Would you date or marry a separated or divorced person?

[I_am_Canadian]

I suppose one can learn from failures of others, but I would still prefer to get marriage advice from someone with a successful track record.

Also, the idea that a divorced person who doesn't have any biblical grounds for remarriage not doing so is a good topic of conversation for a group of divorced people.

I agree it is better to get advice from someone successful, but just because someone failed at their marrage doesn't mean they can't teach or educate as well, they do have learned experience to lean on. I know the only biblical grounds for divorce is adultry. But I would argue from personal experience that remarriage can be worse than staying single after a divorce because you don't really know who or what your allowing into the home. Believe me my home was hell when my parent got divorced.

 

[Eph2all]

Your question is not a question. The thread title is phrased as a question but your first post makes your position quite clear in a strong statement.

Why did you make the thread title a question if you really wanted to make a statement?

Some people (including those who call themselves Christian) take the Scriptures as suggestions and sometimes seek to rationalize their ignorance or violation of what is written.

 

[Eph2all]

Doesn't negate the fact that they are still an ex wife....even if they are dead.

And since there is no marriage in heaven they will be an ex wife there as well....

Since there are no marriages in heaven won't all married men (who had believing wives) have ex-wives?

 

[presidente]

Since there are no marriages in heaven won't all married men (who had believing wives) have ex-wives?

I talked to one guy getting his child out of Sunday School who said some thing about the devil, then clarified he was talking about his ex-wife. I don't think he expected to see her in heaven.

 

[Gojira]

What scripture do you have in mind? Where does Jesus provide a scenario where a woman may divorce a man and remarry or that the man who marries her is guilt-free?

The Old Testament did not allow women to divorce men, but a man was required to give a wife (or concubine in that passage) food clothing and sex. I read that the authorities in Jewish communities could try to pressure a man who wasn't living up to his duties to issue the bill of divorcement.

Matthew 19, Mark 10, etc. must have been a surprising scenario for the disciples. Shammai Pharisees were strict about divorce, and Hillel Pharisees were looser about it... but to use the word for adultery to describe divorce and remarriage was probably shocking and got the response 'If such be the case with the man and his wife it is better for a man not to marry.'

The Pharisees treated part of the Deuteronomy 24 passage like a command. Jesus responded that Moses because of the hardness of their hearts allowed divorce.

I wonder if that is what the NIV is trying to capture in the way it renders Deuteronomy 24.

Deuteronomy 24
24 If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, 2 and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, 3 and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, 4 then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.
(NIV)

Under these conditions, the first husband is commanded not to marry her again after she has been defiled. The Pharisees were treating the giving of the marriage certificate as a command. Hillel Pharisees focused on 'displeasing', and following Hillel, included burning the meal as a reason. The Shammai Pharisees focused on 'something indecent' and would allow divorce for adultery or some other grave offense along those lines.

The Lord's teachings were more similar, IMO, to Shammai's on this particular topic, but the Lord Jesus used the word 'adultery.'

Not making up what I wrote. I do not recall the specific verse because I remember hearing it while listening to an audioBible. It was in the OT law Moses was giving the people.

I wasn't making the case for divorce, I simply brought it up as an interesting aside, especially since our ideological and spiritual opponents who know nothing of God's word love to lecture us about how sexist the the Bible is.

 

[Gojira]

Oh believe me, I've been here 14 years and I have rhinoceros skin by now -- if you could look over all the threads I've written in the past, you'd see how I got it.

You state that this is the "singles" forum and not the "divorced and remarried forum," but a good number of the regulars here have actually been engaged or married before, are divorced, separated, or were widowed/abandoned.

It just seems that as a married person who wants to post regularly in Singles (which is fine,) you would want to learn more about the demographics of your audience.

Boom!

 

[Gojira]

The problem is that your opening post along with this explanation, doesn't come across as an invitation to a discussion.

The entire opening post feels more like a sermon that would be howled out by a Southern Fire and Brimstone Preacher: "I see what all you sinful, lower life singles are doing! I know you don't really care about God or His ways! Here, let me show you everything I just know you're doing wrong! Thankfully, God has sent me, The Married Person Who Follows God in All His Ways, here to correct you and bring you back into the fold, lest you perish. Praise God!"

