Being single

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I am happy with life. Being single is not a factor in whether I am or am not happy. I happen to be single, but that doesn't control whether or not I am happy.

Now if I happen to find a nice lady, we get along well and we wind up getting married, I imagine I will be happy then too. Probably happier than I am now.

But in the meantime I'm not going to ruin my current happy by trying to chase after something I don't have. I've got better things to do. Things I am happy about.
 
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I'm content with the single life. I take myself out once in a while and I meet up with my bestie for lunch once a month. Having said that, there are some wonderful aspects of a relationship that I really miss a lot.

There's been numerous times I've been a lot more miserable in a relationship than alone.

Also, I've always been terrified of marriage. I'd have to be without any sliver of doubt that it was the Lord's will before I'd even entertain the idea. So, in that light, it's probably best that I stay as I am.

I'm whole, because the Lord is with me. And I'm going to remain thankful for His presence in my life and the wholeness I get from Him.
 
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G_Favour said:
Are you happy and whole as a single person?
Click to expand...

Hi @G_Favour,

Welcome to CC!

Please forgive me for pondering a bit on your perfectly valid question... It's interesting to me that singles are asked this routinely -- I guess it's always expected that singles are, in a way, "supposed" to feel like they are lacking and missing something.

I can't help but wonder if the "happy and whole" question gets asked on such a regular basis in other populations. For example:

* Are you happy and whole as a married person? (I've known several who aren't.)

* Are you happy and whole as someone without kids?

* Are you happy and whole as someone with only one child (why aren't you having more?)

* Are you happy and whole as parents of teenagers - who won't talk to you?

* Are you happy and whole as someone whose spouse has a chronic illness?

Anyway... I'm just talking to myself. Your question is very normal and one we see here regularly -- I'm just wondering to myself why the single community is often talked to as if we are somehow handicapped (less likely to be happy, and certainly much less likely to be whole) than other groups of people.

I used to be a VERY discontent as a single, often feeling like I'd been cheated and was missing out on something crucial by not having a spouse and family. But the older I get, the more I wonder how much of that feeling is created by society and church culture. Now of course, God has a calling on some (probably the majority) to be married and have families. But what no one ever explained to me is that God can also have OTHER just as equally important callings for people, even (gasp!) as singles, and I've found a lot more contentment and peace ever since.

Granted, it's taken many, many years to learn that lesson. But to be honest, I'm at a point now where, even though I'm open to a relationship and possibly marriage, it might take a lot to convince me.

When I finally realized my singleness might not be going away any time soon, one of my goals was to be able to help friends and family (who are scattered all over.) It's taken a long time, but I'm now closer to being in that place where I can be of help (or at least a good laugh) to the people I love in all kinds of different settings and situations.

For me, knowing that God is using the unique way He made me to hopefully be useful to others truly makes me feel more whole and much happier than I ever was when I out trying to "cure" my "singleness."
 
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Wow.
seoulsearch said:
Hi @G_Favour,

Welcome to CC!

Please forgive me for pondering a bit on your perfectly valid question... It's interesting to me that singles are asked this routinely -- I guess it's always expected that singles are, in a way, "supposed" to feel like they are lacking and missing something.

I can't help but wonder if the "happy and whole" question gets asked on such a regular basis in other populations. For example:

* Are you happy and whole as a married person? (I've known several who aren't.)

* Are you happy and whole as someone without kids?

* Are you happy and whole as someone with only one child (why aren't you having more?)

* Are you happy and whole as parents of teenagers - who won't talk to you?

* Are you happy and whole as someone whose spouse has a chronic illness?

Anyway... I'm just talking to myself. Your question is very normal and one we see here regularly -- I'm just wondering to myself why the single community is often talked to as if we are somehow handicapped (less likely to be happy, and certainly much less likely to be whole) than other groups of people.

I used to be a VERY discontent as a single, often feeling like I'd been cheated and was missing out on something crucial by not having a spouse and family. But the older I get, the more I wonder how much of that feeling is created by society and church culture. Now of course, God has a calling on some (probably the majority) to be married and have families. But what no one ever explained to me is that God can also have OTHER just as equally important callings for people, even (gasp!) as singles, and I've found a lot more contentment and peace ever since.

