When the Only Time You Hear from People -- Is For a Fundraiser/Bake Sale/Social Media Following/Business They're Trying to Keep Alive...

[seoulsearch]

Hey Everyone,

I was excited to see a notification that I had a package waiting for me at my mailbox today. Though I wasn't expecting anything, every now and then, I do get a free sample of something in the mail, so I made a special trip to swing by my box to see what kind of surprise might be in store.

Dun dun dun dunn... Instead, I found a routine, copied newsletter from people I knew years ago at a church -- hinting at donating to their personal work in the mission field. Why on earth the postal service classified this form letter as a "package", I don't know.

But I started to think about how many people I've met in churches/through Christian connections over the years who only contact me if they: 1. Are Having a Fundraiser/Bake Sale/Raffle. 2. Are Trying to Grow Their Social Media Following And Won't You Give Them a Like, Follow, and Subscribe? 3. Have Some Kind of Business Selling Something You're Not Interested But It Makes You Feel Guilty If You Don't Buy... 4. Want To Use You as a Personal Therapist... Then Disappear, Until They Need to Unload Again.

And I concluded my thoughts with, "No wonder I'm an introvert -- and no wonder I'm not the least bit interested in 'going out and making friends' anymore."

I think this stands out even more to me as a single, because many of us literally won't hear from people until this time of year -- and it's almost always because they're asking for something. Sure, they hit up the marrieds too, but singles have to look at that empty form letter on the counter and the only form of a communication they might get in a very long time.

Who better to solicit money, time, and sympathy from than lonely singles who have no one else to talk to or convey their thoughts with?

I was also thinking about how, especially during the holidays, I believe many singles come to feel more like ATM machines than actual, living, breathing people with feelings and needs -- and it's not a good feeling. Because where are these people (or much of anyone else) when you're the one in need of something?

For myself, I have it worked out with God how much I give to church, charities, and causes I believe God puts on my heart -- but I know there is always the feeling that I can do/give more, more, more. I've also known people (some single, some married, as well as myself) who were so lonely that they basically gave their lives away in service to others who only used them for their own purposes (which they of course insisted were God-led.)

Is there any way to cope with and even avoid all of this?

* Do you have a lot of people in your life who only contact you if they need/are seeking something? Especially during the holidays?

* Do you cut them off, or do you tend to hold on to hold ties? Why or why not?

* Do these same people ever take the time to reach out to ask how you're doing, or if YOU have a cause THEY could help out with? How many times have they helped you pay for something urgent in your own life?

* How do we (especially singles) sidestep those who just want to use us for their own causes?

Although I do love, pray for, and support the people who sent me the form letter when I can, I know it's made me all the more thankful that I do have some people in my life who care about me as a person, not just what I might be able to supply them with.

We all have our challenges, and just today, a good friend wrote me and said, "Hey, I know you're going through something. Can I help?" And it was in that moment that I almost cried out of gratitude, to be seen as a person and not just a mere donation, follow, like, or subscribe.

How about you?

What's your story/experience with things like this? ⛪❄️🎄✝️💌

I would love to hear your stories and thoughts.

 

[Lynx]

I remember this one lady Grandma used to take painting lessons from. For YEARS afterward, this lady would occasionally call up to see if Grandma wanted another painting lesson, complete with a sob story about being out of money.

On the flip side, both Uncle Fred and Aunt Diane called me last night, just because they hadn't heard from me in a few days and they wanted to check if I was all right. Of course I was. Things don't change very fast in my life. But it was nice of them.

 

[keepingthingsreal]

Hey Everyone,

I was excited to see a notification that I had a package waiting for me at my mailbox today. Though I wasn't expecting anything, every now and then, I do get a free sample of something in the mail, so I made a special trip to swing by my box to see what kind of surprise might be in store.

Dun dun dun dunn... Instead, I found a routine, copied newsletter from people I knew years ago at a church -- hinting at donating to their personal work in the mission field. Why on earth the postal service classified this form letter as a "package", I don't know.

