Waiting on the Lord's Timing

[considerthelilies]

Hi all,

One thing that I have been struggling with is my single season. I desire to be a wife and mother, but I know it is better to wait on the Lord until His timing is right for me. I trust that the Lord will bring us together but does anyone have any advice on how to deal with these emotions that I feel?

Thank you kindly in advance.

 

[ResidentAlien]

Hi all,

One thing that I have been struggling with is my single season. I desire to be a wife and mother, but I know it is better to wait on the Lord until His timing is right for me. I trust that the Lord will bring us together but does anyone have any advice on how to deal with these emotions that I feel?

Thank you kindly in advance.

Hi, I'm not a woman but I've been in a similar situation. When I was younger I wanted to find a wife and have kids pretty badly. I've never had either, but I see now God knew best. I'm not saying you shouldn't want to marry or have kids; I'm just saying want His will for you more. If it's His will, it will happen.; if not, He'll bless you with something better. Just trust Him.

 

[Lovette]

Hi all,

One thing that I have been struggling with is my single season. I desire to be a wife and mother, but I know it is better to wait on the Lord until His timing is right for me. I trust that the Lord will bring us together but does anyone have any advice on how to deal with these emotions that I feel?

Thank you kindly in advance.

Desire a man of your acquaintance first, then evaluate his adequacy of fatherhood, whether he's willing and capable of being a husband for you.

This is the folly that has trapped many seemingly intellectual people, that you don't desire these vague, abstract concepts of "marriage, wife, mother, kids" first, then go pursue a partner to fit your bill; you desire a partner first, then you evaluate the prospect of having "marriage, wife, mother, kids" with this person later.

 

[OMC]

One thing that I have been struggling with is my single season. I desire to be a wife and mother, but I know it is better to wait on the Lord until His timing is right for me. I trust that the Lord will bring us together but does anyone have any advice on how to deal with these emotions that I feel?

Thank you kindly in advance

The ache you’re feeling is not a sign of weakness or impatience — it’s the collision of a good desire with a slow season, and that tension is something every godly woman who longs for marriage has felt.
The way forward is learning to hold both things at once: the desire without shame, and the waiting without despair.
The healthiest posture in this season is to treat singleness not as an empty hallway before marriage but as a God‑assigned chapter where He is shaping your heart, strengthening your identity, and preparing you for the kind of relationship you’re praying for.
That means grounding yourself in practices that stabilize your emotions — deepening friendships, investing in your calling, cultivating spiritual disciplines, and letting God form the kind of peace that isn’t dependent on circumstances — while also giving yourself permission to feel the longing without letting it rule you.
Desire becomes destructive only when it becomes the lens through which you interpret your worth; but when you anchor your worth in Christ, the desire becomes something you can carry with hope instead of anxiety.
Waiting on the Lord doesn’t mean suppressing your emotions; it means bringing them to Him honestly, letting Him refine them, and trusting that His timing is not a denial but a preparation.

 

[Lanolin]

I thought that women are meant to go out and look or ask their parents for help in this area but it appears not.

In the meantime finish your education, no sense in dropping out just to get married. I don't know how old you are but almost all the women I know, who wanted to be wives and mothers, went out and snagged their husbands, they also asked them to marry. But then I live in a country where women do that.

The timing was based on whoever was available/eligible at the time. If you couldn't find anyone, you hopped over to Australia where there are more men.

 

[melita916]

i was single for a long time, and it was hard seeing others date and eventually marry. i was happy for them of course, but it reminded me how single i was at the time. i didn't have much male attention either, so i often wondered if i was doing something to ward them off lol.

what helped me a lot was being involved in my local fellowship. i was a sunday school teacher, a vocalist in the music team, and i led worship about every 5 weeks. i had a job that i enjoyed as well. i spent time with my family and friends. i wasn't lonely per se since i was always with people, but i did feel the longing for a deep relationship with a man who loved God whole heartedly.

the Lord revealed to me that He had me hidden. i still wanted to be wanted. whenever i felt sad, i would have a good cry in the Lord's presence. i would play my guitar and sing. i read. basically, i was reminded that i still have a purpose and calling no matter what my marital status was.

i met my husband in 2015. engaged in 2016. married in 2017. we were in our mid 30s. God's timing is perfect. even though marriage is not promised, the Lord is ALWAYS good to us.

