sexual compatibility

[kayem77]

Thank you, farrahanne. I want to encourage you to remain faithful to your commitment. The world hates marriage because it hates God. That's why it only wants you to hear about the bad stuff. A sexual relationship with a beloved spouse is so far above what is depicted by porn it's ridiculous. Porn is just a monkey sideshow version of God's gift to mankind. Don't fall for the lie and don't be yoked to anyone who does either. <3

Wheww! I'm so glad those scenes in the movies or porn sites are not common with christians, they are quite scary. I knoow all men my age watch porn( unbeliever men, I hope not christians) and get influenced by what they see and then they expect the woman to act like women in those porn sites act. It's good for christians to learn that even in something as sacred as sex the devil is trying to interfere and deceive us.
Thanks for this threadd Julianna!

 

[NukePooch]

I would love for you to make that your avatar along with the dog. I would buy you a gift certificate at "everything bacon" if you did

Contact me for my mailing address. Thanks. (grin)

 

[allforfun]

Contact me for my mailing address. Thanks. (grin)

You are the awesome!

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

i mean i was 'married' in all but name before i became a christian, we lived with each other for two years and just never saw the right time for marriage...but it is annoying when i see people who clearly havent even had a serious relationship much less marriage putting their opinion to marital issues. I hate to be rude, but what is a 15 yr old doing giving her 'advice' on oral sex to adults?

I wish there was a way we could make some threads just age-restricted...i think it would keep some discussions on a more serious level

Heck yeah.................. i agree

 

[Jullianna]

Wheww! I'm so glad those scenes in the movies or porn sites are not common with christians, they are quite scary. I knoow all men my age watch porn( unbeliever men, I hope not christians) and get influenced by what they see and then they expect the woman to act like women in those porn sites act. It's good for christians to learn that even in something as sacred as sex the devil is trying to interfere and deceive us.
Thanks for this threadd Julianna!

I'm glad you find this helpful. THAT was my sole intent in creating this thread. Not all young people have more mature christians to ask about such things. Please keep in mind what Seoulsearch said about initial awkwardness. THAT'S OKAY! The key is to not take yourself too seriously. Down the road, as you learn, you and your husband will have funny things to talk about together when you recall that time. These are the things that lead to trust and intimacy within marriage. Just enjoy one another, have fun and relax. No one gets anything out of anything if they are too uptight about it.

 

[rainacorn]

------edited content------

That is all.

 

[Maya86]

I completely agree with you.
This whole thing with sexual compatibility is just something I can't fathom. People talk about 'testing the car before buying it' but why would they want to think of a person as a car? Our parents didn't 'test' us when we were born and say they'll give us up just cos we weren't what they expected us to be, did they? We all have urges and desires but having lust come in the way just ruins it. I'm single, not sexually active and have never slept with a boyfriend. I did get sexually abused and am not virgin but does that mean I would want to test the waters just because I'm 'broken'? Nope. A woman's dignity isn't tied to her virginity- there are far more important things in life.

People need to realize that once you are attracted to someone and if they do get to know them and marry them, making love will come naturally. My parents had an arranged-love marriage- their families introduced them to each other and they did sit down and talk and they did like each other alot.. they shared common goals and beliefs and they went ahead with it and here I am, typing this 26 years after they got married so boohoo to the whole sexual compatibility crap. Women sleep with gay men before marriage and marry them not knowing their husband could be gay/bi/whatever and many find out years later.

If there is attraction, love, understanding and respect, making love will come naturally. Sexual compatibility, etc etc is just one of those false reasons- those empty calories if you will, that ruin's one's diet or lifestyle by misleading them. Many are ignorant, many aren't. People need to focus on the truth vs convenience.

 

[GreenNnice]

I completely agree with you.
This whole thing with sexual compatibility is just something I can't fathom. People talk about 'testing the car before buying it' but why would they want to think of a person as a car? Our parents didn't 'test' us when we were born and say they'll give us up just cos we weren't what they expected us to be, did they? We all have urges and desires but having lust come in the way just ruins it. I'm single, not sexually active and have never slept with a boyfriend. I did get sexually abused and am not virgin but does that mean I would want to test the waters just because I'm 'broken'? Nope. A woman's dignity isn't tied to her virginity- there are far more important things in life.

