Is it better to wait for the "right person," or to become the right person first?

[celras]

Is it better to wait for the "right person," or to become the right person first?

Many Christian singles pray for God to bring the right spouse into their lives. But should our main focus be on finding the right person, or on becoming the kind of person God wants us to be?

How do you balance trusting God's timing with actively preparing yourself for marriage? Do you think spiritual growth should always come before pursuing a relationship?

 

[Dei-Gratia]

Is it better to wait for the "right person," or to become the right person first?

Many Christian singles pray for God to bring the right spouse into their lives. But should our main focus be on finding the right person, or on becoming the kind of person God wants us to be?

How do you balance trusting God's timing with actively preparing yourself for marriage? Do you think spiritual growth should always come before pursuing a relationship?

Spiritual growth always first because we wrestle not against flesh and blood.

 

[seoulsearch]

Is it better to wait for the "right person," or to become the right person first?

Many Christian singles pray for God to bring the right spouse into their lives. But should our main focus be on finding the right person, or on becoming the kind of person God wants us to be?

How do you balance trusting God's timing with actively preparing yourself for marriage? Do you think spiritual growth should always come before pursuing a relationship?

Hi @celras,

You've asked yet another excellent question.

My parents met in junior high and have been together ever since (almost 60 years married,) so they obviously didn't have to wait for the right person. But I know this is very rare.

I got married in my early 20's but he left for his girlfriend; I never remarried and am now in my 50's.

Have I missed meeting the right person?

Or has God been working all this time on leading me to "become" the right person for someone?

I honestly don't know. I only had a few relationships. I look back at how much turmoil they were at the time, and can see how much "calmer" I seem to be now. But I also know it's because I'm much more isolated and don't have nearly as many factors stressing me out.

I suppose, on the surface, it looks like God has helped me "improve" over the years and maybe I'd be much better for someone at this point.

But I'm not so sure. One of the major stresses in my relationships was always money -- I'm a saver, and somehow always wound up with spenders. I know if I tried to get into a relationship where we didn't see eye to eye about how money was spent, it would trigger all the same anxiety I had in that area from before. So I don't know if I've "gotten better" -- or if I'm just a lot better emotionally because I'm away from the conflict.

I don't know how things would go if I met someone who had similar philosophies about spending and saving as I do.

I guess in the end, as with everything else, it's up to God.

Some people might be "right" for someone "right away" -- and maybe God wants to "work on others" for a while longer?

My only hope as I get older is that if there IS a "right" person that God has for me, I won't just blindly pass him by.



Yet another great thread, @celras! I hope you'll keep sharing your thoughts with us.

 

[Churchgoer]

Great question.

Here i would say local church is another benefit to help us becoming the right person.

If we can get along with local believers, serve together, grow together, in person, we have better chance to be a good Christian spouse.

When in person, it will expose many good and ugliness, a very good training for marriage

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

Is it better to wait for the "right person," or to become the right person first?

Many Christian singles pray for God to bring the right spouse into their lives. But should our main focus be on finding the right person, or on becoming the kind of person God wants us to be?

How do you balance trusting God's timing with actively preparing yourself for marriage? Do you think spiritual growth should always come before pursuing a relationship?

Salvation comes first.
Then growth, sanctification and maturity is a lifelong process.
We should establish a pattern for this to best happen.

Timing is in God's hands and I believe that He wants us to be an active participant.

 

[celras]

Hi @celras,

You've asked yet another excellent question.

My parents met in junior high and have been together ever since (almost 60 years married,) so they obviously didn't have to wait for the right person. But I know this is very rare.

I got married in my early 20's but he left for his girlfriend; I never remarried and am now in my 50's.

Have I missed meeting the right person?

Or has God been working all this time on leading me to "become" the right person for someone?

I honestly don't know. I only had a few relationships. I look back at how much turmoil they were at the time, and can see how much "calmer" I seem to be now. But I also know it's because I'm much more isolated and don't have nearly as many factors stressing me out.

I suppose, on the surface, it looks like God has helped me "improve" over the years and maybe I'd be much better for someone at this point.

But I'm not so sure. One of the major stresses in my relationships was always money -- I'm a saver, and somehow always wound up with spenders. I know if I tried to get into a relationship where we didn't see eye to eye about how money was spent, it would trigger all the same anxiety I had in that area from before. So I don't know if I've "gotten better" -- or if I'm just a lot better emotionally because I'm away from the conflict.

I don't know how things would go if I met someone who had similar philosophies about spending and saving as I do.

I guess in the end, as with everything else, it's up to God.

Some people might be "right" for someone "right away" -- and maybe God wants to "work on others" for a while longer?

My only hope as I get older is that if there IS a "right" person that God has for me, I won't just blindly pass him by.



Yet another great thread, @celras! I hope you'll keep sharing your thoughts with us.

Thank you for sharing your story so openly. One thing that really stood out to me was what you said about money.

I think many people underestimate how important financial compatibility is in a relationship. It's not really about how much money you have, but about having similar values.

I'm a saver too, and I don't like spending money in a frivolous or unnecessary way. For me, being careful with money isn't about being stingy—it's about being a good steward of what God has entrusted to us.

When one person is naturally a saver and the other is a spender, it can create constant tension because the disagreement is much deeper than the money itself. It reflects different priorities, different ways of planning for the future, and even different views of responsibility. I don't think those differences should be ignored.

Reading your post made me wonder whether the peace you feel today isn't only because you've grown spiritually and emotionally, but also because you're no longer living with that constant financial conflict.

If God brings someone into your life, I think having shared values about money could make a tremendous difference.

Like you, I believe it's ultimately in God's hands. But I also think He can use our experiences to help us recognize what truly matters in a future relationship. Sometimes learning what we need is just as important as learning who we are.

 

[tourist]

It is better to become the right person first. That often means, spiritually sound, financially stable, little or no debt. It definitely helps to set achievable goals that will match your true potential. If you are inclined to attract a spouse, you must have something to offer.

 

[tourist]

Is it better to wait for the "right person," or to become the right person first?

Many Christian singles pray for God to bring the right spouse into their lives. But should our main focus be on finding the right person, or on becoming the kind of person God wants us to be?

How do you balance trusting God's timing with actively preparing yourself for marriage? Do you think spiritual growth should always come before pursuing a relationship?

To me, trusting in God's timing is code for not having to do anything yourself to prepare. This is often based of fear of rejection and fear of commitment. Decisive action is required if God does indeed provide an opportunity. The game of love is not for the timid or feint of heart.

 

[tourist]

Spiritual growth always first because we wrestle not against flesh and blood.

Absolutely concur with your estimation. Welcome to CC.

 

[tourist]

Salvation comes first.
Then growth, sanctification and maturity is a lifelong process.
We should establish a pattern for this to best happen.

Timing is in God's hands and I believe that He wants us to be an active participant.

Your estimation is right on target.

 

[cinder]

There's an old poem that goes : I've got to live with myself and so, I want to be fit for myself to know.

So yeah, the only one you can control is you. Focus on that.

 

[Churchgoer]

There's an old poem that goes : I've got to live with myself and so, I want to be fit for myself to know.

So yeah, the only one you can control is you. Focus on that.

Absolutely
The only one we can control is ourselves. I think it took me 50 years to realize that. I am still struggling and learning

 

[celras]

There's an old poem that goes : I've got to live with myself and so, I want to be fit for myself to know.

So yeah, the only one you can control is you. Focus on that.

You, first.

 

[cinder]

You, first.

Working on it. But people (at least the ones that I have enough regard for to think their opinions are worth caring about) seem to like me so maybe I'm doing something right.