 

[RodColeman]

I wouldn't just wait on "God's timing." That might keep you single forever.

Sometimes, as Christians, we can have the idea that God is a Puppetmaster who’s running every aspect of our love lives. I have my doubts about this, though. The Bible doesn’t say anything about “soulmates” or “The One.” It even says that, if you’re single, you can marry whoever you want, as long as they’re a Christian (see 1 Corinthians 7:39)

I would definitely be proactive about this if you’re still single at, say, 25 or older. I don’t think these things “just happen.” I mean, what if you’re a Christian and you’re pursuing goals like a job search, or weight loss? We don’t just sit back and “wait on God” in those scenarios, do we? But when it comes to romance we can often over-spiritualize it. And, for sure, we do have to prepare. Single you will be the married you, unless you decide to make changes.

From reading 1 Corinthians 7, it seems like we have the freedom to choose either marriage or singleness. But, of course, we have to bring God into it.

Apparently, for the first few thousand years of human history, it was “God’s plan” for young people to be joined in arranged marriages in their late teens. Then God changed his mind to around 18 or so, with close involvement and vetting from each other’s parents. Then He changed it to be more inclusive of other races and social classes. Then, in the modern age, God decided to change it for many people to the late twenties and early thirties, with little involvement from parents, at least initially. What is going on?

Another strange point about the belief that God ordains people to be single or married: According to many Christians God will introduce you to “The One” at “the right time.” To make things even more confusing, we send a mixed message of how if you do everything right (like don’t have sex) as a single, God will reward you with a happy marriage with the “soulmate” He prepared just for you. So you don’t “earn” it, but you do “earn” it, but it’s all in His timing….or something.

And then we wonder why so many Christian singles are confused, hurt, bitter, unmarried, or struggle with marriage. The Bible doesn’t teach us anything about “soulmates” or “The One.” It’s not even hinted at. In 1 Corinthians 7:39 Paul writes that a widow can marry whoever she wants, as long as he's a Christian. And Jesus even said that there is no marriage in Heaven.

Besides, dating is a fairly recent phenomenon. People didn’t “date” in biblical times. Marriages were arranged by families in some way or other for a very long time in human history. I doubt people fretted as much about “soulmates” and “The One” and “trusting in God” and waiting on “God’s timing” back then. These days, in the modern dating world, we do. But are those biblical ideas?

I’ve also read that there’s generally more Christian women in the world than there are men. If that’s broadly true, it means not every Christian woman will find someone to marry. Is that part of “God’s plan” as well?

Another interesting point has to do with the classic “free will vs. God’s sovereignty” problem. A lot of Christians assume that they’re married (or single) because God wants it that way, which, depending on what they want, can make them wither very happy and grateful, or very upset, angry, and confused.

However, as humans, we aren’t puppets. We can make decisions, and we live in bad, sinful world that affects our lives and sometimes limits our choices. Many Christians assume that, if they marry, it happened because it was “God’s will” and because God wanted to bless them. That answer is easy. If you want to marry and end up not marrying, obviously you’ll struggle with more, and harder, questions. But, apparently, you remain unmarried because God didn’t want you to marry. But that leaves out all sorts of factors.

It also absolves us of responsibility. People are single for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes it’s just bad luck. Sometimes it’s for bad reasons, like lack of maturity, poor financial stewardship, things like that, bad social skills, inability to deal with the opposite sex, etc. Sometimes we just don’t have any candidates around us whoa re marriage material, even if they’re Christians.

These days, lots of people wait longer to get married. Is that a plan that God devised? God “used to” do that when you were 16-22 years old, but now He, in His infinite wisdom, has decided to test us further by letting us all wait an extra ten years or so. Right.

As Christians we often have the shaky idea that anything and everything happening in our lives is God’s will. Sure. What if I’m currently homeless, or unemployed, or being abused? Are those things happening because God wants these things for my life? I get that we to honor God’s sovereignty and all that. It seems like the proper, “spiritual” thing to do. But we can’t understand this, at the end of the day. Unless good things happen, of course, like marrying on our timeline. Those things are obviously God’s will, right? Sure. It’s certainly easier to “thank God” for them.

Maybe God does bring partners into our lives. I don’t really know. But this idea that He delivers the perfect soulmate at exactly the right time seems counterproductive sometimes, as well as shaky. It sounds great, and it’s comforting, but that’s about all it does.