People need to realize that once you are attracted to someone and if they do get to know them and marry them, making love will come naturally. My parents had an arranged-love marriage- their families introduced them to each other and they did sit down and talk and they did like each other alot.. they shared common goals and beliefs and they went ahead with it and here I am, typing this 26 years after they got married so boohoo to the whole sexual compatibility crap. Women sleep with gay men before marriage and marry them not knowing their husband could be gay/bi/whatever and many find out years later.

If there is attraction, love, understanding and respect, making love will come naturally. Sexual compatibility, etc etc is just one of those false reasons- those empty calories if you will, that ruin's one's diet or lifestyle by misleading them. Many are ignorant, many aren't. People need to focus on the truth vs convenience.

<<<>>>

It's NOT God's way, it's not my way. It does not make you LOSE salvation for sex before marriage and thinking discovery is good before marriage. For John 3:16 is a very simple verse of what it takes-what it ONLY takes-to be with God for eternty and NOT the devil

But, what trying the car out before you buy it does, is create ANGST in your life that will fill up your marriage, likely (The Lord leads and YES! He can work through anything cuz ALL things are possible with God, strength things (Phil 4:13) and, tough things. Sorry, no verse for 'tough' things ) , but, where was I?, ah YES!, as I was saying, But ,what trying the car out before you buy it does, IS create AngST in your life that will fill up your marriage to the point of...empt



y

 

[Megatron]

I completely agree with you.
This whole thing with sexual compatibility is just something I can't fathom. People talk about 'testing the car before buying it' but why would they want to think of a person as a car? Our parents didn't 'test' us when we were born and say they'll give us up just cos we weren't what they expected us to be, did they? We all have urges and desires but having lust come in the way just ruins it. I'm single, not sexually active and have never slept with a boyfriend. I did get sexually abused and am not virgin but does that mean I would want to test the waters just because I'm 'broken'? Nope. A woman's dignity isn't tied to her virginity- there are far more important things in life.

People need to realize that once you are attracted to someone and if they do get to know them and marry them, making love will come naturally. My parents had an arranged-love marriage- their families introduced them to each other and they did sit down and talk and they did like each other alot.. they shared common goals and beliefs and they went ahead with it and here I am, typing this 26 years after they got married so boohoo to the whole sexual compatibility crap. Women sleep with gay men before marriage and marry them not knowing their husband could be gay/bi/whatever and many find out years later.

If there is attraction, love, understanding and respect, making love will come naturally. Sexual compatibility, etc etc is just one of those false reasons- those empty calories if you will, that ruin's one's diet or lifestyle by misleading them. Many are ignorant, many aren't. People need to focus on the truth vs convenience.

Maya, in cases like yours where you havent ever been active with someone you were with I tend to actually agree. Since you probably wouldn't know what you like and dislike. But there are some of ou for whatver the various reasons may be, who have been active in the past, and thusly have developed various opinions on sex and different practices associated therein. So for people like that, finding someone with similar proclivities may have a bit more wait than someone in your situation. Also no one is talking about 'trying it before buying it' here. Instead we are saying it is something that should be discussed before a marriage between a couple to make sure that similar ideas are shared.

 

[GreenNnice]

Maya, in cases like yours where you havent ever been active with someone you were with I tend to actually agree. Since you probably wouldn't know what you like and dislike. But there are some of ou for whatver the various reasons may be, who have been active in the past, and thusly have developed various opinions on sex and different practices associated therein. So for people like that, finding someone with similar proclivities may have a bit more wait than someone in your situation. Also no one is talking about 'trying it before buying it' here. Instead we are saying it is something that should be discussed before a marriage between a couple to make sure that similar ideas are shared.[/quote]

~~~~
I am , megaT.

~~
There is no black and white with this issue of sexual sin. I am serious, thus, no smiley face, no green face, not even a nothing face right now. By virtue of saying 'sexual compatability,' as this thread is titled, then that is meaning what? Whether one want to believe it or not, you are talking about sex before marriage, and, that is LIKE having tried out the car before buying it and that really is NOT a great example because one should TRY out a car before BUYING it. That is a GIVEN. But, with sex before marriage, THAT should be reserved for ONE other and God will find that One, IF you let Him. Patience is virtuous. And, Isaiah 40:31 comes to mind too.

I don't care if sex before marriage feels good, looks good, is good, it isn't from God, moreover, it is not good. Now, I am no saint, we all have failed (many times every day, I pray often for God forgive my sins, the ones I done and not done yet. To renew me, like Romans 12: 1,2)
I agree, too, with your saying about 'sexual proclivities,' being important for those that already know sex.
I am speaking for myself, I have had no sex, moreover, I have no sexual proclivities. Again, the only thing that KEEPS you from God forever, is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit and that is such a DEEP issue, pray DEEPLY to God for who you want t go for guidance on understanding what 'blasphemy against the Holy Spirit' really is). The only thing you HAVE to do to be with God forever is BELIEVE in Him, John 3:16 Simple as that.

God bless.

 

[lightbliss]

I agree, Jullianna.

 

[Megatron]

Maya, in cases like yours where you havent ever been active with someone you were with I tend to actually agree. Since you probably wouldn't know what you like and dislike. But there are some of ou for whatver the various reasons may be, who have been active in the past, and thusly have developed various opinions on sex and different practices associated therein. So for people like that, finding someone with similar proclivities may have a bit more wait than someone in your situation. Also no one is talking about 'trying it before buying it' here. Instead we are saying it is something that should be discussed before a marriage between a couple to make sure that similar ideas are shared.[/quote]

