Searching for male advice

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Andrias_Yochanan

Andrias_Yochanan

Member
#21
Jan 9, 2024
31
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#21
JohnDB said:
Nothing strokes your ego like a pretty woman being attracted to you...
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especially if you are lonely.

And it's not the woman that you really want as much as friends. Because you know nothing about her. She knows nothing about you.

You need to get involved in your community. Make friends and acquaintances....drink $5 coffee with some guys and solve world problems. Go to a men's retreat with a church group. Get some hobbies. Hunt down your teenage daughter and be a dad. Doesn't matter if it seems like she doesn't want to talk with you...she really is just testing you to see if you want to talk with her. You don't have to shower her with stuff but gift certificates to a jewelry store or clothes store are ALWAYS welcome for her....maybe a gift card for a Starbucks or some other coffee shop. (The girl has friends)
But basically just listen to her talk and ask questions. (Don't lecture her...despite the urge to fill her ears)
You are a rich man if you have a child...and a teenager needs her dad moreso than at anytime before. Never never let a child get away like that. Just hug her and tell her you love her. Tell her you miss her....the normal "of course" type stuff. That's all it takes.[/QUOTE]

She's not that pretty.
Of course all of that is sound advice. But I'm not going to tell my daughter I miss her. I don't want to install bad feelings of guilt.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#22
Aug 13, 2014
27,367
9,377
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#22
See? It didn't take long at all for the advice to just start flowing. :cool:
 
NightTwister

NightTwister

Well-known member
#24
Jul 5, 2023
2,098
790
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Colorado, USA
#24
Andrias_Yochanan said:
I might have to clearify.

I guess, you have been living in sin and not in Gods will, before you were a Christian, right? As I did. And no more marriages after you were born again?
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I don't recall a time when I wasn't a Christian. You know nothing of my circumstances. Perhaps you should inquire before making judgments.
 
Andrias_Yochanan

Andrias_Yochanan

Member
#25
Jan 9, 2024
31
21
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#25
I asked, no judgement at all on my part.

I'm just curious and now a little confused. Because if you have been a Christian, you must have known about the Biblical writings about divorce and re-marriage? Then I wonder, how it could happen, that you married multiple times?
 
JohnDB

JohnDB

Well-known member
#26
Jan 16, 2021
6,219
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#26
Andrias_Yochanan said:
I asked, no judgement at all on my part.

I'm just curious and now a little confused. Because if you have been a Christian, you must have known about the Biblical writings about divorce and re-marriage? Then I wonder, how it could happen, that you married multiple times?
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Ummm
There is no prohibition against getting married again after getting divorced. Just a strong discouragement of the practice.

When the Bible was first translated into English it was by a group of gentlemen who were somewhat concerned about King Henry's thoughts on the subject as well as his behaviors. Henry the 8th had several wives looking for an heir.

And since that time the translation have always followed suit.

Let me put it this way....
You don't need to divorce a dead wife/husband. (Adultery was a capital punishment offense) And a practice of "put away" was extremely common....as in Joseph was going to make Mary a Put Away wife privately instead of publicly. So she could live in sin with whoever got her pregnant. (Jews had 5 levels of being married....we would call being engaged)
 
NightTwister

NightTwister

Well-known member
#27
Jul 5, 2023
2,098
790
113
65
Colorado, USA
#27
Andrias_Yochanan said:
I asked, no judgement at all on my part.

I'm just curious and now a little confused. Because if you have been a Christian, you must have known about the Biblical writings about divorce and re-marriage? Then I wonder, how it could happen, that you married multiple times?
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I didn't see this since you didn't "reply." I'm well aware of the Biblical writings about divorce and remarriage. Since I said I'm a Christian, your first assumption should be that I followed them, but it seems that's not the case.
 
hornetguy

hornetguy

Senior Member
#29
Jan 18, 2016
7,114
1,743
113
#29
Andrias_Yochanan said:
I'm not thinking about a "possible romantic relationship", I'm thinking about marriage, of course, because that's really the only way a man and a woman should relate to each other.
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Are you saying that you don't believe a man and a woman can be friends?
Paul and Priscilla might disagree with that. As would Jesus and his two very close friends, Mary and Martha...
 
JohnDB

JohnDB

Well-known member
#30
Jan 16, 2021
6,219
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#30
hornetguy said:
Are you saying that you don't believe a man and a woman can be friends?
Paul and Priscilla might disagree with that. As would Jesus and his two very close friends, Mary and Martha...
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I got all kinds of family that are female friends as well as other female friends...married and single.
We don't get caught in compromising situations nor do we ever allow ourselves to be in one. Always public meetings in view of spouses and nothing flirtatious so much as breathed.
The closest to a "compromising" situation was when my dad and my niece were with me at a fish fry and the SR preacher's daughter sat with us at our table because the fellowship hall was jammed packed with people. She had some friends with her too....