But I started to think about how many people I've met in churches/through Christian connections over the years who only contact me if they: 1. Are Having a Fundraiser/Bake Sale/Raffle. 2. Are Trying to Grow Their Social Media Following And Won't You Give Them a Like, Follow, and Subscribe? 3. Have Some Kind of Business Selling Something You're Not Interested But It Makes You Feel Guilty If You Don't Buy... 4. Want To Use You as a Personal Therapist... Then Disappear, Until They Need to Unload Again.

And I concluded my thoughts with, "No wonder I'm an introvert -- and no wonder I'm not the least bit interested in 'going out and making friends' anymore."

I think this stands out even more to me as a single, because many of us literally won't hear from people until this time of year -- and it's almost always because they're asking for something. Sure, they hit up the marrieds too, but singles have to look at that empty form letter on the counter and the only form of a communication they might get in a very long time.

Who better to solicit money, time, and sympathy from than lonely singles who have no one else to talk to or convey their thoughts with?

I was also thinking about how, especially during the holidays, I believe many singles come to feel more like ATM machines than actual, living, breathing people with feelings and needs -- and it's not a good feeling. Because where are these people (or much of anyone else) when you're the one in need of something?

For myself, I have it worked out with God how much I give to church, charities, and causes I believe God puts on my heart -- but I know there is always the feeling that I can do/give more, more, more. I've also known people (some single, some married, as well as myself) who were so lonely that they basically gave their lives away in service to others who only used them for their own purposes (which they of course insisted were God-led.)

Is there any way to cope with and even avoid all of this?

* Do you have a lot of people in your life who only contact you if they need/are seeking something? Especially during the holidays?

* Do you cut them off, or do you tend to hold on to hold ties? Why or why not?

* Do these same people ever take the time to reach out to ask how you're doing, or if YOU have a cause THEY could help out with? How many times have they helped you pay for something urgent in your own life?

* How do we (especially singles) sidestep those who just want to use us for their own causes?

Although I do love, pray for, and support the people who sent me the form letter when I can, I know it's made me all the more thankful that I do have some people in my life who care about me as a person, not just what I might be able to supply them with.

We all have our challenges, and just today, a good friend wrote me and said, "Hey, I know you're going through something. Can I help?" And it was in that moment that I almost cried out of gratitude, to be seen as a person and not just a mere donation, follow, like, or subscribe.

How about you?

What's your story/experience with things like this? ⛪❄️🎄✝️💌

I would love to hear your stories and thoughts.

Wow.

You just described my entire life in a single post.

 

[seoulsearch]

Wow.

You just described my entire life in a single post.

You're not alone in this, @keepingthingsreal.

Many of us here are living out the same things, trying to survive one day at a time through the emptiness that echos through the walls every time we drop our keys off as we stumble through the door.

And we're doing it through discussions, no matter how silly or serious, right here on the forum.

Hope you'll be able to stop in and stay a while.

 

[RodB651]

How do we (especially singles) sidestep those who just want to use us for their own causes?

Or they want you to become part of their Amway gig.

 

[keepingthingsreal]

You're not alone in this, @keepingthingsreal.

Many of us here are living out the same things, trying to survive one day at a time through the emptiness that echos through the walls every time we drop our keys off as we stumble through the door.

And we're doing it through discussions, no matter how silly or serious, right here on the forum.

Hope you'll be able to stop in and stay a while.

For whatever it is worth, it has been somewhat comforting to see that other people are going through things similar to what I have been going through for years. The reason why I say "somewhat comforting" is because I do not want my comments to sound like "misery loves company" types of comments. In other words, I am certainly not rejoicing that others are suffering in ways similar to me, nor am I looking to start or join a pity party.

Were I to open up more, then my comments would make more sense. One thing that I have noticed is that I have not really been paying attention to where the threads I have been responding to are located. In other words, I notice a thread under "recent posts" or "newest topics," and I just jump right in without noticing what forum that thread is in. This thread is in the single's forum, and my "story" would probably better be told elsewhere. Maybe in a thread entitled "Losing your life to find it," or "The cost of discipleship," or "Absolute surrender." Something like that. Were I to open up here, then I think that I would ruin the atmosphere.

Anyhow, reading your opening post was truly like reading my autobiography.

I will add this, even though it will probably sound quite weird.

