Hi again Keeping,
I just wanted to let you know once more that you are not alone in this, and I hope you'll find others who are going through the same thing here (if that would help you.)
Have you ever been bullied in your life? I was one of a handful of adopted Asians growing up in small, predominantly white area, so I have a means of understanding what it is to be bullied and told I don't belong (though I didn't have it nearly as bad as many others whose stories I've cried over.) Whether the bullying is over race, religion, morals, habits, health reasons... Anyone who's gone through it understands the isolation and pain it causes.
One of the unique things I've found on this site are, without any fancy way to say it, are many other bullied people who have now grown up. Some still bear the scars and aftermaths. Some are still working through and processing the trauma. Some still experience the bullying daily, whether at home, in church, and at work, But some, a small handful, seem to have and are adjusting remarkably well, living very full lives that I'm constantly learning from. Not that they don't have very trying moments, or times of discouragement, but they have something I don't yet have, and I keep asking God what I need to do in order to get to that level. But as we all know, such things require immense amounts of sacrifice.
I've said all this to say that many of us here can relate to what you're saying. Many here are ostracized regularly and sometimes daily for whatever it may be, including their walk with Jesus. One of the things we share here are the stories of how we make it through (with God's help of course!), lessons we've learned, and... some even find a few joyful surprises along the way -- even if it's just funny little throwaway threads about people's food preferences.
The older I get, the more and more isolated I feel.
But I also feel as if I might, just possibly, may be getting closer to God as each rope gets cut off. I understand that it's a very painful process. And you're not exactly sure what's going to be left -- if anything -- which is why we have no choice but to call it faith.
I, like you, and like many people here, are trying our best to live differently because we want to get closer to God, while somehow coping with all the loneliness and often ridicule that comes with it (such as for being single and "failing" to find a spouse.)
But God doesn't see us as failures.
You are not alone.
And we hope you'll enjoy walking with us for a while.
I read this right before leaving for work yesterday, and although there is nothing the least bit humorous about bullying, I couldn't stop chuckling on my car ride. For some unknown reason, I live a totally un-bullied life. I have a normal frame, no menacing look about me whatsoever, and I truly am a polite, often funny, pleasant, and somewhat extroverted gentleman who enjoys interacting with others, yet people somehow seem to instinctively know not to mess with me. I would definitely classify myself as a lover, and not a fighter, but I have had people tell me that other people are afraid to mess with me. Why? I don't know. Sure, on forums like this, I will encounter internet trolls who display their false bravado while hiding behind a computer screen, but, in real life, nobody tries to bully me. Anyhow, that is why I was chuckling. Because some people are afraid of me, and I certainly do not pose a threat to anybody.
In my case, it is 100% option number two. In other words, I am ostracized regularly simply due to my walk with Jesus. That is not just my own assessment. When I have squeezed those who can't stand me long enough, like trying to get that last bit of toothpaste out and onto my toothbrush, then they invariably admit, sometimes without even realizing it themselves, that they hate me because I am a Christian. Aside from their own admissions, I have also prayed to God about this more times than I can count, and he has shown me, over and over again, that the following is the real issue.
Jhn 3:19
And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.
Jhn 3:20
For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved.
Jhn 3:21
But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.
In this fallen world in which we live, there are multitudes of people who hate the light. Of course, the primary source of that light is Jesus Christ who is the light of the world. Similarly, Christians, if they are truly walking with Christ and reflecting his light, are the light of the world, and they are often shunned simply because of their association with Jesus. This has truly been my case, and it has severely damaged or completely ruined all sorts of relationships in my life over the years. So much so that I often have nobody to talk to or fellowship with other than God himself. As I have said before, I am not seeking to start a (self-) pity party by mentioning these things. I have understood the cost of discipleship from the outset, and this is all just par for the course. That said, there still is a two-fold pain involved.
1. The personal pain of being rejected when you are a loving and caring person yourself.
2. This should really be number 1, the pain of realizing that people really hate Jesus, their only possible means of salvation, and if that hatred persists, then they will be eternally condemned.
Understanding the parameters of this world in which we live, I honestly do not believe that there is a way to avoid either of these two very real pains. Of course, if people were united in spirit, and that Spirit was the Holy Spirit, then things would be much different. Even then, my most fiercest opponents have always been those who profess to know Christ, and that is nothing new either. In other words, in scripture, the fiercest opponents of Christ, the apostles, and the prophets were often those who professed to believe in God.
There is nothing new under the sun.