In Matthew 19, Jesus talks about people who are celibate, and he mentions a few different types. People who choose to live that way, people who were made that way by God, and people who were made that way by “other men.” In other words, some people stay single, and it’s not because they chose it or because God chose it. It’s just how life turned out.

Yes, God is good. But we live in a fallen world that is not good. And you might not be single because God wants it that way. It could just be bad luck.

I think we sometimes have bad motives for leaving situations in “God’s hands.” For example, we’re scared to make the first move, we don’t like dealing with rejection, we don’t like dealing with our own insecurities or shortcomings, or we don’t like dealing with our fears. And, of course, as Christians we often just over-spiritualize everything. That’s how we get to places where we think things like “It’ll happen when God wills it.” Of course, none of this stuff is helpful if you’re still single at, say, 25 or older. I mean, if we’re on a job search, we don’t approach it that way, now, do we? Or goals like, say, weight loss.

It can also be a way to hide from things. It can be a way to hide from disappointment with God. He hasn’t delivered me a spouse but, hey, it’s all good, He must have a different “plan." It can also keeps us from dealing with our own stuff. Waiting on God often seems to mean, “I’m not doing anything wrong – it’s just that God hasn’t sent me 'The One' yet.” Yeah, it couldn’t possibly have anything to do with me. Yikes!

Sometimes we have to act. But sometimes we believe that acting is a sign of weak faith. But isn’t it in acting that our faith is proven?

I mean, God’s will is mostly done by God’s people. So we need to do it with God. But we still need to do it. Hahaha.

 

[RodColeman]

Cont.

And, yeah, some people might not be single because of “God’s will.” It could just be worldly misfortunes, like Jesus alludes to in Matthew 19. Yes, in the beginning, God said it wasn’t good for man to be alone, and made a spouse for him. But then what happened? Mankind rebelled, sin entered the world, and everything has been screwed up ever since.

Marriage happened in the Garden of Eden. While Adam had a perfect, sinless relationship with God. God looked at Adam and said it wasn’t good for man to be alone. Isn’t that interesting? You mean even when he was totally with God, Adam still needed someone else? Whoops.

Even as Christians, we’re not spared worldly troubles. I’m sure one of these worldly troubles are some of our dashed hopes for marriage, whether it’s for a period of time or for your entire life.

You might have heard Christians tell you that you have to learn how to be "content" with your singleness. However, the Bible doesn't actually say this. In Philippians 4 Paul talks about being content in all things, not with all things. And, in 1 Corinthians 7, Paul doesn’t say that, if you’re single, you have to find contentment in your singleness. He actually says that if you’re not content with being single, then maybe you should get married. Paul does say that he, personally, is content with being single, and that he wishes that everyone was like him. But he also admits that not everyone is like that. And that's fine.

Also, when Paul talks about the "gift of singleness" in 1 Corinthians 7, he is not not talking about temporary singleness. He's talking about lifelong celibacy. Paul says here that some are called to serve God from an unmarried state. He is not saying you have the gift of singleness until you get married. He is saying that if you do have it, then don’t get married. Also, when he says "gift" here, he seems to be referring to an ability that some people have. And Paul also says that not everyone has this gift. of course, in the English-speaking world, "gift" can also mean a present, and that's often how Christian commentators in the English-speaking world will talk about the "gift of singleness." These people seem to forget that Paul did not write his epistles in English. The Bible doesn't say anything about a "season of singleness." It talks about marriage, and it talks about lifelong celibacy.

I mean, what if you’re currently homeless, or being abused, or unemployed? Should we “learn contentment” with these situations, or do things to escape them? And if we were all able to make ourselves “content” with being single, well, then, why would anyone ever bother with dating or marriage?

Maybe people have also told you that singleness is better. They probably get that from 1 Corinthians 7. But consider the entirety of what Paul says here. In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul says he has no “commandment from God” about this. Paul says that he wishes that everyone was single like him ── not that God wishes it. He says that he, personally, is content with being single ── but he admits that not everyone is like that. He says that it’s good to stay single, but that it’s better to marry if you have strong desires. Paul “supposes” that it’s better to stay single because of “the present distress,” some crisis that the church in Corinth was dealing with at the time. He says you’re not sinning by marrying. Paul says a widow would be happier if she stayed single, but he admits that this is just a personal opinion. Evidently, many people are not happier being single. In 1 Timothy 4:1-3 Paul also condemns people who forbid marriage. And if Paul wrote the Book of Hebrews, then he also said that marriage is a good thing.

