Independent Women

[JamieJ3]

Seriously though, I'm not on the market right now so this thread isn't about trying to snag a dude. .

If you're "not on the market" is it safe to say your current guy is okay with you as you are? If so, then why think too much over it? If not, maybe that's the contention and why you're asking. Unless you just mean you're not allowing yourself to date now and there is no guy. "Off the market" could mean multiple things. So could "independent" as already stated.

I don't think it's a "one-size-fits-all" sort of answer to this. Simply put, the right person will work well with you.

 

[bluejean_bible]

My experience is secure men are not afraid of independent women. There is a vast difference between independence and being needy.

Needy will get tiring for both parties after awhile.

When God made eve he took her part,his rib,from that strong structure that guards the heart and lungs. The midpoint of the man.

And wedded they are one.

 

[JamieJ3]

"Never let a man do anything for you they never do anything unless there's something it it for them." This sound bitter but it's actually good advise.

I think that's terrible advice. Some God-loving men are very genuine in their words and actions. I understand why you'd be cautious though.
Also, Jesus walked the Earth as a man.

 

[Lynx]

What I am kinda gathering from the responses is that its not so much the independence that men dislike, but rather when women announce it/make a big deal about it? 🤔 Like, be independent but just don't tell anyone? Lol. 😆

Yeah. Basically.

Kind of like being cool. If you have to tell people you are cool, you are not cool. Truly cool people don't need to announce it.

 

[Snackersmom]

If you're "not on the market" is it safe to say your current guy is okay with you as you are? If so, then why think too much over it? If not, maybe that's the contention and why you're asking. Unless you just mean you're not allowing yourself to date now and there is no guy. "Off the market" could mean multiple things. So could "independent" as already stated.

I don't think it's a "one-size-fits-all" sort of answer to this. Simply put, the right person will work well with you.

Hi Jamie, welcome to the site!

The "not currently on the market" thing was intentionally vague. But I will say that I have come to very much appreciate the rare man who doesn't need me to be weak in order for him to feel strong. My issue is not with any men I am currently close to though.

For the past few years I've been trying to sort through some issues and mindsets to figure out what is actually Godly and proper versus what might just stem from cultural Christianity or things I might have heard as a young adult that took root as Biblical truth but might not have been. A lot of these issues have to do with dating, attraction, marital submission, leadership, gender roles, and the like.

I do not mean any of the following as bragging or trying to say that I am "independent" or whatever (because there are a lot of things that I am not good at, and as this thread has established it's a terribly uncharming thing to assert lol), but I will say that I am the kind of person that gets handed a lot of responsibility. I get asked to manage projects and make things happen (and by all accounts I generally do a good job of it), all while simultaneously hearing that leadership is only for men, proper women just make stuff happen behind the scenes without having any actual authority. Perhaps all that is true. I'm honestly not sure. I don't need fancy titles and honestly sometimes I wonder if being born female is my "thorn in the flesh" that helps keep me from pride (no I have not asked God to take this "thorn" from me, and I'm not going to lol ).

Anyway..... I do agree that the right person will work well with me, but my point in starting this thread was to find some pieces to the puzzle of how God actually wants me to be. Perhaps being too "independent" would cause some friction in a marriage. Like @Cameron143 said, it could possibly rob me and a future husband of some blessings if I'm unable to accept his provision and always trying to fend for myself. And like @Kainos pointed out, part of what makes a guy feel manly and fulfilled is being able to provide for those he loves, which is something I had not really considered. I appreciate all the input!

 

[zeroturbulence]

I don't know if it's already been mentioned, but the Proverbs 31 woman was an independent woman. Strong, independent, wise, responsible and godly.

 

[kqr_anointed]

I don't know if it's already been mentioned, but the Proverbs 31 woman was an independent woman. Strong, independent, wise, responsible and godly.

True

 

[Gideon300]

I actually don't really refer to myself as "independent", partly because most men seem to find the phrase upsetting, and partly because I don't really get the point in announcing that.



In this case I am not referring to independence from God, only to "needing" a husband/provider (though I do value men and I would like to get married). In my early/mid 20's I felt I "needed" a husband, and couldn't be happy without one. Eventually I learned to find my joy and purpose in the Lord. Now I don't feel as if I "need" a husband, but when I mention this (in response to guys stating that women need men), most guys seem to find the notion silly or naive. They refer to studies like the one you mentioned that are supposed to demonstrate to me how incompetent and illogical I must be since I am female. Men who actually know me don't generally say things like that; I'm referring more to casual acquaintances and random men on the internet.

The other time I hear the phrase used is when men in their 30s, 40s, and 50s are explaining that they need to find a wife in her 20s because women over 30 are "too independent". Which is fine, people are entitled to search for a spouse in any demographic they choose, and I know age factors in when you consider childbirth. But the flipside of that is all the women who now HAVE to be independent because most of the men in their age range are still dead-set on finding a cute 20-something.

I realize that plenty of men do not have this mindset; I am merely explaining the context in which I typically hear the phrase used.

Life has become way too complex. None of these issues mattered when I was in my 20's. In the natural, I am a complete introvert. I did not marry until I was 35. Most people were married with a family by then. I was divorced 9 years later. I stayed single until a bit over two years ago. I'm 73 now, my wife 71. God is good.

My son is in his 30's and has no desire to marry. I can understand why. He's not 6 ft tall for a start He's already handicapped. I looked at dating ads (pre-internet days) and most started with a minimum height requirement. I'm 5ft 7. And women complain that men are obsessed with looks!

Perhaps it is necessary to define independence better. My wife drives; she was a nurse much of her working life. She is wise and has great discernment. I think of us as a team. She has strengths that I lack and vice versa. To me, that is marriage. I also believe that a good marriage develops over time.

I suggest to anyone, especially men, who seek to marry check out Mark Gungor. He explains how women and men differ and how men can be better husbands. Also, how women can understand men. Mark is not only educational, he is one of the funniest men on the planet. Mixing humour with sometimes difficult concepts makes them easier to accept. Unlike many marriage seminars, he does engage in male bashing.