Granted, it's taken many, many years to learn that lesson. But to be honest, I'm at a point now where, even though I'm open to a relationship and possibly marriage, it might take a lot to convince me.

When I finally realized my singleness might not be going away any time soon, one of my goals was to be able to help friends and family (who are scattered all over.) It's taken a long time, but I'm now closer to being in that place where I can be of help (or at least a good laugh) to the people I love in all kinds of different settings and situations.

For me, knowing that God is using the unique way He made me to hopefully be useful to others truly makes me feel more whole and much happier than I ever was when I out trying to "cure" my "singleness."
Click to expand...
Wow, what a perspective ❤️ Amen!
 
G_Favour said:
Well... Would you like to be happy? Yes, no? Whether you renounce marriage or not?
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Of course. And being on this site and in the Singles forum has helped me learn to deal with not being married.
But I have valid reasons for giving up looking for anyone. I'm never going to be happy about it. I've just learned i have to accept it.
I've shared many of my reasons why I've given up in recent posts.
 
Subhumanoidal said:
Of course. And being on this site and in the Singles forum has helped me learn to deal with not being married. But I have valid reasons for giving up looking for anyone. I'm never going to be happy about it. I've just learned i have to accept it. I've shared many of my reasons why I've given up in recent posts.
Click to expand...

I couldn't agree more.

God works through different means for different people. The connections I've made here, along with the almost daily conversations completely changed my outlook on being single (which wasn't healthy at all at one time.)

It's not going to work for everyone, and you'll always get some people telling you to get a real life, make real friends, and that we should be out collecting potential date's phone numbers instead :ROFL:.

But for those of us who are built for this kind of community and don't mind putting in the work it takes to sustain it, an online community like this can be a literal lifesaver.
 
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Subhumanoidal said:
Of course. And being on this site and in the Singles forum has helped me learn to deal with not being married.
But I have valid reasons for giving up looking for anyone. I'm never going to be happy about it. I've just learned i have to accept it.
I've shared many of my reasons why I've given up in recent posts.
Click to expand...
Understood
 
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seoulsearch said:
I couldn't agree more.

God works through different means for different people. The connections I've made here, along with the almost daily conversations completely changed my outlook on being single (which wasn't healthy at all at one time.)

It's not going to work for everyone, and you'll always get some people telling you to get a real life, make real friends, and that we should be out collecting potential date's phone numbers instead :ROFL:.

But for those of us who are built for this kind of community and don't mind putting in the work it takes to sustain it, an online community like this can be a literal lifesaver.
Click to expand...
Yes. I will admit joining this site so many years ago has helped expose me to new ideas, not only about singleness, but realizing how to think about the bible and my faith outside of what I thought possible, previously.
And just the idea of learning to accept singleness did a lot for me. It took years but I finally got to the point where, happy about it or not, it is where I'm at. And focusing on it and stressing on it wasn't helping. Just causing me to make bad decisions.

Haha. I know one you mean 😂

Yes. Some are built for it. And some may not have much choice and may learn to adapt. I'm built for it.
Online communities work well for introverts and the disabled.
Allowing introverts to still engage with people, but also they're able to control the amount of time they do so. If you start getting burned out it's easy to end it.
And for people who can't get out much it provides them an opportunity to meet people vs sitting alone with no one to socialize with.

Hmm... don't know what it is with me lately. I seem to just start yammering so much on here anymore. 😂
 
I needed clarity on the statement not quite happy. Hence my asking would you like to be happy. So you clarified you are happy. The unhappiness is on the decision to stop looking for marriage/ partner. But you are happy. If I've understood you correctly?
 
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G_Favour said:
I needed clarity on the statement not quite happy. Hence my asking would you like to be happy. So you clarified you are happy. The unhappiness is on the decision to stop looking for marriage/ partner. But you are happy. If I've understood you correctly?
Click to expand...
Ah I see.
No, I can't say that I am. I may have moments of happiness, but in general happiness has eluded me in life.
I still manage to keep a sense of humor. I enjoy making people laugh, though it's not often evident on here. And I still manage ways to help others in some life problems, emotional, mental and spiritual.
But ultimately I'm not sure what a happy life feels like.
 
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