Yesterday, I read the opening post in a thread about "Black Friday sales." When I read it, I almost burst into tears. Why? Because I was confronted with the reality that I have nobody else to shop for in this world because I am pretty much like a leper in this world.

I have said too much already. I don't want to lead this thread in a different direction than was originally planned.

 

[Lynx]

For whatever it is worth, it has been somewhat comforting to see that other people are going through things similar to what I have been going through for years. The reason why I say "somewhat comforting" is because I do not want my comments to sound like "misery loves company" types of comments. In other words, I am certainly not rejoicing that others are suffering in ways similar to me, nor am I looking to start or join a pity party.

Were I to open up more, then my comments would make more sense. One thing that I have noticed is that I have not really been paying attention to where the threads I have been responding to are located. In other words, I notice a thread under "recent posts" or "newest topics," and I just jump right in without noticing what forum that thread is in. This thread is in the single's forum, and my "story" would probably better be told elsewhere. Maybe in a thread entitled "Losing your life to find it," or "The cost of discipleship," or "Absolute surrender." Something like that. Were I to open up here, then I think that I would ruin the atmosphere.

Anyhow, reading your opening post was truly like reading my autobiography.

I will add this, even though it will probably sound quite weird.

Yesterday, I read the opening post in a thread about "Black Friday sales." When I read it, I almost burst into tears. Why? Because I was confronted with the reality that I have nobody else to shop for in this world because I am pretty much like a leper in this world.

I have said too much already. I don't want to lead this thread in a different direction than was originally planned.

Yeah, sometimes it can be a real downer.

On the other hand...

https://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/its-good-to-be-single.200309/

 

[Lynx]

Here's a shortcut to some of the parts in that thread where I had the most fun:

https://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/its-good-to-be-single.200309/page-17#post-5115406

 

[keepingthingsreal]

Yeah, sometimes it can be a real downer.

On the other hand...

https://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/its-good-to-be-single.200309/

My situation really isn't related to being single, but, then again, it is.

The other day, I said this to you on another thread after you had welcomed me to this site.

Thank you.

Not sure how long I will stay. I really just needed some human interaction. My life has been a separated life for a while now, hopefully by God's design, and it gets scary and lonely at times.

The easiest way for me to describe what I meant would be by quoting the following verse of scripture.

Gal 2:20
I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

We have all read this verse, but what does one do when they are one tiny step away from it becoming a reality? Specifically, the not I, but Christ liveth in me part?

For many years, God has been systematically stripping me of everything; whether bad or good. Getting rid of the bad things (sin) has actually been the easy part. Getting rid of the good things, or the things which are not sinful in and of themselves, has been the difficult and scary part.

Whether we consciously realize it or not, when we are born into this world, we begin to desire certain things in this world, and even if those things are not sinful, they may not be a part of God's will for our lives. To make this as simple as possible, I honestly feel as if I am about an inch away from the door that leads me to the totally crucified life in Christ. A life in which I would no longer truly be living, or a life in which all of my own desires would be gone, and Christ would be free to live his life through me in order that I might fulfill the purpose for which I was born into this world. Let me tell you, that is a very fearful place to be, and that is how I wound up here. In other words, in a sense, I feel like Jonah who boarded a ship to Tarshish while running away from God's calling for his life. For me, the last thing that I am clinging to is my desire to be with a woman. I am not talking about anything lustful. I just like women, and I would like to be with one again, not in a lustful manner, before I leave this earth. I do not think that is God's plan for me, and I think that I am somehow going to have to find the courage to go through that door.

Whether or not any of this makes sense, that I where I am at, and I am scared. Truly losing one's life for Christ's sake is possible, and I feel that God has systematically brought me to that place. God help me.

 

[keepingthingsreal]

*is where I am at.

 

[Karlon]

Hey Everyone,

I was excited to see a notification that I had a package waiting for me at my mailbox today. Though I wasn't expecting anything, every now and then, I do get a free sample of something in the mail, so I made a special trip to swing by my box to see what kind of surprise might be in store.

Dun dun dun dunn... Instead, I found a routine, copied newsletter from people I knew years ago at a church -- hinting at donating to their personal work in the mission field. Why on earth the postal service classified this form letter as a "package", I don't know.