Something else that people might have told you is that your current singleness is “season” ordained by God as a special time to be devoted to doing His work. That’s a weird idea, though. There’s no “season” of life where we’re not supposed to be doing that. Hahaha! This line is often told to people who are single into their twenties and past. What about the young Christian couple that dates in high school and then gets married at 21? I guess they had it all figured out? Did those people have to “learn contentment” in their singleness first? We can definitely over-spiritualize this stuff. The Bible doesn’t even talk about marriage vs. a “season of singleness.” It talks about marriage vs. lifelong celibacy.

You also wondered how to deal with the emotions you feel. It may help a little bit to look at biblical examples of childlessness. I know this is a different issue from singleness, but it’s interesting to look at the role of desire and emotion here. Rebekah was barren and prayed for a child. Rachel was heartbroken about her barrenness and basically demanded children from Jacob. Hannah cried bitterly and openly about her inability to have children, and Eli (after misunderstanding her) prayed for God to grant her request. When Jephthah’s daughter becomes a lifelong virgin (something she never has a choice in) she gathers her friends and spends two whole months in literal mourning. Where in the Bible are these people criticized or condemned for “idolatry”? Or for “whining” and “complaining”? Nowhere.

It's understandable why people desire romantic love. We all want to be noticed, and chosen. And romantic love is certainly unique and special. Yes, your friends love you, but it’s not that kind of love. Yes, your family loves you, but it’s not that kind of love. And yes, Jesus loves you…..but it’s not that kind of love. I’ve always liked how, in the Bible, there’s so many different Hebrew and Greek words for the different kinds of love. In English, we can only over-use one, haha.

Marriage is the most intimate way that someone else will choose you and love you. And sex is, the most intimate way that someone else will physically love you, and, according to Christian ethics, can only be experienced via marriage. If you have the desire for romance, and marriage, and sex, well, there’s only one way to quench that. You can’t repress it, or distract yourself by simply forming more friendships, or doing all the Good Christian Things more. If you miss out on these things, be it for a period of time or for your entire life, it can involve genuine pain. I wish people would acknowledge that more, rather than wave it away with Christianese platitudes about how “Jesus is enough” or “There’s more to life than sex, you know,” etc. etc.

Interestingly enough, a lot of research (almost all secular) indicates that married people are happier, have more and better sex, make more money, live longer and impact society more. It’s a societal foundation, apparently. Well, then! Yes, marriage has its challenges. But there’s enjoyable and good things about marriage, too. Enjoyable and good things that, if you’re single, you simply miss out on. That’s certainly hard, and should be acknowledged.

Marriage is the most intimate way that another human will ever choose you and love you. If you desire that, and miss out on that (whether it’s for a period of time or for tour whole life), it can be very painful. You can’t just find a substitute for it by making more friends, or reading your Bible more, or singing more worship songs. It’s OK to acknowledge reality. We live in a hard world.

If you’re happily married, it means (ideally, at least) that someone else liked you, wanted to get to know you, evaluated you, and decided that you were worth spending their whole life with. And their family and friends also evaluated the match and decided that you were worthy too. I’ve never been married, but I’m sure that stuff must feel like quite the win. If you haven’t experienced that, well, it sucks. And it’s OK to admit that it sucks.

Also, all research I’ve ever seen (almost all secular) says that married people are happier, have more and better sex, make more money, live longer and impact society more. It’s a societal foundation, apparently. Well, then!

I've probably started rambling. Just know that this desire is normal, and that all the emotions you feel about the situation are normal too. But I wouldn't just "wait on God's timing." It's not a sign of "weak faith" to take action. Isn't it in acting that our faith is proven?

 

[Lovette]

It's not just about "Lord's timing", first you have to ask yourself, are you ALREADY content and satisfactory with your life? Are you the sharing and trusting type of person? Are you ready to put another person's best interests before your own? And if a few attempts don't work, are you resilient enough to handle rejections, humiliations and emotional traumas?