And this makes it sound like you have already assumed, judged, and declared his entire audience guilty, so why would there be a need for a discussion?

There are others here like this also. Jimmy the Lock (I guess because he likes locks or has locks of hair???) and one other who escapes me at the moment. You get'm in every bunch.

 

[Lynx]

There are others here like this also. Jimmy the Lock (I guess because he likes locks or has locks of hair???) and one other who escapes me at the moment. You get'm in every bunch.

To Jimmy a lock means to open it without using the key, like by using a lockpick or screwdriver. It's very old slang.

No idea why he needs to open that lock, or what happened to the key...

Could somebody who is not on Gojira's ignore list please repeat this to him?

 

[Subhumanoidal]

There are others here like this also. Jimmy the Lock (I guess because he likes locks or has locks of hair???) and one other who escapes me at the moment. You get'm in every bunch.

I'd caution about calling people out to talk bad about them. This can get you in trouble with the mods.
Note I didn't disagree, but simply gave you a heads up. 😇

 

[Gojira]

I'd caution about calling people out to talk bad about them. This can get you in trouble with the mods.
Note I didn't disagree, but simply gave you a heads up. 😇

As Spock would say, acknowledged.

 

[I_am_Canadian]

"To Jimmy a lock means to open it without using the key, like by using a lockpick or screwdriver. It's very old slang.

No idea why he needs to open that lock, or what happened to the key...

Could somebody who is not on Gojira's ignore list please repeat this to him? "

Lynx - December 5 2023 5:22pm Christian Singles Forum, (Would you date or marry a separated or divorced person? )

 

[Lynx]

Ah good. Thank you.

 

[I_am_Canadian]

Ah good. Thank you.

Your welcome.

 

[Sculpt]

Ah good. Thank you.

Actually, I feel kinda mushy in the head cause although I knew what jimmying a lock is, I didn't associate it with the Jimmy the Lock name until you pointed it out.

 

[Gojira]

Actually, I feel kinda mushy in the head cause although I knew what jimmying a lock is, I didn't associate it with the Jimmy the Lock name until you pointed it out.

We all have mushy moments.

 

[Lanolin]

Still going on about this lol

I find it a bit rich when the divorced party was supposedly christian and went and committed adultery. I have had many poor divorcee women come crying to me about it. They feel absolutely devastated, but have to go on with their lives and are very put off marrying again, but then men seems easily go from one to the next, without a care. Wife number two either is kept in the dark, OR she has colluded prior to the marriage breakup.

Nobody wants to really be the 'other woman' but many of these men will have several over their lifetime. It isn't like the first wife ever said hey you can go off with someone else, I give you permission.


Of course the same happens the other way round, but men don't usually come to me crying about their divorce, they often lie about it, or say their wife was mentally ill or something, or they have no idea how their horrible/annoying behaviour caused their wife to leave them.

Actually, a friend said one did come to her crying. Then it was announced in church and we had no idea things were bad but the wife had kept up the facade for years. She was having it off with his best friend and he didn't know. Sad. They had to leave that church, she left and he found somewhere else. I don't know if they both remarried I don't think so because they had 4 children together and still needed to look after them. Maybe once they have all left home but I don't know.

He still loves her but she won't repent or ask forgiveness. Its terrible, and any new love interest would have to deal with that.

 

[Lanolin]

I was at their wedding, and the wife was my across the road neighbour, so, its not like these were strangers to me. I don't see the dad around anymore he was a good christian man but the wife I sometimes see as she visits her mum who lives across the road. I don't ask her about her love-life am not that nosy. Her mum was very disappointed, but it happened and she can't do anything much about it. I think they must be separated but not formally divorced yet..they live separately, 3 went to live with their dad and 1 daughter lived with her mum, though they may have grown up and left their broken homes by now.

 

[Lanolin]

I suppose the question would be would you date or marry the guy

what a question..firstly he has never asked me and is not interested in me, he's trying to put his life and family back together, secondly his children wouldn't like it, and thirdly no, he needs a friend not a revenge relationship.

Besides, as I'm the wife's neighbour that would just be weird and wrong. And they are much older than me lol