~~~~
I am , megaT.

~~
There is no black and white with this issue of sexual sin. I am serious, thus, no smiley face, no green face, not even a nothing face right now. By virtue of saying 'sexual compatability,' as this thread is titled, then that is meaning what? Whether one want to believe it or not, you are talking about sex before marriage, and, that is LIKE having tried out the car before buying it and that really is NOT a great example because one should TRY out a car before BUYING it. That is a GIVEN. But, with sex before marriage, THAT should be reserved for ONE other and God will find that One, IF you let Him. Patience is virtuous. And, Isaiah 40:31 comes to mind too.

I don't care if sex before marriage feels good, looks good, is good, it isn't from God, moreover, it is not good. Now, I am no saint, we all have failed (many times every day, I pray often for God forgive my sins, the ones I done and not done yet. To renew me, like Romans 12: 1,2)
I agree, too, with your saying about 'sexual proclivities,' being important for those that already know sex.
I am speaking for myself, I have had no sex, moreover, I have no sexual proclivities. Again, the only thing that KEEPS you from God forever, is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit and that is such a DEEP issue, pray DEEPLY to God for who you want t go for guidance on understanding what 'blasphemy against the Holy Spirit' really is). The only thing you HAVE to do to be with God forever is BELIEVE in Him, John 3:16 Simple as that.

God bless.

I honestly dont know if it's a language barrier, or you just are talking in a way i dont understand or you dont see where I'm coming from...but I still fail to see any issues, with discussing sex prior to marriage...in fact if a couple wants to go the route of avoiding all topics of sexuality before marriage I think it will hurt them in the long run.

 

[Jullianna]

The title of this thread was NOT intended to promote sex before marriage. PERIOD. This thread was created for the sole purpose of giving those who may have respectful, mature, honest questions (that they may have no mature christian to ask or be too intimidated to ask) an opportunity to do so. Surely you can understand how this might actually PREVENT someone from taking an uninformed/inexperienced person's word for something, trying something out of curiousity and learning the hard way.

We have already had at least two innocent young ladies state that it was very helpful to them and has made them feel less intimidated about being intimate with their husbands when the time comes. That's good enough for me. This thread is for them.

 

[zeroturbulence]

So what is it about porn that scares women?

 

[Liamson]

I honestly dont know if it's a language barrier, or you just are talking in a way i dont understand or you dont see where I'm coming from...but I still fail to see any issues, with discussing sex prior to marriage...in fact if a couple wants to go the route of avoiding all topics of sexuality before marriage I think it will hurt them in the long run.

I don't really understand him either.

 

[seoulsearch]

I'm glad you find this helpful. THAT was my sole intent in creating this thread. Not all young people have more mature christians to ask about such things. Please keep in mind what Seoulsearch said about initial awkwardness. THAT'S OKAY! The key is to not take yourself too seriously. Down the road, as you learn, you and your husband will have funny things to talk about together when you recall that time. These are the things that lead to trust and intimacy within marriage. Just enjoy one another, have fun and relax. No one gets anything out of anything if they are too uptight about it.

