truly loving someone. These feelings may feel similar, but it takes experience to really understand the difference.

When I was in high school and had a new crush every week I definitely didn't know the difference. Maybe the conversation should be about the differences between love and emotion. :giggle: ha.
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Oh I agree my brother. I don't quite buy into the 8 seconds study. There are various different studies each giving a different time frame. I do find that the 8 day one may hold some legitimacy. Which is only derived at by my own experience. Namely after talking to @1ofthem for a week talking 5-6 hours nightly Monday to Thursday and even longer on Friday and the weekend. Just found around 8 or 9 days after such. I actually was having thoughts like wonder what kind of wife would she be and wonder what it would be like to be married to each other.

I did find for myself that my emotions and thought process was heavily influenced really fast. Which after my divorce of 20 years of marriage I had for the past 14 years dumped any gal that was getting to attached. As I actively avoided any entanglements of relationships but now my thoughts were of the till death do us part relationship. Of course do believe also this time it was the person and actual chemistry and the factor of God being preeminent.

So while it was and is anecdotal sometimes I will give my personal experience some validity on a study. Not because it is myself involved but have found on any studies I may read when it is specific to men. I time and again fall into the standard. So for studies I tend to always fall into the the standard, average, or typical male range. Never a anomaly, if I do deviate in any extent it is never really out of the range of the middle. So while everyone of us is different. I find for me that I stay in the middle and fall into the category of the general behavioral pattern. So for that purpose and understanding that each gal herself is different so will also affect any outcome. That the right gal had me thinking different around the 8 day mark so makes me think maybe there might be something there.

Overall though I would say that any studies I look at the main problem is they are usually done on a subset of people that are of the world so they don't have a renewed mind. So when trying to make a correlation think there will never be a one for one since there is a different world view involved.

So I very much agree with you that what the world calls love and what God calls love is two different things. However, I do find that I think the narrative about men that is pushed in the general is wrong. Recent studies are showing that in the general populace that men do tend to fall into love faster and that breakups actually effect men harder. "Heartbreak gets the best of men, a new study has revealed.

Despite a lingering stereotype that men are less emotionally invested in relationships than women, researchers have discovered that it’s men, in fact, who suffer the greater emotional impact during a breakup........." https://nypost.com/2021/11/03/men-more-heartbroken-than-women-during-a-breakup-study/

Anyway all that to say I agree with ya bro and have had you in my prayers since I read your post and been praying for ya.
 
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stilllearning said:
That may be hard for us men bro as studies show that us men do fall in love faster than women.
One study shows that it only takes 8 seconds for a man to fall in love.....LOL Maybe they should
stop making videos and conversations on social media saying men never want to commit and
start asking why do women not fall in love and want to commit as fast as men do............LOL
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People fall in and out of love all the time. I dare say, falling in love and
being willing to make a commitment are two very different things ;):)
 
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Magenta said:
People fall in and out of love all the time. I dare say, falling in love and
being willing to make a commitment are two very different things ;):)
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Agreed and my latest post just above yours gives what my mindset is on the subject :) I know ya read my first reply and had not got to my latter one yet............LOL I agree however, and hope your weekend is a great one :)
 
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yea it happens all the time dont be surprised, you can easily fall out of love too.

Just know how to land is all
 
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Magenta said:
People fall in and out of love all the time. I dare say, falling in love and
being willing to make a commitment are two very different things ;):)
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Yes, there is a huge difference between falling in love and actual real love. Falling in love is based on emotion, actual love is based on action.
 
tourist said:
Yes, there is a huge difference between falling in love and actual real love. Falling in love is based on emotion, actual love is based on action.
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Love's not a feeling
Oh we've got to learn
To get past the emotion
To the meaning of the word
Love's not a feeling
We can use and throw away
Lord give us the courage
To live it everyday
 
Honestly I think I made that mistake with my late wife, I think we marry too quickly and realize we weren't compatible.
 
I guess a lot of people dont know how to regulate their emotions, it was never really taught in school, most children dont know how to handle them esp when they become teenagers. They think they are in love when its just hormones
 
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Interesting topic

But in response to topic title , the thing about “Falling” is it is not something you usually choose to do , it just happens

Now staying in love after the feelings go is where the choose comes . Love is a promise , not just feelings
 
you can 'fall in love' with multiple people, and also same sex as well as opposite sex. You can fall in love with someone you only ever see on a tv screen.

I mean its not something that is in a lot of peoples control, you can fall in love with someone you dont even like very much just because of the way they look. So, not really setting a store on it.

Cupid draw back your bow.
 
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