But I started to think about how many people I've met in churches/through Christian connections over the years who only contact me if they: 1. Are Having a Fundraiser/Bake Sale/Raffle. 2. Are Trying to Grow Their Social Media Following And Won't You Give Them a Like, Follow, and Subscribe? 3. Have Some Kind of Business Selling Something You're Not Interested But It Makes You Feel Guilty If You Don't Buy... 4. Want To Use You as a Personal Therapist... Then Disappear, Until They Need to Unload Again.

And I concluded my thoughts with, "No wonder I'm an introvert -- and no wonder I'm not the least bit interested in 'going out and making friends' anymore."

I think this stands out even more to me as a single, because many of us literally won't hear from people until this time of year -- and it's almost always because they're asking for something. Sure, they hit up the marrieds too, but singles have to look at that empty form letter on the counter and the only form of a communication they might get in a very long time.

Who better to solicit money, time, and sympathy from than lonely singles who have no one else to talk to or convey their thoughts with?

I was also thinking about how, especially during the holidays, I believe many singles come to feel more like ATM machines than actual, living, breathing people with feelings and needs -- and it's not a good feeling. Because where are these people (or much of anyone else) when you're the one in need of something?

For myself, I have it worked out with God how much I give to church, charities, and causes I believe God puts on my heart -- but I know there is always the feeling that I can do/give more, more, more. I've also known people (some single, some married, as well as myself) who were so lonely that they basically gave their lives away in service to others who only used them for their own purposes (which they of course insisted were God-led.)

Is there any way to cope with and even avoid all of this?

* Do you have a lot of people in your life who only contact you if they need/are seeking something? Especially during the holidays?

* Do you cut them off, or do you tend to hold on to hold ties? Why or why not?

* Do these same people ever take the time to reach out to ask how you're doing, or if YOU have a cause THEY could help out with? How many times have they helped you pay for something urgent in your own life?

* How do we (especially singles) sidestep those who just want to use us for their own causes?

Although I do love, pray for, and support the people who sent me the form letter when I can, I know it's made me all the more thankful that I do have some people in my life who care about me as a person, not just what I might be able to supply them with.

We all have our challenges, and just today, a good friend wrote me and said, "Hey, I know you're going through something. Can I help?" And it was in that moment that I almost cried out of gratitude, to be seen as a person and not just a mere donation, follow, like, or subscribe.

How about you?

What's your story/experience with things like this? ⛪❄️🎄✝️💌

I would love to hear your stories and thoughts.

probably not a way to cope with or avoid. even if you belong to a church,, although it be minimal, you may have to deal with. it's the world over. lack of compassion, true caring & listening to people's problems are gone with the wind just about. what you mentioned is what i dealt with a lot in my life & still do but i have little to do with anyone anymore. all you can do is ask Jesus for some real christian friends. once you find some, they may know others. i don't pay attention to the charity, fundraising, bakesael, social media nonsense anymore. i'm so used to not being loved it's off the scale. never had it growing up because our parents beat us nearly nonstop! & i hardly had any friends in my life except when i lived in Mass. for 3 & half years. this behavior you speak of diminished a lot when i drew away from everyone. in fact, listen to this: just this year, January 1st, i made a new years resolution. never call anyone a 2nd time, never give anyone a 2nd chance, don't pursue anyone for anything more than once & don't ask anyone how they are going. once you start asking questions, people feel like they are receiving attention & they feed off of it. the strategy worked perfect. now everyone asks me questions & wants my attention. but i'm still not going to seek out anyone anymore.

 

[cinder]

Back to the op, Those people go on the shelf for the most part and rarely do theyget what they're asking for. Now in fairness at times in my life I have been that person, I date (ok that typo is too good to delete but it was supposed to be dare) say. And I totally relate to the I'm not interested in social connection partly because seems like people are always taking more from me than they give idea. So the television, my books, and my dog are my constant companions.

My life isn't quite that isolated thanks to a fairly good church and a skype chat group, but I don't think anyone is going to be writing a novel about my life either.

 

[Lynx]

My life isn't quite that isolated thanks to a fairly good church and a skype chat group, but I don't think anyone is going to be writing a novel about my life either.

Only because we don't quite have enough material. Yet.