You have to acknowledge that genuine relationship is rare, it's not available to everyone, and it's not affordable for everyone. The bottom line is that, think of happiness as a resources, you must be happy already with yourself and your family in order to share it with a partner; if you're already UNhappy with yourself, your family, your situation and everything else in the world, nobody can fix you, you'll only drag them down with you.

Also, be highly aware of the "relationship prosperity gospel", that somehow God'll bless you with godly partner, romantic relationship, happy marriage, lovely kids, the whole shebang, or at least give you an advantage in the mating market. There's no such promise, whoever preaches or promotes such things to you is a false teacher. Although God does legitimately join couples together, he's not your personal matchmaker, the only relationship he can surely promise to you is a unique relationship with himself through his beloved son, our Lord Jesus Christ. You may even have to ask yourself, are you just follow him in order to get whatever you desire from this world? Or will you forsake everything this world has to offer in order to follow him? If you truly trust the Lord, consider singlehood as the cost of discipleship, a constant reminder of our frailty and reliance on him.

 

[Magenta]

Hope And A Future

 

[StoneLion]

Hi all,

One thing that I have been struggling with is my single season. I desire to be a wife and mother, but I know it is better to wait on the Lord until His timing is right for me. I trust that the Lord will bring us together but does anyone have any advice on how to deal with these emotions that I feel?

Thank you kindly in advance.

This is one of those examples of what it means when we talk about "Wrestling with the Lord" - that struggle you're going through (and I know as well) is all a refining fire to help you best understand yourself and your own walk with your faith. It gives you the time to focus on Jesus and pray over what kind of man/husband you are looking for.

So my advice is to pray and read the word when you're going through the worst parts of your feelings. Bare your heart to God and ask earnestly for the things you want/need - God knows what's best and the important part is to be open and honest with Him and yourself. Emotions are just one of His ways for us to understand ourselves. Those feelings are valid but trust me I know it's not fun.

Being patient can be tough but it's a fruit of the Spirit and I'll pray the Lord gives you the patience, grace and comfort you need during your single season .

I'm always down to talk about our faith or anything else if you're feeling lonely or bored!!

 

[Lanolin]

The point of waiting is when you get engaged, you WAIT maybe for the wedding date and then start your married life. You figure out if this person really is fit to marry and you prepare yourself. I.e don't marry in haste, then find you need to repent at leisure.

Otherwise what God wants is not for singles to sit around moping they are unmarried. You are meant to enjoy your single life! You can do SOOO many things you just cannot do if you are married.

 

[RodColeman]

Just going off of something Lanolin said:

When you're a Christian single, people will often tell you that, if/when you get married, then you, apparently, can't do as much for God. And therefore, you should be cautious about marrying or perhaps avoid marriage altogether. And "take advantage" of singleness to do all the Good Christian Things.

This is a common interpretation of 1 Corinthians 7: 32-35. Paul basically says here that an unmarried person is devoted to the Lord and not distracted by the needs of his spouse. This is then interpreted by some to mean that a person can do “more ministry” as a single. I don’t think that’s what Paul says here. I mean, if that’s the case, why are all the pastors and church elders typically married? Did they make a mistake? Is marriage getting in the way of their ministry? What Paul says here, I believe, is that if you aren't distracted by the desire for marriage, then maybe you have the gift of singleness. And, of course, in English, “distracting” has a negative connotation. But it seems more like Paul is making the simple observation that marriage, and the search for marriage, can put more demands on your time and attention than the life of someone who's genuinely content with being single, like Paul was. But, of course, Paul also said that not everyone is like him in that regard.

I mean, yes, we should be "focusing on God" during our single season. But there's no "season" of life where we're not supposed to be doing that.

That's so something you hear a lot as a Christian single who desires marriage. "Remember, single folks....your Number One Priority is JESUS!" Oh, really? Wow, I didn't know that!

What's my number one priority as a married person? Oh, right. Jesus. Hahaha!

I know people mean well when they say these sorts of things, but I wonder how helpful they really are.

 

[RodColeman]

So, yeah, I actually think that, if you're still single at, say 25 or so, and you want to get married, you should probably put some serious effort into it. It's probably not going to "just happen."

We don't approach other parts of life that way, do we? Like a job search, or weight loss, for instance.

It's not a sign of "weak faith" to take action. Isn't it in acting that our faith is proven? Yes, we need to do it with God. But we still need to do it.