Yeah...not really compromising but....
 
Andrias_Yochanan

Andrias_Yochanan

Member
#31
Jan 9, 2024
31
21
8
50
#31
hornetguy said:
Are you saying that you don't believe a man and a woman can be friends?
Paul and Priscilla might disagree with that. As would Jesus and his two very close friends, Mary and Martha...
Click to expand...
I think, men and women can be friends.
I don't think men and women can be friends, if they're attracted to one another. I don't think "matching" men and a women should be together alone, unsupervised, in any circumstance, in leasure time or without any appropriate reason.
Let's ask: What would happen, if these two were stranded on a lonely island? If there would be any doubt about fidelity - don't hang out.

And in my situation, this woman is single and I am, too.
 
JohnDB

JohnDB

Well-known member
#32
Jan 16, 2021
6,219
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#32
Andrias_Yochanan said:
I think, men and women can be friends.
I don't think men and women can be friends, if they're attracted to one another. I don't think "matching" men and a women should be together alone, unsupervised, in any circumstance, in leasure time or without any appropriate reason.
Let's ask: What would happen, if these two were stranded on a lonely island? If there would be any doubt about fidelity - don't hang out.

And in my situation, this woman is single and I am, too.
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Well that does not mean that you cannot be friends. Just do not get into a possible compromising situation.

Meet for coffee with friends in a group setting or small group bible studies.
 
Andrias_Yochanan

Andrias_Yochanan

Member
#33
Jan 9, 2024
31
21
8
50
#33
JohnDB said:
Well that does not mean that you cannot be friends. Just do not get into a possible compromising situation.

Meet for coffee with friends in a group setting or small group bible studies.
Click to expand...
But why?

Getting to know her better and like her more? Being sad about no being able to be with her as a result? Getting tempted?
Of course I did sort of that thing on the event we both took part in recently. And it was no problem.
Until I got to know her liking me.

I mean - there are several practical reasons, too, i.e. living apart 310 miles. But that is not the important bit.
 
Andrias_Yochanan

Andrias_Yochanan

Member
#34
Jan 9, 2024
31
21
8
50
#34
JohnDB said:
Well that does not mean that you cannot be friends. Just do not get into a possible compromising situation.

Meet for coffee with friends in a group setting or small group bible studies.
Click to expand...
Add: And there are cultural differences what "friedship" is in anglo-saxon understanding or German. What English speaking people often call "friends" are "acquaintances" in Germany.

Friends you open up to. This is seldom appropriate between a man and a woman.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#35
Mar 13, 2014
42,595
17,062
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Tennessee
#35
I see no harm whatsoever in initiating a dialog with her. That way, you won't have any regrets either way.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#36
Mar 13, 2014
42,595
17,062
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Tennessee
#36
ResidentAlien said:
When you say you're "thinking about it," what do you mean? You mean you're thinking about the fact that she "likes" you? And what does that mean? Are you thinking about a possible romantic relationship with her?
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That's my take as well.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#38
Mar 13, 2014
42,595
17,062
113
69
Tennessee
#38
Andrias_Yochanan said:
especially if you are lonely.

And it's not the woman that you really want as much as friends. Because you know nothing about her. She knows nothing about you.

You need to get involved in your community. Make friends and acquaintances....drink $5 coffee with some guys and solve world problems. Go to a men's retreat with a church group. Get some hobbies. Hunt down your teenage daughter and be a dad. Doesn't matter if it seems like she doesn't want to talk with you...she really is just testing you to see if you want to talk with her. You don't have to shower her with stuff but gift certificates to a jewelry store or clothes store are ALWAYS welcome for her....maybe a gift card for a Starbucks or some other coffee shop. (The girl has friends)
But basically just listen to her talk and ask questions. (Don't lecture her...despite the urge to fill her ears)
You are a rich man if you have a child...and a teenager needs her dad moreso than at anytime before. Never never let a child get away like that. Just hug her and tell her you love her. Tell her you miss her....the normal "of course" type stuff. That's all it takes.
Click to expand...

I like that $5.00 coffee idea. I am currently trending towards Starbucks.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#39
Mar 13, 2014
42,595
17,062
113
69
Tennessee
#39
NightTwister said:
Well, I've been married 5 times, so never say never... ;)
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My saying is, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me". Married 3 times. Been fooled once in my horrible first marriage years ago. Two out of three ain't bad. I think that is in a song by Meatloaf.
 
JohnDB

JohnDB

Well-known member
#40
Jan 16, 2021
6,219
2,523
113
#40
Andrias_Yochanan said:
Add: And there are cultural differences what "friedship" is in anglo-saxon understanding or German. What English speaking people often call "friends" are "acquaintances" in Germany.

Friends you open up to. This is seldom appropriate between a man and a woman.
Click to expand...
My apologies.
I was wrong. I thought you were in the USA...not Europe.

The USA is much much more open to cross cultural relationships.
 
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