One funny story... When I was married, my then-husband and I had a long conversation about fantasies and themes in movies that we thought were romantic. Because I love action films, I told him that one storyline that always melted my butter was when some super macho or burly, rough-around-the-edges kind of guy got stuck protecting or looking after some woman... and begrudgingly fell in love with her.

He thought it over for a minute, then said, completely seriously, "Ok baby... how about this. I'll pretend to be some kind of Super Secret Agent kinda guy and... My Super Secret Code Name will be Flash Dashing..."

He didn't get much further than that because I was laughing so hard!! I was completely charmed by his sense of humor and the fact the he wasn't offended by my somewhat girlish notion of romance... And I completely fell into his arms without much convincing at all. He was adorable!!

So what is it about porn that scares women?

Zero, I think you're great and I have complete respect for you, but how can any man think that a woman would NOT be intimidated by porn? I always say... Leave your Bible out in front of you. Invite Jesus into the room right there when you're watching it. And if you don't feel uneasy... well... I guess we don't share the same values.

Porn is artificially created bodies interacting in artificially created ways. Most people I know who develop "alternative tastes" (bondage, rape fantasies, groups, things that homosexuals do to each other, etc.) did not think of these things all on their own. They read or saw it somewhere and it became implanted in their minds.

I'm not saying that porn automatically leads to sexual abuse but I have yet to hear of a case of sexual abuse in which porn was not somehow involved.

You ask how women can be scared of porn. Because I've had to deal with it in past relationships, if I had a future marriage in which the husband became hooked on porn, I would deliberately get pictures of various suggestive situations featuring men with "perfect" bodies, according to the standards of the porn industry.

If I knew he had a certain insecurity, I would purposely choose pictures of men who were examples of shining perfection in those particular areas.

How would that make a man feel? Would he feel handsome, secure, and ready to love his wife?

Likewise, when we women know our men are viewing images or artificially "perfect" women who are being paid to participate in unrealistic subservient or dominating actions, all according to a man's whim (giving off the impression that all women should be doing such things), we do NOT feel close to you, we do NOT want to talk, touch, kiss or be held by you. We want you to get as far away from us as possible and leave us alone, because you are making us feel inferior, depressed, unwanted, unattractive, and, in many cases, suicidal. (It's hard to find a motivation for living when the man you love is viewing this junk constantly but somehow "doesn't see anything wrong" with doing so.)

As I said--if I start hanging pictures of "perfect" men all over the house, in his office, in his briefcase... How close will he feel to me or how much affection will he feel when I am making him feel inferior?

Men (and yes, women suffer with this addiction as well), please ask God to help you conquer this addiction totally and completely. You cannot truly give a woman your heart when you have it rooted in an artificial world of self-seeking pleasure with made-up people who are not your spouse.

 

[Megatron]

I understand a lot of what youre saying seoul...and I agree porn is pretty bad. Though I don't know if you can always tie things like bondage and some of your other examples in to porn...some people are just into those things.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Zero, I think you're great and I have complete respect for you, but how can any man think that a woman would NOT be intimidated by porn? I always say... Leave your Bible out in front of you. Invite Jesus into the room right there when you're watching it. And if you don't feel uneasy... well... I guess we don't share the same values.

Porn is artificially created bodies interacting in artificially created ways. Most people I know who develop "alternative tastes" (bondage, rape fantasies, groups, things that homosexuals do to each other, etc.) did not think of these things all on their own. They read or saw it somewhere and it became implanted in their minds.

I'm not saying that porn automatically leads to sexual abuse but I have yet to hear of a case of sexual abuse in which porn was not somehow involved.

You ask how women can be scared of porn. Because I've had to deal with it in past relationships, if I had a future marriage in which the husband became hooked on porn, I would deliberately get pictures of various suggestive situations featuring men with "perfect" bodies, according to the standards of the porn industry.

If I knew he had a certain insecurity, I would purposely choose pictures of men who were examples of shining perfection in those particular areas.

How would that make a man feel? Would he feel handsome, secure, and ready to love his wife?

Likewise, when we women know our men are viewing images or artificially "perfect" women who are being paid to participate in unrealistic subservient or dominating actions, all according to a man's whim (giving off the impression that all women should be doing such things), we do NOT feel close to you, we do NOT want to talk, touch, kiss or be held by you. We want you to get as far away from us as possible and leave us alone, because you are making us feel inferior, depressed, unwanted, unattractive, and, in many cases, suicidal. (It's hard to find a motivation for living when the man you love is viewing this junk constantly but somehow "doesn't see anything wrong" with doing so.)

