Hi Carrie! I'm not trying to be argumentative here, I'm just a little confused.
You said when you've gotten in a relationship it has happened organically, yall met randomly, spent time together, and then realized yall wanted a relationship. My (very few) relationships started the same way. I would refer to that as "friends first".
However, you mentioned that you would never refer to a man you were interested in as being a friend. OK. That does make sense given the absolute disdain some men have for the term. Plus all the apparent hidden meanings the guys have decided on that I didn't know about.
So...... what DO you call the time period of getting to know someone organically before deciding to date? If the person is in your life anyway through work or a Bible study then I guess you don't need a term for it, but what if they aren't and you both have to make a conscious effort to spend time getting to know each other? I would call that friendship but apparently that's a terrible idea lol
No problem. I don't consider it argumentative. I mainly responded to the thread to give another woman's perspective. We all have different ways of feeling about things and going about things.
I don't know whether I just have a brain kinda like a man in this respect, but I also do not care for being referred to as a friend by a man unless that's strictly all we are. As soon as that word comes out of their mouth, I pull away. Mind you, I only pull away if I have feelings for them. If I don't have feelings for them, I don't have to pull away because there are no emotions there to detach.
If I don't have feelings for them, it's not a problem at all. I've noticed that men usually only say friend when they absolute only would ever think of you as a friend. I've actually very, very rarely heard a man refer to me as a friend. That's just my experience. So, if they say friend, then most likely they are indicating that they do not wish to be anything more ever. Of course, there will be exceptions, but that is usually how it is at least from my experience. I also operate this way and I didn't even think of it as just being how only men think.
It's not that I mind being friends with a man, but a guy friend never gets the time, attention, affection, etc. that is administered in a relationship - or to a man that has grabbed my interest.
In my experience, usually with relationships I've been in, we had a level of interest in each other during the time before the relationship started. It's like we knew that's what we wanted, but we were feeling things out, if that makes sense.
There's been times that for whatever reason neither of us revealed these feelings and we ended up going separate ways. For example, a long time ago there was a gentleman at work that I really liked. I never did tell him my feelings for him because he was older than me, and I worried that he'd think it was a bad idea. Our lives went separate ways. Neither of us ever said the word friend to each other. The last time I saw him, I gave him an embrace and he embraced me back warmly. It was like we knew, that life was sending us in different directions. I could tell that he had feelings for me. Often, you can tell. But, sometimes it just isn't meant to be. And that's okay. I didn't feel back then that my emotions were wasted. Sometimes, that's a part of the growth we experience in love and loss.
I've learned, and I'm still learning, how important it is to invest my emotions wisely. Sometimes, we have to take some risks though when it comes to someone we might be interested in. It can be tricky to put ourselves out there (if we desire to do so), but if we don't things might just end as an embrace and then a memory.
Well, this is all just my perspective and how I operate and view things!
So, I think I probably over-explained things lol. Sorry about that! In a nutshell, I guess I'd call that phase before the relationship the "getting to know each other" phase (for lack of a better way to put it). It never seems to need a name in my experience. Again, this is just my perspective based on my experiences! Things are rarely ever black and white, and perspectives and experiences vary. People should do things that fits them best, what fits their standards, boundaries, and convictions best. What looks fitting for me, won't be fitting for the next person and so on and so forth.
Now he's going to spend all his spare time finding clips of naughty women to post. And he's a boomer so no comprehension of rage-bait.... someone needs to give him a crash course in internets 101 I tell ya. 