 

[seoulsearch]

I mean, yes, we should be "focusing on God" during our single season. But there's no "season" of life where we're not supposed to be doing that.
That's so something you hear a lot as a Christian single who desires marriage. "Remember, single folks....your Number One Priority is JESUS!" Oh, really? Wow, I didn't know that!
What's my number one priority as a married person? Oh, right. Jesus. Hahaha!
I know people mean well when they say these sorts of things, but I wonder how helpful they really are.

LOL!

Some of the best fun we have here in the Singles Forum is poking good-natured fun at all the circular reasoning advice we singles are constantly given by people who act like they're handing out something new and profound.

This would be a prime example.

 

[Churchgoer]

Desire a man of your acquaintance first, then evaluate his adequacy of fatherhood, whether he's willing and capable of being a husband for you.

This is the folly that has trapped many seemingly intellectual people, that you don't desire these vague, abstract concepts of "marriage, wife, mother, kids" first, then go pursue a partner to fit your bill; you desire a partner first, then you evaluate the prospect of having "marriage, wife, mother, kids" with this person later.

In a way I do agree to look local believers, who is already in your circle.
But Abraham did send out old servant to look, without knowing anyone particular.

Possible both will work out, when they work out.

 

[RodColeman]

LOL!

Some of the best fun we have here in the Singles Forum is poking good-natured fun at all the circular reasoning advice we singles are constantly given by people who act like they're handing out something new and profound.

This would be a prime example.

Glad someone can relate, haha! I wonder who originally came up with all these strange ideas.

You could write an entire book on all the Christianese platitudes you hear as a Christian single.

Maybe I will someday!

 

[seoulsearch]

Glad someone can relate, haha! I wonder who originally came up with all these strange ideas.

You could write an entire book on all the Christianese platitudes you hear as a Christian single.

Maybe I will someday!

I don't know if you've ever heard of the book, "Stuff Christians Like"...

It's been ages since I've read it but I got such a kick out of this book because it pretty much described my entire childhood growing up in the church. (One of my favorites was "The Casserole of Hope", dutifully brought to potlucks for every tragic event in the church.)


If we gathered up all the things singles get told over and over again (most amusing being the things we've already figured out for ourselves -- but people act like we're not smart enough to do so,) I'm sure we could write a "Stuff Christians Like -- The Single's Edition."

Shoot.

It could probably be turned into an entire series.

 

[Lanolin]

Just going off of something Lanolin said:

When you're a Christian single, people will often tell you that, if/when you get married, then you, apparently, can't do as much for God. And therefore, you should be cautious about marrying or perhaps avoid marriage altogether. And "take advantage" of singleness to do all the Good Christian Things.

This is a common interpretation of 1 Corinthians 7: 32-35. Paul basically says here that an unmarried person is devoted to the Lord and not distracted by the needs of his spouse. This is then interpreted by some to mean that a person can do “more ministry” as a single. I don’t think that’s what Paul says here. I mean, if that’s the case, why are all the pastors and church elders typically married? Did they make a mistake? Is marriage getting in the way of their ministry? What Paul says here, I believe, is that if you aren't distracted by the desire for marriage, then maybe you have the gift of singleness. And, of course, in English, “distracting” has a negative connotation. But it seems more like Paul is making the simple observation that marriage, and the search for marriage, can put more demands on your time and attention than the life of someone who's genuinely content with being single, like Paul was. But, of course, Paul also said that not everyone is like him in that regard.

I mean, yes, we should be "focusing on God" during our single season. But there's no "season" of life where we're not supposed to be doing that.

That's so something you hear a lot as a Christian single who desires marriage. "Remember, single folks....your Number One Priority is JESUS!" Oh, really? Wow, I didn't know that!

What's my number one priority as a married person? Oh, right. Jesus. Hahaha!

I know people mean well when they say these sorts of things, but I wonder how helpful they really are.

No I just meant that you don't have to look after children and you husband all the time. So you can do other things, enjoy time to yourself, and have friends, and not need to worry about things so much or making sure you get things perfect or 'be' perfect. You can work on yourself. And also, you're relationship with Jesus is more one on one than a group effort.

It is really nice to be one-on-one with Jesus and to be able to grow in the Lord at your own pace rather than automatically have to be the 'grown up' with a lot of responsibilties etc.

 

[Lanolin]

Also...in-laws and other family.