As I said--if I start hanging pictures of "perfect" men all over the house, in his office, in his briefcase... How close will he feel to me or how much affection will he feel when I am making him feel inferior?

Men (and yes, women suffer with this addiction as well), please ask God to help you conquer this addiction totally and completely. You cannot truly give a woman your heart when you have it rooted in an artificial world of self-seeking pleasure with made-up people who are not your spouse.

So being intimidated by seeing attractive women in porn I guess could be a valid reason, but attractive women can be intimidating anywhere (in movies, magazines, on tv, out in public, etc..). Also, you wouldn't bring your bible out and read it if you were having sex. The kinky stuff you mentioned (bondage, etc..) are fetishes, and most porn is just straight sex (I think it is, anyway). I wouldn't have a problem with a woman hanging pics of perfect bodied men around. It just tells me she likes hot looking men. I'd be concerned if she didn't. If that causes me to become insecure then I think there would be some other underlying factor there. It would actually make me feel better because I know that she loves me so I must somehow be as attractive to her as those guys in the pics.

 

[seoulsearch]

So what is it about porn that scares women?

Hey Zero,

You know I'm not trying to pick on you but you asked a good question and I just thought of something else. I know that you have mentioned in other threads (so it's public knowledge--I'm not exposing any secrets here ) that you are frustrated with things in your career and with trying to get back into shape.

If you and I were married, how would you feel if I views shows (even soap operas) and read books (romance novels, etc.) that centered around highly paid, successful men, and/or men with perfect abs and rock hard bodies? I'm guessing you wouldn't like it and it wouldn't make you feel very affectionate towards me. You'd be bitter and resentful.

This is pretty much how women feel about their men viewing porn. You're looking at something we are not, and we resent both ourselves and you for making us feel like we're worthless compared to supposed "perfection."

The human mind is also very susceptible to lust and covetousness. Sex, after all, was created to form a human bond of intimacy in THE most personal way. If you are experiencing that outlet of bonding with a hollow fantasy that doesn't exist, it is going to create depression, anger, resentment, and in fact, will tear apart your relationship rather than bring it together.

Our flesh will also start to think things like, "I could have someone so much better looking/more successful/in better shape/takes care of my needs than the person I now have. After all, I deserve it."

You can, at this point... pretty much kiss your relationship/marriage goodbye... and good luck finding that supposed perfect person.

I am saying all of this in general terms but am using you and I as a loose example just because I wanted to answer your question. I think you're a great person and am glad you asked... I think it's especially important for some of the younger posters out there to read some reasons as to why porn (for both men and women) is so destructive to both yourself and your relationships.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Hey Zero,

You know I'm not trying to pick on you but you asked a good question and I just thought of something else. I know that you have mentioned in other threads (so it's public knowledge--I'm not exposing any secrets here ) that you are frustrated with things in your career and with trying to get back into shape.

If you and I were married, how would you feel if I views shows (even soap operas) and read books (romance novels, etc.) that centered around highly paid, successful men, and/or men with perfect abs and rock hard bodies? I'm guessing you wouldn't like it and it wouldn't make you feel very affectionate towards me. You'd be bitter and resentful.

This is pretty much how women feel about their men viewing porn. You're looking at something we are not, and we resent both ourselves and you for making us feel like we're worthless compared to supposed "perfection."

The human mind is also very susceptible to lust and covetousness. Sex, after all, was created to form a human bond of intimacy in THE most personal way. If you are experiencing that outlet of bonding with a hollow fantasy that doesn't exist, it is going to create depression, anger, resentment, and in fact, will tear apart your relationship rather than bring it together.

Our flesh will also start to think things like, "I could have someone so much better looking/more successful/in better shape/takes care of my needs than the person I now have. After all, I deserve it."

You can, at this point... pretty much kiss your relationship/marriage goodbye... and good luck finding that supposed perfect person.

I am saying all of this in general terms but am using you and I as a loose example just because I wanted to answer your question. I think you're a great person and am glad you asked... I think it's especially important for some of the younger posters out there to read some reasons as to why porn (for both men and women) is so destructive to both yourself and your relationships.

You must have posted at the exact same time I did. My post above yours should answer these questions.